Title: other people's heartache
Fandom: Rise of the Guardians
Characters: Jack, Tooth and mentions of other characters
Genre: General/Romance
Warnings: English might suck. Not proof read. I don't know what I was trying to accomplish when I started writing this. I DON'T KNOW. A bit of language. I should stop writing so much for this fandom (insert nervous laugh here)
Title comes from Bastille's mixtape album.
other people's heartache
––
(It doesn't matter if I spoke to you everyday or sent you one thousand text messages. You were never looking at me. You didn't even try.)
Jack thought that maybe that text on his cellphone was supposed to hurt more, way more. It didn't. Maybe it was supposed to make him cry and miss her like on those stupid paperback teenage romance novels she read all the time. It didn't. She just wrote that to be a bitch until the very end, trying to break him (key word here is trying). Messages come and go with an incredible speed nowadays; almost the same that people leave. He was just used to it, he guessed, deleting numbers from his contact list and looking at other people's backs when they left without even sparing a look at him. He was used to it.
Girlfriend number five was way more annoying than number four, anyways. The boy smirked while pressing some buttons on the phone.
He deleted the number with as much ease as he could disconnect himself from anyone.
––
The flat looks too large now.
(One suite, two extra bedrooms. Just one person living there.)
Or maybe she is the one who is too tiny for a too much of a big place, she will never know. Is there any difference?
Toothiana closes the cardboard box that is in front of her, a large amount of duct tape so it won't open while she decides where to place it. She thinks that she will never open it again; she shouldn't open it, the woman thinks when the tips of her fingers start to itch and the will to just one more time starts kicking in. Breathe; just breathe. With the box carefully tucked in her arms, she walks back to the master bedroom trying to not dwell too much on the echoing sound of her footsteps on the wooden floor or the shade of light green on the curtains.
Tooth ends up placing it underneath their (hers, hers she has to remind herself) bed, and she attempts to not cry when she goes to the bathroom to wash her face. The woman sees a single pink toothbrush lying at the corner of the sink, and breaks down when she thinks about the missing pair.
She never liked odd numbers.
––
"There will be a meteor shower this week!" What an annoying voice.
"Yeah, I heard it. Let's all go watch it together!" Stop talking so loudly.
"Sure! It'll be fun!" Just stop it. Stop it.
His classmates sure could be a pain in the ass sometimes. They were all so loud screaming about stupid things and just being themselves all the time. Never including him. It irked the boy to no end. Jack couldn't wait until graduation – which was, sadly, quite far away. Just one more year to go and he would be freed from all of them. One whole year, gods kill him now. The boy moved his chair a bit, legs stretching over the table.
"Do you think that we could make a wish?"
Jack never laughed so loudly, a heartless sound echoing on the classroom.
He was mean when he felt hurt.
––
She would do anything to make them stop with the sympathetic stares.
"I'm so sorry…" Three words everyone kept on repeating all the time when she really didn't need them. She didn't need to remember. She didn't need their pity.
"It's okay. I'm okay." Toothiana hoped that – if she told that to everyone, to herself, constantly like a mantra – those words would become the undeniable truth. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. No I'm not, but I will be. I hope I'll be. She hoped she could stop organizing everything at their (her, it's hers stop using that other stupid pronoun already) flat so methodically when she was the only one that could ever make a mess out of it. She hoped she would stop minding the fact that everything she bought up in pairs was single now, the mugs, the plates, the silverware. She hoped she would be ok.
Tooth had another dreamless sleep on a bed that seemed way too empty now. The silence woke her up with her own shaky breathing, not anyone else's.
––
Jack was lying on his bed when his mother came home from work.
"Jack, dear! I'm home." He heard her voice from the kitchen, tired and sad but still fighting. He wondered how she did that, and if he sounded like her sometimes. "Where are you?"
"In my room." The boy had to speak a bit louder so she could hear him, he felt like a four year old while doing that somehow. "Do you need help with anything?"
"Do I need a reason to see my son?" And she just appeared – there's no other word for it – on his bedroom's door like magic, not really bothering to knock and just coming in like every mother in the entire world – and, at the same time – just like her and just her, the scent of fresh lilies and good baking walking beside her form. She sat down on his bed and opened her arms; an action that always made the boy automatically lay his head on her lap. The woman looked at him with a soft expression, sadness and a bit of disappointment lingering there. "Did you skip school again?"
"Busted." Jack laughed a little in hopes of diminishing the sermon that would probably come. "How did you know?"
"The school called and asked if you were alright. You don't skip that much dear, but you really shouldn't do it." The feeling of her fingers on his hair was a small pleasure he liked to indulge sometimes, slow patting and care and just mom, it was a few of the good things that were left. "Jack, you're not the bad kid you think you are."
"No, mom." The quietness on his voice is unusual and makes his mother place her hand over his. "Sometimes, I can be worse."
––
She felt like drowning, the air barely getting inside her lungs.
The sound of her fingers smashing the keyboard didn't help at all. Maybe she should have followed her initial plans and became a dentist after all; work around here has been quite massive lately – not that if she had indeed become a dentist it would be any better, but it would be pleasant. Too much to do and so little time. At least it was better than being home, it prevented her mind from wandering too far and to places she didn't want to touch anymore. The office has been a sort of sanctuary these past months, since home was so empty now.
Strange thing is that she did not have the courage to move and sell that flat.
Toothiana stopped her work on the computer when a small familiar hand poked her arm. Turning around she smiled a bit – still too wry and without the past heartiness – when she saw a close friend.
"Oh! Hi, Sandy!" She greeted the small man in front of her. Sanderson worked a few tables away from her and has always been a good friend, the only one who didn't say I'm so sorry when she didn't really need to hear. Tooth has never been so grateful.
"It's almost lunch time." He signed. Sandy was mute but – curiously – he was the only one in that place who knew what to say to her, or what to not say, for tat matter. "Let's grab something to eat."
"Sure! There's a new cafeteria across the street I've been dying to try." Getting up from her chair and straightening her skirt she followed her friend to the elevator and out of the office. Tooth was glad it was Sandy the one with her right now, he would never ask questions that she was not too ready to answer.
The place was comfortable but fairly girlish, she almost felt bad for bringing the poor man with her. Giving him a sympathetic smile she proceeded to look at the menu while giggling over Sandy's reaction to the cute decorations around. Flower vases, plaid table towels and the menu even had pink in it for god's sake; it was funny to say the least.
If he was here he would say that it was way too cheesy and he would criticize the poor color palette the owner used on everything. Her smile vanished too fast for her liking and Sandy gave her that look that said don't be too hard on yourself while squeezing her hand.
And it felt like drowning.
––
"Why do you still hang out with me, anyways?" Jack asked, mind elsewhere while kicking a pebble on their way home.
"I ask that question to myself every morning, believe me." Hiccup was a very nice guy, witty retorts and all. "I should receive the Nobel Prize for putting up with your shit on a regular daily basis." The skinny boy laughs at his own joke and kicks the small rock back to his friend.
"Sure you do." Jack punches him on the arm, not meant to hurt but enough to make the other teenager yelp. A silence falls between them, the sound of the rolling pebble the only one around.
"But, you really don't need to do this." If Hiccup wanted to leave, he would let him. It would hurt, sure it would, but at least it would prevent him from lashing out at the poor boy like he always did. "Look if you want to stop talking with me I'll…"
"Jack, I hang out with you because I think you're a nice guy. That's all." It's rare to see Hiccup looking so serious or with his voice sounding so firm. "You are my friend. And if this is another plot to push me away I'm sorry but it's not working." He almost looks angry, angry at the though he would push him away like he did with the rest of the people they knew.
"Sorry… It's just that…" Jack pauses, blue eyes going back and forth between his friend and the pebble. "People leave. I'm scarred of that." And he kicks the rock far, far away.
"Well, some people stay." Hiccup smiles while taking another pebble from his pocket and throwing it at Jack's feet.
––
"Toothy!" The happy, joyful call takes her away from the story she was reading. "How are you?"
"Oh, hello North!" Stepping inside the elevator Toothiana closes her book and holds it against her chest. "I'm good." As far as good can go, but she doesn't gives voice to her thoughts. "And you?"
"Good! Better now that you are here!" Mr. North has always been a good friend and neighbor of theirs (hers, hers, hers). Always so jolly and helpful, just like an incarnation of Santa himself. She felt bad for the awkward moments she has caused him these past few months because, you see, North is a very good person that is not very good with words. He would try to cheer her up and she would give him her best mirror trained smile and his shoulders would slump as easily as her eyes would avert from his blue ones.
Tooth can see that the silence that follows in almost killing the poor man.
"So, what are you reading this time?" He is nervous and he is scared of hurting her but it's fine. She wished that he would realize it was fine, to hurt without really meaning to.
"This?" The young woman looks at the cover of the novel she was reading a while ago, a bitter smile on her lips. "Just a silly love story."
And the look on his eyes cold kill her, it could kill her because she knows she has made him sad. And her sadness shouldn't have any effects on other people; she wanted to be miserable without dragging anyone along with her, is that too much to ask for?
"Toothy, that wasn't your fault. It was just…" Mr. North pauses and tries to search for the right words, the ones that wouldn't cut so deep.
"Thank you, North."
––
Sometimes, he wrote letters.
Simple things written on common paper saying "How are you?" and "I miss you". Jack wondered when he got the habit of writing letters he would never send.
––
"Two cubes of sugar, right?"
"It's incredible! You never forget, Tooth." Merida always has this eagerness on her voice and thick accent that never fail to make her smile, even if it's just for a bit.
They are splayed on her living room's fluffy carpet, colored cushions all around them and oolong tea with freshly baked biscuits on the table. It's been a while since she last saw her redheaded friend and all of the craziness that is her long curly hair, since she always had to come back and forth from Ireland because of work and family.
"So, how are your parents? And the triplets?" Tooth giggles at the memory of three red mini hurricanes.
"Fine and oh god! They are teenagers now, can you believe it?" Merida laughs and proceeds to tell her of the time they almost got expelled on their freshman year because they exploded the chemistry lab. It was good to hear nice stories every once in a while.
"Tooth...You're not as good as you say you are, are you?" This was the good thing about Merida; she never beats around the bush.
"No." And for the first time she cries in front of someone.
Merida holds her until her tears are dry.
––
Jack sat down on the worn out bench, old wood creaking and smelling slightly like mold. Almost no one came to this old park anymore, at least not since the mayor inaugurated a much prettier one downtown. Which was quite a pity, since this was probably the best place to watch the meteor shower.
It was uphill and it was tiresome to get there, but the view you had once you got around was priceless. All of Burgess looking like one of those miniature cities and the lights from the houses sparkling like fireflies. He was used to be there all by himself, the moon and the stars being his only company on the chilly nights. He would have called Hiccup, but right now he was probably with Astrid and he didn't want to interfere. It would probably be an interesting story by the next morning.
He would have told his classmates – at least to the ones who were nice enough – if they actually had spoke to him.
But they never do.
"Seven thirty. Almost time for the show." Jack kept on looking at his cellphone, slowly counting the minutes and being greeted by silence all the time.
Alone was good.
––
She wondered what bought her here.
It was probably the meteor shower. He kept on nagging about how that was a once every a hundred years opportunity, that they were lucky and how they should go to a place they both liked to watch it and make a wish to the millions of lights that would grace Burgess that night. She remembers commenting that he could have a girly dreamy side even though he was so brash and arrogant all the time. He had blushed at that.
Tooth inhaled sharply, it was the best she could do to not cry.
Arriving at the old park she was surprised to see another person there – a boy - probably a high school student. Choosing to ignore his presence like a normal passerby would, she sat down at the bench that was across from his. Toothiana looked at her watch impatiently. Eight o'clock and still one hour to go until the meteor shower started.
She suddenly wished she was alone.
––
And here he thought he was the only one that knew about that place.
It was a big surprise when he saw a petit silhouette approaching, slow footsteps and all. The young woman sat down without a word and kept on looking at her watch nervously, Jack wondered if she was waiting for someone. He hoped not, since he didn't really like the idea of sharing this place and hated just the thought of a crowd.
It was weird to say the best, sitting across someone and trying to ignore their presence when it was clearly impossible, at least when there was just the two of them there. Jack fidgeted nervously at his place on the bench, cellphone still in hand and the hour that was just a jiff too slow to pass. Tediousness has never been his thing and it's been some time since he actually started conversation with someone – not counting Hiccup. She was a stranger he would never see again, anyways. He had nothing to loose.
"How come billions of meteors miss our planet like that?"
The sudden question startled her and she took off her lilac eyes from her watch for a minute.
"Pardon me?" It's almost embarrassing how that was the best she could come up with, Tooth looked at the boy sitting at the other side of the park, a quizzical expression gracing her features.
"I said, how come all those meteors miss our planet?" He repeats his question and just by the way his voice comes out ragged and awkward she knows he is very young, at least compared to her. "How come we are not dead by now?"
"Maybe it's not meant to be." And she feels that lots of things are not meant to be but continues speaking even if her heart clenches just a little tighter. "Humankind being dead, I mean we will be extinct someday, but not now." It sounds like one of those pseudo philosophic speeches and Tooth wonders why she engaged on that conversation with that boy in the first place.
She smiled while looking at the night sky.
"So, what if there was a supernova and we were already dead but just didn't feel it yet?" He remembers his physics teacher saying something like that in class. If one of the stars of the Milky Way were to explode we would be gone without even knowing it. "And if we are already dead, what's the use of making me study algebra?" Watching her confused expressions was fun at least; Jack was having a hard time to recall when he started to push people away.
"I'm not going to discuss astrophysics, philosophy and the United States educational system with you, kid." She laughed – somehow it made him think of birds and summer rain - and he remembered that he used to make people laugh like that all the time. "Can't we talk about the weather or something like that?
"Huh… What an awfully dumb grown up you are." It would sound mean –like everything he has done lately - if he didn't grin and snicker at the end.
Alone was good, but other person's presence – even if it was temporary – was better. He would never say it out loud, though.
"Oh, and what an awfully snotty kid you are." Tooth arched one of her eyebrows while holding back the giggles down her throat. "I can guarantee that when you get there, you won't feel any smarter." It was good to get distracted even if just a little bit. Even if a weird kid was trying to talk about even weirder stuff with her, astrophysics and all that jazz never seemed so interesting, or funny for that matter.
"That's disappointing." The boy said, a wide smirk on his face. "Just when I thought getting older would double my wittiness."
"The Lord helps us. No." She laughed, the tightness on her chest letting go just a little bit. "Oh, it's time!" She pointed upwards, a weird kind of happiness filling her body. Tooth almost forgot how it felt like, when you are happy.
Millions of lights were crossing the night sky bringing hope a little closer.
Funny thing is that, when she pointed to the sky, he instantly followed with his eyes, and just when she had stopped speaking the meteors started to fall.
It was beautiful, so very beautiful. The lights were running through the sky and leaving a shiny trail behind them, it almost seemed otherworldly and – for a moment there – it made him forget. Forget about people who leave and about people who don't even try to come. Everything. There was this strange – foreign – feeling of happiness building inside of him. Such a pity it would be over soon, and he wished he could grasp – hold it against him - that feeling just a little more.
Jack knew it was futile.
He looked at the young woman again, a witty retort at the tip of his tongue. The boy stopped when he saw that she had her eyes closed and her tiny hands were held close to her chest. It seemed almost like a prayer - too personal - and he should be ashamed for staring, but he didn't. He just said what he thought would be kinder to her.
"A meteor shower doesn't grant wishes."
"It's still worth a try." There's this bitter taste inside her mouth. Tooth hates it. "Shooting stars are still meteorites, right?" She does her best to smile, she swears she does, but it's hard to do so when there are a few sobs threatening to come and choke you.
"Yeah, but it just counts if you see it by chance." The boy pointed to the sky, mimicking her action from minutes ago. "Not if it's something foresaw beforehand."
"Maybe…" Toothiana looked up again, the lights now long gone and a small prayer playing inside her head. "Maybe."
"Besides, shooting stars are just stories we tell kids." She was surprised by that; he was so young yet already so skeptical. "It's silly."
"What an awfully grown up kid you are." It escapes before she can give it proper thought and she regrets it the moment she sees him flinching at the other side.
Jack felt almost burnt by her phrase. And just like every time he felt hurt or afraid he wanted to do something mean to her. Jack, who used to wear his heart on his sleeve and that now used the pain like a rusty knife.
"And what an awfully childish grown up you are." It stings and hits where it hurts most, he knows it because even with their distance he can see her eyes water a bit. "Stop believing in fairytales." He wants to break something, badly. Wants to lash out on someone like he always does and he hopes she would snap at him so he could keep on letting all the hurt out.
She is silent. And just like every time he does something mean he wonders if he has gone too far.
"Say, do you believe in fate?" She manages to ask without letting her voice break, trying to change the way the conversation was going. He was just a kid, probably too damaged and rough on the edges but still just a kid. Toothiana makes a small mental note telling herself that she forgives way too easily.
"What?" He seems startled by her question, confusion all over his features. So he was waiting for a fight, huh? "No, that's stupid."
"Yeah, me neither." If she believed in fate it would mean that everything that has happened to her so far was meant to be, and she didn't want to imagine that something –someone - greater wanted all those bad things to happen.
"What was that question for?" The boy had this annoying cautiousness oh his voice. "Aren't you mad at me?"
"I was just wondering…" It sounded more like a whisper and she hoped he could hear her. "And no, I'm not mad."
He was just a hurt boy after all.
"I said mean things." Jack thought that she was certainly crazy for not screaming at him right now. "Why would you not be angry?" Or hurt, or sad… The list inside his head kept on growing and growing and the weight on his shoulders never seemed to lessen. Not even a bit.
"Because people who were hurt badly tend to go two ways." The young woman says, a weak smile on her lips like the saddest thing he ever saw. "Either they choose to lash out and hurt other people while closing themselves, or they drown on their own sadness."
The familiarity of the description hits him like a stone.
"I just think we might be similar." She continues, eyes downcast and an unreadable expression that he was way too familiar with. He wore it all the time. "But we chose different paths, that's all."
"So…" Jack starts and pauses as if he was struggling to choose the right words, a rare occurrence for him, to not want to hurt or see his sorrow mirrored on another person's face. "Where are you right now?"
"At the bottom of the sea."
––
"Since there's no such thing as fate, we might see each other again when there's a shooting star on the sky."
"That sounds lame but, yeah. If we saw each other before that we might as well start to believe in it. Fate and destiny, that is."
"And that's a no-no."
"Pretty much... Yes."
"See you then, awfully grown up kid."
"See you, awfully childish grown up."
[to be continued…?]
Author's Notes: And, like always, I must apologize for any mistakes regarding grammar, spelling or language in general.
I don't know what I was trying to accomplish when I started writing this, I'm sorry. Let's say a person A who willingly pushes people away because he has been hurt (Jack) meets by chance person B who used to be a happy person but now is depressive because o x factor (Tooth). And then again, I don't know. Also I feel that my characterization here has been sort of poor for some characters, am I doing this right?
Please tell me what you think! Criticism is always welcome! :)
shizu.