I Do Not Own Pretty Little Liars.
Strip Club Disaster
-ThatKidFromSchool
"I told you! I knew this wasn't going to go well! It wasn't even my idea!" Toby paced back and forth. Alex, Toby, Ezra, and Caleb had all slept over at Toby's.
"Relax Toby! Its just our girlfriends!" Ezra reasoned.
"This is bad, Ezra! What if Hanna gives me the belt? I didn't even drink that much last night!" Caleb shouted, panicking. The girls had caught all of their boyfriends at a strip club, wasted. Aria, Hanna, and Spencer decided that they were going to teach them a lesson for drinking, driving, and selfishly watching naked woman on poles. They didn't remember much from last night.
"Where the fuck is Alex!" Toby asked, furious.
"Last time I checked he was passed out in your bathtub." Ezra was completely calm about this, thinking his pipsqueak of a girlfriend wouldn't be able to make a dent. Boy, was he going to be in a shock.
"I'm going to murder him if Cher doesn't kick his ass."
"Wait a second! We don't even know for sure what type of punishment we're going to receive from them." Caleb was not a genius for saying that.
"This is completely unfair! Maya was at the club too and she's not getting punished! Emily and her are probably out having lesbian make outs right now!" Toby randomly yelled.
"Oomf, what's with all the yelling!" Alex shouted, rubbing his temples.
"I want some curly fries?" Ezra said, hugging a pillow flush against his body. Alex widened his eyes, looking a bit frightened. His nickname was Curly Fries. Ezra noticed this and cleared something up for him, "Oh no, not you Curly. I mean actual curly fries." Alex nodded.
"The girls could be here any minute!" Caleb was breathing in and out.
"We should conjure up a plan." Toby said, an imaginary lightbulb appearing above his head.
"I got a plan!" Alex said although he wasn't going to be punished for anything. The two looked at him.
"Okay, anyone else?" Toby asked.
"Its a good plan." Alex argued.
"What?" He sighed.
"Well, you could plead for mercy. Get down on your knees and apologize for doing nothing wrong." Ezra chucked a pillow at his head. Because Alex was completely wasted the night before, he was knocked down to the ground, losing his balance.
"I'm not apologizing for having a little fun!"
"Are you still drunk?"
"Damn, now she's hot." Toby mindlessly slurred out.
"Is that-is that Hanna?" Caleb asked as he stared at a blonde on stage.
"No, that looks like Taylor Swift with a weave?" Ezra asked.
"Their legs are almost as hot as Spencer's." Toby was in a daze.
One of the dancers came down the stage and danced around the four men.
"Ahem." Somebody cleared their throat or rather four somebodies.
Toby furrowed his eyebrows, "Did I just hear Spencer?"
"I swear I thought I heard Aria?" Ezra questioned.
"MOMMY! IS THAT YOU?" Alex asked, screaming into his phone.
Toby looked to his side and saw a brunette stomping towards him. Although Toby was too drunk to realize that it was Spencer.
"Hey baby! Are you from outer space because that ass is out of this world!" He flirted.
"Toby, what the hell are you doing at a strip club!" Spencer shouted but Toby didn't seem fazed by her. Instead he reached out and felt around her face, as if he was inspecting her.
"You look just like my girlfriend! Her name is Spencer!"
"Toby, I'm Spencer. I'm your girlfriend."
"Nu-uh! I'm Spencer's only! Besides your not hot like her!" Spencer widened her eyes and slapped him right across the face. Her eyes only grew in size, regretting what she had done.
"Damn Spencer, how hard did you slap him?" Hanna asked, quite impressed. 'I thought her everything she needs to know in the master of slapping arts' Hanna thought in her head.
"I don't know. Oh my gosh, Toby! I'm sorry!"
Hanna face palmed, "Spencer! Don't go soft! It wasn't even that hard of a slap!"
"Hanna! Baby! What are you doing here?" Caleb gulped.
"I'm here to serve pancakes with whipped ass to my dear loving boyfriend, Caleb." She said in a not so friendly tone.
"Hanna? If Hanna's here? Then that must mean-? So is she really one of the performers?" Alex stupidly asked. Hanna slapped him just like Spencer did to Toby, "Who did that?" He looked around to see who slapped him before holding his pinkish cheek.
"If Hanna's here? That means Aria should be too!" Ezra exclaimed happily.
Aria tried to shout to Ezra but her voice was drowned out due to the loud music. The girls all looked at each other before taking their drunk respected other outside so they could give them a stern talk.
Maya was giggling as Emily dragged her all the way outside, "Emily, where are we going?" She asked giddily.
"Are you serious?" She asked, seriously. Maya shut up at her serious tone.
"I'm sorry Em. I know better than to shamelessly watch pole dancers." She bowed her head down in shame. Emily felt bad, and took her hand.
"Its okay, lets go get some frozen yogurt. My treat and then we can go to Chuck E Cheeses!"
"Yay! Best girlfriend ever!" The two linked arms and happily skipped to Emily's car.
"Hey! Do you work at UPS?" Toby asked Spencer.
She sighed, "No?"
"Are you sure because I swear I thought I saw you checking out my package!" Spencer had the urge to slap him again but her hand swung against someone else's cheek.
"Ouch!" Alex yelped in pain, "Who keeps slapping me?" He asked, his cheek becoming red.
"Oh my gosh! I'm dead." Toby realized.
"What?"
"I now remember that I told Spencer that Spencer was hotter than Spencer."
"That doesn't even make sense." Ezra said.
"I yelled at Spencer because she said she was my girlfriend and I was 'mad' because I thought it wasn't Spencer and then I said she's not hot like Spencer?"
"Oh I sort of get it." Alex commented, holding up four fingers as if he was counting something.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
"HAY MUCHACHOS! DONDE ESTA MI FAJITAS!" Alex shouted in spanish.
"Alex, we don't have fajitas."
"Right. Donde esta mi sandwiches de ham?"
Toby walked over and opened the door for Spencer. He smiled at her, stepping aside to let her in.
"Caleb, Ezra. Aria and Hanna are downstairs. They want to talk to you. Alex, get out."
"You know, that is very rude and that is no way to treat a lady!"
"I'm sorry. Get out before I kick your sorry ass out of Pennsylvania."
"Not until you say please."
"Get out, please."
"In spanish!"
Spencer gave him a deathly glare and he cowardly ran out the door with the rest of the guys.
He ran back in, "Forgot my pants!" He skipped to the bathroom and ran back out while pulling his jeans up.
"Spencer, what did you want to talk about?"
"I don't know. What do I want to talk about, Toby?"
Toby jumped down on his knees and hugged Spencer's legs tight to him like a five year old.
"I love you, I love you, I love you! I didn't mean anything I said last night! Please believe me! I wasn't thinking straight! I didn't know where my head was at an- and I love you! You're beautiful and I'm stupid! I love you so much. I love you! Please don't kill me! I love you!" He begged.
Spencer laughed at him, "You're not mad?"
"I'm not mad. I'm pissed off but I'm not mad."
"I'm sowwy." He pulled out his puppy dog faced eyes, "I didn't mean to say that to you."
"You didn't know what you were saying."
"But I still feel bad. You are way hotter than yourself? I mean well you are so much hotter than one of those pole dancers. I wanna make it up to you."
She kissed him, passionately, "Oh, how ever can you repay me?" She asked in a fake damsel in distress voice. He lifted her up onto the counter.
"I have a few ideas." He breathed, reconnecting their lips.
Meanwhile at Hanna's house (Ashley Marin is not home)
"You dirty little liar!"
"Did you just quote mean girls?" Caleb asked, earning a glare from Hanna.
"What were you doing at a strip club?" She crossed her arms.
"IT WAS ALL ALEX'S FAULT! HE WANTED TO GO! AND HE SAID HE'LL- He'll-"
"He said he'll what?"
"That he will feed my monkey to the penguins!" He cried, "He wanted to give my monkey to the polar bears!"
"I thought you said penguins?"
"Same thing." Hanna lifted her head up in understanding, her eyebrows furrowed as if she was thinking about it while doing the math.
"I did no such thing!" Alex said, his mouth full of ham.
"Caleb, you poor baby! I know how much that monkey means to you." She hugged him tightly before walking over to Alex and slapping his red cheek again while he yelped in pain.
"Don't you threaten his monkey ever again."
"Bu-but-"
"Get out before I get the belt."
"But Caleb doesn't have a monkey!"
"Go or I'll feed your lollipop to the dinosaur." Alex gulped and ran away.
"Now where were we?" Caleb asked, placing his hands on Hanna's waist.
"We were right about," She kissed his lips softly, "Here." She smiled before they continued.
They left a trail of stray clothes through out the entire house until they reached Hanna's bedroom.
"HANNA! WHY ARE THERE CLOTHES ALL OVER THE HOUSE!" Ashley Marin screamed.
"Oh shit."
"Ezra Michael Fitz, what do you have to say for yourself?" Aria asked as they were both in Ezra's apartment. They were there for about thirty minutes. Ezra just listening to Aria rant about how rude it is to even think about visiting a strip club.
"Strip clubs are bad."
"What else?"
Knock! Knock! Knock!
"Someones at the door! Be right back!"
He unlocked the door to reveal a curly young male. Alex.
"Hey Curly! What are you doing here?"
"Spencer kicked me out of Toby's house and Hanna kicked me out of her house and my mommy is at work and won't let me stay in the house alone and I had no where else to go." He whimpered like a small puppy.
"Aria! Can we keep him? Please, please! He's lonely and he was kicked out of the houses! Please, Aria?"
She sighed, "Fine, just make sure he doesn't have flees."
"I'm not a penguin! Alex doesn't have flees." Alex said.
"Help yourself buddy!"
Alex began roaming around the small apartment when he found the fridge, "Do you have ham?"
"Nope, sorry buddy."
"Ezra! Give the poor guy some ham!" Aria chastised.
Ezra huffed, walking over to the fridge and feeding Alex some ham sandwich. When he was done, he walked back to the couch and listened to Aria rant on and on about how strip clubs are demeaning.
Aria slapped the back of his head hard when he snored by accident.
"Ezra Fitzgerald!"
"Hmm?" *Another slap*
"Are you paying attention?"
"Definitely." He yawned *Slap*, "Stop slapping me!" Slap "Aria! That hurts!"
"Well I wouldn't have to do it if you would have just listened to me! I told you to never-" Ezra slammed his lips on hers, shutting her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.
"Umm guys?" Alex asked.
"Alex, get out!" Aria yelled.
"But I just got here." He whimpered.
"Tough! Get out!"
"Bu-but!"
"Now!"
"Okay." He bowed his head down in shame again and started for the door.
"Don't forget your pants!" Ezra shouted as he was making out with Aria.
"Oh right!" He grabbed his pink jeans before running out.
"I will never go to a strip club ever again," Ezra vowed, "Well maybe, if it means, I get to do this with you again." Aria didn't really listen as she reconnected their lips.
Alex was all alone. Nobody wanted him. He was just a boy with curly hair who was walking down the sidewalk. He was all alone until he bumped into Maya and Emily.
"Maya! Emily!"
"Alex!"
"Where are you guys going?"
"Chuck E Cheeses." Maya said excitedly.
"Oh, okay. Have fun you guys." He said dully because he knew he was just going to get kicked out.
"Do you want to come?" Alex brightened up a whole bunch at Emily's words. He picked his head up and nodded eagerly.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"Alright! Come on little guy! Were going to Chuck E Cheeses!"
"WHERE A KID COULD BE A KID!" The three sang in unison.
The three had a fun time at Chuck E Cheese's until they had to go home. Alex went home with them to Emily's empty house.
Maya and Emily were making out on the couch when Emily realized something.
"Alex! Get out!" She shouted at him.
"Bu-but I- I just got here." He said sadly.
"Sorry buddy but we sort of want some alone time." Maya said.
"Okay, I'll just go home." He walked out the door and headed for the grill to see if Cher was there.
"He left his pants here." Emily said as she noticed a pair of pants in the kitchen.
"Oh well." Maya giggled before she placed her lips on Emily's again.
And thats why you should never go to strip clubs.
Spencer moaned as she heavily made out with Toby on his bed, the two of them not wearing any clothes. They had just finished about two to three rounds in bed before they just relaxed almost completely.
My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard! And they're like! Its better than yours!
The two groaned in annoyance. Toby got up and slipped his boxers on. He searched around the house until he found the source of the music. He groaned as he realized it was Alex's phone that has been ringing all day.
He walked up to it and saw that he had a bunch of messages from Cher and one new message from his mom. He unlocked the phone and rolled his eyes when his password was 1, 2, 3, 4.
Cher : Where are you? We were supposed to spend the whole day watching movies. Love you.
Mommy : Don't go home tonight. I don't trust you in the house all alone. When are you moving out? You're nineteen years old young lady!
Cher : Why won't you answer my calls? Are you bailing out on our date?
Cher : Why aren't you wearing any pants?
Toby snickered as he read through the messages. He felt like a stalker but he didn't care for Alex was one of his friends. He locked the phone just as a pair of soft arms encircled his bare waist. He turned around, smiling. He was so glad she forgave him and didn't hurt him or anything of the sort.
"Hey babe." He smiled.
"Hi!" She giggled as he kissed her again. Spencer was still wrapped up in the blankets, "What's taking you so long?"
"I was just reading through Alex's messages."
"Why?"
"Because I'm pretty sure everyone has kicked him out of their house and now he's probably on the streets, alone with no pants."
"No pants?" She laughed.
He showed her the phone as the two cracked up at their curly haired friend.
"Now I feel bad for kicking him out."
"I don't! If he was still here, you would still be wearing clothes." Toby said as she rolled her eyes. She picked up his stray t-shirt and pulled it over her head as she dropped the blankets that covered her body.
"You might want these." Toby laughed as he held up her pair of underwear. Spencer quickly snatched it away from him and quickly pulled them up her legs.
"You know, if Cher saw him not wearing pants. I'm guessing they're together but I wonder what's going to happen. I mean Alex basically ditched her on their date."
"Yeah, I'm curious about that too." Toby said with a questioning face.
"I'm sorry, Cher bear! I lost my phone! And I forgot my pants at Emily's house." Cher widened her eyes.
"Whose Emily!"
"Emily Fields, you know. The one whose with Maya?"
"Why are your pants at her house?"
"I don't know. It fell off I guess? And then Maya and Emily kicked me out because I was disturbing them."
"Okay, sorry for yelling at you."
"Can I borrow your phone?"
"Sure, why?" She asked as he handed it to him.
"Just posted a new twitter status."
"What'd it say?"
"I lost my phone so if anyone finds an iPhone 5 laying around then call me on my cell." He read through the status. Cher looked at him, concern written in her eyes.
Soooo was that bad? Sorry if it wasn't funny. I tried. Review maybe? -ThatKidFromSchool / Also known as Alex Santiago on Rosebook :)