Notes: I wanted to make this story different from the original Ouran High School Host Club, so I added some twists. Marco is the "Tamaki", Levi the "Kyoya", Erwin the "Mori", Jean and Eren the "Hikaru and Kaoru", and Sasha the "Hunny". Unlike the original OHSHC, this host club is co-ed, which is why I added Sasha. Armin is the role of "Haruhi", and yes, he is male. I just thought he fits the part best- awkward, intelligent, etc. I also could not decide the POVs for the chapters, so it alternates between characters POV and No POV. Ok! On with the story!

I was just looking for a place to study. All I wanted was a quiet, open room to sit down and read in peace. The school had three libraries. I would've thought one of them would be quiet. However, they weren't.

I went up to the third floor. I never really went up here before… All the doors were locked but one, Music Room 3. Huh, I thought, an empty music room. Finally, a quiet spot.

I opened up the enormous heavy doors and was smacked in the face with the scent of flowers and pastry. Wow, for a music room, it smells more like heaven than dusty AC and spit dwelling in the brass instruments.

I grimaced at that thought. I was once in band. I had nightmares about the saliva in those trombones. I shook it off and walked inside.

The room was beautifully furnished with cushioned benches, wooden tables with carved legs and feet, endless displays of flowers, and low coffee tables with gorgeous tea sets laid out. If you ask me, it looked more like a café.

"Welcome to the Ouran High School Host Club!"

I nearly had a heart attack and dropped my books. "Dear God!" I exclaimed. I looked to my left. On the far side of the room, were fived well-groomed dudes, looking at me with their legs folded. One was typing on a laptop angrily. The other four were smiling at me. And then there was a girl… who was eating cake like there was no tomorrow.

"Uh… where am I?"

The one sitting in the middle stood up and gracefully walked up to me; he kind of walked like a swan, if that makes sense. "This is the Ouran High School Host Club, and I am Marco Bodt, president of this establishment! And who might you be?" This 'Marco' spoke with a very charming, flowy tone. He looked like a fashion doll. The perfect hair, freckles, his uniform was super on point.

"I, um, I think I have the wrong room…sir…" I dropped to floor and began scooping up my papers and textbooks.

"Hey wait a sec, aren't you the scholarship student?" I looked up to see two other guys staring down at me. "Uh… yeah. Why?"

"Oh wow, a commoner! I've never seen one!" said the girl with the cake. "Yeah… I guess you could say that. I-I-I-I really gotta go now." I picked up my stuff and tried to make a break for the door. I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. "Wait, wait, wait, don't you wanna stay?" These two boys spoke perfectly in sync. Weird. "Um, no, actually…" They looked at each other, then at me. "Hahaha! Funny!" They led me to one of the cushioned benches. They simultaneously plopped down on either side of me, folded their legs, and smiled.

"Tell us about yourself!"

"Yeah, where do you live?"

"How'd you get into this school?"

"Uh…"

"You want some tea?" asked cake girl.

"Why are you here?" asked the laptop dude. Man, did he look angry.

"We rarely get scholarship students at this school," said a super tall dude with with Captain America Hair.

I just wanted to study. "Look, I really must be going." I stood up again to leave. "WAIT!"

I turned to see Marco standing in a weird pose. "Yes?"

"Are you gay?"

I almost dropped my stuff again. "WHAT?!" He threw his arm around me. "Something tells me that you… aren't straight." I tore away from him. "Why is this happening to m-"

Just then I tripped over thin air. My stuff went flying. I crashed into a pedestal with a nice looking 2-foot statue of a Roman goddess on it. The statue fell and smashed into a million pieces.

Just like my pride.

I kind of wanted to cry. This was the most embarrassing experience of my life, and breaking this statue was the cherry on top. Ow…

The room was silent. I stood up, unsure of what was coming next. I dusted off my sweater. The angry looking boy who was typing angrily closed his laptop. Oh dear God, help me, I thought frantically. He stood up, looked at me, looked at the statue, then back at me, then the statue.

"Tch. That statue was going to be at our next auction. It was going for $800,000."

I nearly fainted. "Eight… hundred thousand…?" I stuttered. He just shrugged. "What can I say, it was imported."

Oh god, my grandfather's gonna kill me. We don't have money like that…

"Well…" I choked out, "c-can I pay you back… or something?"

The two synced boys laughed hysterically. "With what money! You couldn't even buy a uniform!" they said, totally in sync.

The uniform was $3000… Who in the hell would pay that much for a uniform…? I thought.

Freckles jumped in. "I have an IDEA!" he announced. "YOU-" he pointed at me. " YOU WILL BE OUR NEW ERRAND BOY TO PAY OFF YOUR DEBT!" he smiled wildly. I could see the Shorty struggling not to smile. Captain America said nothing. Cake Girl was eating a lollipop now. The weird ones still laughed.

This was too much.

One second, I'm looking for a place to do my homework. The next second in $800,000 in debt.

Good job, Armin, 11/10, I thought to myself. I looked at the statue, then my books all over the floor, then at the nutcases. I fell to my knees. Now I really wanted to cry. Marco was still in another world, twirling around, naming things I could do to make their lives easier.

"You can start tomorrow!"

"No," the Shorty said. "He can start NOW, by cleaning up the $800,000 he just spent." He threw a broom at me.

Kill me now.

The Next Day.

I arrived at Music Room 3 "promptly after classes ended" as Marco told me. I was much less than happy to start my new life as the Host Club's dog.

I was at this school on scholarship. I needed to focus on my work. I didn't have time to entertain these rich people. This was really a nightmare.

"Oh, Armin, you're here!" said Weirdo #2. "Hey boss! The errand boy is here!"

Oh nice, degraded from Armin to Errand Boy in a matter of seconds, I thought gloomily. Short-stack was typing angrily again. Marco came dancing out of nowhere. "Armin! Hi! Hello! Our guests will be here soon! Can you go put on some tea?"

"Guests?" I asked. "Do you guys realize I have no idea WHAT this club is?" Marco stopped smiling. Shorty stopped typing. "Well, let me explain." Marco pulled me into a corner.

"The Host Club is a group of idle boys, aka us, who entertain our female clients," he said.

"So… like a strip club?"

"Uh…no. "

"Well, how do you entertain them?"

"Well, *ahem*mostly flirt, serve tea, be total gentleman, say romantic things, ya know."

"And why would girls wanna be entertained by you guys?"

"We all have different qualities different girls desire. Erwin is the strong, silent type. Levi is the intense, striking type. Jean and Eren are the mischievous type. They also display a sense of Brotherly Love that the girls LOVE, even though they're not brothers, they're just cousins. However, they were raised together and are inseparable. I am the princely, all over awesome type. Heh heh…"

"Um… okay… so if this is for girls, what's with cake girl? Is she like part of a lesbian package?"

Marco laughed out loud. "Oh, GOD no… although we focus primarily on young women, we also have a few male clients. Mostly insecure, nerdy boys. Despite Sasha's bizarre attitude, she's quite popular with the boys. They find her bubbliness… um… what's the word… What's that word, Erwin?"

"Kawaii."

"Yeah! Kawaii!"

Levi closed his laptop. "The expenses on her and all that damn cake aren't very kawaii," he said.

"He seems very angry, but he's a really nice person on the inside. His request rate is 30%," Marco whispered.

Sasha burst out of one of the attached rooms. "We're almost out of whipped cream!" she announced frantically. "Speaking of which, we need tea and coffee," Levi added. Everyone looked at me. I exhaled.

"Okay, I'll go to the store. Make a list so I get everything you guys need."

Levi pulled a notebook out of like, thin air and a pen from behind his ear. He started writing intensively. After 45 seconds of scribbling, he swiftly tore out the page perfectly. He handed me the list.

Somehow, he constructed a 62-item list in under a minute. His handwriting was perfect. The list looked typed.

I swallowed. "Okay. I'll be back."

I ran out the door. Why are they all mental?