A post Double Blind drabble - because sometimes things aren't going well.
Listening to Sarai Givaty - Paris ( watch?v=7xo0rIZL2x4), I really recommend you to listen to it while reading, it puts you into the mood I was in while writing it.
She finds herself knocking at his door at 11 pm the impressions of the day still racing through her mind while she tries to restrain her emotions before he would open the door.
"I went to Israel to bury my father. It was a moment of weakness. I felt alone."
"What are you doing here Ziva?" Tony tried to hold back the hurt and anger in his voice and she could tell he had a few drinks that night.
"We need to talk Tony." She stopped talking because the emotions threatened to choke at her.
She knew how much she had hurt Tony when she admitted that she had slept with Adam. And she needed to convince him that it was meaningless.
Tony just stood there staring into space not willing to discuss their relationship tonight.
"I'm sorry" she pleaded, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I know it was a mistake."
"It's enough Ziva, I just…don't want to talk about it right now, ok?" he tried to soften his tone, because a look in her eyes told him how truly hurt she was as well.
"But…" she couldn't believe that he really pushed her away and couldn't help but panic at this thoughts.
"My Hebrew must not be as good as I thought. Because I could have sworn that when I dropped you off at the airport I told you that you are not alone."
"No. In fact what you did hurt me. I told you you were not alone and once you are gone you run into the arms of another man. This is nothing you can just get over, you know?"
Ziva understood him; the pain was visible in his deep green eyes and she needed to fix this.
"Tony, let me explain everything to you. Let us talk about this. Please." He had never seen her pleading for anything like this before. It hurt him and at the same time he had to remind himself that he was hurt as well.
When he looked at her once more she could tell something between them just broke and she was sure that this wasn't a good sign.
"I'm sorry, but I just can't do this at the moment. After all we went through together, and now this. It's all too much right now." He took a deep breath before adding "I need some time for myself."
This was the judgment, he finally pushed her away. And she realized it.
She mouthed an "Ok" before he closed the door and when he did she broke down on the floor not longer able to hold back the tears from streaming down her face.
She made a mistake and she couldn't fix it. He was her best friend and he just sent her away.
The thought was shaking her, her whole body trembling as she was sobbing.
All she wanted right now was to go back in time and fix her mistakes. She wanted him back, the person who had always had her back.
But deep down she knew that this time things weren't just going to be ok.
And it broke her heart even more.