As we all prepare our souls for Sunday's finale, here's some Captain Swan to get us through the rest of the week. Enjoy! As always, reviews and feedback are much appreciated. Enjoy!
Home is the place, when you leave, you just miss it.
She never really bought what Neal was saying to her all those years ago, because how can you miss a place? Perhaps, she never understood what he meant because she's never really settled down. For so long, life consisted of moving around so many places, sometimes having to leave on such short notice, because life happens and things don't work out. No time to even have a chance to say goodbye.
But now, she thinks, she finally understands what he means. She never expected Storybrooke to become her home, but it has. She likes having her own routine there. And as much as she complains that it's too small and everyone knows everyone else's business, she finds it a little heartening. She likes catching up with Granny in the morning when she picks up her coffee. She even finds it enjoyable to tease Leroy and rile him up to bring out his dramatics.
Since the Jolly's return to Storybrooke, she's slept over there more nights than at the loft. Never having been inside the Captain's quarters on their journey to Neverland, she actually was surprised to find the bed to be as big or as comfy as it was. Only the best for the Captain, Killian would say to her as he made his way to join her in bed.
As she lay awake staring at the ceiling of the hotel room in New York, she found that she couldn't find sleep, no matter how tired she was. With her head spinning from the events of the day, she hoped to find some reprieve from her thoughts through sleep. But, she just could not get comfortable-the sheets felt too stiff, the room felt too hot, the bustling sounds of New York seemed too loud, and everything just felt wrong.
Surprising to her, she now found that she had trouble falling asleep if Killian wasn't sleeping next to her. The nights she would sleep at the loft with Henry, she found that she would toss and turn, her body seeking out the warmth that it was accustomed to. She missed hearing his leveled breaths as he slept, or even the little snores that he would make when he was especially tired. She reveled in the fact that this usually happened after a night of pillaging and plundering.
It seemed too quiet back at the loft, surprising since her brother was turning out to be more of a night owl than either of her parents would like. But in the Jolly, she found it relaxing to listen to the calm sounds of the ocean, the light breeze that would sweep over the ship, making the wooden planks softly moan. She found it endearing that she had her own side of the bed, that no matter how late she got back to the ship, her side was always waiting there for her.
At night as they got ready for bed, she found it relaxing and a bit romantic that the quarters were lit by candlelight. She would leap into the bed, and wait for Killian as he blew out the candles on his way to join her. He would hold her in his arms as they lay on their sides, whispering to her his fears, his hopes, stories of his past, stories of what he hoped to be his future. In return, she would open her heart to him in a way that she never had with anyone before. Some nights, she would be in a playful mood, and she would smother his face and neck in kisses, as he hummed in complete bliss. And other nights when doubt and sadness clouded her mind, he would gently pull her to lay on top of him as he ran his fingers through her hair and down her back, humming quietly some sea-faring tune, lulling her to sleep.
She had never wished for Killian to be her with her, by her side, as much as she did today. She knew that if they were back in Storybrooke, as they lay in bed, she would snuggle up to his side, and tell him how scared she was- how close she felt she was to giving into the darkness. She would cry for the two young girls of her childhood, who couldn't even fathom how intertwined their lives were and would be. Who were so hurt and bitter at this cruel world, at the hand that fate dealt them. She would tell him how terrified she feels to bring Lily back to Storybrooke. How she couldn't shake off the feeling that Lily would do something that would cause her to lose her family, including him. She would confess how as she held the gun in her hands today, the voice she could hear inside her head was his- every moment of his past he shared with her, every gesture of understanding and patience he bestowed on her, every time he showered her with love, even when she herself could not see it. His voice grew louder as she remembered each of these things, to the point where it all enclosed on her, and she found the strength to put down the gun. He had told her before she left to use whatever it took to stay on her path and not give into the darkness. What he didn't realize was that as much as she was key in keeping him on his path, he was as much hers. Reaching to the nightstand, she grabbed her phone, and typed out a quick message to him.
I miss the Jolly.
He quickly replied back to her. The Jolly misses you too love.
She can imagine him saying that. His crooked grin, the gentle tilt of his head in her direction, the playful tone to his voice- all things only she was witness to. It's then that she realizes that his pang in her chest, this unsettling feeling at the pit of her stomach- she misses him. She misses her little nightly routine in the Jolly with him. The Jolly Roger is not just a ship, it's her home. It's his home that he's shared with her. It's their home. She quickly types out one last message.
Can't wait to be back at home. With you.
It's true- while she will be glad to be back in Storybrooke; what she's really longing for is to be back with her son, and even her parents. To be back to her routine, back to Granny's grilled cheeses, and Leroy's tantrums. But especially back to him, in their home. He's a major part of what makes Storybrooke home now.
Her phone buzzes with his response.
Close your eyes, and think of me, for I will be doing the same. Eagerly awaiting your return home, my love.
She snuggles into her pillow, with a smile on her face because of his message (and because she always smiles when he calls her love, whether she wants to admit it or not).
Home is the place that when you leave, you just miss it. Tomorrow, she's heading back home.