A/N: Hello! Long time, no hear, huh? So yeah, I'm alive, and I brought a cute cookie. It's a Loonygirl special, so yey. Share the love.
Anyway, on with you…
"So, we were 'cute'?"
"Are"
"So, we ARE 'cute'?"
"Yeah, I don't know why they say that, really"
"I know I'm cute, as I have been told quite enough, but us? Cute?"
"Are you saying that I'm not cute?"
"Of course, you are Hermione, my best friend and apparently, according to everyone else, my girlfriend, my soul mate, my one true love—"
"Ugh!"
"… My heroine, my number one fan, my friend with benefits…"
"Eeew."
"…My cheese-to-my-nacho, my fish-to-my-chips, my peanut-to-my-butter…"
"Since when did they refer to us as food?"
"…My love"
"Nice."
"That's all you're going to say?"
"Yes."
"Great, Hermione."
"But really, Harry. I really don't know why they say that about us."
"I don't know, maybe it's that conversation we had about my hot dog."
"Well, your hot dogs are really nice"
"Yeah, but when you say 'your hot dog', you know, without an 'S', people tend to overhear."
"Okay, so I got that wrong the first time…"
"I quote, 'Oh. Merlin, Harry! Your hot dog is really big!'"
"Fine. Honest mistake, really!"
"Sure, Hermione."
"Yeah? What about you, mister-Hermione-forgot-her-lunch-so-I-just-have-to-bring-it-to-her-just-when-she's-in-a-meeting!"
"Hey! I made that lunch for you. And that pesky male secretary of yours, who by the way is way too hot for everyone in that building, just got to my nerves, that's why I came barging in!"
"You know, I really am baffled that people don't think you're gay. 'That pesky male secretary of yours, who by the way is way too hot for everyone in that building,' anyone?"
"Shut up"
"Wait, are you—?"
"What?"
"You're—? Oh Merlin, Harry! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"This makes total sense!"
"What?!"
"Harry, how long have you been crushing on Troy?"
"What?!"
"Oh, c'mon Harry, you've already slipped…"
"I'm not gay!"
"So that's why Troy's always looking at you differently!"
"Hermione, I'M. NOT. GAY."
"Oh! So that's why he keeps giving me little trinkets, he wants to get the good graces of the best friend!"
"Hermione, again, I'M. NOT—wait, he gives you trinkets?"
"Oh, I'm sorry Harry. I'm sure its just doing that for me because he wants—"
"I swear Hermione, if you finish that sentence I'll…"
"You'll what? C'mon, Harry. He's totally in to you!"
"Don't push me, Hermione."
"Harry and Troy, sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S—"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…okay. What just happened?"
"I kissed you."
"Uh-huh."
"I'm not gay."
"You're not gay."
"Troy isn't gay."
"Troy isn't gay."
"He likes you."
"He—what?"
"He likes you. Troy, the bloody male secretary, likes you"
"Huh?"
"Really, Hermione. I thought you were smart."
"Liar."
"Yeah? Tell that to every girl in your floor. They all asked Troy out, but he graciously turned them down because he has someone in his itty bitty heart of his."
"How do you know it's even me?"
"Take a look at his right lower desk drawer, and haven't you seen the way women at your floor look at you?"
"So that's why—hey, you've been snooping on his desk?"
"Desk, car, other friends… flat maybe"
"Harry!"
"You should fire him, Hermione. That one's a complete wanker!"
"I can't fire him just because—Harry!"
"What?"
"You can't keep doing that to my assistants!"
"Well then, try hiring decent, female secretaries."
"What's wrong with male ones?"
"They're all hot."
"See? This is why people think you're gay."
"You're the only one who thinks I'm gay, which by the way, I AM NOT."
"I am part of the people, Harry"
"Then why do these people say those things about us, huh?"
"I honestly don't know."
"For a smart ass, you sure don't know a lot"
"For a gay stalker—"
"Touché"
"I wasn't even finished"
"Whatever you were going to say, I'm sure it was witty and funny."
"Thank you."
"See? This is why people think we're together"
"Huh?"
"You always agree with me."
"I do not!"
"Yeah, you do."
"No, I do not! See? We're disagreeing right now."
"But sooner or later, you would agree to disagree with me."
"…"
"Ha!"
"You suck."
"Merlin, did you just say that? Hermione Granger, I am flabbergasted!'
"Sure you are, Potter"
"Do you know that people see us as the perfect couple?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Cho, Mrs. Weasley, Bloody Rita Skeeter, Viktor…"
"They did not see us a perfect couple. They assumed we were a couple. There's a difference. And, Viktor? Since when did he think that?"
"Didn't I tell you? We had a 'talk' about our relationship back in fourth year."
"Talk? Really?"
"Head out of the gutter, Granger! I'M NOT GAY!"
"You know me so well, it's scary"
"See? Why can't you grasp the idea that we might be perfect for each other?"
"I never said that"
"Huh."
"You assumed."
"So, all of this time, you didn't think of me as you brother?"
"No. I thought of you as my gay brother."
"HERMI—"
"Just kidding!"
"So seriously. If I asked you out on a date, would you say yes?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"No."
"What?"
"Yeah."
"Can you not talk in short words?"
"Affirmative"
"Hermione! That's still one word!"
"You said short words. Not one word. Affirmative is a long word."
"Bloody smart-ass!"
"But you like my cute smart-ass"
"Yeah, I do"
"You do?"
"I don't think of you as a sister."
"Huh."
"Yeah, and I'm asking you out."
"Okay."
"Is that a yes, or—I'm getting all confused here, Hermione!"
"Why don't you do the asking part"
"Will you bear my children, Hermione?"
"Ye—what?"
"Will you bear my children? Will you help me with their homework? Will you scold me when I spoil them rotten, and teach them quidditch at a far too early age? Will you hold my hand when we see them off the platform? Will you comfort me when I have to give away our only daughter to the man she loves? Will you stay with me till we're old and gray, smelly and wrinkly?"
"Those are a lot of questions, Harry"
"So, will you?"
"Ask me the first question"
"Will you go out with me?"
"Yes."
"Smashing."
"C'mon, let's get out of here"
"Alright, remind me to buy Martha Stuart's new cook book. There're a lot of new recipes I'd like to—"
"Harry, you are so—"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…I knew you weren't gay."
Love it? Hate it?
Anyway, it's just nonsense. Hope you review. And regarding A Very Sirius Plan, we have been editing it since we have a beta now. Yey for us. However, he hasn't edited chapter 2 onwards yet, but hopefully it will be all up soon. I've finished writing the next part, and I'm just waiting for pink. Hopefully, it will be up soon.
Toodles!