A/N: New fic! So this was meant to be a one-shot but I thought there was scope for something longer. So expect possibly two more chapters. Unfortunately I can give no guarantee on when that will be but please bear with me. It shouldn't be an unreasonably long wait (I say hopefully!) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. A little note that sometimes it's not entirely chronological because I switch POVs between Ryan and Marissa. And this is set in late season 3 during Ryan/Sadie and Marissa/Volchok.

Reviews are always welcomed, and they might just spur me on to write and post faster ;)

It happens as these things usually do, unexpectedly, out of the blue. She is in her new room at the Roberts' house, getting ready to go out. Nowadays, that only meant putting on a clean outfit, brushing her hair and applying a whisp of mascara. After all she would only be going to the Bait Shop or some sleazy party Volchok had in mind and then she would hopefully be drunk through most of it. She checks on her phone, seeing if he had left a message. When she finds nothing, she's about to go get her flask but Summer opens their adjoined door before she can.

She doesn't know how she knew but the minute Summer stepped into that room, it was like the atmosphere changed, becoming filled with a cutting tension, laden and heavy. She caught the look in her eye, that was fearful for the news she was going to give, and the ache in her stomach which has just developed, grew exponentially. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

"Coop, something's happened. There's...been an accident."

Summer waits for a reply or for some reaction but Marissa merely watches her with dread filled eyes. Is it Kaitlin? Is it her mother? Her father? But she knows by that saddened, scared look on Summer's face that it's him.

"Ryan's in the hospital."

"No." she whispers, her voice barely audible. The word hangs and circles in the air, enticing Summer to go over and comfort her best friend but she can tell Marissa is still in the process of absorbing the news. Marissa clenches her fist, willing herself not to cry and breakdown but a solitary tear still escapes. "Is he okay? How bad is it?"

"I don't know exactly. He was driving home and we think some car crashed into him. He's alive, but it's not great," her throat catches at her own words as Summer too begins to grasp the gravity of the situation, "...but it's not absolutely terrible either." she adds to reassure both herself and Marissa.

Marissa takes in her words and nods her head slowly. She gets up and picks up the jacket lying on her side.

Her own voice sounding foreign to her, she tells Summer calmly and cooly, "Alright, let's go to the hospital." From somewhere within her, she has found this steely exterior so unlike her but Summer only needs to look at her seriously to find the shakiness simmering underneath.

"Coop?" Summer questions gently as she moves to hold her friend's hand. She presses down lightly as if to ask if she is okay. Marissa squeezes her hand back, accepting the support gratefully; at least for the moment, she is managing.

The hospital is a chaotic mess. All of them, herself, the Cohens, Summer and even her mother, are all milling around trying to extract information about Ryan's condition. Will he survive? Does he need surgery? What is the extent of the surgery? It's all a maddening blur and all she is really conscious of is the possibility that the love of her life - call it an exaggeration but no matter what has happened between them and wherever they stand now, that is who he is to her, the love of her life - remains in a critical condition. The doctors hint it is a possibility that he may not live through the night. It takes everything in her to keep it together. At every second, it feels like she's exerting every force in her body to not break down into howling tears.

The night unravels and eventually exhaustion dawns up them. They concede to the doctor's pleas and sit silently, waiting for further news. Finally, a doctor comes out and tells them the surgery went well and everything should be okay. They should be able to see him in the morning when he wakes up. She registers the information but it doesn't settle. There's a brief interlude where she feels relief rushing through her body but all the panic and the fear and the pain which had been with her through the night soon returns. She excuses herself to the restroom and locks herself in the toilet as all the turmoil of the night finally unravels. She sobs and sobs losing track of time. At some point, Julie must have realised her daughter had been gone for too long and she goes to the restroom to find her. As her tears subside, Marissa hears a soft tap against the toilet door.

"Marissa, honey, I know you're in there." she hears Julie call out to her. To her surprise, when she opens the door, she doesn't do so reluctantly. Julie looks at her sympathetically and Marissa figures it must be the exhaustion because for the first time in forever, she collapses into her mother's arms, crying fresh tears. She hadn't thought her mother would have stayed at the hospital all this time. Even more, she hadn't thought how much she would have needed her there.

Julie holds Marissa tightly, gently rubbing her back.

"It's ok Marissa, he is ok, everything's ok." she says soothingly.

"I know." Marissa croaks out, "It's just, I could have lost him tonight."

Julie had learnt over the years how much Ryan meant to Marissa. Tonight, she saw the precise magnitude and if she was completely honest, it scared her a little. Her daughter's happiness was frighteningly entwined with this one boy from Chino.

When he wakes up, the first thing he feels is sharp pain. His whole body is sore and aching. He finds Sandy slumped in a chair by his side with his eyes shut. He feels bad waking him up but his throat is painfully dry as his voice whimpers out asking for some water. Sandy awakes with a startle and his face bursts into a triumphant smile. Soon after, his room becomes flooded with a mass of people as Seth, Summer and Kirsten come in and fuss over him. Time and time again, it takes him by surprise to see this number of people caring for him. It's tense at first when they all walk in because everyone's still a little concerned. Then Seth cracks a joke, Summer throws in a comment and they all laugh breezily. Kirsten tells him she's really glad he is okay and gets a little weepy but quickly wipes away any tears. He takes it all in and it feels nice to finally have a family. But even with all of them here and all their concern and all their care, he notices one person who is missing. The good humour and the light-hearted banter cannot make him forgot. In spite of everything, he thought she would have still cared. He can't help it when the words slip out.

"Where is she?"

Seth misunderstands and begins, "Oh God, sorry man. We totally forgot to call her and let her know."

Ryan's eyes go wide in shock. How could they forget to call her? It's the most outrageous thing he has ever heard.

Then Summer jabs Seth in his ribs with her elbows as she scolds him, "He's not asking about Sadie, Cohen! God, he's asking about Coop." She pauses and looks at him to check, "You are, aren't you?"

He doesn't want to give a direct yes because to do so makes him appear so blissfully ignorant of his actual girlfriend but Summer's right, so he offers her a curt nod of the head to confirm. He still doesn't know why she isn't here.

Seth, keen to redeem himself, quickly offers, "Oh Marissa's here. She's been here all night." Ryan's head perks right up again. Seth's about to elaborate but he ends up not needing to.

They all hear the rapid shuffling of feet and then her voice as she queries in a panic, "Is he awake? Is he okay?"

She walks in in a daze and Julie follows after her. He's oddly touched to see Julie.

"Hey." She speaks softly and a little hesitantly. He takes her in: her eyes were all red, her hair was roughly tied up, her make up had been wiped away and the little that was left was carelessly smudged across her face. She still manages to take his breath away.

They were all in the waiting room while Sandy took the seat in Ryan's room. They had all managed some ounce of sleep as the tiredness took over. She wakes up a little bit before everyone else and the fatigue hits her afresh. She gets a cup of coffee from the machine nearby but it feels sickly in her mouth. She gulps it down anyway, hoping it will force some energy into her body. It's a quarter to seven, Ryan might be awake. She considers checking on him but decides she needs the toilet instead. When she gets inside the cubicle, she is thankful she doesn't break down even if a few lone tears slip out. She comes out and splashes some water on her face in another attempt to refresh herself. Watching her tired reflection in the mirror, she feels weak. After everything, she doesn't think she can see him because what if he doesn't want to see her? Their last encounter was in the school corridor, where her flask had fallen out and hostility had rung through. She presses her hands against the basin edge and steadies herself. A scene from Valentines Day three years ago flashes across her mind; she recalls Sandy telling her not to give up on Ryan. He nearly died, she thinks and feels a pang in her chest. For the time being, the past is inconsequential and no matter what, she needs to let him know she cares. She couldn't bear it if he ever doubted that. Resolute, she walks out and finds only Julie sitting upright in the waiting room. He's awake.

She doesn't need her mother to tell her as she breaks out in a semi-sprint to his room. In her panicked hurry she struggles to remember the directions. Rushing down the corridor, she almost stumbles and falls. A boy catches her and she mumbles a thank you. Before she dashes off, she gives the guy Ryan's room number and asks if he knows where it is. To her surprise, he tells her successfully. With a second thank you, she's gone. The boy is just a blip in her mind who she takes little note of but he registers her golden tangles and the angelic curves of her face. Her natural beauty is hypnotic and when he accidentally meets her mother's eyes, he is embarrassed.

Marissa almost collapses into Ryan's room and a jumble of incoherent questions come out of her mouth.

"Is he awake? Is he okay?"

And then she sees him lying on the hospital bed, so battered and bruised.

"Hey."

She anticipates he will be wary, perhaps a little distant and reluctant. She expects awkwardness but when he greets her back, it is natural and it feels like the last year didn't happen. Everybody else is silent.

"How are you feeling?" she asks taking a step forward.

"Okay I guess. I am a little sore and my arm's kind of killing me but," he pauses and takes in the softness of her eyes, "I'm okay." He holds her gaze and makes everyone else in the room feel like an intruder.

"You know I could really use a coffee." Julie speaks out. "Does anybody else want anything?" Sandy and Kirsten follow her lead and express a burning need for coffee and soon the adults are filing out of the room. Summer says she needs to pee and Seth suggests somebody probably ought to call Sadie and fill her in, to which Ryan merely nods his agreement. And then there they are, finally alone. She isn't sure whether she should stand or sit down, move closer or stay apart. What she really wants is to sit on his bedside and take his bruised hand in hers. He doesn't signal what he wants so she settles on inching closer and leaning slightly on the table beside his bed.

"You really scared me." she tells him honestly.

"I'm sorry. I scared myself too." he confesses.

"It's not your fault." Their words are eerily reminiscent of past conversations.

"I'm glad you are here." he says quietly.

"Where else would I be?" She smiles at him; there's a sadness in the smile.

"Thank you anyway," he tells her with a shrug. She wonders if he knows how much she loves him. It is incomprehensible to her that he would be in the hospital and she wouldn't be there to see him, even more nonsensical is to think she wouldn't care. She wants to tell him then that she loves him and it doesn't matter if he doesn't love her or want her, she will love him anyway. She doesn't love Johnny, never has. Why couldn't he ever believe that? But she says nothing. It would be too selfish.

The doctor arrives to carry out the necessary check-ups and everybody else soon returns. When the doctor details his injuries, her face is stricken with fear. It really was close. She looks at Ryan, her face pale and he smiles back kindly.

"I'm fine, I promise." His voice is reassuring but undermined by the grimace which slips out as he tries to sit up. "I will be fine." he adds.

The doctor suggests that Ryan should probably get some more rest and try to sleep.

"The rest of you could do with some rest as well." he offers.

The parents chime in and second his suggestion.

"Marissa honey, you should really go home and get some sleep. You can come back later." Julie encourages her daughter. She is tired beyond recognition and doesn't doubt her body's need for sleep. Even so, she doesn't want to leave him and her first response is to looking at him trying to discern whether he would want her to say.

"Go." he says softly and she doesn't protest. More firmly he repeats, "You guys should all go home and get some rest. I'll be okay."

"Ok man. I am pretty tired and based on that suspicious odour, I think I might be in need of a shower."

"Yeah, not gonna lie Atwood I am kind of exhausted and Cohen smells." Summer chimes in.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I called Sadie, she said she would be here soon so you won't be alone for too long and hey we'll be back soon."

"Thanks Seth, that'll be fine."

"Right, so we'll be off then. Bye man."

They all get up and begin to shuffle out of the room. For a moment Marissa meets his eyes and smiles briefly, telling him silently that she'll be back. At the mention of Sadie, she had stiffened slightly; she doesn't think she could bear to watch her with him, now of all moments. Something in her broke at the thought of Sadie being there with him, caring for him, loving him maybe, in this fragile time. Walking out of the room, she felt the delicacy of it all. How life and death had hung in the balance and how he had escaped it. The thought grappled at her and scared her. She felt that urge then as she often did in her weaker moments for the numbing support of alcohol. It was all suddenly too much. Yet, watching Ryan in that hospital bed, moreover the ordeal of the night before left her shaken in an altogether different way.

Getting into the car with her mother, she searched for her hand and then took a deep breath before she said, "Mom, I think I need to go back to therapy."

Silently she also resolved she would end it with Volchok. She couldn't go on like she was, not after such matters of life and death.

A/N 2: All the medical stuff I just made it up, I have no clue if any of it has any factual merit but you may have noticed, I'm quite vague as it is. Basically Ryan got hurt bad lol.