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Arianna: And here we are again, another humor story!
Erk: It's going to be about me and my future brat.
Arianna: Heehee. Not just you and your brat, but other dad's and their brats, too. :D Well, here I go. I'll give it a try.
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own FE, but I do own this idea.
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The kid had definitely inherited its mother's voice.
It had not stopped screaming at the top of its lungs for the last two hours. Lord Pent and Lady Louise mysteriously had errands to run and Serra was out picking up baby stuff, so our favorite purple-haired sage was stuck with a crying kid. His crying kid, to be specific. He remembered when it had first been born. It came out screaming, and Erk asked the doctors (when he woke up, since he passed out watching Serra give birth) if they could put it back in and bring out a less noisy one. And since then, it had rarely stopped screaming, except to sleep and eat. Things had been this way for the last three years.
Yes, Erk was the proud daddy of a three year old, purple haired, blue-eyed, little girl named Amethyst. Amy, for short. Serra had picked the name because of the baby's hair color. Erk had wanted to name her 'Ugh' after his mother, but Serra flat-out rejected that idea.
But, getting back to the point, since everyone else was out, Erk was stuck watching the kid. The screaming kid.
"Look, Amy, it's your dolly!" Erk said, trying to tempt her into silence with a doll, but it was to no avail.
"Nooo! Me want mommy! Mommy!" wailed Amethyst. Daddy just wasn't as much fun as Mommy. Daddy only wanted to read his books and he was always telling her to be quiet, which little Amy couldn't understand. Mommy talked all the time, and Daddy never yelled at her! "Where Mommy go?" said Amy, distressed.
A vein in Erk's forehead twitched. "Mommy went shopping. She's buying you lots of candy and toys!" Erk lied, which was really setting a bad example for his daughter, but at the moment, he was beyond caring. "But you have to be good until she gets back or you won't get anything!" he said.
Amy stopped crying and sniffled. Candy? Amy liked candy! Toys? Amy liked toys! "Okay, Daddy. Me be good." Amy promised, then smiled her innocent little smile. Erk sighed with relief and walked back over to his tomes, leaving Amy to play with her doll. Or so he thought. A little while later, when he looked up, she was gone!
"Amy?" he called out, standing up and scanning the room. "AMY!" he yelled louder when he realized she was, in fact, not in the room. Which meant she was somewhere else. Which leads to the conclusion that he had lost his kid, and that was not a good thing in the book of parenting.
Erk ran out of his study room and down the halls, screaming for Amy and startling all the servants. Yes, servants, for he still lived in Castle Reglay. Bit humiliating, actually, to be married, have a kid, and still be living with the people he considered his parents. But I digress, as this wasn't what was on Erk's mind as he continued to shout for his missing daughter. "AMY! Where are you? Daddy doesn't want to play hide and seek!" Erk shouted. He ran out the door and through the garden, looking for any sign that his daughter had been there. That's when he heard something that chilled his blood.
"Daddy! Wook at me! I tallwher than you!" came Amethyst's voice from above him. He looked up to see his three year old daughter standing high above the ground on a stone pillar. How had she gotten up there? More importantly, how would he get her down?
"AH! Amy! Don't move! Daddy will get you down!" Yes, at some point he would have to get her down. The only problem was how. His first idea was to try to climb up to where she was, so he took off his cape and wrapped it around the pillar. He then attempted to run up it like maybe a mountain climber would, the only problem being that Erk was not a mountain climber. He was a sage, and sages don't climb very well. So he quickly lost grip and fell back down to the ground, much to the amusement of his daughter.
"Heehee! Daddy funny!" giggled Amethyst from her seat on top the pillar. Erk just grumbled and stood up rubbing his injured bottom. He briefly wondered why castles had to have pillars, anyway.
"Don't worry, Amy! Just stay still and Daddy will fetch a ladder and climb up and save you! Just don't move!" Erk shouted up to Amy. But she had other plans. She stood up and bent her little knees.
"NO! Don't jump, Amy! Sit down and wait for me to bring a ladder!" pleaded Erk, almost hysterically. But Amy wasn't a very patient little girl, and she thought her idea was much faster and better than her daddy's. So she jumped, and Erk screamed in a very unmanly way before running forward to catch her.
She was falling………
Falling………….
Falling…..
Annnnddd….
CAUGHT! Yes, Erk may not be too good at climbing, but he seemed to be rather good at catching things. All those fights with Serra where she would throw things at him had really paid off. He gasped for air for he had stopped breathing the last few minutes. Amy just giggled again.
"Again, Daddy!" she said gleefully. Erk ignored her request and carried her back inside the castle. Being that this is Serra's daughter, and she had just not gotten her way, she instantly burst into tears. "Daddy bein' MEAN!" she wailed. And when he ignored her cries, she started thrashing around so much that he had to put her down. Once she was down, she stubbornly refused to stand back up, and continued screaming as loud as she could.
Erk was ready to start crying himself. A few of the servants had stopped to see what was going on, but most of them were used to Amethyst's hysterics by now and kept going about their business. Erk decided to resort back to bribery. "Amy, if you don't come back inside and stop crying, you won't get any candy." Erk warned, but Amy wasn't falling for it this time around.
"No! Me no want candy! Me want to jump off tree!" Amy cried, and pouted cutely. Tree, of course, meant pillar. You can't expect a three year old to know what a pillar is, unless it's some super intelligent three year old. But Amy was not a child genius. She had a normal IQ for a kid her age, and was instead a super whiney three year old.
Erk was running out of ideas. He had fought enemies that were less difficult than this child, back in the days when he and Serra were part of the successful, but slightly comical, 'Eliwood's Elite'. This girl could have had Nergal in fits after five minutes. He was thinking of just giving up and letting her jump off the darn pillar. He could probably catch her, and if he didn't, well, he and Serra were still young. They could have another. But then, an idea struck. And it struck hard. Or that might have just been Amy throwing rocks she found on the ground at him for being a 'Bad Daddy'. She really took after her mother with that habit of throwing things at him.
"Hey, Amy, guess what I've got?" he said coyly. Amy stopped her tantrum and looked up at him. He smiled. "I've got a secret!" he said, with fake excitement in his voice. Amy squealed. All girls like secrets.
"What, what is it, Daddy?" she asked, now on her feet, jumping up and down. Erk smirked inwardly that his plan was working.
"I can't tell you until we're inside, or someone might overhear it" he explained, convincingly. "Why don't we go to your room, and I'll tell you there?" he said, coaxingly. Amy grabbed her father by the hand and started pulling him towards the door. He followed her to her room, where she then let go of his hand, and flopped down on the floor.
"Secret! Secret!" she chanted. Erk sat down in a chair near where Amy was laying.
"Alright, the secret is…I know a really good story!" he said. Amy clapped her hands and pulled some of her favorite pillows over. Daddy told good stories, although some of them were a bit unbelievable. Even she knew there was no such thing as dragons or horses that could fly. They were just in fantasy picture books. But she liked to listen to those stories anyway.
"Well, once upon a time, there was a beautiful priestess with pink hair and magical powers that made her able to heal even the worst wounds." Erk began.
"That sounds wike Mommy!" squealed Amethyst. Her Mommy was something called a cleric, though, not a priestess. But she did have pink hair, and whenever Amy would get a boo-boo from playing with Auntie Louise's arrows, Mommy always healed it.
"And one day, this beautiful priestess happened to, by chance, run into a handsome young mage with purple hair." Erk continued. "The priestess needed an escort to get her back home safely, so the young mage agreed to help her."
As the story went on, Amy felt her eyelids drooping closed. She put up a brave struggle, for she wanted to hear the end of the story, but in the end, she fell asleep.
"And they had a beautiful daughter and lived happily ever after." Erk finished. He picked up his sleeping daughter and tucked her in her bed, then walked back downstairs, hoping to finish his work in his study before Serra got home. But, just as he closed the door, he heard Amy cry out "DADDY!" at the top of her lungs. Erk almost bashed his head into the door. Reluctantly, he turned back around to see his daughter's eyes half open.
"What is it, Amy?" he asked in a tired voice, hoping she wasn't going to ask to jump off the roof this time.
"I love you, Daddy."
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Latisha: AGH! What is with you and the sappy, sweet stuff lately?
Serra: AWW! Our daughter is so cute!
Arianna: This is just the first. I know it's short, but I'm just trying to set the ball in motion. I'm going to do all the fathers with their children. The next two are going to be Jaffar, with Lugh and Rei, and Bartre, with Fir. Well, g'bye for now!
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Amy: -big, puppy-dog eyes- Pweese review!
Erk: Using my child for manipulation purposes…..that's just lovely…..
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