Ashley Massaro had become a real bitch since turning on Kofi Kingston at Summerslam 2009. She had left the side of the Jamaican Superstar to serve as valet to someone from her past: The Brian Kendrick. He had become an unbearable, egotistical presence to everyone in the locker room. Everyone in the locker room, except Ashley, who cared for him so deeply that she retooled her own personality to better suit his. She saw something special in The Brian Kendrick, and if she was to be with him, she had to be a heel. Being a heel meant she had to be an outright bitch. She had fought enough bitches during her time with wwe that she was pretty sure she understood what it took to be the bad girl. She began her tainted odyssey during her match against Maria, an old friend who used her microphone time to simply ask Ashley where she had gone wrong. She used to be someone she could trust all her secrets with. Now, Ashley was associating with Brian Kendrick, who only cared about furthering his own career, and stooped to any low to win. Ashley yanked the microphone out of Maria's hands and her body language suddenly became jive and electrified.
"First of all, Maria" began Ashley daubing the air with her index finger while her head bobbed from side to side, "His name isn't Brian Kendrick. His name is THE Brian Kendrick. Are we clear? Second of all, you never knew the real me. The Ashley you knew was a carbon copy, with all the 'yes, sirs' and 'respect' and 'paying dues'… I did all that so I wouldn't make waves. Because I knew… that being myself would most definitely make waves, just like I am right now! That's okay, though! Now, I'm with THE Brian Kendrick! He's going to take care of me! And I don't have to be afraid to be ME any more! The woman before you all is no longer Ashley Massaro. From now on, you will address me as THE Ashley Massaro!"
Before Maria could respond, Ashley slammed the microphone into the side of her little head and tackled her to the mat. Maria's head bounced off the nearest bottom turnbuckle and back to the mat. Ashley reared back and ruthlessly drove her right wrestling boot into Maria's abdomen. The referee ruled the match a 'No Contest'. Still, Ashley pummeled away on her defenseless victim. Ashley was truly in 'the zone' and could not be stopped from the rampage on her former friend. Ashley used the ropes to propel herself into the air and come down with her foot across Maria's throat. She continued to use the ropes for leverage, essentially cutting off Maria's circulation. The crowd was getting restless, shouting with hateful abandon "ASHLEY SUCKS! ASHLEY SUCKS! ASHLEY SUCKS!" All this did was fuel Ashley's vitriolic rage as she stepped back, turned around and acted like she was kicking dirt off her boots into Maria's face. She turned around to face Maria's limp body once more and laughed at the surrounding audience. She began to get an idea for another way to humiliate Maria. Ashley brought a hand to her chest and summoned something from the back of her throat. Viewers at home could see as the camera closed in on her face that her nostrils shriveled and flared. Ashley then drew her phlegm up out of her throat into her mouth, reared back and HOCKED it right into Maria's closed eyes. Maria opened her mouth in shock, but closed it just as fast as she was still drifting in and out of consciousness from the traumatic attack. The camera picked up that Ashley's phlegm was whitish green in color as it zoomed in on Maria's face. The bubbly gob traveled like the trail of a slug down from Maria's eyelids, past her nose and seemingly coming to rest on both her right cheek and her chin. The audience was truly disgusted with Ashley's less than ladylike antics, but help was on the way. The arena returned to life when Rikishi came rushing the ring, faster than he had run in years. As soon as he slid into the ring, Ashley dove over the top rope, still clutching it and lowered herself to the floor. Rikishi was red faced with anger as he stooped to check on Maria's condition. He wiped her face clean with his sleeve and cradled her in his arms. He looked up from Maria's unconscious body long enough to issue a warning to Ashley.
"I SWEAR YOUR DAY IS COMING, GIRL! YOU DON'T DO THIS AND GET AWAY WITH IT!"
Ashley was catty as she cowardly backed up the rampway, responding to his threat.
"Yeah! Know what? I already did! Don't act like it's such a tragedy! It's a ring! People get hurt in it every night!"
Ashley's hands were waving in circles as she shrugged her shoulders, threw her head back, giggled at the carnage she had wrought in the ring. While Rikishi was watching Ashley leave, he failed to see Kendrick running with a folding chair extended toward him. It collided, sandwiched between the back of Rikishi's head and Kendrick's knee. Rikishi went down like a ton of bricks, face down, side by side with Maria, who was laying on her back. Kendrick pulled Ashley in for a long, sleazy kiss. End of segment.
The next week on Raw, an intergender tag match was set up between the team of Rikishi and Maria and the team of THE Brian Kendrick and THE Ashley Massaro, as she was now calling herself. THE Brian Kendrick and THE Ashley Massaro were backstage warming up for their match. Ashley's way of warming up involved sitting in Kendrick's lap and necking him.
"So, you ready to take care of some business, babe? After we take care of Rikishi and Maria, we can paint the town red!"
"It can only improve Dover, Delaware!" scowled Ashley, referring to the state they were performing in tonight. The home town crowd booed her furiously for the insult.
"Oh, one more thing, babe!" Ashley said, stopping Brian as he was about to exit. "Are you worried about that… thing Rikishi does?"
"What? The stinkface?"
Ashley nodded, her shoulders shivering and her lips curdling.
"I get grossed out even at the MENTION of it!"
"Relax! Neither one of us is going to get the stinkface tonight, because…" Kendrick lifted his arms into the air and pointed down at himself, "I'm the man with the plan! Now listen close, here's what we're gonna do…" said Kendrick, trailing off as he spoke closely into Ashley's ear.
First up were the entrance themes as always.
Here she comes again, like good medicine! Every step she takes, my blood is flowin'! It was the sweet and dainty Maria, who had been wronged last week. She stopped to blow kisses at everyone in the crowd, going through the motions, but everyone could tell she was focused on paying back Ashley for what happened. Rikishi's dance music hit as he trotted out to the ring, staying close to Maria in case she should need him. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler replayed the footage from last week of Ashley conjuring a loogie from the darkest recesses of her nasal passage and then transferring it to Maria's face. Maria grimaced at the footage. Rikishi consoled her by rubbing her shoulder. Next out were THE Ashley Massaro and THE Brian Kendrick, which is exactly how Lillian Garcia introduced them out of fear of being reprimanded by the tandem. Instead of two separate entrances, they shared Kendrick's song 'I'm the Man with the Plan'. They both acted unbelievably goofy as they sauntered to the ring, taking none of it seriously. As they stepped up onto the apron, Ashley held the ropes for Kendrick as he entered the ring and began to take his jacket off. Rikishi was not willing to wait as he blindsided Kendrick and gave him a thunderous forearm that knocked him back through the ropes to the floor below. Ashley, who had already stepped in behind him, was caught between Maria and Rikishi. She belted out a timid scream that seemed the most elegant thing she had done since her heel turn. Maria pounced her and the two rolled around in true catfight fashion. Meanwhile, Kendrick was trying to return to the ring, but refused to until Rikishi cleared a path for him. Kendrick finally slipped into the ring after being threatened by the ref with a count out. Just as Kendrick slipped back in, Rikishi stepped across Kendrick's upper body, slapped his buttocks and dropped down on Kendrick's chest. He could have gone for a pinfall just then, but decided he wanted to torture him some more. By now, Ashley and Maria had been separated and gone to their separate corners. Rikishi and Kendrick danced around the ring, utilizing various Irish whips, clothesline reversals, etc. When Kendrick was finally whipped into his own corner, Ashley insisted to be tagged in. Kendrick gladly obliged.
Ashley stood face to chest with Rikishi, reared back and slapped him HARD and LOUD across the face. When that only served to displease Rikishi further, she reached back with her right leg to kick him in the groin. Unfortunately for Ashley, he caught her leg. Ashley's eyes became big as saucers, her mouth shrank back in fear. She shook her head, as if to plead with Rikishi. He was not impressed with her pleas as he dragged her by her one foot, forcing her to hop in rhythm with his steps over to the opposing corner, where Rikishi tagged in Maria. Maria delivered a serious ass kicking with several clotheslines, a dropkick and a back body drop. For a split second, Victoria's old music 'I Ain't the Lady to Mess With' ran through her mind, and Ashley realized that neither was Maria the lady to mess with at this moment. Maria set Ashley up for her running bulldog, but Ashley was still strong enough to throw her bodily across the ring and break the light headlock Maria had had on her. Ashley hightailed it to the corner and frantically tagged in Kendrick. He waited for Maria to smarten up from her fall. She rolled over and came to her knees only to find Kendrick staring sadistically down at her. Fear permeated her entire being. Her partner, Rikishi, seemed miles away now. There was no way she was going to make a hot tag without enduring some serious pain. She realized she had to try anyway. She rolled forward to put distance between her and Kendrick, but he was much too fast for her. He grabbed her by her feet. Maria gave a shrill, mouse-like squeal as Kendrick dragged her back to the middle of the ring. He smacked her across the face. Maria looked like she was about to cry. There was no way Rikishi was going to stand for this. He entered the ring illegally, and the referee sent him back out onto the apron. While Rikishi argued with the referee, Ashley and Kendrick double teamed Maria. When the ref finally persuaded Rikishi back to the outside, he turned around to see Kendrick in the ring and forced him back onto the apron as well. Ashley hauled Maria to her feet and returned her to the ground with a smooth Russian Leg Sweep. Ashley hooked the leg. 1… 2… Maria kicked out, tapping into her inner reservoirs of strength. Ashley tried to grab Maria's leg, but Maria kicked her back into her own corner. Maria did a cannonball roll forward and tagged in Rikishi. Instead of running off to tag in Kendrick, Ashley laughed and stepped right up into Rikishi's face. She arrogantly dressed the Samoan down verbally. If the viewers could read lips, her garbled speech would have been interpreted as 'You're disgusting, dude! Your ass looks like a tumor! You can't fight worth a shit!'
Rikishi listened intently. He was being incredibly patient with this woman he outweighed by four hundred plus pounds. Continuing her tirade, Ashley reared back in the same way she had the previous week, gave the mucus time to simmer and rise to the back of her throat, and then launched her gigantic diva of a loogie right into Rikishi's eyes. Rikishi reached up and slowly wiped it from his face.
"Hey, man!" shouted Ashley over the boos of the crowd, "Snot a problem!" She laughed uproariously at her pun. Rikishi was less than amused. He grabbed her by her neck and began to back her into her into one of the corners. He was furious now as he leveled his eyes at the Princess of Punk. Ashley tried to shake herself out of his grasp, but he was far too strong. Kendrick came up behind with a dropkick, but Rikishi moved cat-like out of the way. Kendrick's dropkick missed the intended target and, instead, cut Ashley's knee out from under her as she dropped head first into the bottom turnbuckle. BONK! Ashley was instantly knocked loopy as she spun around and landed on her ass, with her head resting against the bottom turnbuckle. Her arms were tangled in the ropes. With her last ounce of strength, she tried to pull herself up, but her eyes went cross eyed and she fell back, her mouth wide open and drooling.
Rikishi whipped Kendrick into the opposing corner and he and Maria sandwiched him in to knock him on his ass in the corner opposite Ashley's. Maria teased going for a Bronco Buster on Kendrick. As his senses began to return, it was obvious he was a little too excited for it, even though he was pretending to be terrified.
"OH NO! NOT THE DREADED BRONCO BUSTER!" shouted Kendrick with some of the worst acting known to man. Maria did the giddy up motion, then stopped when he acted reluctant.
"You don't want the Bronco Buster from me? Really!?" asked Maria, pretending along with him. She shrugged her shoulders and motioned for Rikishi to come over and give him his medicine. Rikishi turned around, blocking Kendrick in, hiked up his tights into a thong and then dumped all his weight onto Kendrick's puny face. In a few seconds, it was over and Kendrick rolled out of the ring, dry heaving. He had left Ashley to a gruesome fate. Maria resumed with the giddy up motion and then hurled herself into the corner full force with a Bronco Buster on Ashley. Ashley was getting her head rocked off. Maria used her face as a saddle as she rode the electricity of the audience. Now, it was Rikishi's turn and he was planning on using Ashley Massaro's face for something else, like, oh say, a toilet!
Still recovering from the Bronco Buster, Ashley squinted through her foggy vision to see what was appearing before her. She had a bad feeling about what it was, but she didn't want to even entertain the possibility until she knew for sure. The first thing that confirmed Ashley's suspicion was the leathery, fibery smell that assailed her nostrils. Ashley tried to stop what was about to happen, but found her hands were tangled up in the ropes. There was no time. Rikishi squatted over Ashley's face so that his butt cheeks dangled less than half an inch from her face, meaning that they were sort of already touching. Some of the string-like threads on his tights were already resting on her chin. From where she was sitting, she could see that area right down between the legs that was harder to reach when wiping. Ashley could only sit and wait for the inevitable as her eyes remained crossed, her lips curdled and her nose sniffing out a most unpleasant raunch. Ashley waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Until it seemed like maybe he had a change of heart. She tried to look up at him and Maria over the blubbery horizon, but her hopes were dashed when he dropped a long, groaning fart that only she could hear and smell. She shook her head, her hair scattering in all directions. She blew with her mouth to try and send the fart smell back to its source, but it was already over and around her like a black cloud on an unlucky person. He finally sank back, his butt claiming her face in the struggle. She was washed away, as if being hit by a tidal wave as she was driven deep into his buttocks as he bounced back and forth, shaking his cheeks so that they almost seemed to clap against the sides of her head. Ashley was submerged up to her ears. She had not had enough time to close her mouth, and each time she tried, it was forced back open to taste another chunk of flab smacking its way toward her. Rikishi was having a blast with her down there, using her to scratch an extremely deep itch. Ashley's arms came untangled from the ropes and she tried in vain to push him off of her. Her hands sank into his flesh like quicksand. Her nose flattened straight and then to the side as she bobbed in and out of his extremities. His soiled thong stank of the butt sweat and cottage cheese they had been ruminating in. Her teeth grazed the inside of his crack and suddenly, she could FEEL the color yellow on her teeth. Her hair was a mess, ever dampening from all the corrosion. Rikishi shook one last time, then sank back as far as he could, to make sure Ashley literally kissed his ass, then stood up. What came next had NEVER happened to Rikishi during one of his stinkfaces before. Ashley followed him out of the corner. She was crawling on both knees, her arms flailing around furiously. Her lip piercing had become caught in his thong. Rikishi turned first to his left, then to his right. Ashley was stuck good to his nether regions. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. Rikishi shook his ass again and Ashley finally came loose. She scrambled for air, her tongue darting out in all directions. Finally, she could taste sweet, clean, REAL oxygen again! She rolled out of the ring. Rikishi and Maria were laughing their asses off. Rikishi offered his shades to Maria. The lights went down. The two became dancing maniacs under the lights.