Jimmy
"It's for you." Adam called.
Who could possibly be here? Everybody hates me. I thought.
I walked to the door and saw my green duffle bag sitting in the doorway
Is this from Kyle? I thought. I looked out the door, but I didn't see my best friend.
Still stoned, I wasn't upset, I was angry. Why didn't Kyle stay to talk to me? I wanted closure and I was going to get it. I walked out the doorway and started to run down the path that had been engraved in my mind for years; the way to Kyle's house. I was walking with his head down, feeling the air on my face, deciding what I was going to say, when suddenly, in an instant I was sober and no longer felt angry at all. All I was was scared.
Because there was my best friend, no forget that, there was my brother, my only true brother crossing the street. And there was a car speeding towards him.
"KYLE!" I screamed, racing towards him.
Kyle…
I heard someone calling his name. But it wasn't just someone. I knew that voice anywhere. I looked up and saw Jimmy standing there.
Why does he look so concerned? I thought. But I barely had a nanosecond to think it, because that's when I saw the bright head lights centimeters away from me. I tried to run, but it was too late.
Jimmy…
I was racing towards Kyle, but he was too far away. I saw the car coming too late. I couldn't get there fast enough. I watched as my brother went down and the car continued to speed away.
A hit and run driver.
In a second I was in the street, holding Kyle in my arms. Tears were streaming down my face in buckets.
It was all my fault. Kyle could be dead and it was my fault. If I had just had the strength not to take that damn heroine, none of this would have happened. If he died, I would never forgive myself.
I dragged Kyle to the side of the road, so that no more cars could come and hit us. I looked at Kyle. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving; he wasn't making a sound. I looked at my hands and saw them covered in blood. I started crying harder.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know CPR or any other medical procedure. I didn't even have my cell phone with me to call 911. It was back at Adam's house.
So here I was with my fatally injured, possibly dead, best friend covered in blood in my arms and nothing to help him with. Suddenly, I felt like a boy again, a helpless boy who had to sit by and watch as his dad beat him and his mom, without being able to do anything. Except this time, it was much, much worse. This time it was Kyle's life on the line. There was only one thing that I could think to do.
"HELP!" I screamed through tears. "SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"
Julia…
I was walking down the street back to my apartment when I heard a scream. The voice, crying for help, sounded slightly familiar, but I couldn't quite make it out. It was being warped by the sound of sobs.
Someone was in serious danger, that much was clear. I started to run toward the sound. Someone needed urgent help and I was ready to provide it. Who I saw shouldn't have shocked me. As soon as I saw them I knew where I had heard the voice. It was really what I saw that had me taken aback more than anything else.
There, on the side of the road was Jimmy sobbing on the side of the road. This was Jimmy; the Jimmy that Derek just told me had a stoned episode in the middle of the Hit List after party. If this man who had under an hour ago been standing on a bar drunk and stoned was now crying, the situation could not be good.
I ran over and gasped. In Jimmy's arms, immobile and drenched in blood was Kyle.
"Jimmy!" I said. "What happened?"
Jimmy…
I squeezed Kyle tight to my chest as I continued to cry. From the other direction, I could hear the click of heels on pavement. I squinted, and through the blur of tears I could see a woman running towards me. At first, I could only make out her outline. As she came closer, more features became clear. I recognized her immediately. It was Julia. She jogged over, kneeled down next to me and gasped.
"Jimmy!" she said. "What happened?" I was crying so much that I could barely talk. After a few seconds though, I was able to explain.
"Kyle and I…" I began. "We, we got into a f-fight and he c-came to my b-brother's house to drop of my st-stuff. He just l-left it at the door so I w-went after him and the next thing I knew he was getting h-hit by a c-car. I r-ran to push him out of the w-way but I was too late." I began to heavily sob again.
"I don't have my cellphone to call an ambulance!" I screamed. "I don't even know if he's alive! What am I gonna do?!" Julia put a hand on my shoulder.
"It's going to be alright" she said. "I'll call an ambulance right now" She pulled out her cellphone and dialed 911.
Julia…
"Hello 911 what's your emergency?" said the voice coming out of my phone.
"Hi." I said. "I need an ambulance ASAP. A young man was just hit by a car and now he's not moving and he's bleeding."
"What exactly happened?" said the woman.
"I'm not sure exactly, but there's another young man here who saw it."
"Could you hand the phone to him please?"
"Sure" I said. I walked over to Jimmy and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Listen Jimmy" I said. "The woman taking the call just needs you to answer a few questions" Jimmy was still crying. "You can do it" I said. "Just think of Kyle. This could help him:
Jimmy…
I looked up at Julia as she held the phone out to me. I didn't think I could do it, I wasn't strong enough. But she was right. I had to, for Kyle. Doing this, could save him. With a shaking hand, I took the phone from Julia.
"Hello?" I said into the receiver. The woman must have been able to tell how hardly I was crying, because she was very kind right from the start.
"Alright honey I need you to just stay calm" she said. "The ambulance is on its way but I just need you to answer a few questions for me alright?"
I nodded, but then realizing that the woman couldn't see me, I responded with "yes"
"Now what happened?" she asked.
"We, the boy who got hit and I, we got into an argument. After he left, I went after him to try and resolve things, but when I caught up to him, it was too late. I saw him in the middle of the street with the car racing towards him."
"Okay" the woman said. "Is the car there now?"
"No" I said. "It was a hit and run."
"Did you catch the license plate?"
"No." I was trying to stay calm but it was getting harder with every minute. Every second Kyle was losing more blood. Why wasn't the ambulance here yet?
"Do you know how to check a pulse" the woman asked.
"Yes" I replied.
"Alright I need you to check your friend's pulse" Slowly and fearfully, I took Kyle's wrist in my hand and placed my index and middle fingers to his artery. I squinted my eyes, unable to think about what the outcome might be. What if I didn't get any pulse? What if Kyle was already dead?
Just then, I felt a beat hit my finger. Kyle had a pulse, he was still alive! I was hit with a surge of hope.
"Does he have a pulse?" the woman asked.
"Yes" I said. "It's slow, but it's there."
"Is he breathing?" the woman asked. I put my hand on Kyle's diaphragm. I felt it slowly rising up and down, but moving none the less.
"Yes." I replied. "But it's weak and slow"
"Alright" said the woman. "The ambulance should be there soon. In the meantime, see of you can cover the place where the blood is flowing from with a jacket."
"Okay" I said. I handed the phone back to Julia and began to rip off my jacket. I laid it over Kyle's chest and pushed it down, trying to clot the blood.
About a minute later, the ambulance arrived. Before I could even think there were a ton of doctors rushing out and putting Kyle onto a gurney. I wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance with him, but they wouldn't let me because he was in such critical condition.
The ambulance left in a loud roar of sirens and I fell to the ground sobbing. Julia placed a hand on my back.
"Come on" she said. "I'll drive you to the hospital"
…
About ten minutes later I was sitting in the hospital waiting room. I tried to stay with Kyle, but they obviously wouldn't let me into the operating room. Julia was on her phone, calling the cast of Hit List as well as Tom, Derek and Eileen. The hospital had called Kyle's parents. They were on their way.
I sat on a chair with his face buried in my hands. It was all my fault. Kyle was probably going to die and it was all my fault. I don't know how I'm ever going to go on with life if Kyle dies. For one thing, living without Kyle, without my brother, is something that I can't even imagine. Plus, I would never be able to live with the guilt of knowing that I was the reason he was dead.
All of my friends hated me. Karen, the only other person in my life that really mattered aside from Kyle, hated me. My parents were dead. My biological brother was a low life who dragged me down. My episode had gotten me kicked out of Hit List, rightfully so. What did I have left to live for if Kyle was gone?
About an hour later, the first people to arrive at the hospital were Kyle's parents. Next came Tom.
"How is he?" he asked Julia.
"We don't know" Julia said. He's been in the operating room since we got here roughly an hour ago. They haven't told us anything yet"
Tom sat down next to Julia. Throughout the next half hour, the others trickled in: Anna, a good amount of the Hit List Cast, even some of the Bombshells, including Ivy.
Finally, the last people to walk in were Karen and Derek They walked in together.
Karen…
After I got the call from Julia I was horrified. Derek and I knew we had to get to the hospital right away. Still, we both had to change out of our pajamas. Plus, the hospital where they were treating Kyle was about a twenty minute drive from my apartment. I felt bad walking in so late, but I knew it meant something just for me to be there.
When I walked into the waiting room, the first person I saw was Jimmy, crying. I knew that maybe I had judged him too harshly. I had still been angry with him about what happened in the show, but Kyle's situation was mellowing us all out. Tom and Julia, despite their huge fight, were holding hands. All over, members of the cast of Hit List and Bombshell seemed to be rid of tension. I knew that if everyone else was making amends, it was the right thing for me to do too. I walked over to Jimmy and sat down next to him.
"Hey" I said. "Are you okay?" Jimmy looked up at me and it was obvious that he had been crying all night. His face was flushed and tear stained and his eyes were still filled with water.
"Kyle could die Karen" he said to me, still in tears. "He could die and it's my fault."
"Hey" I said, trying to comfort him. "It's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. And we're all going to be here until they tell us the nature of the situation. I grabbed his hand and squeezed.
He looked at me as if he couldn't believe I was talking to him. I didn't blame him. I squeezed his hand harder and leaned my head on his shoulder. Maybe it was a good idea to try again.
Jimmy…
Everyone slept in the waiting room that night, except for me. I couldn't sleep, not with the thought that Kyle was possibly dying a few rooms over. Karen stayed up with me all night, keeping me company and comforting me. At about 6 o'clock in the morning, the doctor came out.
"Jimmy Collins?" he said. I stood up like lightning.
"What happened?" I asked, anxiously. The doctor had a somber look on his face. I started to walk backwards, assuming the worse.
"He's dead isn't he?" I said through tears. The doctor shook his head. I was relieved, but still scared. The doctor obviously did not bear good news.
"Kyle is in a coma" he said. "He's stable, you can see him, but I'm going to be honest with you, it doesn't look good.
Karen put a hand on my shoulder. I thanked the doctor and walked to Kyle's room. The tears started falling immediately after I waked in. To see my best friend like that, unconscious on a bed, hooked up to a bunch of machines and monitors, killed me.
I walked over to Kyle's bedside, pulled up a chair and sat down. I grabbed Kyle's hand and after collecting myself, began to speak
"Kyle" I said. "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. None of this would've happened if I wasn't such an idiot. Kyle you're my brother. Seeing you like this, it's killing me. If you only knew how fast I ran after I saw you go down…" I started to cry again.
"Kyle you've always believed in me. You've always been there for me, to catch me when I fell. I can't believe that the one time I wasn't there for you, this is what happened. I should've been there Kyle. I should've been there every step of the way, and I' m sorry. I'm so sorry.
"Remember how when we had rehearsal, you would always wake me up, and when I wouldn't get out of bed, you told me that I 'had to wake up' until I did. Well now it's my turn. Kyle, I'm telling you now, you have to wake up. You're not leaving me; I don't care what they say. You have to get up, and I'm going to help you every step of the way until you do"
I stayed with Kyle for another hour, just sitting in silence. That was a month ago.
I had been going to the hospital every day and spending most of my day there, just sitting with Kyle, telling him stories about our memories, singing him his favorite songs and even reading him his favorite books.
Yesterday afternoon, the doctors told me that things were not looking good. So last night, I thought of what I would do for Kyle today if it was in fact the last time I would get to speak to him.
So now I'm sitting by Kyle's bed side, getting ready to begin my plans. I was crying all day, there's no stopping it this time.
"Kyle." I say "The doctors are telling me that I should think about saying my goodbyes. I believe in you and I still know that eventually, you're going to wake up. But, just in case, I wrote you a song" Gathering up my strength, I begin to sing the ballad that expresses everything I feel for my brother
Song: The Love I Meant to Say
Over, I can't believe it's over
I can't believe the love I lived
To show some other day
Listen, I hope that you can hear me
As I kneel down and pray, with the love I meant to say
Shadows, you took away the shadows
Yesterday your life was black and white
Though tonight the room's gone gray
Golden, all the love you gave was golden
Gold that I would gladly pay
To show the love I meant to say
Oh music, you made me hear such music
Without you here to guide me
I feel as though I'll fly away
Sorry; that's the word, I wanna sing to you
The other word is, stay
To hear the love I meant to say
Kyle…
I can hear you Jimmy. I may be asleep but I can hear you. Don't you give up on me yet. You always take forever to get up, but I always make sure you do and I know you're going to do the same for me. Brothers stick together 'till the end. I'm not leaving you yet.
Jimmy…
I'm crying as I finish my song. Although part of me wants to have hope, I know that a final goodbye is most likely nearing. I'm holding Kyle's hand and leaning over him crying.
Just then, out of the blue, I feel a squeeze. I feel a tight squeeze on my hand. I look down and see Kyle's hand with a firm grip on mine, not letting go.
"DOCTOR!" I scream
…
A few days later, Kyle still hasn't woken up. The doctors were still telling me there was no hope, but I had faith. Kyle squeezed my hand. I knew that was his way of saying "five more minutes."
I'm staying at Karen's place until Kyle is awake and strong enough for us to go back home. Karen and I are in the kitchen making dinner when my phone rings.
Even though I have hope, hearing that ring still worries me. Karen puts her hand on my shoulder and looks at me as if to tell me she knows it's going to be fine.
"Hello?" I say.
…
I run as fast as I can and I'm at the hospital in 10 minutes.
I burst into Kyle's room and tears come to my eyes.
Because there he is, sitting up in his bed, smiling at me with those big bright eyes and that cheery smile.
"Hey Jimmy" he says.