"Bellatrix! How could you hurt my pwetty pwetty SIRIUS!" Voldemort wailed, "CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO!"
"AHHHHHH!" Bellatrix screamed.
Snape looked on, wondering what the hell was going on.
Then Remus came flying through the window.
"It's my Sirius, dammit," he screamed, before launching himself at Voldemort.
"AHHHHH!" Voldemort screamed, and what a girly scream it was.
"MY PWETTY PWETTY SIRIUS!"
"MY SIRIUS DAMMIT!"
"MY PWETTY PWETTY SIRIUS!"
"MY SIRIUS DAMMIT!"
"MY PWETTY PWETTY SIRIUS!"
"MY SIRIUS DAMMIT!"
"SCREW THIS! AVADA KEDEVRA!"
"AHHHH! I'll see you in heaven my Sirius!"…Two seconds later…"DAMMIT! YOU MISSED!"
"MY PWETTY PWETTY SIRIUS!"
"MY SIRIUS DAMMIT!"
"MY PWETTY PWETTY SIRIUS!"
"MY SIRIUS DAMMIT!"
Bellatrix twitched on the floor next to Snape, whose jaw was now laying on the floor.
"What the hell is going on?" he asked to no one in particular, as Voldemort cast another AK at Remus. Then Voldemort hit his knees and wailed.
"NO! Now he will be with my pwetty pwetty Sirius! I must get to my pwetty pwetty Sirius before him!" And with that Voldemort AKed himself.
Bellatrix twitched one last time and died.
Snape looked at his arm, and seeing no Dark Mark, wondered if this was all a weird dream caused by drinking to much.
"That's it," Snape said to himself, "No more Vodka for me."
In heaven, Sirius and Remus lived happily ever after.
In hell, Voldemort was tortured by being forced to watch Sirius live happily ever after with Remus.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" was heard all across hell.