A/N: Yeah. Well, I guess this is the result I get when I'm bored. Reviews make BS really happy! :3 AND ROMANIA NEEDS SOME MORE LOVE ANYWAYS! Pairings contained in this chapter: RomBul, SerBul

1. I will not try to kiss Bulgaria just to get his yogurt.

2. He will be traumatised for a long time.

3. For so long that it's not even funny anymore.

4. I will not terrorize Serbia with my country's "Vlad The Impaler" myths.

5. Even though he's an ass and he deserves it.

6. I will not call Hungary "Bella" the next time I see her at a world meeting.

7. Austria will slap me in the face.

8. Whenever someone opens a window, I will not hiss and pretend to burn.

9. Even if I really am burning.

10. I will not sigh sadly at Twilight when Bella doesn't get hit by the truck.

11. I shall imagine it and laugh inwardly.

12. I will not pop out of a coffin on Halloween and scare the living hell out of Liechtenstein.

13. Switzerland would shoot me straight through the head.

14. It's a shame bullets don't work on vampires.

15. I will not put red food colouring in my water at world meetings.

16. America would go paranoid.

17. So would Latvia.

18. And China.

19. I will not be attracted to Bulgaria.

20. He's just my gay friend.

21. I hope.

22. I will not ask Montenegro why his eyes are always closed.

23. Montenegro will go into rage mode and send me to court for being racist.

24. I will not tell Italy that I replaced his pasta sauce with blood.

25. Germany would kill me.

26. And then bring me back from the dead just to kill me again.

27. I will not go hunting with Prussia and eat a raw deer in front of him.

28. But the look on his face would be priceless!

29. After saying goodbye to one of my friends, I will not dramatically jump out their window.

30. I would break my skull and die because I'm not Edward Cullen.

31. Killing Sealand and then sucking all the blood out of him when he steals my hat is unacceptable.

32. Sweden would shove that damn sword of his up my ass for revenge.

33. Ow.

34. I will not sing "Today Is Russia, Tomorrow Is Russia" by Bulgaria in front of Russia.

35. The results would be much to my disliking.

36. Calling Bulgaria "BuBu" or "Garia" is not permitted.

37. Serbia will get jealous of my creativeness.

38. I would end up with a stake in my heart.

39. I will not steal Norway's spellbook of Norwegian curses and cast them on Russia.

40. Or Hungary.

41. Or Austria.

42. Or Serbia.

43. Or Montenegro.

44. I will not go into America's room at night, sit on top of him and stare into his soul while I wait for him to wake up.

45. He would wake up, freak out and kick me in the balls.

46. Then get his baseball bat.

47. And swing a home run with me as the ball.

48. Whenever tourists come to visit my old castle, I will not scare them to death by dangling from the ceiling and hissing.

49. And finally, I, Vladimir Popescu, will never ever wear a cape to a world meeting and speak in a Transylvanian dialect like Dracula, bleh bleh bleh.

50. That would be much to my mother's disgrace, bleh bleh bleh.