I have a sad story to tell you.
It may grieve and scare you a bit.
I found the head of Dr. Grumman
Beneath a thick layer of…
Shaving cream.
Be nice and clean.
Shave everyday and you'll always look keen.
(Repeated after each verse)
Up north I was caught by the bear-king.
I thought him a nasty old git.
But because I was so high-ranking,
He gave me a whole lot of…
I needed a way to my fortress.
I opened a doorway to it.
I blasted the universe open,
And let in all manner of…
Marisa rushed forward to hold me.
She sure can be strange, I'll admit.
When I said "Come with me," she told me,
"Lord Asriel, you're so full of…"
While spying on top Church officials,
Stelmaria threw a great fit.
Lord Roke listened in on his lodestone,
But the darn thing just kept saying…
Marisa and I were both fighting
Metatron o'er an abyss.
We grabbed him, leapt off, and went sliding.
All five of us fell into…
I fear that my story has ended.
I'm dead, and that means I must quit.
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a barrel of…