Convalescent

Summary: In which Paige is terrified of being a disappointment, and Emily shows her just how much that isn't the case. Paily. Rated M for sexual content, minor language.

[Trigger Warning: Mentions of self-harm]

Paige regarded herself in the mirror, critiquing her appearance. Lately she hadn't been as caught-up in how she looked as she had been when she was younger and pretending to be a perfect, feminine straight girl. But she did like looking good for Emily, relishing in the way her dark brown eyes traveled down her body and back up, lips curling up at the corners in a smile.

Besides, it was always clear that Emily put effort into herself for Paige. After years of looking at Emily from afar, damn did it feel good knowing that Emily spent time thinking of her when they were apart. Sometimes it still felt unreal that Em was with her and loved her, believing in her above her friends well-meaning accusations that she was working for A.

Tonight, however, was going to be different. They were going on a date for the first time in ages and were going to push blackmail and murder and A from their minds and were going to have a good time. Paige was determined to make sure Emily had a well-deserved good time and nothing short of nuclear disaster was going to stand in the way of that.

And frankly, she was terrified. She didn't want to be, but she was and she couldn't figure out where her feelings of apprehension were coming from. After all, the date night had been Paige's idea, so shouldn't she be okay with it?

Running the brush through her hair a few more times, smoothing a few wrinkles from her shirt, and dabbing at smudged eyeliner and she was ready to go. She slid into her jacket, slipped her wallet and cell phone in the pocket, and grabbed the car keys from her dresser. Paige said a quick good-bye to her parents, who her to "have fun" and "be good", and was out the door.

On my way, she texted to Emily and backed out of the driveway.

Paige sat in the parking lot for nearly thirty seconds, her mind racing and pulse pounding, before she flipped the visor down to look at her appearance yet again. She was nervous, so fucking nervous and feeling nervous only seemed to make her more so.

She felt herself begin to sweat, simply staring ahead until she heard a knock on her window and jumped. Turning, she saw Emily smiling at her. Paige nervously smiled back and moved to get out of the car.

"Hi," Emily said, stepping forward and kissing Paige, her hand hot against Paige's lower back.

When she stepped back a moment later, Paige exhaled. "You look amazing, Emily," she said, and she meant it. Her black dress clung to her breasts, her waist, her hips before flaring out to fall elegantly just above the knee. Her heels forced Paige to look up at her, noting the way her hair was loose and wavy and how her fingers suddenly itched to run through it.

Emily was stunning and seeing her so dolled up did nothing to ease Paige's worries.

At the compliment, Emily's smile widened. "So do you," Emily murmured, pecking Paige quickly on the lips before taking her hand and leading her into the restaurant.

The plan that night was that each of them told their parents they were at a sleepover for the end of swim season. There would be popcorn, there would be movies, but there wouldn't be Paige or Emily there. The sleepover was real enough, but the couple had made other plans. Emily confided in one of her teammates that this was going to be a big night for her and Paige, and the girl smiled and said if it came up, Paige and Emily were there all night and left for breakfast together early before heading home. While both Paige and Emily's parents were more or less okay with their daughters' sexualities, neither of them were okay with their daughters spending the entire night unsupervised with their significant other, whether it was a boy or a girl.

Dinner was more formal between them than usual. It wasn't so much the restaurant, which was nice but a far cry from suit and tie, but the way Paige acted. Emily thought Paige's initial restraint when they sat down would slowly dissipate when she became more comfortable, but that didn't seem to happen. Emily tried again and again to draw her into a conversation, joking with her, telling her funny stories from her childhood, talking about the latest book she was reading, but nothing worked.

"Have you ever read it?" Emily asked.

Paige's eyes snapped up from where they had been boring into the candle at the center of the table. "Read what?" she asked.

Emily sighed, knowing something was wrong, but that Paige wasn't likely to want to discuss out in public. It would have to wait until later.

So rather than push the issue, Emily smiled, reached across the table, and took Paige's hand. "Tipping the Velvet," she replied. "I'm only a few chapters in, but so far I really like it. Nancy's adorably awkward."

Paige managed a shaky smile. "No, I've never read it. Though I did watch the mini-series of it when I was thirteen and curious. I pirated it offline and deleted it as soon as I was done so my parents wouldn't find out."

Emily softened her smile. "Maybe after I finish the book we can watch it together. I really enjoyed that movie we watched last weekend. What was it called?"

"Oh, um, Imagine You and Me," Paige replied quietly. She felt as if her hand was burning where Emily held it, imagined her face to be bright red.

"Yeah, it was nice to see a lesbian movie with a happy ending for a change. Most of the other ones we've seen together have been depressing."

"Yeah," Paige agreed, withdrawing her hand as the waiter laid their plates out before them.

Later, after they finished their meal and left the restaurant, Emily grabbed Paige's hand and together they walked to their hotel room. Emily had worked it out with Jason that he would check the room out in his name since he was old enough and she would pick up the key from him before she met Paige for dinner.

Once inside, Emily closed the door, slipped out of her shoes, and turned to Paige. "Please tell me what's wrong," she said softly.

Startled, Paige stared at her and gulped. Emily still held her hand and led Paige over to the bed so they could sit on the edge. She looked expectant.

When Paige remained silent, Emily said, "All through dinner, I could tell something was wrong, but I didn't think you'd want to talk about it at the restaurant. But we're alone now."

Paige sighed, squeezed her eyes shut, and took a deep breath. "That's sort of the problem," she said, voice tight.

Frowning, Emily asked, "What is?"

"This," Paige said, gesturing to nothing in particular, but seemingly everything.

Realization dawned on Emily and her eyes widened. Given that this night was Paige's idea, she hadn't even considered that she didn't want to, that maybe she wasn't ready. "Paige, if you don't want to do this, we don't have to. We can just watch movies or play a game and order pizza at three o'clock in the morning. This doesn't have to go any further than you want it to."

Paige laughed a little. "Believe me, it isn't that I don't want to. I do. I've wanted to since before we even got together." Her face flushed at the admittance. "It's just that I'm…"

"Nervous?" Emily asked.

"Terrified."

Emily cupped the side of Paige's face. "Tell me what you're scared of. Maybe there's something I can do to help."

Again, Paige squeezed her eyes shut tight. How did you tell your girlfriend that you were still jealous of a dead girl? That you were terrified of not living up to her.

But she had to. She knew if she started holding things back, it would strain her relationship with Emily and she, frankly, didn't know if she could take losing Emily again.

"Well, Em, it's just that, well, this is my first time, ever, but it isn't yours."

Worry flickered across Emily's face. "We can go as slow as you want, Paige. That is, if you still want to. I'll never rush you," she said, trying her best to assure Paige.

Paige shook her head. "It isn't that."

"Then what is it?"

It was now or never. Paige had to admit one of her biggest fears, perhaps the one she spent the most time agonizing over. It had always been hard for Paige to admit things to herself, let alone to someone else out loud. Admitting things to Emily, who she'd loved for so long, was worse. But she knew she had to. For their relationship, she had to.

Leaning forward to draw Emily to her, Paige kissed her softly just below the ear before she whispered, "I'm scared of disappointing you."

As Paige's words tumbled into ear, the full impact of them resonating within her, Emily tightened her arms around Paige. Her hand rubbed Paige's back in a way she hoped was soothing.

Emily's breath hitched, and then she said, "You could never do that, Paige."

Paige sighed in relief, hands buried in Emily's hair. It sounded clichéd, but she felt lighter somehow, relief sweeping through her.

"Maybe I've had sex before, but I never have with you and that makes this scary and wonderful and exciting all at the same time. Everyone enjoys different things, so I suppose it always takes time discovering that when you're with someone new. But because I have, though, I feel like there's a lot of pressure on me to make sure it's good for you."

Pulling back, Paige said, "I guess we've both been worried when we probably didn't need to be."

Smiling, Emily said, "Pretty much."

"So what now?" Paige asked.

"I don't know," Emily said truthfully. "Whatever you want."

"Jeez, Em, you're going to put that much pressure on me again so soon?" Paige teased.

Emily blanched. "Oh no, I didn't mean-"

"Relax, I'm just kidding." Paige grinned.

Jaw dropping, Emily playfully swatted at Paige's arm. "Booger!"

"I cannot believe you just called me a booger," Paige laughed. "So third grade."

Emily grinned and then stuck her tongue out at Paige.

"You're only proving my point here, Em."

Suddenly, everything stilled. Seconds ago, they had been laughing, teasing, and then it was silent, only the sounds of their deepening breath and heart beats filling the room as they stared at each other.

Slowly, her hand shaking, Paige reached forward and cupped Emily's cheek. Their lips touched, soft and tentative and wanting. When Emily pulled away, her breath and words a tumble as she asked, "Is this what you want, Paige?"

"More than anything," Paige replied, feeling at peace for the first time all evening.

And then they were pressed together, all hands and kisses and touches, skin pressing together, raw with fervor. Emily gently pushed Paige back onto the bed before she was on her, kissing her silly, running her hands down over Paige's breasts, stomach, until she reached the edge of Paige's shirt. Her fingers slid up, inching the shirt up Paige's flat stomach before pulling it off. Emily kissed her way up, Paige's stomach jumping with ripples of anticipation with each press of Emily's lips.

Unhooking her bra, Emily tossed it aside and cupped one of Paige's breasts while taking the nipple of the other into her mouth. She flicked her tongue over the hard nub, brushing her teeth across the tip, making Paige suck in a sharp breath.

After a moment, Paige pulled Emily up to her lips. Paige reached behind Emily to slide down the zipper of her dress, and Emily shrugged out of it and tossed it aside.

"Wow," Paige said breathlessly, taking in the low-cupped bra, the lace panties.

Emily laughed. "Hannah and I made a special trip to Victoria's Secret for tonight. She helped me pick it out."

"Hannah certainly has good taste," Paige said appreciatively, running her hands down Emily's curves, over the hills of her ass. "You should go shopping with her more often."

"Maybe you should come with me next time," Emily sighed, grinding her hips down into Paige's. "I could model for you if you're into that."

"I definitely think I could be if you're the model," Paige admitted.

"It's a date then."

"Let's just focus on this date for now," Paige said as Emily slipped between her legs.

"Deal."

And then Emily was kissing downward this time, her hands flitting to Paige's fly. She quickly unbuttoned the pants and pulled them down Paige's thighs. "You're so beautiful, Paige," Emily said breathily, taking in every inch of her body. Her muscles were sculpted from years of swimming and field hockey, rippling with the night's potential, her skin smooth.

Emily kissed up her pale thighs, lingering on a series of faded parallel scars, trying to kiss away Paige's pain from when she made them. Paige shuddered, both wishing Emily didn't have to see them but also loving how accepting she was of her past, loving her all the more.

Paige writhed under the measured time Emily spent stroking her thighs, kissing across the waistband of her panties, before she pulled them off. Paige had been horny before, curiously looking up erotica and such, but she had never before felt so in need. Emily made all the difference, made a passing longing into something hot and instinctual and intrepid. So when Emily's lips came down between Paige's legs, she came completely undone.

Her thighs quivered on either side of Emily's head, her moans reverberating from deep in her chest. Emily kept going, liking up and down the wet slit before flicking her tongue over Paige's clit once, twice, over and over.

Paige tried to find purchase in the bedsheets before one of her hands tangled into Emily's hair, hips thrusting up. Emily extended a finger into Paige, easing it in and out a few times before adding another. The fingers curled upward inside Paige, rubbing, while Emily began lightly sucking Paige's clit into her mouth and running her tongue over it.

Before long, Paige was frantic as Emily quickly slid her fingers in and out and worked her clit, feeling a needy pressure building low in her abdomen. Her hand was almost commanding on the back of Emily's head, emphasizing how necessary it was that she got more until…

For a moment, Paige's entire body stilled before it began shuddering in climax. Her eyes were squeezed shut tight as she felt the gratifying ripples build, plateau, and recede. When her body had stopped spasming and her breathing slowed, Emily crawled up the bed to lie next to her.

"Oh my god," Paige murmured, wrapping her arms around Emily. "Wow. That was…holy shit, that was fantastic."

Emily smiled, leaning over and kissed her, smiling. "You're welcome."

Paige returned her smile. "I love you so much."

"The feeling's mutual," Emily said.

Paige rolled on top of Emily and grinned down at her mischievously. "Let's see if we can make orgasms mutual."

Emily's phone vibrating against the end table woke them around eight.

Details! it read, from Hannah. Smiling, Emily set the phone back down. She'd answer Hannah later, probably later over lunch.

"What is it?" Paige asked in a sleepy voice.

"Just Hannah," Emily said, "I'll talk to her later." She slid her arms around Paige, spooning her. "Good morning."

Paige smiled, lacing their fingers together. "Morning." She stared at Emily for a moment, taking in the rumpled bedhead, the smudged mascara under her eyes, and thought that she'd never looked more beautiful.

"Last night was the best night of my life," Paige said, voice cracking slightly.

"Mine too," Emily said. She smoothed a piece of Paige's hair down and before she knew, Paige's lips were on hers and they were falling together again.

Paige wasn't sure how sex would change their relationship, or even if it would, but she was hopeful, optimistic. Emily seemed to love her as much as Paige did Emily. With graduation and college and real jobs soon upon them, not to mention A, it was that love they were going to have to cling to to overcome life's obstacles. But if they were patient, if they persevered, Paige was certain they had a fighting chance. After all, this was only the beginning.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I have several other ideas for Paily stories, so if you liked this one, be on the look out! Thanks! :)