The story was supposed to start with Mario coming out of a pipe, so a paintbrush drew a very long, green pipe, about the height of the chimney on a two-story house, out of which Mario appeared. As he jumped out he realized how tall the pipe was compared to others that he came out of, and he landed with a loud thud on the ground.
Mario was not so much hurt as he was angry. "You again?" he questioned with a menacing sneer. "Well, if you're writing this fanfic, I'm done! D-O-N-E! Done! So ciao! Auf wiedersehen! Sayonara! Au revoir and all those other farewells!" And he attempted to jump into a smaller pipe of a more logical size, but as he leapt off the ground, it was erased, and he only jumped to the ground where it was before.
"What's the deal?" Mario asked. "I'm not working with you, and that is FINAL!" Suddenly a streak of yellow went down the back of Mario's shirt and overalls. "My best shirt, too! I have a good mind to tell Nintendo and on you!" As he spoke a sign reading "I hate my job" was painted in his left hand. "You keep wreaking havoc everywhere I go, and besides I…" Then he noticed the sign and threw it on the ground.
"Do you think I'm the filthy, rotten liar you're trying to make me?" he asked angrily. And another sign, this time reading "I am quitting tomorrow," appeared in his right hand. "I may not enjoy being a plumber, but I've worked for Nintendo since '81, and I've made a name out of myself, and…" Mario looked at the second sign and gasped.
"Alright, I get your point," he said. "Now knock it off and I'll get to work." As he said this his hat was erased. "So what was I supposed to do first?" Mario looked up and realized what was missing. "Put my hat back!" he shouted, and a grey fedora was painted. "Not that kind of hat, you son of a Lakitu!" Mario yelled, so away went the fedora and along came a black top hat. "My hat is not a fedora, nor is it a top hat." So on went a skimmer hat, a cowboy hat, a German Pickelhaube, and a baseball cap, in that order. "My hat is a red one with a white circle featuring a red 'M' in it. Now get it right!" Mario boomed, and back on his head was his familiar hat. Mario was by now really annoyed. "I said it before and I will say it again. I am DONE!" he cried. "You'd never pass for Hogarth or Ingres."
Suddenly the scenery was drawn upside down. Mario was in midair, and his head was facing the earth instead of his feet. In an attempt to enter the closest pipe, he held on to tree branches, flowers, anything rooted to the ground. As he reached the pipe a ball and chain was attached to his leg, causing him to "fall up." In his plummet from earth a concrete road was drawn and the scene reverted to right-side up.
By now Mario was beyond annoyed. He was quite furious. "AGGGH-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B!" he screamed. "What the…" But before he could continue, his head was erased. He pointed his hand to where his head was supposed to be, but what he got was a pumpkin for a head. "I want a human head, you good-for-nothing Kandinsky!" he yelled; So a pair of human ears and some hair was drawn on the pumpkin head. "Not like that, Van Gogh!" he cried, and his head was redrawn, only about 25% larger than normal. "That's better," he said in a deep bass voice more akin to Thurl Ravenscroft than his typical baritone. "Holy Spinies! How did my body get so small?" Mario looked at his body and pointed again to his head. "Make it smaller – about 20% smaller," he said. So his head was brought back to its normal proportions, but his ears were missing.
"Alright, wiseguy!" the plumber said. "I need ears!" So a pair of long, grey ears appeared on his head. "Not rabbit ears, doc!" Mario snapped in his best Bugs Bunny imitation. "Human ears! Small ones!" So a pair of human ears were drawn, but they were quite small for a human. "If you wanna do Symphony in Slang," said Mario, "I'd be eager to leave." So back went his normal size ears.
Unbeknownst to Mario, a bushy grey tail had also been drawn behind him. "That is a wolf's tail, my friend," said Mario angrily, "and it belongs on a wolf!" So away went human Mario and a grey wolf replaced him. Mario sighed. "I am a human," he stated, "and I must always be drawn as one unless otherwise specified." Since the time was not "otherwise specified," the wolf was gone and a sexy woman was drawn instead. "I meant a male human, Picasso!" snapped the masculine voice from the feminine lips. "If you keep this up, I'll quit and you'll be fired!" So the artist redrew Mario as he should be.
"How novel of you to make me Mario again," quipped the plumber. "Maybe you had plans to turn me into a snake or something, but let's do something innovative."
Next to Mario appeared two identical clones saying "It's-a me, Mario!" together. Mario grabbed the artist's pencil and erased the impostors. "That does it!" Mario said. "I want you to fetch Miyamoto right now because if you don't, I'll fetch him for you!" As he said this the artist drew a railroad scene and a train coming out of a tunnel. Mario ran right out of the way, scared out of his mind but unhurt. "Okay!" he panted. "I know that I can get out of this, and you can't stop me!" And he pulled down a sign reading "Fin" in a fancy cursive format.
And who was the animator, you might ask? Why, it was none other than Mario's nemesis, Bowser. "At long last, I'm even with Mario now!" he snickered.