Her favorite was pink.
Tulips, that is. she liked the pansies and the roses, too, but her favorite was pink tulips. you remember her saying that when you guys were eight, the second week you started bringing her flowers.
"Britt, i love the lilies, but my favorite is definitely the tulips."
"Oh, which color San? i like the yellow ones, because they look like the ducks at the pond."
" Oh I love the pink ones. they just look like they're happy"
You kept her preference in mind. You switched up the flower choices, but every 16th day of the month you gave her a pink tulip. 16 was always her lucky number, so you wanted to give her an extra special day. She always looked forward to that day, and so did you. You liked to see the extra light in her smile when she saw them, because her happiness made you happy. It always did. So, you brought her a flower every day. You never missed a day, even when things were rough. Even on that horrible day when you didn't want to break Artie's heart just yet so you hurt her, you left a Daffodil on her doorstep and prayed she'd forgive you and it would be okay. and she did. and it was more then okay, it was the best time of your life when you guys were finally together.
But then their came that day during senior year. the day was supposed to be special, because it was finally warm outside and the winter was ending. And it was a 16th day, so it was gonna be happy. March 16th turned out to be special, but not how you imagined it.
You remember walking into school that day, with a pink tulip in your backpack for later. You glanced both ways down the hallway with your ponytail doing a little swish behind you, looking for her. You were confused, because she hadn't sent you a text earlier. But you shrugged it off, and walked towards history where you would see her since she sits next to you.
She didn't sit next to her.
By lunch, you were worried. You were very confused now because you knew she would want her pink tulip since today was March 16th. You'd give it to her in Glee club, you decided, and you relaxed a bit. But you still didn't eat much while hearing Sugar rant about Rory's stupid Ireland.
Once you got to Glee and took a seat next to Quinn and Kurt, you were seriously worried. You couldn't focus on much except where was San since you had to see her and give her her Tulip and hug her. When Figgins walked in, you didn't miss the look of pain, pity and sadness on his face. you decided to listen to him because it might be important, but your brain shuts down during his speech and all you catch are a couple of words like quick, crash, painless, sorry, and funeral. and you look around, and your suddenly so angry. Why is Figgins telling these lies? and then you turn to Kurt and ask him why Figgins is so mean. and kurt just hugs you for awhile and doesn't respond.
Your stomach is starting to hurt and you feel like you might have to throw up but you know it's all okay. San said she wouldn't ever leave, and she never breaks her promises. She'll come soon and throw her arms around you from the back and then you'll give her her pink tulip. But then Rachel starts talking and you hear her name and yours and you wonder for a second where San is, because she wouldn't play a joke like this on you. and then people are looking at you and crying and talking to you but you wouldn't believe any of them because they have lied to you in the past. Your eyes search for Quinn's, because she understands you since she's in the Unholy Trinity, and you find them. Her eyes are filled with so much pain that you know they aren't lying. You wonder when you got underwater because your lungs suddenly hurt since your drowning and you start making these choking sounds but you can't breathe. people hug you but you don't know who since they don't matter because their arms aren't hers. They'll never be hers again.
The rest is a blur. you remember flashes of it: Quinn getting you into a black dress, Puck sobbing during the funeral, your speech where you just said how much you loved her, and then the finality of the casket being lowered. that was it.
you constantly feel like your drowning now.
she never did get her pink tulip that day. that still remains as the only day you missed. you still bring the flowers to her, and you know she appreciates them. you still talk to her, and sometimes on good days you can imagine what she would say back. sometimes you talk about your dance studio, or sometimes you talk about memories. you sometimes just talk about how much you miss her. every saturday the graveyard people clear the graves, so she gets to have a fresh place every Sunday for your new flower. and every sixteenth of the month, you bring her her pink tulip.
because those have always been her favorite.