Kiss Off
PG-13 (language)
Set: A few weeks into the fall semester
Thanks to the Violent Femmes for the epigraph and the title.
Kiss Off
I need someone, a person to talk to
Someone who'd care to love
Could it be you
Could it be you
Situation gets rough
Then I start to panic
It's not enough
It's just a habit
Hey kid you're sick
Darling this is it
You can all just kiss off into the air
Behind my back I can see them stare
They'll hurt me bad but I won't mind
They'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
Yeah yeah, they do it all the time
I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record
Oh yeah well don't get so distressed
Did I happen to mention that I'm impressed
I take one one one 'cause you left me
And two two two for my family
And 3 3 3 for my heartache
And 4 4 4 for my headaches
And 5 5 5 for my lonely
And 6 6 6 for my sorrow
And 7 7 7 for no tomorrow
And 8 8 8 I forget what 8 was for
And 9 9 9 for a lost god
And 10 10 10 for everything everything everything everything
Jess sat cross-legged on the bridge, hunched over and staring into the hypnotic smolder of
his cigarette. He'd quit for a while, but Shane didn't care if he smoked, and he could deal
with Luke's complaining. The nicotine made it easier to deal with what had happened
between him and Rory.
Rory. He hardened his heart against the emotions that threatened whenever he thought about
her. He took a hard drag on the cigarette, remembering. She'd kissed him, then run off
to Washington without saying anything, and now she was back. Apparently she still didn't think
that there was anything to talk about with him; she'd barely said more than 5 words to him in
the diner today. And they were very innocuous words.
He inhaled again. 'Friendship,' he thought bitterly. 'What a waste of time. Shane
gives me everything I really need.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out the
bottle of tequila that Shane had left in his bedroom the day before. It was more than half empty,
but enough. "Including keeping me supplied with the instruments of my vices," he muttered aloud.
"I thought you quit," said a voice from behind him.
Jess finished the cigarette and stood, flicking the butt into the lake. "Didn't see the point
in it."
"Your health?" Rory chastised him.
Jess snorted. "Something else'll kill me first." He held up the tequila. " 'Exterminate all
rational thought—That is the conclusion I have come to'," he quoted. Rory looked a little
shocked. She was staring at the liquor, so he unscrewed the lid from the bottle and drank
from it. "Did you have a nice time in Washington?"
Rory winced, surprised at the faux sweetness in his voice. "Sure." She took a step closer to him.
"How was your summer?"
"Wonderful." The sarcasm was laced with anger. He took another swig of the tequila. "I
got laid a lot. Made even Stars Hollow reasonably bearable."
Rory flinched at the graphic image of him in bed with another girl. She couldn't
believe how harsh he was being with her. "You chose to come back..."
Jess gave another bitter laugh. "Yeah, well, people make stupid mistakes when they think
they have a good reason." He turned the bottle up to his lips again.
Rory looked worried. "Jess, you're going to get drunk..."
"Oh really?" He'd never been this defensive toward her. "Thank you for the biology
lesson, Miss Gilmore. Tequila does indeed make human beings drunk. Damn, that private
school is doing a good job with you."
He watched her reel from his sarcasm and downed another shot of the liquor, steeling
himself against the guilt for hurting her. "Yes, Rory, I'm going to get drunk. So maybe
you shouldn't be talking to me. And I'll be hungover in the morning too, so maybe you
shouldn't talk to me then either." The guilt rose anyway and he drank again.
"Is that really what you want?" she asked meekly. She barely managed to keep her voice
from breaking.
"What I want?" Jess almost exploded. He knew he was drinking too fast, but he wanted the sharp
bite of the liquor to distract him from the way she made him feel. He tilted the bottle again.
"When has what I wanted ever mattered to you? When have you ever thought about me?" Talking to
her hurt, and he raised the bottle to his lips yet again, willing the fire to burn away the
loneliness and sorrow. "There were three weeks between the time you kissed me and the day you
left for Washington." He took a slightly wobbly step toward her. "You ignored me the whole time.
I understood that you regretted kissing me and wanted me to go away. So why the hell are you
talking to me now?"
"Because I…" she started.
"It's a rhetorical question, Rory." He stared at the bottle, trying to gauge how much he'd
drank. He couldn't remember how full it had been before. "I don't really want an answer.
My imagination is reliably less painful than the truth."
"I'm sorry I hurt you." Rory's voice was soft and wounded and Jess drank again to
squelch his remorse.
"Yeah, well, me too, Rory. I thought you'd be the last person to do it." The tequila had
loosened his inhibitions and he drank again, spilling the liquor down his chin and wiping
his mouth with his sleeve. "But that's just my own stupidity, huh? He flung the words at
her, trying to hurt her back. "I should have known you wouldn't be any better than the
rest of the assholes in this town. I was an idiot for coming back to you."
Rory looked like he had hit her. "Jess, that's not fair." He could hear from her voice that
she was crying, but his emotions were dulled by the tequila and he only felt angry.
"Fair?" His voice was dark and slurred as he walked toward her. "You wanna know
what's not fair, Rory?" He slugged the last of the liquor from the bottle and hurled it
against a tree, shattering the glass and causing Rory to cringe. "What's not fair is that no
matter what I do, no matter how much I drink, no matter how many times I fuck Shane,
you're still there." She turned her head against the smell of the tequila as he
grabbed her arms and pulled her toward him. He moved his face close to hers so his voice was a
harsh whisper in her ear. "Every night in my dreams, wrapping your arms around me and pressing
your lips against me, tender and sweet and everything I ever wanted in the world. That's what's
not fair, Rory. Even though you made it plain you don't want me, I still can't get what it felt
like to kiss you out of my head." He roughly pushed her away from him, stumbling slightly and
turning away from her. "Go away, Rory. Just get the hell away from me." Rory turned, covering
her mouth with her hands to damp down the sobs that were rising in her throat, and ran
toward home.
PG-13 (language)
Set: A few weeks into the fall semester
Thanks to the Violent Femmes for the epigraph and the title.
Kiss Off
I need someone, a person to talk to
Someone who'd care to love
Could it be you
Could it be you
Situation gets rough
Then I start to panic
It's not enough
It's just a habit
Hey kid you're sick
Darling this is it
You can all just kiss off into the air
Behind my back I can see them stare
They'll hurt me bad but I won't mind
They'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
Yeah yeah, they do it all the time
I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record
Oh yeah well don't get so distressed
Did I happen to mention that I'm impressed
I take one one one 'cause you left me
And two two two for my family
And 3 3 3 for my heartache
And 4 4 4 for my headaches
And 5 5 5 for my lonely
And 6 6 6 for my sorrow
And 7 7 7 for no tomorrow
And 8 8 8 I forget what 8 was for
And 9 9 9 for a lost god
And 10 10 10 for everything everything everything everything
Jess sat cross-legged on the bridge, hunched over and staring into the hypnotic smolder of
his cigarette. He'd quit for a while, but Shane didn't care if he smoked, and he could deal
with Luke's complaining. The nicotine made it easier to deal with what had happened
between him and Rory.
Rory. He hardened his heart against the emotions that threatened whenever he thought about
her. He took a hard drag on the cigarette, remembering. She'd kissed him, then run off
to Washington without saying anything, and now she was back. Apparently she still didn't think
that there was anything to talk about with him; she'd barely said more than 5 words to him in
the diner today. And they were very innocuous words.
He inhaled again. 'Friendship,' he thought bitterly. 'What a waste of time. Shane
gives me everything I really need.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out the
bottle of tequila that Shane had left in his bedroom the day before. It was more than half empty,
but enough. "Including keeping me supplied with the instruments of my vices," he muttered aloud.
"I thought you quit," said a voice from behind him.
Jess finished the cigarette and stood, flicking the butt into the lake. "Didn't see the point
in it."
"Your health?" Rory chastised him.
Jess snorted. "Something else'll kill me first." He held up the tequila. " 'Exterminate all
rational thought—That is the conclusion I have come to'," he quoted. Rory looked a little
shocked. She was staring at the liquor, so he unscrewed the lid from the bottle and drank
from it. "Did you have a nice time in Washington?"
Rory winced, surprised at the faux sweetness in his voice. "Sure." She took a step closer to him.
"How was your summer?"
"Wonderful." The sarcasm was laced with anger. He took another swig of the tequila. "I
got laid a lot. Made even Stars Hollow reasonably bearable."
Rory flinched at the graphic image of him in bed with another girl. She couldn't
believe how harsh he was being with her. "You chose to come back..."
Jess gave another bitter laugh. "Yeah, well, people make stupid mistakes when they think
they have a good reason." He turned the bottle up to his lips again.
Rory looked worried. "Jess, you're going to get drunk..."
"Oh really?" He'd never been this defensive toward her. "Thank you for the biology
lesson, Miss Gilmore. Tequila does indeed make human beings drunk. Damn, that private
school is doing a good job with you."
He watched her reel from his sarcasm and downed another shot of the liquor, steeling
himself against the guilt for hurting her. "Yes, Rory, I'm going to get drunk. So maybe
you shouldn't be talking to me. And I'll be hungover in the morning too, so maybe you
shouldn't talk to me then either." The guilt rose anyway and he drank again.
"Is that really what you want?" she asked meekly. She barely managed to keep her voice
from breaking.
"What I want?" Jess almost exploded. He knew he was drinking too fast, but he wanted the sharp
bite of the liquor to distract him from the way she made him feel. He tilted the bottle again.
"When has what I wanted ever mattered to you? When have you ever thought about me?" Talking to
her hurt, and he raised the bottle to his lips yet again, willing the fire to burn away the
loneliness and sorrow. "There were three weeks between the time you kissed me and the day you
left for Washington." He took a slightly wobbly step toward her. "You ignored me the whole time.
I understood that you regretted kissing me and wanted me to go away. So why the hell are you
talking to me now?"
"Because I…" she started.
"It's a rhetorical question, Rory." He stared at the bottle, trying to gauge how much he'd
drank. He couldn't remember how full it had been before. "I don't really want an answer.
My imagination is reliably less painful than the truth."
"I'm sorry I hurt you." Rory's voice was soft and wounded and Jess drank again to
squelch his remorse.
"Yeah, well, me too, Rory. I thought you'd be the last person to do it." The tequila had
loosened his inhibitions and he drank again, spilling the liquor down his chin and wiping
his mouth with his sleeve. "But that's just my own stupidity, huh? He flung the words at
her, trying to hurt her back. "I should have known you wouldn't be any better than the
rest of the assholes in this town. I was an idiot for coming back to you."
Rory looked like he had hit her. "Jess, that's not fair." He could hear from her voice that
she was crying, but his emotions were dulled by the tequila and he only felt angry.
"Fair?" His voice was dark and slurred as he walked toward her. "You wanna know
what's not fair, Rory?" He slugged the last of the liquor from the bottle and hurled it
against a tree, shattering the glass and causing Rory to cringe. "What's not fair is that no
matter what I do, no matter how much I drink, no matter how many times I fuck Shane,
you're still there." She turned her head against the smell of the tequila as he
grabbed her arms and pulled her toward him. He moved his face close to hers so his voice was a
harsh whisper in her ear. "Every night in my dreams, wrapping your arms around me and pressing
your lips against me, tender and sweet and everything I ever wanted in the world. That's what's
not fair, Rory. Even though you made it plain you don't want me, I still can't get what it felt
like to kiss you out of my head." He roughly pushed her away from him, stumbling slightly and
turning away from her. "Go away, Rory. Just get the hell away from me." Rory turned, covering
her mouth with her hands to damp down the sobs that were rising in her throat, and ran
toward home.