He loved the silence and as loud as it sometimes could be, it was really useful sometimes. He gathered his thoughts and sighed. Who would have known how nice it was to spend time in a church?
She silently opened the door and walked down the aisle, "Tony?"
He didn't bother to look at her.
She sat down next to him and wasn't sure what was she supposed to say. She looked at the altar and the suffering image of Jesus. He looked peaceful, even thought he was dying.
"I never imagined you as any sort of religious type," she finally said.
"To be honest, I think I should come here more often," he confessed and finally turned to look at her briefly, "It's so quiet."
"That is why you are here?" Ziva asked.
"That and me and the man upstairs have our plans, but I enjoy the silence better than the praying," he said and sighed.
"How many times have you been here before?" she asked.
"How did you find me?" he asked back.
"Instinct," she shrugged.
"Was your instinct named Gibbs or McGee?" he knew.
She nodded, "You got me."
"You are a terrible liar," he shook his head and chuckled.
"And you did not answer my question," she pointed out, "How many times have you been here before?"
"Few," he said absentmindedly.
The silence landed upon them once again. She looked at her hands and thought about why she was even there, sitting next to him? She could have been doing something else so why was she here?
"The whole building blew up," he said quietly.
Ziva quickly turned to look at him.
"All those terrorists and bad guys who dreamed about hurting us, never came this close," he continued, "They never succeeded this way, not like this bastard. He blew up the whole building and hurt each one of us in some ways."
She bowed her head and sighed, "Why are you thinking about that right now?"
"Well someone has to to, right?" he shrugged, "No one else seems to remember a god damn thing so I have to remember for them."
"For them?" she furrowed her brows, "I do not understand what you mean by that."
"The whole place blew up, Ziva," he looked at her, "We all got hurt. In one way or another. And no one barely talks about it. It's like all gone. Nothing ever happened."
"We deal with our pain differently, Tony. You know that," she reminded.
"But we don't deal with this at all!" he looked at her with such clarity in his eyes that it shook her to the core, "We push it away and we act like nothing happened!"
"No, we do not," she disagreed.
"No one us remembers!" Tony kept arguing.
"I remember!" she raised her voice. A silent echo filled the small church, "I remember what happened! I remember the hours in the elevator and how good it felt to get out of there and how great it felt to be alive!"
Tony silenced up.
"Do not dare to tell me, that I have forgotten," she warned him, "Because that is the last thing I could ever do."
"But why do you act like nothing ever happened?" Tony was confused.
"I do not," she shook her head, "I deal with it in my own way. Just like you do."
"Except that I don't have a... way. I don't know how to deal with it. Maybe that's why I'm sitting in a church," he said and ran his hand on his face, "I am so, so tired."
"Me too," she sighed and gently leaned her head on his shoulder. It felt like a natural thing to do.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"About what?" she asked and the moment that felt natural was over. She lifted her head back up and looked at his profile. He looked regretting.
"That I couldn't just... save you," Tony said and Ziva could swear that she saw him seeing their past flashing before his eyes.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"I couldn't get you out of the elevator. That was my plan, anyway. I was gonna get you outta there, even if it meant that I'd stay there myself," he said and flashed a sad smile.
Something in Ziva's gaze warmed up, "Why?"
"I don't know... It's just how it is, you know?" he said.
She furrowed her brows, "Why are you saying all these things to me?"
"People should tell each other things, before it's too late," he said and looked at her, "We were all in danger, it could have been just as easily the end of our journey."
Ziva smiled back. She could see it all clearly now – the change in him. Something had changed him so much that he had settled down, maybe not from his habits but from his mind.
"What?" he furrowed his brows when he saw her looking at him in such deep wonder.
"Nothing," she shook her head, "I just – I just see it so clearly now."
"See what?" he asked.
"The change in you," she smiled, "You are a changed man, DiNozzo."
He started to laugh, "Now I know you are joking! I'm still the same man I was -"
"No, you are not," Ziva finished his sentence.
Tony knew she would disagree and smiled, "Fine. But I think everything has changed now."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"After all this, nothing is the same. Even thought we might all pretend like everything is fine, but we still know that nothing is the same," he sighed, "And I'm just saying that the change isn't necessarily all good..."
Ziva looked at his profile, "I do not agree. I think something good happened."
"What's that?" Tony turned to look at her.
"Us," she smiled.
He furrowed his brows and tried to smile, "What do you mean?"
"Do you think that few years ago, we would have been able to sit in that same elevator together, without killing each other?" she asked.
Tony broke into a wide smile, "You know what? You are actually right."
"I know I am," she said, "Maybe this all was a blessing in pretending."
"Disguise, Ziva," Tony corrected her, "Blessing in disguise."
"Same difference," she shook her head a bit.
"Oh well," he quietly ran out of words.
Ziva look at the altar, then her hands and then his hands. She took a deep breath and entwined her hands with his, then she lifted her gaze back to the altar.
Tony inhaled sharply and looked at their joined hands and then her, "What's this?" he asked, meaning their hands and the fragile but beautiful moment.
"The beginning," she smiled at him as he leaned into kiss her temple.
Hello, we meet again. Now that I have finished(?) the previous fic, let's continue with different kinds, shall we? This is a one-shot little story, that I wrote because it was such a nice idea in my head. But I can announce now, that I have few other ideas in my head too, and they are not as short as this one.
But hope you enjoyed anyway. See you soon again!
~ L