Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory or the characters I'm writing about. Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady are the geniuses responsible for the greatness of TBBT and The Shamy. This work is intended only as an homage to our favorite couple, whatever their current relationships status.
Author's Note: My hope, now that Sheldon and Amy are at least spending time together again, is that we'd get to see some of the New Sheldon in their interactions. I'm hoping that his feelings for Amy will shine through his actions, and rather than feeling like she has been sidelined to the Friend Zone, she'll see just how much he really cares for her.
My initial intent with this story was just to write a series of short shots of Sheldon showing his feelings through his actions, so you'll find some short chapters or sections here. But I'm already got a few chapters ready to go, and dang these crazy kids want to get back together so badly they seem to be prodding me to write more and more towards a reconciliation, so hang on, I think that's coming eventually in this story, too. Hope you enjoy the ride, whenever we eventually get there, in my FF and well as the show!
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and my ramblings, I'd love to get your feedback. Also feel free to PM me any other ideas you have for Sheldon showing his feelings even though they're "just friends." I'll see what I can do.
It happened slowly for Amy Farrah Fowler. For six months she had been without her sweet babboo, and for nearly six months she had wondered if she had made a mistake. It had all fallen apart so very quickly: flaring tempers on both sides, hurtful words, unspoken pain, lack of communication. How had they even gotten here? The only thing she knew for sure was that they had both screwed up; that was certain.
For nearly six months she had tried to convince herself that she really was better off without him, as people kept telling her. For six months she would find herself randomly thinking about him when she was alone, and it never failed to make her cry. Not once. It was a lie, she knew. Her life was not better without him. It was different for sure. It seemed like she had all the options in the world. She could go where she wanted, eat whatever food she wanted any night of the week, date whomever she wanted, kiss whomever she wanted, but good Lord, all she really wanted was him. She had denied it, argued against herself, listened as her friends offered all the reasons she should find someone else, sure that they were being helpful. She had nodded in agreement, even dated. Several times. But she had realized that no one and nothing measured up. She sighed heavily. She knew they had issues, and she knew they needed to work on some things, but no one, not one other person in the world could ever be to her what Sheldon was. They just fit.
Little by little she realized it. Whatever they needed to figure out, she wanted to do it together. She had said she needed to re-evaluate; well, she had and she had realized that the good in their relationship outweighed the bad, and in fact the good had only been getting better, and the bad less frequent. At the end of the day, isn't that what everyone in every relationship was shooting for? She thought so. The problem was, what to do now? There was such a chasm between them, how would she even go about starting a conversation with him? And, her heart hated to even ask, but what if he really had moved on without her? What then?
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He had called her. Oh good gracious he had called her. He had offered her his 2 tickets to a holiday buffet at the aquarium, and she had done it. She had been bold enough to suggest they go together. Oh my, oh my, oh my. This was good. They would be able to see each other on neutral turf, so to speak. They could see each other and talk and just...be. This was good. This was good, right?
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Oh, the day had been more than good. It had been wonderful. It had been more than she could have hoped. Being with him, just as she had both hoped and feared it would, made her realize just how much she had missed him. Yes, he was it for her. She wanted him, not some idealized version of a man that other people told her she should hunt down. She knew he had enjoyed himself, too. That much was clear. And he was so sweet. He talked to her honestly, he complimented her. He had wanted to know her relationship status, though he had been too polite to ask at first (in fact, his demeanor surprised her...) and he had really, really wanted to know if she had had coitus with anyone. That had to be a good sign that he still wants to be with me, right? Thank goodness the answer she could honestly give him was no. As if I could have...I couldn't even handle a real kiss with someone else... Oh god help her, she loved him. She had known that of course, she wasn't that good at lying to herself, but maybe she had been good enough to hide just how much she still loved him, or maybe being with him today just made it that much stronger.
But then it had happened. She had impulsively told him she wanted to be his girlfriend again. It was true, but in retrospect, she probably shouldn't have done it that way. She just knew she didn't want to spend any more days without being joined to him, and she hadn't the sense to wait. And he had said it. He had said they should just be friends. What? That's how this whole things started in the first place. Yes, she loved being his friend, but how was she supposed to go back to just that? Oh it hurt. Being without him had hurt, but how much more would being with him and not having him as hers hurt? Why had he said that? Did he not love her anymore? He had said he didn't excel at getting over her. Did that mean he still loved her? Did that mean he was still trying to get over her? Did that mean he had finally succeeded in getting over her and didn't want to end up falling for her charms again? Oh yes, it already hurt much, much worse. But she knew she would agree. She would rather have him as a friend than live without him in her life. She would just have to focus on all the fun, friend-like things they could do together. And maybe, just maybe there was something more there. Maybe he still wanted to be with her, but like she felt for so long, maybe he was afraid of what that would mean. Hmmm, maybe what he meant was he was afraid to be with her, even though he wanted to, because he was afraid he would lose her again. Oh please let it mean that. Because that would mean that he loves me and there is hope. That would mean he just needs to know that I'm not going anywhere again.
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Being Sheldon's friend turned out to be both easier and harder than Amy had anticipated. It surprised her a little, and pleased her to no end to find that the two of them really could pick up their friendship almost as if no time had passed. They got along as well as ever, sharing jokes no one else got, playing round after rousing round of Counterfactuals (which no one else got either, of course).
There was one thing that really, truly surprised Amy, however. When she had finally decided she wanted to be with Sheldon again she thought she knew what she would be getting into. She knew him better than anyone else; she knew both his strengths and the challenges that came with being around him. She was ready to accept the difficult with the wonderful; some things they could work on together she was sure, but no more would she expect him to be someone he wasn't. She loved him for him, and that was that.
What she did not anticipate, however, was that the Sheldon that she was now "friends" with (she always thought of him making air quotes around the word, maybe just to convince herself there was still a chance for them to be more) was not the same man she had split from so abruptly 6 months before. Oh he was definitely still Sheldon. He was as smart, handsome and fun as ever. He was also clearly still proud and neurotic and sharp-witted. And yet, something had changed in him, that was sure. It was as if most of the rough, angular edges he used to possess had been sanded down. She didn't know how else to put it into words. Whether by the pain of loss, purposeful change or something else, his personality was somehow smoother. He was slower to respond with insults or derision to others, and more apt to pay attention to those around him. Very specifically, he had been nothing but wonderful to Amy since they had started talking again. Not one insensitive comment or mocking response had come out of his mouth. And though she kept repeating to herself "We're just friends. Just friends." her heart warmed as she began noticing other signs that he had changed, grown maybe.