When the Wolves Come Out (Headed Straight for Your Heart)
It's a rainy Friday evening, and Ivan's gone out with his friends, so normally this is an excuse for Katya and Nataliya to watch something other than a romcom for once. But Ivan left ages ago, and Nataliya still hasn't chosen a movie and come down. The popcorn Katya's made is starting to get cold and she yells up the stairs that she's planning on eating it herself and grabbing a bag of pretzels – the chocolate covered kind that she brought back from university and Nataliya hates – for in front of the movie instead, but she never really considers it. She does grab the pretzels, though; they're delicious, and Nataliya is wrong.
They finally manage to start the film up half an hour later, and it turns out to be something rather gorier than Katya would usually watch, but the thrill of terror on Nataliya's face whenever there's a jump-scare is worth sitting through the blood for; buried under blankets like hedgehogs preparing for winter with her sister curled into her side.
"Katya?" Nataliya pauses the movie, biting at her lip in a way that she hasn't really done since she was eight and declared that she was going to grow up to be either the Snow Queen or a knife thrower. "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course, mouse," Katya says, and shifts round so she can see her baby sister. "Anything you like."
"It's about…" she starts, and then trails off. But then her eyes regain their customary steely glint, and her chin shunts obstinately forward, and Katya knows that she's going to say the next part even if it kills her. "It's about me and Erika."
It's a relief to hear that. Despite being one for the dramatic, Nataliya doesn't usually lead into things so slowly, preferring to keep everything a secret before suddenly revealing that she had learnt to read Tarot, or made the school dance team, or got engaged (fortunately to another ten year old, although that hadn't stopped a twelve year old Ivan from trying to intimidate poor Tolys out of the house). The slow, hesitant introduction had begun to scare Katya – because what could make her tiny, brave little sister so worried?
She nods, relaxing, and Nataliya continues – still just as slow, still just as nervous.
"At first I thought we were just close friends, like you and Erzebet, but it turns out we're not. We're different."
Katya nods, not sure what Nataliya means, but wanting to be supportive all the same. The television pulses in the corner of her vision, frozen on some poor woman's scream of agony and casting a faint red light across the living room. It's got dark since they sat down, and she itches to get up and close the curtains, but she waits for Nataliya to finish. Patient. Encouraging.
"I think I have feelings for Erika," Nataliya says all at once and then gasps, as if it takes all her energy to say it, and ducks her head to hide behind her hair. The remote control falls to the floor with a flatter, and her whole body tenses at the sound.
"Feelings?" Katya isn't certain how to handle the situation. She isn't worried, or angry, or anything else that she knows her sister is anticipating – more concerned as to why Nataliya would be so scared to say something so simple.
Nataliya nods, quickly, mutely.
"Romantic feelings?" Katya hates to press, but she wants to be certain before she says anything further.
Nataliya nods again, still refusing to meet Katya's eyes, and she knows she has to choose her next words carefully.
"I think I might be a lesbian." Nataliya whispers it, like some shameful dirty secret, and Katya's heart breaks.
"If it makes you feel any better," she begins (slowly, hesitantly), "I don't think me and Erzebet are "close friends like me and Erzebet"."
Nataliya's eyes widen before, overwhelmed, she bursts into tears. "I'm not – the only – the only one," she sobs. "All this time – and I – and you – and I was so scared."
"Oh, mouse," Katya murmurs, and pulls her closer. "You were so brave."
Katya continues speaking and stroking her hair until Nataliya seems to calm down a little. She's still shaking, but she's no longer weeping quite so hard.
"I can't believe you kept that bottled up so long," Katya says, and hugs her. Nataliya gives her a watery smile, and then her chin comes up and her shoulders go back, and she's almost back to her usual fierce self.
"Want a pretzel?" Katya teases. Nataliya shoves her lightly, and grabs the remote from the floor. "No, then? Okay."
The film rolls on, and if the atmosphere's a little heavier, then it's a little lighter as well.
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Nataliya eventually leaves to go to bed; a little emotionally drained, but not at all jumpy from the horror movie. Katya envies her – even though she's younger by a decade, Nataliya has always been the brave one.
She sits for a while and enjoys the quiet, reflecting a little on what has just happened and trying to work out how to be more supportive. But the shadows grow long and the room grows dark, and the monsters from the movie are preying on her thoughts.
A moment passes in silence while the moonlight carves harsh streaks into the carpet, and Katya grows more and more on edge. Is that a person behind the curtains, or is it just the wind? Objectively she knows it's nothing, but that doesn't mean she feels it.
In one quick movement, Katya lunges for her phone and calls the one person who can be counted on to definitely pick up.
And pick up she does; relatively quickly. Through the receiver, Katya can hear cars going past and the constant muffled drum of footsteps. She's outside somewhere, probably running.
"Hello," Katya says, just to make certain Erzebet can hear her. "It's just me. Um, Katya."
She feels a little foolish as soon as she clarifies. Erzebet knows who she is; she has her number.
"Hey," Erzebet says, and Katya can hear the smile in her voice. "It's just you."
They laugh, and Katya instantly feels less uneasy.
"Everything alright?"
The curtain rustles, and Katya's breath hitches. "I – I'm sorry, what?"
"Is everything alright?" Erzebet sounds concerned. Gravel skitters under her feet in an offbeat rhythm, and Katya vaguely wonders where she is. "You don't sound like yourself."
She flushes, embarrassed. "Oh! Yes, it's fine, I just-" she breaks off in self-deprecatory laughter. "We just finished watching a horror movie, and I'm clearly not as brave as Natasha; she's already asleep."
Erzebet sighs in relief, breath scratchily heavy through the receiver. "That's – that's good. Not that you're scared! But that you're not hurt. I was worried."
Katya feels guilty, and almost hangs up then and there, but the curtain moves again and she can feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. "No, I'm fine," she lies. "Completely fine."
She can tell Erzebet doesn't believe her, but thankfully she changes the subject. "Right. Have a good day?"
"Yeah. It was-"
A clatter from outside cuts her off, and Katya shrieks. "Oh my goodness, I'm going to die, I-"
"Kat?" Erzebet sounds equally terrified. "Kat, what just happened?"
She takes a deep breath, and her heartbeat eases back to normal. "The- the bins fell over. It was probably just a cat."
Probably, she thinks, and her breathing picks up again.
"Are you okay?"
Katya nods. "I'm fine," she says, but it sounds weak even to her.
"No, you aren't," Erzebet sighs, a little fond, a little exasperated. "Wait a moment."
Erzebet hangs up, leaving Katya confused. What is she planning?
Just then there's a knock at the door. Katya heaves herself off of the sofa, and finds her friend standing at the doorstep.
"I was… in the area. Thought I'd visit." She grins, and tucks a sweaty lock of hair behind her ear. Her ponytail has begun to come loose, and she's wearing an old pair of jogging bottoms and a hoodie.
Katya thinks she looks gorgeous.
"Hey," Erzebet says, grinning. "It's just me."
Katya giggles, and they stand there not quite frozen, not quite in motion, but at peace for the first time since she watched that stupid movie.
"Do you want to…?" She gestures awkwardly, and Erzebet follows her into the living room, flopping onto the sofa with a moan of relief that turns Katya's ears pink.
"Ugh." Still slumped down, she stretches, arms rising above her head and hoodie rising with them to expose defined abs and the swell of her hips. Katya could feel her cheeks warming and her ears turning even pinker, if possible, yet somehow Erzebet still doesn't notice. "Tell me about your day; I'll fall asleep otherwise."
Katya bites her lip, trying to focus. Recently, concentration has become harder when confronted with her infuriatingly attractive best friend, and her earlier discussion with Nataliya has pulled all the feelings she'd tried to ignore to the front of her mind. She can feel Erzebet's eyes on her, and the attention makes her feel dizzy. "I didn't really do much today," she says, stalling for time. "I did get through a couple of pages of thesis research."
Erzebet winces in sympathy. "It'll be worth it in the end, Doctor Chernenko."
Katya laughs, and sits down next to her. Remembering how cold Erzebet usually is, she pulls a blanket over then both and leans into her. "Hopefully. Anyway, Ivan went out, we watched a horror movie, Nataliya came out, and you turned up."
Erzebet's eyes widen. "Nataliya came out?"
"Yes." The word is sharper than Katya intends, but now she's mentioned it she feels as if she's coming out herself. She takes a deep breath, tells herself not to be so paranoid, and says "It turns out I'm not the only one who likes girls."
Erzebet nods. A second later, Katya sees her words sink in when her friend jerks up into sitting position. "You like girls?" she says.
"Yeah," Katya says, not quite making eye contact. "I like girls."
Erzebet's eyes shut tight for a second, as if she's praying. Then in one quick motion, she says "me too", and grabs Katya's hand.
"I like girls, too," she repeats, a little slower but still breathless. "I like patient, soft-hearted girls who worry too much about their siblings, and are studying to be doctors yet get scared of gorey films. I like girls who can completely crush me in paintball but are weirdly fond of covering things in chocolate, and turn pink and start stuttering whenever you compliment them. I like girls who cut their hair short because it's more practical but spend ages brushing it anyway, girls with adorable bubbly laughs, girls who never back down but are always ready to listen, girls who are the sweetest people on the planet and haven't even realised." Erzebet squeezes Katya's hand and smiles in a way that's somehow confident and nervous and familiar and new, and undeniably Erzebet. "I like girls like you, Katya."
Katya almost can't believe this is happening. Just as Erzebet predicted, she's now entirely pink, cheeks as bright as a furnace and twice as warm. She squeezes Erzebet's hand back and says, softly but surely, "then it's lucky that I like girls like you, Erzebet."
They sit there in the warmth of their confessions, fingers entwined and hearts aglow. Katya can't keep the smile from her face, and Erzebet's grin is just as wide.
"Want a pretzel?" Katya teases, a little shyly, a little slyly.
"No thanks," says Erzebet. "Want to be my girlfriend?"
"Yes please," says Katya, and for the first time, she kisses her girlfriend.
It's a simple kiss – sweet and slow and Erzebet's knees are cold where they're bumping into her beneath the blanket – and it suits both them and their slowly flourishing relationship.
When they move out of the kiss, Erzebet's eyes are shining and Katya's lips are tingling. She realises that she's completely forgotten about the horror movie; it's nearly impossible to be scared with Erzebet around.
Outside, a car backfires, and if it weren't for Erzebet's quick reflexes then Katya would have headbutted her in her panic.
"Are you alright?" Erzebet asks, and the concern in her voice makes Katya want to swoon.
"I am now," she says. Maybe it is still possible to be scared with Erzebet around, Katya thinks, but I don't mind it nearly as much.
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Meanwhile, in the family group chat:
Ivan, I'm gay - Natasha, 21:54
Lol - Ivan, 22:16
Same - Ivan, 22:16
A/N: Written for Gayle (uncreative-lesbian-fangirl) because they're an angel. Coming out can be awkward and/or weird, but you can sometimes get a girlfriend out of it (or maybe just a packet of chocolate covered pretzels).