This is my first fanfiction, so please critic me constructively/harshly. I need as much help as I can get.
Obviously I don't own Naruto because this is a fanfiction.
Please R & R!
Dear Reader (concerned or unconcerned, though I'd prefer the former),
My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I am the Rokudaime Hokage! Heh heh… Sorry if that wasn't funny. It's an inside joke with all my old friends. Heh.
Anyways… I'm Hokage. Urgh! This is all Baa-chan's fault! She told me to write this damned letter! I don't even know what to say! Hmph!... Well, I already said the most important thing that happened in my life, so I guess I'll just talk about random—uh—stuff… Oh, right! Konohamaru! He's my assistant. It took some convincing, but Konohamaru and I pulled it off. I want to give him my position after I retire, but I have to have another meeting with those wrinkly vultures and get them to agree! Geez!...
Ah, bad news! Well, good news too, I guess…Fine, it's good news, only bad for me…and Lee...and maybe Konohamaru. Sakura is married. You wouldn't believe to whom. Sasuke! That's right, the teme of all people! She married Sasuke! I'm still kinda pissed at him for taking my girlfriend. (I haven't forgotten, teme!) Ah, whatever, Sakura is happy and that's what matters… I'm going tell you something disgusting, so brace yourself. Sasuke and Sakura got SOOOOOO many kids. It's not even funny! We (the guys) used to joke about it, but now it freaks us out! They have more kids than all of us put together—oh, no, wait, I miscounted. They have the same amount of kids as all the rest of us put together! Sasuke had them one after another, or to be more accurate Sakura had them one after another. We were so afraid that Sasuke wouldn't stop, so we told Baa-chan to put an end to his...err…clan-restoring plans… He stopped after the seventh one. FINALLY! Thank Baa-chan!!!!... Sakura works at the hospital and is the head of the Medical Corps. Ino's the co-head…or at least that's what I call it. They take turns supervising the other medic nins, in order to spend more time with their families. Despite that, they're busy all the time…
Shikamaru! He FINALLY got married! That lazy jerk! Keeping Temari waiting like that! Tch! But I guess it wasn't all his fault. Their marriage brought a lot of political problems. It took Gaara and me FOREVER to get them together. And that's only the two of them. It took us even longer to get everyone else to agree. Another reason why I hate those old vultures. They gave Shikamaru a hard time for being with Temari. Shikamaru actually considered giving up on her. Of course, I beat him out of that idea…so did Gaara and Kankuro…and Ino and Chouji…and his okaa-san…and Temari. His otou-san didn't beat him, but he tried to disown him. Nara-san kept saying that his son was a worthless coward for backing out of the relationship. Baa-chan got pissed at him too. Shikamaru felt so pressured into marrying that he did. Asshole! Well, at least he loves Temari… Shikamaru is still the Chunin Examiner. I tried to convince him into becoming the ANBU head, but he kept turning it down, so I gave it to Sai. Temari quit being a shinobi. It was the only way that the elders would let them be together. I really hate it when those wrinkly old geezers and hags go out of their way to make people's lives miserable…
Oh, poor Gaara! He almost cried at Shikamaru's and Temari's wedding. He really misses his one-chan. I don't blame him. She's now living three days away from Suna. And on top of that, Gaara is the Kazekage; he can't just get up and leave his post whenever he feels like it (I would know; I'm Hokage….but I do it anyways.) Ah, but luckily for Gaara, Temari goes to visit him every once in a while… Hahahaha! Poor Kankuro too! He probably misses Temari more than Gaara (He has known her longer.) But no one really cares. After all, Gaara is the Kazekage; Kankuro is just Kankuro-dono. Plain compared to the KAZEKAGE! Heh! Besides Kankuro gets to come here and visit Temari (and beat up Konoha's best strategist aka Shikamaru), so I don't think his missing her is as important.
…While I'm on the topic, Gaara is still single. He said that he's too busy to have a wife and kids anyways (Eh, I feel the same way.). He also feels guilty for choosing one girl out of his million fangirls (God, I hate him!!!); he doesn't want to break any of their hearts. As for Kankuro, he's single because Gaara's got all the girls. I guess this is karma's way of punishing him for being ugly and having such a disgusting face—No, no, I'm just kidding! Seriously, don't show this to Kankuro!!!...
Speaking of marriages, you would never believe who Ino married. Chouji! (Not that I have a problem with him; he's a cool guy.) It's just she dumped Sai for Chouji. Girls like Ino don't like guys like Chouji (I'm just quoting Ino! Don't get mad at me!). I couldn't stop laughing when Sai told me. He got so mad at me. Hahahaha! I can't stop laughing at Sai! Ahahahaha!...
Speaking of Sai, he's doing good. I see him more often than everyone else except for Konohamaru. Like I said before, Sai is the head of the ANBU. When he's not at work, he's painting. It's his second job, but he says it's his hobby.Tch, yeah, a hobby that earns him money...Sai has changed. He has a happier view on life (like Sasuke). He cracks jokes and smiles genuinely. He gets along with people now, but he's still a bit awkward around strangers. From what I know, he's still single too... He still says "penis" a lot. And even worse, he still calls me "penis-less boy"...in front of others...which include the vultures... It's so embarrassing... According to him, it's why I'm still single... Evil.
Then there's Kurenai-sensei. She quit being a ninja, so she could take care of her kid. Ino-Shika-Chou and Team Kurenai help her with the income, so she spends most of her time home. I just found out from Shikamaru that she was married to Asuma-sensei all this time. And all this time I thought the kid was a love child! Heh. Ah, Shikamaru loves that kid! He thinks of his sensei all the time. So do Ino and Chouji, of course, but I think Shikamaru takes it more personally.
Oh, man! I forgot all about Kiba and Neji! No, they're not together! Heh heh! Kiba's with Hinata and Neji's married to Tenten. I found out a while back that Tenten had a crush on Lee and even more recently that Hinata had a crush on me! But Lee and I were infatuated by Sakura. I feel so bad! I must've made her cry a lot. I'm really glad she ended up with Kiba. He's a good guy; he'll take care of her. As for Neji, he's like the teme! Except funnier. And when I say funny, I mean sarcastic… Asshole. Heh.
Oops! I forgot about Shino! Haha! The quiet bug freak! He hasn't changed much. He talks a lot more now and he's ten times more sarcastic than Neji. Good thing is he's only mean to Kiba. Ha!
…Lee's got the greatest dojo in the world! Anyone that knows the word taijutsu knows about Lee's dojo. Everyone wants to be in it, but Lee can only take so many… Ah! Lee's amazing!...
Yamato-sensei quit being an ANBU and became a sensei full-time. He LOVES his job. Kids love him too. Reminds of the old days whenever I see him training kids. Heh. Good ol' days.
Gai-sensei still teaches… I think he loves his job more than Yamato-sensei! It's kinda creepy… He doesn't train Genin to become Chunin; he helps Lee train the kids at the dojo. It's heartwarming to see them work together, but everyone else still says it's creepy (even Tenten and Neji!).
Of course, there's Kakashi-sensei. He died last week. I couldn't find time to give him a burial, so I left his body on my bed. It's starting to smell…Nah! Just kidding! He's alive and well! He really misses the old Team Kakashi (Team 7). He always drops by our places (mine, Sakura's and Sasuke's, and Sai's), mostly mine. He keeps bringing his new kids over and saying things like "This is Uzumaki Naruto. He used to be the BIGGEST loser in his class—that includes the people who failed. But now he's Hokage! If a loser like him can make it, so can you." I swear I wanna kill him when he says stuff like that! Tch! Some sensei! Embarrassing me like that in front of the kids. Geez… Crazy old man.
Speaking of crazy old men, Ero-sennin disappeared again. He keeps doing that, coming and going. He says he's a roaming researcher; I say he's a homeless pervert. He hasn't changed one bit. Speaking of old people, reminds me of Baa-chan. She's still the same too. Unlike Ero-sennin, she lives in a house in Konoha. She sometimes helps me with paperwork or Sakura with hospital emergencies. Other times she plays shogi with Shikamaru or card games with Shino. Three guesses who wins all the time. Shikamaru and Shino. Baa-chan is the Legendary Loser. Meh… I feel like I'm rambling…
Hokage is harder work than I thought, but I still love it. Everyone is nicer to me, but I think some people don't really mean it. Meh, I don't really care anymore. I'd used to, but why would I need those kind of people in my life when I got the greatest friends in the world.
I'm rambling again… Maybe it's a sign of old age. I hope not! I'm too young to be old!... Oh! Have I told you about Sakura's and Sasuke's kids? They got six girls and a boy. The girls look like Sakura with black hair and eyes, and the boy looks like Sasuke with… green eyes and… pink hair… (grimace) A lot of people make fun of him. Luckily Sakura is the okaa-san; she beats up anyone who makes fun of her boy. Sasuke was a bit of an ass about it in the beginning, but he cares too. Anyone who makes trouble for his son gets to eat dirt… But unfortunately, now they don't just make of his looks, they make fun of him for being a "sissy". All of his sisters learned to use Sharingan at age seven; the first time he used it was when he was twelve. Not only does he have to live up to his sisters' reputations but his parents' and clan's. I feel bad for him… I just thought of something funny! When they were little, the girls used to get mad at Sasuke for making them look like boys. They gave him the silent treatment for three days. Haha! Cute! As for the boy, he got mad at Sasuke for not letting him look like a boy. Haha! Cute! I love kids!
Neji and Tenten have a boy. Only one. I guess it's 'cause of what happened with his otou-san… You know, their kid is soooooooooooo weird! He's quiet and polite like his otou-san. And he trains everyday like his parents used to. It's REALLY creepy!!! I swear he's like a miniture Neji! It freaks me out to be around the both of them! (If I'm with only one, it's okay.) Well, there's a little bit of Tenten in him too, but it's hard for me to see.
Shikamaru and Temari have two kids, a girl and a boy (like he wanted). He named his son after his sensei. I tried not to cry when he told me. His daughter is named after him (keeping the "Shika-Nara" tradition!)… His son is just like the "old" Shikamaru, lazy. His daughter is a little more hard-working, but she's lazy too. And she has Temari's temper. It's a terrible mix! (But don't tell Temari I said that!) Both of them are geniuses—I'm sorry, genii (Shino would correct me.). But, of course, Shikamaru beats them at shogi and goh all the time like his otou-san used to beat him… Actually, I think Nara-san still wins against Shikamaru. Heh.
Kankuro and Gaara spoil those kids. Shikamaru has told me some REALLY REALLY weird stories about those two. Eh, I talk about them some other time. Ah, but they love the kids. It's cute!
Chouji and Ino have two kids too, both girls. One is named after Ino and the other after Chouji. The weird thing is that the "Ino" one acts more like Chouji and the "Chou" one acts more like Ino… Poor Chouji! At first, neither of the girls wanted to learn the Akimichi fighting-style; they wanted to learn the Yamanaka style. Fortunately, the "Chou" one decided to follow her otou-san's fighting-style. She was kinda reluctant though… Poor Chouji…
Shino has a daughter, but no one has seen his wife. He never talks about her either. It's a mystery. He he! His daughter's a lot like him. Quiet and enigmatic. And she loves collecting bugs… That's just unnatural. What kind of a NORMAL person likes having a roach as a pet?! Ugh!
And finally, Kiba's and Hinata's daughter! She's really cute! She's hyper like her otou-san.—OH! I haven't told you yet! Ever since Kiba's been with Hinata, he's been calming down. He doesn't get as excited or angry as fast. He stopped raising his voice too.(He's SUPER calm around his daughter, but he's almost like his old self around us guys.) Hinata is the same though. Kiba's glad. He says she's cuter that way. Cute!—Anyways, back to their daughter. She has a dog like her otou-san—OH, CRAP! I forgot about Akamaru! Kiba is gonna kill me! Akamaru can talk now. I think he picked up some sarcasm from Shino… Awww, he loves Kiba's daughter like his own! It's adorable! That's all I have to say. Maybe that's why I forgot about him… (PLEASE PLEASE don't show this to Kiba!!!!!! Or Akamaru… I forgot about him again… Leave that out too!!!) Okay, now back to the daughter! So she's got a dog and byakugan (DUH!)... That's all really.
Have I talked about Konohamaru? Because I talked about couples, I meant as well mention Konohamaru's. There's a bunch of weird rumors. Some people say that Konohamaru still likes Sakura. Others say that he's dating Moegi. There're rumors that say he's with Udon. And even worse ones that say he has a relationship with me. (No way! I think I'd know if we were!) I decided not to bother him about it. I think he has enough problems with the gossip; he doesn't need me to be a burden… I think it's Moegi though…
Well, That's all I really have to say. The only thing left is that I hope you enjoy the collection of stories that me and everyone else put together. It was hard work, so you better like it! (Just kidding, just kidding!) I'd better get back to work. Bye!
Your Rokudaime,
Uzumaki Naruto
P.S. Dattebayo!
Thanks for reading. Please review.