The companion fic to Heart's Requiem and Tensa Zangetsu's view of the situation and the aftermath. Make sure you read Heart's Requiem first or you might not fully understand what's going on in this one, as it's technically a companion sequel to it.
Have to say though, "How Do You Love Someone" by Ashley Tisdale is a pretty good song to listen to while writing this. I wish I'd had it to listen to while writing Heart's Requiem itself. Either way I'd suggest the song, at least a male version of it like I'd been listening to. It certainly makes me think of Hideaki.
After this one will be Beginning of the Requiem from Ichigo's point of view as well as the ending of the three-shot.
Tensa Zangetsu had not been in existence for long, his life as Zangetsu did not count as his own. As soon as his wielder gained bankai he'd changed from the older man to this young teenager whose temper wasn't the best, just like his wielder. He also found himself far fiercer in protecting what he wanted to, which he had not cared about in his old life as simply Zangetsu.
During the time his wielder had lost his powers Tensa had not existed, not really. He had floated in nothingness, not conscious of anything around him or the struggles of his wielder's daily life. The zanpakutou had not known about Xcution or what his wielder was getting himself into, or else he would have fiercely yelled at the boy for even thinking of helping them.
Tensa would have pointed out Soul Society would certainly have need of Ichigo again and once that need came they would find a way to return his powers, supposedly impossible or not. However since the Xcution struggle was now over he didn't feel the need to rub it in Ichigo's face that Soul Society had in fact done just that. It would have been pointlessly cruel and he was certain his wielder had already learned his lesson.
It was a rather obvious side-effect of not having existed in anything other than Ichigo's inner world that he understood very little about the actual world. Even when he had been an older man he had not understood the world, he had simply known as much as he needed to guide Ichigo on his journey.
That in no way extended to things like romance or the interactions and relationships between people. Because of this he was now frustrated and confused, two things that wore badly on his temper and would surely lead to some kind of outburst.
Of course it had all started with Ichigo's inner Hollow. It seemed that most things which bothered him somehow in some way started with that. Whether it was Ichigo getting angry about the Hollow's snide comments or the Hollow giving him sharp glares or the fights the Hollow got into with their Shinigami. Every single thing could in some way be traced to him.
If there was one single word that could sum up the Hollow in Tensa's eyes it was "Irritating". That certainly wrapped the snide foul-mouthed beast up quite well. He was always causing trouble in one way or another and never seemed to regret anything he said or did. Tensa wouldn't mind him as much if he would at least look sorry about upsetting Ichigo with his threats and taunts.
That was the divide between them, the bridge Tensa could never truly cross. He knew the Hollow cared about their host or else he would never have agreed to help Tensa during the Final Getsuga Tenshou training. Yet as soon as Ichigo received his powers back after the Xcution fiasco he had immediately tried for the throne again.
It grated on him almost to the point where Tensa was willing to throw aside his "Out of sight, out of mind" attitude towards the Hollow and simply force him into telling him what was obviously wrong with his head.
And then Tensa had noticed how the boy started to act different, how he would be softer towards Ichigo and would even go out of his way to help him with his homework, as snide and bitchy as it was. That was something he would never have done before Aizen's defeat, that Tensa was sure about.
While the zanpakutou knew Ichigo had not noticed the change, he certainly had. It made him curious and confused, which was his current state now. He didn't understand why the Hollow would act like this, would let up on challenging Ichigo for control to the point he had barely done it the last few months. And if there's one thing Tensa hates it's not knowing, especially when it had something to do with his wielder.
So he watched the Hollow whenever he could, maybe one could call him a stalker. He'd heard Ichigo call a boy that when he had caught the boy sneaking after that girl with the fairies and Ichigo had sounded angry about it, had almost beaten the boy for it. Tensa wonders if he'd be angry with him now for stalking his inner rebellion.
It had started innocently enough; he'd caught the Hollow trying to look at some books that seemed faintly like romance books to Tensa's eyes. Something must have been wrong with them because the boy had gotten angry and thrown them in the water and swam away. When Tensa looked at them he saw there was no ink in them and wondered what the other had wanted with romance books.
After that he'd followed after him every so often just to catch him staring at the water and not seeing any of it for long periods of time, so long Tensa had almost come out to shake him. And then the other would just blink and that would be that and Tensa was allowed to remain hidden once more.
While it was rather strange behavior on the Hollow's part, especially when he would be fighting Ichigo and would get distracted every so often just to stare at the boy, it didn't seem to be anything that would negatively affect his wielder and so Tensa wasn't willing to step in and stop it just yet.
On the other hand his wielder was starting to worry him more than he thought the boy's inner Hollow could…
}-{
"What are you talking about, Ichigo?" the zanpakutou says with a frown, turning on the rooftop where he sat to look at his wielder. There was disapprovement in his voice and he wasn't willing to tone it down either.
"I said…" Ichigo started again, looking grumpy now that Tensa was looking directly at him, "that I'm working on something that'll stop that damn Hollow from ever trying to beat me again."
"Ichigo, I don't like the idea of that," Tensa tersely replies, mouth turning down in a sharp frown. "Your inner Hollow exists for a reason; despite the fact you hate him you still need him."
His wielder just laughs at that, a quick and bitter sound that's jarring to Tensa. He hadn't thought Ichigo could feel something like that, it almost scared him.
"It turns out I don't need him," Ichigo says with a smile that's almost chilly in Tensa's eyes. "Shinji and the others said they have something that'll make it possible for me to use his powers and not have to deal with him again."
His zanpakutou doesn't like the sound of that, not one bit. And he's not willing to let Ichigo go without telling him so, in the sharpest tone he's ever managed.
"I may not like your Hollow but it is cruel to use his power as if they're your own. Perhaps the reason he fights you so often and threatens those close to you is because you've never accepted he's part of you, you've always been doing nothing but trying to get rid of him."
Ichigo is giving him a wounded look but Tensa can't find it in himself to care, instead he focuses on the fish that are swimming by. His swordwielder needs to understand the Hollow is a part of him, a very big part that has protected him for a very long time. Ichigo is all about gratitude and to do something like this, especially behind the Hollow's back, is going against everything Ichigo preaches about.
Tensa wonders if Ichigo will ever realize the irony in his actions or if he'll forever go ignorant.
The silence between them stretches until Ichigo coughs and sits by him, a deep scowl across his face.
"Look, Zangetsu," he starts slowly, as though trying to figure out the words and not sure how to actually say them without offending him, "I know he's technically your other half, the other half of my power, but I don't like him at all like I like you. I hate him and you know that, and he's never given me any reason to think differently of him. If this keeps up he's going to exhaust me and he'll win, and then he's going to kill my friends."
Tensa is silent, wonders if Ichigo understands hate is one of the most powerful and blinding things in the world. It is even more blinding than love. Love is the gentle blade, it lets the loved one come close and stab the knife into your back while hate is the wicked blade, it stabs viciously at the hated one when they come close, shutting the ears and eyes to the concern and care of the other.
Once more he doesn't say a word. If Ichigo is going to learn he's going to do it the hard way or not at all, that was simply how the boy did things. He never did anything halfway.
Ichigo continues to look at him in that pleading manner he has when he's going to do something Tensa doesn't like. As if Tensa was someone Ichigo looked up to and wanted to please but wasn't willing to back down from his beliefs even if it displeased him.
The zanpakutou simply sighs and watches the bubbles that come from him float up before popping back into the water. He stands and ignores Ichigo's downfallen expression, turns and walks away.
While he doesn't go very far he still needs to get away and comfort himself in the silence of the dark water, he doesn't intend to leave Ichigo alone very long. But when he comes back he sees Ichigo is gone and the only one standing there is the Hollow.
Tensa watches him silently from his spot on the roof, wondering if he knew Ichigo planned to do something to him. If the Hollow would even be concerned by it or would simply laugh it off and claim that "My King couldn't possibly beat me that badly. What are you, retarded?".
The tenseness in his stomach tells him that nothing good will come of what Ichigo plans and the boy in front of him would never listen if he tries to tell him. Despite how much he hates it Tensa doesn't speak a word to him and watches as he swims away back to whatever corner he'd come from.
If he wanted to he could almost put off the hollow's arms looking… strange as just a trick of the light. That wasn't something he would do however, and the image scares him and makes the tightness in his belly worse as cold fear spreads to his limbs.
Whatever Ichigo was planning with the Visored group Tensa did not like at all, but he knew he couldn't stop it. He could only stay in Ichigo's inner world and wait for the fallout of his wielder's actions.
}-{
What happens is something even Tensa in his wildest moments couldn't have imagined. He'd known Ichigo hated the Hollow but he had never believed he hated him enough to do something like this to him.
The feeling of terror not his own clawing at his heart and cutting off his breath had clued him in that something was wrong with the boy's other power and he had followed the flaring reiatsu straight to the downed Hollow.
Tensa didn't like the net around him and he didn't like the badge-like thing that was feeding the net. Because he couldn't directly go against Ichigo he didn't have the ability to destroy it and he wouldn't be able to stop what was happening to the other half of him no matter what he wanted.
Instead of leaving him to his fate, which Tensa deemed far too cruel for one as strong as this who wasn't even struggling to escape from the net, he simply crouched down and watched him as he faded away.
The Hollow's eyes open in slits and stare at him through the net, a twisted and weak grin playing on his lips. It didn't look right on him, it should be stronger and more manic but Tensa knows he doesn't have the strength left to manage that.
"What brings you here, you shitty snot…"
Even the voice is wrong, Tensa muses. The echo has drained from the Hollow's voice just as his strength had, instead he simply sounded like a raspier and deeper Ichigo. He was mildly surprised to find he liked this voice, although he far preferred the echoing one. It fit this Hollow more.
"I thought it would be appropriate for you to have someone there when you die," Tensa says softly.
They both knew he wasn't lying and it wasn't pity. As much as the Hollow despised it they were two halves of a whole and it affected both of them, while Tensa would certainly remain there would forever be a void inside of him. And right now that part of him was being shredded and was in intense pain along with the Hollow.
"Nice t'know that you can observe niceties," the Hollow snickers as he closes his eyes, not even having the strength to keep them open. "King couldn't even stick around to watch as he kills his horse."
Tensa wanted to say this boy wasn't Ichigo's horse, he was meant to be something far more important than that. Just as Tensa wasn't truly Ichigo's sword. But he thinks the words would only be ashes in this situation, far too much of a bitter salty sting in the wound Ichigo had dealt his Hollow.
So instead he nods despite the fact the other can't see him and he sits down by him, resting against the net which feels warm and almost exactly like the Hollow's own draining reiatsu that it soothes him. It was less painful to be this close but he knew the real pain would be coming soon enough; his other half was fading fast.
No words are said after that because no words need to be said. Just gentle silent comfort for a dying creature and it isn't until the Hollow is nearly gone that Tensa strikes.
Not with a sword but with his hand, he grabs the badge and squeezes it tightly. Searches inside the badge through the reiatsu for the being that was the Hollow.
He can feel the remnants of the Hollow's mind and pulls them out of the badge into himself, storing the fragmented remains in the almost empty part of him where he keeps them safe.
There was no other way for Tensa to protect the Hollow but this, the only time he would ever have been able to take him in. Not with that net stealing all that he was.
Tensa doesn't wait for the net to disperse back into the badge; he simply stands up and walks away. He thanks Ichigo for the drowned world because otherwise he knows his face would be stained with tears.
}-{
It's a long and struggling time before Ichigo comes back and the second he sees him Tensa almost attacks him on principle. The sharp sting of betrayal comes from deep inside him in a place that has been slowly healing and coming back together.
The boy is smiling and it leaves a sharp acidic taste in Tensa's mouth almost as if someone had pressed a rusty sword to his tongue.
"Zangetsu!" Ichigo says cheerfully as he bounds towards him and comes to a stand beside him. He has the air of someone who's over the moon, an expression Tensa doesn't particularly understand. It makes him want to hit the boy all the more but he holds it back. He's been holding back a lot of things since that day.
"What do you want, Ichigo?" he asks, a coldness entering his voice that he's never had before. He had been stern with Ichigo but never cold, not until he took in the shattered fragments of Hideaki.
A name. A name neither of them had even known the Hollow had. Tensa is sure Ichigo still doesn't know he's killed a being with a name and not just some nameless thing that wanted to kill him.
Something that had never even wanted to kill him or hurt those near him, as Tensa had found out.
"Well gee is someone having a bad day?" Ichigo asked nervously with a bit of sarcasm, eyes wide while he looks down at Tensa. Tensa simply grunts and looks away, not in the mood to beat around the bush currently. He's not sure if he'll ever be again.
"Okay then. I wanted to tell you that training is going great now," Ichigo plows on despite the frosty atmosphere, "in fact I found that I can reform the mask like… five times now without any worries about running out of reiatsu."
A sharp intense pain comes from his chest and Tensa closes his eyes tight, fighting against the silent cries of "That's my power!" and soothes the other broken remains of him by reminding him he had wanted to help his King no matter what. It doesn't stop the ache in Tensa's own heart even though it soothes the other being.
"That's good for you, Ichigo," are the words that he settles on. It's safe territory, it doesn't betray his own thoughts on the matter. Too much at least.
However a bit of his bitterness must have sunk into his words because Ichigo is giving him a worried look. "Are you okay, Zangetsu?" the boy finally asks as though he's wanted to say it for a while now.
Tensa wonders if his blade has been weaker since Hideaki was killed or if he's been giving Ichigo strange responses since that day. He doesn't think he has but perhaps Ichigo is more perceptive than he thought he was. He knows the boy doesn't understand what his actions have done to his zanpakutou, that would be asking far too much of him.
"I'm as fine as I can be."
Ichigo seems less happy at that response and scuffs his foot on the floor and watches as some dirt floats up in the water and is carried away.
"Look, I know you didn't want me to go through with what I did but there was no other way to do it."
It sounds like a justification to Tensa and he wonders if Ichigo hears it himself. If Ichigo understands there was something else he could have done. He could have listened to the Hollow when he tried to reach out to him, he could have looked past the hate and saw he was more than just a Hollow.
Hideaki had been so much more, and so much more loyal than Tensa could say he himself had been. That had been a bitter pill to swallow.
"You killed my other half," is the only thing Tensa replies with, "the most loyal person you ever had and far stronger than I will ever be."
And then he walks away, doesn't even listen as Ichigo calls after him and if he had run after him Tensa thinks he would have struck him. Something he's never done before but the pain is so intense there's nothing else he could do to let it out.
Sometimes he wishes he could make his wielder see reason without having to go through the hardships first. But he's only a zanpakutou, half of what he used to be.
He's only fragmented remains of what was once a Hollow who had loved their host and tried to woo him, only to be killed in response.
I don't even know why things I write seem to turn out on the depressing side lately, maybe it has to do with unconscious worries that I'll have to deal with a summer of almost nothing to do unless I can manage to get a part-time job. Either way neither Heart's Requiem or Requiem of the Lost turned out to be what I'd wanted them to be.
I actually wanted Heart's Requiem to be a humorous look at Hideaki constantly failing to get Ichigo's attention and then it ended up with Ichigo killing him. So... yeah. Oh well at least!
Hopefully I'll have Beginning of the Requiem out sometime in the next week, I still need to figure out what all I want to do in it but I should know by then.