I do not own Twilight or the vampire diaries. Or Claire's. :)

On a rainy afternoon, Damon Salvatore walked along the rainy streets of Forks. He was looking for one of his kind to avenge Elena's death. He was looking for a vampire. As he turned the corner, he saw a man across the street who he faintly recognized. Where could he of seen him before? Without knowning what he was getting into, he came to met this stranger. As he got closer, Damon could see that this man had odd bronze hair pale skin, and yellowish eyes. I definately know him Damon thought to himself.

"Excuse me, do I know you?" Damon asked the man.

The man turned to face him full on. "Wait, you wouldn't happen to be Damon from the vampire diaries, would you?"

"Uh yeah."

"My Bella loves your series. This is so funny."

Damon did not think anything was funny these days. Elena was dead. And that was not funny.

"I'm Edward Cullen." Edward politely stuck his hand out to shake with him. Reluctanly, Damon shook it.

"Oh I know who you are. Caroline read your series. Your vampire too, right?"

Damon's face was serious. He knew what he wanted. And no pretend vampire was going to stop him from getting it.

"You should try the animal diet," Edward chuckled. "very moral."

Damon made a mental note to never buy a Twilght book. Ever. "I might," he lied.

"So what are you doing in Forks?" Edward laughed.

"Just looking for someone to avenge my mate's death."

Not exactly. Elena was never really his mate, never within his reach. Pain stirred within Damon but he chose to ingnore it.

"Oh. I suppose I could help you. We'd just have to pick a date where the sun isn't shinning. Bella could help too. She'd do anything for you Salvatore brothers."

"Why would we have to make sure the sun isn't out?"

Edward laughed. Damon was getting impatient. "Because we sparkle in the sunlight, silly!"

"What?" Damon had never heard anything more crazy than that. It took a ton of willpower not to laugh in Edward's face.

"Vampires sparkle in the sunlight. Don't they in your series?"

Damon lost it. He broke into a fit of laughter. "You sparkle? What type of vampire sparkles?! There's nothing dangerous about body glitter?"

"Stop that!" Edward could feel his temper rising.

Damon couldn't stop. "What are you going to do? Spray glitter on me? Or braid my hair?"

"Are you calling me gay?" Edward nearly shouted.

Damon continued chuckling. "No. I'm just calling you an insult to the entire vampire genre. Even the five-year old kid wearing plastic fangs is more manly than you!"

Edward scowled. "You think I'm funny?"

"Yes!" Damon couldn't stop. "I didn't know you could buy vampire's at Claire's!"

"I'll show you funny!"

Edward lunged. Damon bore his fangs. Damon hissed and used his awesome vampire strenth to rip Edward's head from his body. Edward struggled but was no match for Damon. He reached in his pocket to get a match. In a matter of seconds the "dazzling" Edward Cullin was burning in the grass.

Something in Damon's pocket vibrated. It was Stefan. For once, Damon answered it.

"Hello?"

"Damon, what have you done?"

"Nothing wrong." And that was the truth, sort of.

"Damon did you kill someone?" Stefan demmanded.

Damon half-smirked. "Not someone. Something."

"D-"

Damon hung-up. He would have to go to La Push, where the actually manly Twilight charecters lived. Or maybe he should just stick to his own series. A young woman with brown hair and the same pale skin and yellow eyes aprrouched.

"Damon! Have you seen my Eddy-kins?"

And all Damon could do was laugh.

And yes, I do hate Edward. Please review! :)