Author's Note: This plot bunny wouldn't leave me be until I wrote it down! I hope you all enjoy it!
What started out an average day for Diana Reid would not prove to remain so. As she ate her breakfast in the cafeteria at the Bennington Sanitarium, she got the sensation that something was very wrong. Not in the usual paranoid way that came with her schizophrenia, but in a very instinctual way. It was off putting, but not enough to derail her from her morning routine. She showered and dressed, but felt the sensation grow stronger. She feared that something was wrong with her son, but when she called him in a panic he reassured her that he was perfectly fine. So what was it? What else could have happened? She tried to push the feeling aside as she wrote in her journal. She was so engrossed in her writing that she didn't notice an orderly coming toward her.
"Diana, you have a phone call."
Her head shot up. Who would be calling her here? She checked her watch. Spencer would be at work by now. She followed the orderly to the phone and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Is this Diana Reid?"
"Yes."
"Mrs. Reid, my name is Ellen Baxter and I work at Valley Hospital Medical Center. I'm very sorry to tell you that your husband William has passed away."
Diana felt her eyes grow wide and mouth go dry. "W-What?" She could feel the nurses watching her like a hawk. "H-How?"
"He had a heart attack early this morning. By the time the paramedics arrived there was nothing they could do. I'm very sorry for your loss."
"Thank you." It was an automatic response- one devoid of all emotion. She hung up the phone and sat down on a nearby chair, completely in shock. The nurses exchanged worried glances, but didn't move toward her yet.
Diana felt a whirlpool of emotion take hold of her as she tried to grasp the news. Her husband was dead. She supposed he had already been dead to her for years, but somehow this was different. It was final. Although she'd never admit it to anyone, there was a part of her hidden deep inside that had been hoping he'd come back. Even after all that time, she realized that a part of her was still in love with him. To that part of her heart, this was a devastating blow from which she thought she'd never recover.
Numbly, she made her way to her room and shut the door. Her feelings were taking over fast. She felt her chest clench up in the strangest way- like someone was trying to knock all of the air from her lungs. Her eyes pricked with tears, but she kept them at bay as she went to sit on her bed. She knew that now was not the time to be standing. She thought she might faint. For once, she prayed that this was a terrible hallucination. That it was all her mind's doing, and that she would come to and find that none of it had really happened. She pulled her knees up to her chest and started to sob, the once restrained tears now flowing freely as the realization that the only man who ever loved her enough to look past her disease and find out who she really was was gone hit. The pain was crippling. It was like someone had punched a hole in her chest.
She got up and went over to her bookshelf where she kept her photo album. She opened it in her lap and flipped through pictures of her life- from her engagement to William to their wedding, to the birth of their son. She froze as she looked at the last family portrait that had been taken before William left. They looked so happy. Like a real family. Her eyes rested on her son.
Spencer.
What would he do with this information? Would he mourn the loss of his father at all? Would he even care? Diana tried not to think about that. She liked to think that she raised her son to be good enough that he could put his anger aside and forgive him. She hoped that she was right. What would she even tell him? The thought was terrifying. But for now, she was paralyzed by her grief.
She didn't come out of her room for lunch. She didn't speak when someone spoke to her. She didn't come to dinner. She didn't take her medication. She only sobbed.
The nurses couldn't ignore her behavior any longer and notified Doctor Norman, who called her son. Spencer was in the middle of a case when he got the call.
"Hello?"
"Dr. Reid, this is Dr. Norman at the Bennington Sanitarium."
Black terror rose up in Spencer's mind. "Is something wrong?"
"Your mother won't eat or take her medication. She got a call this morning and hasn't stopped crying ever since. We can't get her to tell us what's wrong. Is there any way you could come here or at least get her to tell us what the matter is?"
Spencer's frown deepened. He knew his mother wasn't always rational, but this was extreme even for her. He sorted through a dozen possibilities in his head before he decided that showing up in person was probably the best course of action to take.
"I can be there by tomorrow." He promised.
"Wonderful. Thank you, Dr. Reid. Have a pleasant day."
Spencer hung up. He called Hotch and explained the situation, and was granted permission to leave. He boarded a plane to Las Vegas at eight in the morning, and slept during the flight. When the plane touched down, it was five in the morning in Nevada. Spencer drove to the sanitarium with his heart racing in his chest. He was terrified of what he might find upon his arrival. When he got there a nurse pulled him aside and warned him that she hadn't taken medication, eaten, or slept in at least twenty four hours. He nodded, unsure of what he'd be facing but determined to make his mother well again. As he neared her room, he could hear her sobbing through the walls.
It made him want to rip his ears off so that he wouldn't have to hear the sound that haunted his nightmares. Only two times before had he ever seen his mother cry. The first was when they found out that she was pregnant, but had miscarried the baby. He'd been four at the time and couldn't remember it very well, but the sound remained distinct despite the fuzziness of the memory. The second was right after his father had left. He had gotten up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and had seen her sobbing into her pillow through the door that was left open a crack. He had vowed to himself that he wouldn't let it happen again.
He opened the door to see his mother curled onto her side, clutching a book to her chest with all her might and sobbing, shaking violently as she cried. The sight of it broke his heart. He walked toward her a few steps, before contemplating stepping away. He didn't know if she was lucid. That was the crux of the matter.
Hesitantly, he spoke: "Mom?"
She didn't seem to hear him. He tried again, a little louder. "Mom?"
Diana's eyes snapped open as they fixated on the image of her son. She was gasping for air, but managed to sit up. "Spencer?"
He nodded his head in confirmation.
"What's going on, Mom? What happened?"
Diana took a breath to try and steady herself. The photo album that sat on her lap opened to show her wedding portrait, and another tear escaped her eye to land on William's face. It only served to break her further. But she looked up at the worry in her son's eyes and steeled herself against spiraling further out of control.
"Sit down, Spencer."
He did so, if only to make her more comfortable. He could tell by the look on her face that she was searching for the right words to say. Wisely, he kept his mouth shut.
"I don't know how else to tell you this..." She began, wringing her hands nervously. She looked into his eyes. Brown met blue and for a moment she swore she was looking at her husband. Before she could break, she blurted it out.
"Your father is dead."
He looked at her like she was a stranger. This had to be her illness talking... Right? But it couldn't have been. What else could have torn his mother apart so quickly? She had always seemed invincible, unbreakable, immune to suffering. Now the mask was as see through as cellophane. She was human, just like him. He watched her warily, but now that the dam of silence was broken, there was no stopping the flood of words.
"They called me yesterday morning. He had a heart attack. By the time he got to the hospital it was too late. I keep waiting for someone to wake me up from this hallucination. To tell me this was all a dream. But it hurts too deeply to be a dream. The pain is the only thing that tells me that it isn't in my head. He was real, and now he's gone. I'll never get to hold him in my arms or hear his voice. I'll never get to tell him how much I love him or how much I still needed him even after all this time. You need to know that your father was a good man. Even when he left he still watched over you. He loved you so much- more than he could probably understand- and I don't want you to take that for granted. He didn't leave because he stopped caring about us. He left because we were fighting too much. And I want you to know that no matter what else he's done in his life, I owe him everything because he gave me the most precious gift in the world- he gave me you."
Spencer was stunned at the sincerity of her words. As his mother succumbed to yet another crying fit, he wrapped an arm around her, still not quite comprehending the situation. Seeing her so shaken finally rammed the truth of it home. His father was gone. There would never be a second chance for them. No matter how much he denied it, the little boy inside him still craved his father's approval.
And now he would never have it.
It was the thought that finally smashed his walls down. Before he knew it, he had his head in his mother's lap as he cried quietly. Diana stroked his hair and continued to sob. She wrapped herself protectively around him. Nobody would touch her baby right now. She'd beat them off with a stick if they even tried. She was able to push her own feelings aside for a moment and focused on taking care of her son. He was so vulnerable. It made it easy to forget how old he was and just remember the boy who was still alive on the inside. The boy who still needed a mother's comfort.
After the initial shock and resulting tears subsided, they were finally able to put their emotions aside to try and plan the funeral. Spencer handled most of the planning, and for one day, Diana was allowed out of the sanitarium to bury the man she married on an unusually rainy September afternoon. Many people attended the service, and even though they'd separated, Diana felt the need to write her husband a eulogy. The priest stepped aside and she made her way to the podium, staring at world weary faces who, although familiar, blended into one another, making the crowd faceless as the room went totally silent. Her voice was tremulous and choked with tears as she began speaking.
"William Reid was a good man. He made an honest living out of a hard job, and had solid moral values. We were married over thirty years ago, and despite my illness it was a good marriage. He loved me, supported me, and helped care for me when my mind was gone. He gave me the miracle of life when I became pregnant with our son, and was there to hold my hand when Spencer entered the world.
Although he left our family some time ago, we never officially divorced. Although we certainly could have, we never did. I'm not a particularly religious person, but I firmly believe that we stayed married for a reason that only God may understand. Despite the space between us, I still loved him. I still do. He gave me so much, and I have nothing but respect for him as a person, as a husband, and as a father.
There was a great deal left unsaid between us. Even though we didn't say everything to one another, we always said what we needed to. We only met up once again after he left, and it was in a situation of extreme stress. Yet he never got angry. He was polite, kind, and understanding. That's how I remember him. That's how I want him to be remembered. Because that's the kind of man he was.
Although his time on earth was short, William left his mark on the world. To me, he will always be the charming college boy who offered to buy me a few books and made me fall in love with him. He was an amazing husband and father. Although his body has been used to it's fullest extent, his spirit lives on in the lives of those he touched. And someday, hopefully, I'll be reunited with my husband once more. Thank you all for coming."
With that, she moved to stand beside her son. Near the end of the service, she clutched a single red rose in her hand, and placed it into his coffin. Roses were symbols of love that seemingly lived forever. Even in death they were still beautiful. She hoped it would symbolize her unending love and commitment to him. As they lowered his body into the ground, Spencer squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. It was hard for him, too. They said a few prayers, then most of their party broke off to go to the small reception at the church. Diana and Spencer, however, stayed behind to say a more intimate goodbye.
"Bye, Dad." Spencer whispered, hugging his mother. She kissed the crown of his head before stepping forward.
"Goodbye, my love. I'll be seeing you."
With that, they turned to go to the reception, only to find that the clouds had cleared just enough to let one ray of sunlight through the gray sky to land on mother and son. They grinned, knowing that it meant William watching over them. Even in their darkest hour, he would always find a way to be present in their lives- wether in life or death, his love for them was intangible to distance and time. It would never stop.
His love for his family would live on long after he passed away, and for that, he smiled as he watched over his wife and son from overhead in the sky.