'You've learned, it's okay to be afraid, but it will never be the same'
Michelle sighed as she slunk out of the office at closing time, barely pausing to say goodbye before her shoes hit the cobbled streets and she rushed away from the claustrophobic atmosphere, pulling her coat tighter around herself as she did. She walked aimlessly for a while, knowing the four walls of the flat she shared with her son and partner would provide no comfort today.
She couldn't keep the memories and feelings of the last few days from floating around her mind aimlessly, leaving her feeling as though her head might burst with all the confusion.
She hadn't noticed anyone walking in the opposite direction to her, their head down and hands in their pockets, body slumped with sadness in much the same way Michelle's was. She tutted as both of their bodies collided, causing them both to halt in frustration, both parties ready to fire a stream of annoyed insults at the other. But before either of them spoke, she froze upon realising who was standing in front of her, his eyes red, puffy, sore. Though whether that due to tears or lack of sleep, Michelle didn't know.
"Peter?"
Peter nodded, shuffling his feet against the pavement, "Alright 'Chelle?" He spoke quietly, his voice gruff and forced as he slowly dragged his eyes from the floor, looking at her properly. Michelle sighed sadly, feeling as though she could collapse with grief at any given moment, wondering how she was managing to keep herself together enough to make conversation. She just nodded in response, knowing that neither of them were okay, and that they never would be again. She felt Peter before she heard him, his fingers under her chin and gently lifting her head so she looked at him "About as okay as me then?" He spoke softly and she could already see a few tears in his eyes as they let eachother in for a brief moment.
A while later and they both sat in the cafe, nursing a cold coffee and barely speaking yet neither of them strong enough to face their respective homes, the memories being too overpowering for either of them to contend with.
Michelle was the first to break the silence, her voice so quiet as she fiddled with the polystyrene of her coffee cup. "Steve keeps saying it'll get better, it'll get easier. Over and over, it's like he's stuck on bloody replay. 'Don't worry 'Chelle. You'll be alright, 'Chelle. Give it time, 'Chelle. 'You'll move on, 'Chelle.'" She shook her head, looking up at him, "But I don't want to move on, I don't want to be okay. Not without her, Peter. How are we meant to be okay without her?" She quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, shaking her head, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for what we did..." Peter shook his head before she could continue, "Please don't, Michelle. I have to pretend that didn't happen, for my own sanity if nothing else." He watched her, the memories of betrayal constantly replaying in his tired mind.