Sans woke slowly, he had a killer hangover and would rather do anything other than be conscious right now. Ugh, everything hurt, especially that stupid scar over his stupid eye socket. What'd he even do last night? It'd been a while since he got so drunk he woke up with a skull splitting headache and the magic of his joints strung so thin it felt like the least movement would tear his limbs right off. His bed wasn't helping things, not that he was even sure it was his bed. It wasn't lumpy enough, or at all really, and a lot firmer too. Oh wait, he was on a ship, wasn't he? The "bed" was just a thin cushion over a plank of wood, of course it was firm. But why wasn't the ship rocking? A faint groan worked its way from between his fangs as he shifted, trying to roll into a more comfortable position. The "bed" was gritty. He's sleeping on sand? Did the ship reach a port? Was he outside somewhere? What time was it? He didn't feel any sunlight. Hopefully it wasn't just an especially cold day or something. He slowly cracked an eye socket open, braced for incoming pain.

It was dim, just faint traces of blue waving over the rocky wall he was facing. Huh, must be next to water then. He carefully shifted, his aching body protested but it wasn't the worst pain he'd ever felt. Then he carefully sat up, slowly looking around. He seemed to be inside a small cave with a tiny sandy beach between the pool of water taking up about half the room and the rocks that turned into the wall at the other end of the cave. There were no visible entrances. That was ominous, he sure hoped it was high tide right now and the water would drain out to show the entrance later. If it was low tide he was thoroughly fucked. Where was he? How had he even gotten here? And what happened to his ship? The last thing he remembered…

There was a storm. He'd been clinging to the bed, which had been firmly attached to the wall, as everything else in the room was tossed back and forth. Water in the room, the horrible sound of wood splintering and shattering, desperately trying to climb the stairwell with a crowd of other monsters just as scared and panicked as him, trying to make it to the life boats as the ship was tossed all the harder. He's pretty sure he'd slipped before making it to the life boats. Had he been rescued? Where were the others then? And the lifeboat? Or anything else for that matter?

"h-hello?" Sans's voice was rusty, the sound echoing back the way it does in a tiny space. Stupid, really, he can clearly see he's all alone. He rubbed at his aching skull in frustration, then started pulling off his thick, heavy winter coat. It was soaking wet, water dripping off it to soak into the damp sand. The rest of his clothes were wet too, sticking uncomfortably to his bones. Even Sans thought that was gross. He peeled them off and laid them out as best he could around him, the cave itself was dripping wet, like until recently it had been full of water. Not good for his hopes of the tide being high. And now he had nothing better to do than to lay down and hopefully sleep off his injuries. He rolled his coat into a gross, wet ball and lay down with his head resting on it.

There was movement in the water. Sans's eyes snapped open to see a skull sticking most of the way out of the pool, heading his way. The other monster paused when they noticed him staring at them.

"AH, YOU'RE FINALLY AWAKE. EXCELLENT, I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU." The rest of their skull was out of the water now, giving Sans a clear view of the scars running up from one eye and down from the other until it met their fangs, bright red pips glaring at him from otherwise vacant eye sockets.

"yeah?" Sans sat up, not taking his eyes off this new monster. "i got a fewa my own."

"A MUTUAL EXCHANGE OF INFORMATION IS ACCEPTABLE, THOUGH I WOULD EXPECT SAVING YOUR LIFE TO BE WORTH AT LEAST A FEW FREE QUESTIONS." They started moving forward again until they were only a yard away from the waterline, then stopped and lifted themself up on their arms, showing off their bare clavicles and the first few ribs, a strap over one shoulder that looked like it led to something hanging from their other side.

"that's one o' the things i wanted t' ask 'bout, what happened? how'd i get here? where even is here?"

The other tilted their head, "ALL REASONABLE QUESTIONS, I SUPPOSE. VERY WELL, I WILL EXPLAIN THE SITUATION, BUT I EXPECT YOU TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS ONCE ALL YOURS ARE SATISFIED."

"yeah, sure, s'long as they ain't too personal."

"I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR PERSONAL HISTORY EXCEPT AS IT PERTAINS TO MONSTERKIND AS A WHOLE." They started to drag themself further up the little beach. That was… well… weird. Why didn't they just stand up and walk? And why did they have ecto-flesh all down their back? With a little fin on top and everything? Wait, where were their legs?

"holy shit, yer a mermaid?"

The sea monster snorted, "I'M HARDLY A MAID OF ANY KIND." They kept crawling up the beach.

"i didn't think you guys were even real!"

"MOST SEA MONSTERS PREFER TO LIVE DOWN IN THE SEA. WHERE WE BELONG." They leveled Sans with a judgmental glare, then rolled so they were sitting with their tail out in front of them, pulling the pale limb into a loop around them. "NOT LIKE YOU LAND MONSTERS AND YOUR BOATS. ONLY YOU LOT COULD BE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO TRAVEL ACROSS ROUGH SEAS WITH NO WAY TO SAVE YOURSELVES IF THE WORST SHOULD HAPPEN. WHICH, IN THIS CASE, IT DID."

"yeah? well fuck ya too, ya don't know shit 'bout me."

"NOR DO I CARE TO. THERE WAS A STORM, YOU WERE CAUGHT IN IT, YOUR SHIP SANK, AND I DO BELIEVE ALL YOUR FRIENDS DROWNED."

"don't call those idiots my friends, i wasn't nothin' but a passenger on that ship. the only reason t' mourn their deaths is their exp went t' waste."

"AS FASCINATING AS IT IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS," the other commented dryly. "BE THAT AS IT MAY, YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE NOT ALREADY TURNING TO DUST WHEN I FOUND YOU, I DECIDED TO BRING YOU HERE AND MAKE THIS PLACE SUITABLE FOR YOU TO LIVE IN BECAUSE I HAVE USE OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE."

"you what?"

"I FILLED THIS CAVERN WITH AIR, NOT THAT YOU SEEMED TO ENTIRELY NEED IT. I SIMPLY DEEMED THIS WOULD MAKE COMMUNICATING SIMPLER, I ALSO DIDN'T WANT TO RISK THAT YOU WERE TAKING LONGER TO DROWN, WHAT WITH NOT HAVING LUNGS."

"i'm trapped at the bottom of the ocean?!"

"A GROSS GENERALIZATION, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH."

"holy fuck! ya can't jus' do that t' a guy!"

"AND WHO IS TO STOP ME?"

Sans opened his mouth to yell at the other, but no words came out. Who was to stop him? Obviously not Sans, but then who else could or would even want to even if they knew? He slumped over, staring at the sand sticking to the sea monster's bone white flesh. "ya uh… ya said ya want info?" Sans wasn't sure he would know anything the sea monster wanted, but it was best to keep on their good side, right?

"INDEED." The sea monster started digging through the bag hanging across their body. They pulled out a badly bent fork and held it up to Sans. "I HAVE BEEN COLLECTING LAND MONSTER PARAPHERNALIA FOR YEARS, BUT WITHOUT A LAND MONSTER TO CONSULT I FIND THE USES FOR MOST OF THESE ITEMS ELUDE ME."

Sans couldn't help laughing at that. It hurt his aching skull, but he just kept on laughing, collapsed onto his soggy coat and pounding the sand. Of course, this crazy sea monster rescued the only survivor of a ship wreck for information so basic they could be sure pretty much any land monster would be able to tell them what they wanted to know.

"I'M NOT JOKING! I TOLD YOU WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW AND I DEMAND YOU HOLD UP YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN AND START TELLING ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!"

"a'ight, a'ight, give a guy a second." He trailed off into a few chuckles. "but ya gotta admit, this whole situation's pretty fuckin' hilarious."

"I MUST AND WILL ADMIT NO SUCH THING."

"i think it's hilarious."

"CLEARLY."

Sans did his best to calm down, taking deep breaths to settle his agitated mana. Though if what this sea monster said were true he didn't really need to breathe, did he? Sans wasn't about to test that. Besides, he was pretty sure he still needed breath to talk at least. As he took the calming breaths the other monster laid down the fork between them and started a spell of some kind. A glowing, red, see-through rectangle formed between his hands, then a whole bunch of tiny bullets in all kinds of shapes were summoned next to it. Weird, but there wasn't any actual intent in the bullets so it was whatever. Sans took one last deep breath.

"okay, so that's called a fork and it's for eatin'."

"YOU… EAT THESE?" The sea monster asked incredulously.

"nah, we use 'em t' eat with. it's uh… a tool."

"A TOOL FOR EATING?" They weren't looking at Sans or the fork, instead their attention seemed focused on their spell as several bullets hit it, leaving dark red non-see-through impressions of themselves behind.

"yeah, usually from a plate. those're round, flat… things. made of wood or metal or china… usually."

The sea monster went digging through their bag and held up about half a tiny plate, the kind usually sat under tea cups for whatever reason.

"kinda, yeah. that one's china, but it's not a plate for eatin', the kind i'm talkin' 'bout are usually a little bigger." He used his hands to motion about how big a plate usually was.

"YOU HAVE DIFFERENT KINDS OF THE SAME THING?"

"'course, sometimes size is everythin'." Sans winked, though the other didn't seem to get the joke.

"AND HOW DO YOU USE A FORK TO EAT WITH THESE?"

"okay so… uh… might be easier just t' show ya." He turned and pulled apart his soggy coat ball, fumbling around until he found the pockets. The first one had a cool looking pebble he'd picked up on his way to the docks, a stained handkerchief, and a button. He dropped the junk on the sand, then went fumbling for the other pocket. A few gold coins and a waterlogged piece of jerky. Jackpot! He grabbed the plate and dropped the bit of jerky on it, then picked up the fork. "okay, so normally monsters sit at a table an' don't hold a plate but whatever."

The other monster mumbled something about a table, but Sans didn't really hear it and it didn't really matter.

"ya use a fork t' get the food from the plate t' yer mouth." He stabbed the jerky with the fork, the neck and one of the prongs being bent badly didn't help, but he managed to get it firmly on there long enough to get the fork to his mouth. It tasted awful, but he also just realized how hungry he was and this was the only food he had.

"WHY NOT JUST USE YOUR FINGERS?"

"i ask m'self the same thing every day, but i ain't the type t' care 'bout manners t' begin with."

"WHAT ON EARTH DO MANNERS HAVE TO DO WITH EATING?"

Sans sighed to himself, this was going to be a long… day? Week? Something.

Sans lounged on the sand, leaning against the rock wall with his wadded up clothes acting as cushions. They were… well not dry. As dry as they were probably going to get inside this damp cave half full of water. He hadn't bothered putting them back on, between still being damp and also crusted over with salt and sand he just really didn't feel like it. Plus it wasn't like there was anything he needed to protect his bones from down here so there really wasn't a point.

He whistled to himself, foot jiggling restlessly. When the sea monster surfaced Sans bolted upright and watched as the other crawled onto the cramped shore. He pulled a few sea creatures from his bag and tossed them to Sans, who shuddered but quickly snatched up the closest one and started tearing it apart, shoving the edible bits of flesh into his mouth with his bare phalanges.

"WOULD A FORK BE USEFUL?" The sea monster asked in amusement.

"nah, but a knife shore wou'd."

"A PITY I HAVEN'T ONE, THEN."

Sans ignored the sarcasm in favor of concentrating on what would probably be his only meal of the day. And he'd had to negotiate that from this uppity monster! Like he could keep answering questions if he fucking starved to death! Or maybe the other thought he could get all the answers he wanted before that happened, but Sans wasn't going to let him try.

"so, what's yer name?"

"I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT PERSONAL INFORMATION WAS IRRELEVANT."

"yeah, but i gotta call ya somethin' an' i get the feelin' you'd take offense t' "asshole that thinks food is irrelevant to a trade of information."" After one last inspection of the first fish, he tossed the rest into the still water, then contemplated how long he had before the crab and second fish started to go bad. He could probably wait a little while, turn it into an early dinner. It'd be better if the other brought him live food, but then again there was always the chance of it escaping. "or i could jus' call ya "sweetheart," called damn near everyone else that already."

"IF YOU MUST CALL ME SOMETHING THEN I WOULD PREFER YOU CALL ME GASTER."

"cool, an' i'm sans." He held out a hand, pity he didn't have a tack or some fish guts to hide in it. Wait, he'd just had that second one. Damnit!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Gaster leaned back, like he was afraid there were fish guts hidden in Sans's hand.

"it's a land monster thing, called a "handshake" an' we do it when meetin' new people or makin' agreements. ya just take m'hand an' we shake a couple times." He wiggled his phalanges, "didn'tcha wanna learn more 'bout our culture an' shit?"

"I SUPPOSE IT COULD GIVE CONTEXT TO SOMETHING OR OTHER." He reluctantly reached out with his right hand.

"other hand, gotta be the same hand or this don't work."

Gaster huffed and rolled his eye lights, then reached out the correct hand and held it out to Sans. He decided to be merciful and took over the handshake, giving the other two firm shakes before letting go. "so, what'd ya bring me today?"

"I WANT YOU TO EXPLAIN THIS," Gaster said eagerly as he dug around in the bag. He pulled out part of a painting, the edges ragged and flaking off bits of peeling paint. After laying it between them he started up his note taking spell.

"okay, so we got this thing called paint that's a thick liquid in lotsa different colors…"

"I'M AWARE OF THAT, I'M NOT COMPLETELY IGNORANT!" He scowled at Sans.

"hey, i don't know what you know. after that fiasco with the fan i'm just assumin' ya ain't seen anything that wasn't already at the bottom of the ocean."

"WHICH IS NOT A TERRIBLE ASSUMPTION, BUT IS STILL UNTRUE. WHAT I WANT YOU TO EXPLAIN IS WHAT THIS ILLUSTRATES."

"oh." Sans squinted down at the painting, he thinks it looks like a burning candle. "ya want me t' tell ya about fire?"

"I'VE HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE, IT SOUNDS VERY INTERESTING."

Sans ran a hand down his face, where did you even start on something like fire with someone that's spent his whole life under water? "okay so uh… jeez… um… it's really hot and bright…"

Sans was building a sandcastle. He was slowly trying to shape it with his bare phalanges, leaving imprints of his bones all up and down the sagging sides, sand sticking to his hands. He didn't have much choice, he didn't have any tools. Oh there were a few pebbles and shells laying around, but those would be used for decoration, they weren't useful for the building part. He grabbed another handful of sand and plopped it on top of one of the corners. It was the third castle he'd started and was the first to actually start looking castle shaped.

"WHAT AN INTERESTING STRUCTURE YOU'RE BUILDING."

Sans flinched, he hadn't even heard Gaster arrive. Then he huffed and flopped onto the sand with a groan. His sand castle collapsed, but that was okay, he'd just build another later. "i'm booooooooooored."

"THEN FIND SOMETHING TO DO."

"whaddya think that was? it was somethin' t' do, jus' 'bout the only thing i can do down here. i'm goin' stir crazy! jus' the same thing every day, no where t' go, no one t' see, nothin' t' do… the only company i got is you!"

"I'M EXCELLENT COMPANY," Gaster said defensively.

Sans snorted, that reminded him far too much of that spoiled brat, but Sans didn't want to think about him right now. Or ever, really. "yeah, sure, the best company. but yer barely here. i'm goin' outta my skull with boredom! can't ya… i dunno… bring a friend once in a while or somethin' t' do or make the place bigger or… somethin'?"

"AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D BE ASKING ME TO LET YOU GO."

Sans paused at that, then rolled over to fully face Gaster. "wou'd ya?"

"I HONESTLY DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO BOTHER STAYING HERE. YOU CLEARLY SURVIVED THE TRIP DOWN WITH NO ILL EFFECTS, I ASSUMED YOU WOULD SIMPLY LEAVE ON YOUR OWN."

"yeah, okay, almost reasonable," Sans sat up and started counting off points on his phalanges as he glared at Gaster, "except fer one i was unconscious when ya brought me down, fer all i know it'll happen again when i'm under fer too long. fer another i ain't got a clue which way t' go even if i can go underwater an' stay 'wake, or fer how long i could stay 'wake if i did. an' even if i got outta this cave and managed to crawl up t' land i can't guarantee i'll find food or shelter or a passin' ship. that's a whole lotta don't know out there an' well… ya ain't bad company an' ya do bring me food. s'not so bad." Sans threw in a shrug as he trailed off, no longer looking in Gaster's direction.

"WELL… THAT'S… CERTAINLY A LOT TO CONSIDER. I JUST HADN'T EVER PLANNED ON THIS BEING A LONG TERM ARRANGEMENT, MOST MONSTERS HAVE LIVES THEY'D DEMAND TO RETURN TO SOONER OR LATER."

"i s'ppose most do, but i was runnin' from my life gettin' on that ship. bein' down here ain't any worse than where i was tryin' t' run to an' a whole lot better'n where i was runnin' from. well, aside from the space. the place i was headin' to is known fer bein' wide open, plentya space. ya can travel fer days without seein' any other monsters."

"IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED, TO GO BE AWAY FROM OTHER MONSTERS?"

"not really. not like i want to be 'round a buncha monsters, i just wanted t' find someplace with a few monsters an' just… make a new life i guess. an' hey, yer a monster, yer good company. it's just this tiny cave i can't stand."

"I SHALL LOOK INTO IT THEN." Gaster pulled a few fish from his bag and handed them over to Sans, then went back and dug out a badly mangled hand crank egg beater. "WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS CONTRAPTION?"

Sans was carefully crafting one of the towers on his latest sandcastle, he had a few fish bones he'd save to top the towers with, a crab shell for the drawbridge, some pretty pebbles he hadn't quite decided what to do with yet, and enough sea shells to use for all the windows. The walls were all straight and even, the towers were nicely rounded, and he was fairly certain he'd gotten the hang of texturing the sand for the rooves. Oh shit! The sand was getting dry again. Sans quickly dipped his phalanges in the water and carefully flicked it where the sand was just starting to get a little crumbly.

"YOU'VE GOTTEN QUITE GOOD AT THAT."

"thanks," Sans grunted. It was turning out pretty good, he'd had way too much practice.

A dead fish landed on the sand just next to his creation. Sans leveled a glare at Gaster, if he ruined all of Sans's hard work he was going to slap the fish tailed bastard. But he hadn't, and Sans was hungry. Again. He flicked some more water over the whole thing, picked up the fish, and then sauntered over to sit himself down next to Gaster in the shallow water.

"so, what'd ya bring me today?" he asked as he started tearing apart the fish.

"NOTHING, I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE PLANNED THAT I THINK YOU'LL BE PLEASED WITH."

"unless it's t' spruce this place up or maybe someone new t' talk t' i don't see how."

"PERHAPS I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU DOWN HERE TO ROT FOR THE REST OF TIME IF NOTHING I CAN DO WOULD SATISFY YOU."

"guess i'll have t' jus' suck it up an' try crawlin' outta here." He shrugged carelessly before going back to eating his fish.

"JUST HURRY UP, WE HAVE A LONG JOURNEY AHEAD OF US."

"wha… really?" Sans looked up at Gaster hopefully. "yer takin' me outta here?"

"YES, IT TOOK QUITE A WHILE TO FIND A PLACE TO SUIT BOTH OUR NEEDS, BUT IT HAS BEEN FOUND."

"then what're we waitin' fer?" Sans tossed his mostly eaten fish and stood up, unsure what to do. "do i gotta wade int' the water? whaddya need me t' do?"

"PERHAPS YOU SHOULD PUT BACK ON YOUR PROTECTIVE GARMENTS."

"fuck, yer right!" He grinned widely as he scrambled to his pile of clothes. He wasn't just getting moved to a bigger cave, he was going up. To the surface! To see the sun and sky again! There'd be things like sunburns and windstorms to worry about again! Sans couldn't wait, he missed weather. He didn't cringe at all about putting on his crusty, damp shirt, pants, shoes, and coat. He quickly shoved the few belongings he'd brought with him into his pockets, followed quickly by his favorite pebbles and shells. As ready as he'd ever be, Sans turned back to find Gaster had already gotten back in the water and was waiting in the middle of the pool. Sans knew from earlier experiments that it was towards the deeper end, the water would be up to his scapula. Gaster beckoned him closer.

"I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH GOOD OR EVEN HOW NECESSARY HOLDING YOUR BREATH WILL BE, BUT IT SEEMS BEST TO TRY."

"yeah, sure, i'll try." Sans waded into the water, slowing as it got deeper and deeper around him. He stepped up to Gaster and looped his arms around the sea monster's neck as Gaster wrapped his own arms around Sans. He took a deep breath. Before he had a chance to let it back out or do something stupid like change his mind, Gaster tipped them both into the water and started swimming. Sans squeezed his eye sockets shut and pressed his face into the crook of Gaster's shoulder. Being underwater like this was weird, the motion of Gaster swimming was weird, the way his not-lungs burned and felt like they were getting fuller and fuller was weird. A little scary even. Would his ribs burst? Would whatever magic was acting as lungs burst? Would it hurt? Would it kill him? Maybe he should let the breath out, surely if he could survive getting taken down he'd be fine on the way back up. He opened his mouth and let his breath out. And out. And out… a stream of bubbles he felt bubble up and get pulled away in the current of Gaster swimming.

Then they broke the surface. Sans coughed out the rest of his breath before gasping in the first taste of fresh air he'd had in… stars! He wasn't even sure. Weeks! Possibly months! Almost definitely months. Probably.

"HERE WE ARE."

Oh right, Sans should probably open his eye sockets. He did, looking up to see a dim, gray sky overhead, a few birds wheeling around and calling to each other with harsh voices.

"THE WATER IS SHALLOW ENOUGH FOR YOU TO STAND," Gaster said with amusement in his voice.

Sans looked around, seeing nothing but ocean, then he turned in Gaster's arms and looked the same direction Gaster was facing. Waves lapping at a sandy beach that led up to thick vegetation, craggy rocks off to the side. He gave a sharp laugh then let go, slipping into the water and dunking his skull briefly before finding his feet and stumbling up the beach. Then he was past the water and standing on dry sand. Actually dry! Not that perpetually damp sand that had been in the humid cave. And plants! Goddamn he might actually find something besides raw fish to eat! He could… he could gather wood and make a fire! Eat hot food! He laughed again, long and loud this time. This was the best!

"I TAKE IT YOU APPROVE?"

"this's the best! are there any magic plants on here? or eggs! if there're birds there're prolly nests here somewhere. think i can get a fire going?"

"I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT ANY OF THAT, BUT YOU CAN CERTAINLY TELL ME WHAT YOU FIND WHEN I COME BACK TOMORROW. THIS IS CERTAINLY WORTH QUITE A FEW FREE QUESTIONS."

"huh? yer comin' back?"

"OF COURSE, THERE ARE ALWAYS NEW CURIOSITIES FROM LAND MONSTERS AND YOU'VE PROVEN TO BE A TRUSTWORTHY SOURCE OF INFORMATION."

"uh… yeah… sure…" Sans scratched at his mandible a little guiltily. There were a few times he'd been sarcastic or purposefully misleading, especially the last couple weeks, but overall he had been truthful and even thorough in his explanations. Anything to keep his only company around longer. He turned to fully face Gaster, grinning widely at him. "thanks."

"YOU'RE WELCOME." Was that a hint of blush on Gaster's cheekbones? "AS I SAID, I EXPECT QUITE A FEW FREE ANSWERS AS PAYMENT FOR THIS."

Sans laughed, "sure, i can prolly feed myself jus' fine." Hopefully. He'd never had to fend for himself before, not out in the wild anyway. But he was good at surviving.

Sans relaxed on the sun warmed beach of his private island. He liked calling it that, even if it was tiny and there was no one else around to challenge his claim. No other land monsters seemed to even know it existed, Sans hadn't seen a single ship since arriving. That was fine, Gaster knew where it was, and he'd even made a few friends with other nearby sea monsters when their curiosity outweighed their caution. Life up here was good, easy even. Sans had managed to not just build himself a little shelter but he'd even gotten a fire going. A magic fire that turned everything cooked on it into monster food, thank fuck. And Gaster even still brought him a catch every day to barter for more answers. Though lately he seemed to be bringing more and more despite not asking extra questions.

Speaking of, Gaster was dragging himself up the beach. Sans picked up the little sack he'd managed to cobble together (it had a little surprise Sans wanted to share with Gaster inside it: the first monster fruit he'd found, he's pretty sure his presence on the island is changing it), and ambled over to Gaster. He plopped himself down in the shallow water, the waves riding as high as his lowest ribs before pulling down to just over his sacrum. "hey, 'dings."

"HELLO, SANS. YOU SEEM IN GOOD SPIRITS TODAY."

"sure, the weather's holdin' out real nice. an' i got a surprise fer ya!" He held up his sack with a grin.

"MORE OF YOUR SO CALLED MONSTER FOOD?" Gaster smiled indulgently, but Sans remembered the look on his face when he'd first tried Sans's cooking.

"yeah, only this's all natural. found a saplin' puttin' out crab apples, just a couple an' they're tiny but in a year or two… who knows?" He pulled out the apples and offered them to Gaster.

He looked skeptical, but took one and bit into it. "HMMM… INTERESTING."

"ya ain't tried one in a pie." Not that Sans had the means to make a pie, but maybe he'd figure it out some day.

Gaster made a noncommittal sound and took another bite.

Sans leaned back on his arms and looked up at the sky. "so, whatcha bring up t' ask 'bout today?"

"I WAS HOPING FOR MORE CULTURAL INFORMATION TODAY."

Sans raised a brow as he turned to fully face Gaster, it was unusual to frame his requests as anything other than demands. He also just noticed that Gaster didn't have his bag with him. Damn, he'd been hoping for more clams. "sure, what kinda cultural info?"

"TELL ME ABOUT LAND MONSTER COURTING RITUALS."

"courting rituals? like," Sans tilted his head as he tried to figure out what Gaster meant, "kings an' goin' t' court an' uh… what's the word… hierarchy?"

"NO, I MEANT UH… HOW DO LAND MONSTERS GO ABOUT WOOING POTENTIAL SPOUSES."

"oh. uh… okay…" Weird, Gaster wasn't usually one to ask about "interpersonal interactions" so directly. "so there are a few ways but it largely depends on whether they're high class 'nough fer a 'rranged marriage or not." He took a deep breath, getting ready to start on a long winded explanation.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU?"

"me?"

"YES, YOU DON'T PROJECT THE AURA OF A HIGH CLASS MONSTER. HOW DO I… HOW WOULD A COMMONER GO ABOUT WOOING ANOTHER MONSTER?"

"uh…" Oh shit, is what Sans thinks is happening actually happening right now? "i mean, if it was me i'd just want 'im t' ask. no point beatin' 'round the bush, ya know? what uh… what do sea monsters do?"

Gaster grabbed onto Sans's ribs, pushing them both down into the shallow waves and wet sand. Gaster was laying on top of Sans, a frantic look in his eye sockets. "SANS, I WANT YOU TO BE MINE."

Sans couldn't help blushing. "okay."

"THAT'S IT?"

"well uh… yeah? what else 'm i s'pposed t' say? i'm already practically yer pet, an' i like ya too, have fer a while, an' uh… yeah." He felt his face grow warmer and warmer as he spoke.

"I SUPPOSE I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN TO EXPECT ANYTHING MORE ROMANTIC."

"romance is fer poets an' them hoity toity high class monsters. though with the way ya talk…" Sans squinted at Gaster, "ya ain't royalty, are ya?"

"CERTAINLY NOT. AND EVEN IF I WAS THAT HARDLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE DOWN IN THE OCEAN. LAND MONSTERS SEEM TO WORRY FAR MORE ABOUT FAMILY LINEAGES AND WHAT SOME ANCESTOR THAT DIED BEFORE THEY WERE BORN DID. SEA MONSTERS CARE MORE ABOUT WHAT WE CAN DO NOW."

"guess that means i'm still just some nobody schlub, i don't do shit."

Gaster leaned back a little bit to look down into Sans's eye sockets, a finger tracing down his mandible. "YOU MAKE ME HAPPY."

Sans wrapped his arms around Gaster and pulled him down into a chaste kiss. "you make me happy too, sweetheart."