Dark, silence, misery. These things seem to just follow me lately. I
don't know how to feel at this current moment, one moment i am
euphoric, the next i am suicidal. My name is Claire, i live in
Morganville. I am 16 and in university, even that just raises
questions in itself, why a 16 year old is in university. I am
incredibly smart for my age, or thats what everyone says. Am i smart
when i slide the blade across my wrist every night in a town full of
vampires? I know i am not smart. I was dating a guy called Shane
Collins, it didn't go well, i wrecked that like i wreck everything. We
had an argument one night, and i walked out and left. I never went
back. I never went back to the 3 people who claimed to care about me.
But i don't know if they cared, everyone claims to then takes the
first opportunity to run away as fast as possible.
It had been a few months, I made sure to avoid Shane, Eve and Michael,
I couldn't bare to see the disappointment and pity in their eyes when
they'd see me. I was covered in scars and didn't even bother to cover
them anymore. Everyone knew what a disappointment i was. I was at the
point of giving up. I would even let a vampire drain me at this point
just to let the pain stop. But sadly under Amelia's protection she
will know if i am on the edge of death and even if i succeeded
everyone is to scared to harm me, not wanting to face the wraith of an
angry old vampire. I just wanted this pain to end. The endless silent
battles. The hateful stares. The memories.
I hate this. I saw Eve. She tried to talk to me, but froze when she
saw the scars. The disappointment and pity in her eyes just made me
want to rip them out of her skull just so the look would stop. I knew
she would tell Shane and Michael. She went to say something and i
bolted. I was scared. I didn't want their pity or help. They hate me.
I won't have their help because they feel guilty.
I think they told Amelia. She came to visit today. She gave me a
lecture about not wanting her property hurt, and that if i continued i
would be punished. What would a punishment do? I was already broken
enough. She seemed to realize i was a lost cause and left. She sent
Oliver later to scare me into submission. I didn't even flinch. He
seemed shocked. He got angry. But didn't attack me. Even he was afraid
of Amelia.
I was afraid of me. Not Amelia. Not Oliver. Not Shane. Not Michael.
Not Eve. I only scared myself.