Title: Continue
Summary: Of anger and trying to find themselves without each other. It's dark and they're blinded, but it's a first step forward.
Pairing: Sasuke x Sakura
Words: 3101 words
Song: + Killing Me by iKON +
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the songs.
(1)
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"your traces remain, and they torture me"
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It was dark and empty. It had been for days, weeks, perhaps months? He had lost count. Time passed like a blur to the point where he found himself unable to grasp such a concept. His mind felt dissociated from his body, one lost in its own world while the other worked mechanically to survive.
"Dude, this place is a mess." He vaguely heard someone mention, but it sounded as if it was distant, like someone's voice was travelling under water. He responded with an absentminded grunt, mind contemplating – in some ways, perhaps he really did feel as if he was drowning, suffocating; slowly dying.
A pair of footsteps shuffled against the dusty wooden floor and the sound of the curtains being drawn had barely registered before the sunlight suddenly lit up the entire apartment.
He squinted instinctively and head turned sharply to glare at the culprit. It seemed to be the desired effect because the other man merely smiled.
"Glad to see you finally responsive, man," the blond in the room said as he reached for the windows, murmuring under his breath. "This place is really stuffy. And dirty. Worse than mine."
There was a loud groan and without even having to look backwards, the blond reflexively ducked to avoid the pillow that came sailing above his head.
"What are you doing here, Naruto?"
"Save your ass before you accidentally starve to death, obviously," Naruto rolled his eyes, dusting his hands and moving to clean the abandoned dishes that piled the sink, wincing at the trail of ants that had gathered. "What the hell, Sasuke. This is honestly disgusting."
Sasuke snorted, not bothering to get up from the couch, an arm draped across his eyes to shield them from the harsh sunlight. "Clean your own place, leave me alone."
The blond didn't reply, merely getting to work to make sure his best friend's (even if he would never admit it in Sasuke's face) place looked at least habitable. With the current mess it was in, Naruto wondered how the other man even managed to find food to sustain himself so far. As the hours passed, the dark-haired man barely budged from the couch, his breathing even and calm with the occasional hitch.
It hadn't been like that the first few weeks. Sasuke had been composed as ever, going on with his life as if nothing had changed at all. In fact, when Naruto had dropped by back then, everything was as organised as ever – to the point where the apartment looked almost cold and void of any presence. Sasuke had stored everything of hers in a small closet under the stairs and had locked the door, he had refused to have anything belonging to her in his sight; similarly, he had dealt with his emotions the same way – keeping everything locked up and refusing to talk or think about it.
Nobody expected for the cold and seemingly emotionless Sasuke Uchiha to crumble one month and a half after the entire ordeal.
Naruto himself was abroad at that time, and he received a call from one of their mutual friends who had sounded quite afraid. "Yo, uh, something's wrong with Uchiha," Kiba's voice said, fading occasionally as he heard hurried footsteps and crashing sounds in the background. It took a moment before Kiba continued hurriedly, "He seems to have suddenly cracked. Get back here. You know only you can talk to him."
He later learned that the other guys had dragged him out to have a drink that night. They were worried, and the only way they knew how to cheer him up or at least get him to relax was to go out drinking. And in some twisted coincidence, Sasuke had spotted her at the same bar that night. On the spot, he drank without any restrains until he finally got lost in the blur of lights and alcohol. He had woken up in his apartment but to a floor full of shattered glass and a deep wound across his palm, and it was after that day where his world spiralled downwards.
The blond sighed as he moved on to clean Sasuke's bedroom, picking up the clothes that were strewn all over the floor. He was surprised to find a teddy bear in a corner, covered in dust. "Isn't this something of hers?" he muttered to himself, wondering. But didn't Sasuke lock everything related to her in the closet?
Out of curiosity, he picked it up and turned it around in his hands, pressing a switch in its paw unknowingly. There was a whirr and a click before the familiar, melodious voice of her could be heard.
"I love you! Always!" A faint but bright laugh followed, and even Sasuke's deep chuckles could be heard in the recording.
"Throw that shit away."
Naruto spun around to meet a pair of dark, obsidian eyes glaring at the toy in his hands, lips curled in a sneer. He kicked the door shut with a loud slam and spat, "I don't want to see that around."
"Come on, shower and get dressed," the blond merely replied, not addressing the request. "There's nothing in your fridge. We're going out for dinner."
He expected Sasuke to put up more of a fight and refuse to leave, but much to his surprise, all it took was one moment of consideration before the raven-haired man grabbed fresh clothes and entered the bathroom. Once the door shut behind him, Naruto proceeded to carefully place the teddy bear on one of Sasuke's shelves, not entirely out of his sight but not in an open area either.
When he's ready, he'll be able to face it.
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"her existence was a big part of my world, and I tried but I couldn't remove her from it"
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When they first met, they instantly knew that they belonged to two different worlds. He was the famous business mogul, ruthless and calculative; she was clearly a free spirit, one that ran wild and wasn't to be held back by any rules or regulations. He was attending the event as one of the biggest sponsors, and she was there as one of the photographers whose work was being exhibited.
He raised a brow at her work, not understanding how it was being displayed at one of the main areas. It was a simple yearly event for charity, and the photographers weren't usually famous ones, but their works were usually more intriguing than this.
"Isn't this subpar at best?" he shot a sharp look at his assistant, who cowered and frantically checked her chart.
"What do you see, Mr. Uchiha?" the young woman stepped up before his assistant could reply him.
Sasuke's obsidian eyes shifted to observe the young woman before him. She was too bright for his tastes; he preferred monochromatic shades and here she was being an explosion of colours – her dress was a red halter-neck, adorned with white and pink flowers, her heels silver. Her eyes were a rich emerald and even her hair was dyed a pastel pink. She was beautiful with her defined features, and the dress flattered her slim figure – he wouldn't deny that – but at first glance, he never considered the possibility that this young woman was one that would capture his attention.
"I see a common cityscape, just taken from a high ground-" he answered impatiently when she repeated her question, checking her name on the chart. "Miss Haruno. If I'm not mistaken, the theme this year was 'freedom'."
The young woman smiled and turned to her photograph, a distant look quickly replaced the cheeky glint she had in her emerald eyes earlier.
"I decided to photograph something that indicated my freedom, rather than a freedom generalised to the public," she said softly. "I was standing on a ledge without fences. There was nothing to stop me from taking another step. I was above the grey buildings that were my prison, and my freedom was me making my choice to be there with no clue of what would happen next. I could die, but I could also live to show this."
Sasuke stared at her as if she had said something ridiculous. "You're mad."
She laughed, one that was infectious and got others chuckling and smiling with her even if they didn't know what for. And little did he know back then that her smile would firmly plant its roots into his heart and his world.
"Perhaps. But we all need a little bit of that to live."
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"I turned around like you're a stranger, but why am I so lonely?"
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"I walked away from her first," Sasuke confessed quietly, obsidian eyes glazed over, clearly from having one drink too many. "I knew it broke her. I saw. And I didn't do anything about it."
Naruto's hand hung mid-air, the glass that was being lifted to his lips slowly being put down on the table again. He was unsure what to do, this was the first time in two months that Sasuke was finally willing to talk, but he didn't want the other man to regress and go back to being a hermit again.
"Sasuke, if you're uncomfortable talking about it-"
"No," the raven-haired male interrupted. There was a clarity to his voice, like he was sure of what he was doing. "I… need to. Every time I go to bed I see those eyes, all green and teary. I know I was being selfish and I ignored her tears. I just…"
A pause hung between them, filled by the dull bass of the music that was playing at the bar they were at, dim lights flashing about. The chatter of the people around them were like filtered murmurs to Sasuke who was caught up in his own thoughts.
"I just didn't realise how much it broke me too."
"You've been together for 3 years. That's a long time. She integrated herself into your world, and you into hers." Naruto explained, uncharacteristically calm. His cerulean blue eyes were trained on his best friend's face, watching as the normally cold features openly displayed an emotion of loss and hurt.
Sasuke gulped down the contents of his glass. "Do you blame me?"
"I… I saw it, you know. How broken she was," Naruto said slowly. "It would be a lie to say if I haven't blamed you at all. She's my childhood friend, I've seen her gone through so many things and this was one of the worse ones. But…"
He turned to meet a pair of obsidian eyes that were watching him, anticipation shining behind the light sheen of unshed tears. Sasuke Uchiha wasn't as cold-hearted as the world would like to believe. He was also a man that had loved as much as he could give.
"You also made her happier than I have ever seen her been. Even running around the world didn't give her that smile she had when she was with you."
At once, a single tear escaped from the corner of his eyes and ran down his cheek, and Sasuke Uchiha lost his grasp on his emotions. The rage was somewhat subdued, and all that was left was a pain that was gripping at him.
"I saw her once, after the breakup." He told Naruto, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. His heart ached at even the mention of her, and he gulped down his just-refilled glass in one shot again.
"What happened that night?" the blond asked with a frown. "Kiba said you just suddenly began drinking uncontrollably, and when he brought you home, you just decided to destroy everything in your own apartment."
Sasuke didn't answer his best friend directly, a somewhat faraway look in his eyes. "She looked well," he said quietly, the corner of his lips tugged slightly upwards yet not exactly a smile. "She looked as beautiful as ever, smiling and laughing at those around her."
He blinked, the almost-smile vanished quickly as a wistful expression replaced it. "But it'll never be at me again."
"Did you… did you try to approach her?" Naruto asked hesitatingly.
His two friends had been very happy together, their lives were filled with each other and they had explosive chemistry. However, along the way – he didn't what went wrong – but with two people as fiery as them, their arguments and the discord between them was tempestuous. He knew that Sasuke was struggling to find his life without Sakura Haruno once more. It was a relationship that had integrated into their lives so deeply that it was difficult to return to how they were without each other.
"She did," Sasuke said as he laughed bitterly, the sound nasty even to his own ears. "I saw those green eyes stare at me and she tried to come over to talk, but I just walked away. I couldn't handle it… I still can't."
"Then why did you do it?"
The raven-haired man covered his face, the deep bass of the music making his head throb. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I never thought I'd see that day coming. Never thought I'd be the cause and that I'd suffer so much."
"You'll have to find who you are without her and get your emotions and thoughts together," the blond advised, his voice slowly turning into a blur as a ringing sound began taking over Sasuke's mind. The time of advice and confession came to an end as the alcohol he had consumed had finally caught up with him, his eyelids growing heavy and mind becoming detached. The last thing he heard before everything melted into an inaudible mess was Naruto's voice saying,
"You can't rely on her for everything anymore."
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"is it because of this painful longing? Or is it my selfish loneliness?"
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It was the first time in two months that Sasuke woke up with the sunlight peaking through the dark curtains, his room was still dim but it wasn't as suffocating anymore. Although his head hurt from all the alcohol the night before and his thoughts were still a mess, his mind felt clearer and more refreshed.
After idly wandering his apartment for an hour or so – he made the mental note to thank Naruto for cleaning, perhaps with a meal or a gift – his footsteps faltered in front of the small cupboard door he had locked. He inhaled sharply, hands trembling as he reached for the passcode lock at the knob. He knew he had to do it eventually, to be able to face and come to terms with it.
Every beep from the passcode lock was a nuisance to his ears, and when the door finally opened with a click, his heart tugged painfully at the sight of those familiar things piled carelessly in boxes – things that belonged to them and to her – covered by a layer of dust.
He slowly shifted the items to the living room, trying his best to control his emotions as he sifted through them. It was ironic, how he used to lecture her about her habit of unable to throw things away, teasing her for being sentimental for everything; and here he was, his body automatically tense when he tried to throw any object of hers away.
She didn't leave much behind, just a stray lipstick or jewellery. There were a few photographs, they weren't clear but they were taken in the moment, where both of their smiles had been the widest.
In fact, looking around, there wasn't much of her in his apartment, actually – not physically, at least – But her presence was everywhere. Everything reminded him of the days they shared, be it good ones or bad ones. Her trace lingered even in the darkest corner, and their memories were inked deep in his mind to the smallest detail.
It was becoming overwhelming and it was getting suffocating, and he decided it was enough for one day.
He returned to his bedroom and was about to draw his curtains and go to sleep, ignoring the pain that clawed at his heart when he saw the teddy bear that Naruto had placed on his shelf. His breathing hitched as he slowly reached for it. He had remembered when he first saw the teddy bear after the breakup, and in a fit of rage he had thrown it to the corner of his room, where it sat collecting dust until Naruto picked it up the day before.
He held the toy in his hand, staring at it for a long time as he sat on his bed. Naruto was right – he had to find who he was without her.
Not only that, but he had to straighten his own emotions; did he want her back so desperately because he still longed for her, or was it because he was being selfish and couldn't stand the loneliness without her?
It was a fair question, and one of the reasons he had shunned her at the bar that night – he didn't want to hurt her further. If it was truly just because he was comfortable relying on her, then it would be unfair to her as well in the long run. The root of their problems wouldn't be solved, and it would only be them hurting each other even more.
Perhaps sometimes, it was better to let go than to hold on.
He had avoided thinking about it for the longest time and it was slowly killing him, even the smallest of her touch in his life was torturing him. Such turbulent emotions were things that he was very unfamiliar with, and perhaps it was truly time for him to confront them.
Their story was not extraordinary, but it had been enough for them. Like a cycle, they had come to an end, and it was time to learn to cope.
With a heavy sigh and shaky hands, he pressed the paw of the bear.
"I love you! Always!"
And slowly, a small smile curled the edges of his lips – one genuine, yet filled with sadness and hurt. It was improvement, he decided. He could hear her voice now without losing himself to rage, and he could hold on to the teddy bear without feeling like it was mocking him.
He pressed the button once more, this time closing his eyes as he listened to her laugh and his own chuckle that accompanied it.
It would take time, but he would learn.
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"it's killing me, once again"
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A/N: Welcome to my new project! AU's are like the only things I have in my head smh I'm so sorry.
Also, I'm open to song suggestions - please do leave your comments on any kpop songs you'd like me to write a one-shot/ multi-shot based on!