Perfection
If
nothing else, I've learned something from this whole ordeal. Something most people learn when they are
young, but perhaps I'm slower than most.
Remind
me never to try to make a joke again.
I
learned no one is perfect. Strange
lesson, is it not? You become a tool,
you're best friend dies in your arms, you face the one who used you, you face
the truth about how you perceive people, both others and yourself, and you
learn that no one is perfect.
And
then it's that cliched revelation that helps you understand you must move on
with your life.
I could
go on about how I placed my brother on a pedestal, how I deemed him perfection
and how my jealousy caused me to think things I rather would not have. I could go on about how I replaced the
figure on the pedestal with myself and how I believed, in some sort of
superficial substitution sort of way, that I was the true perfection. I could go on about how I placed another boy
atop the vacant platform, because I needed someone to look up to and I needed
someone to save me and needed someone to catch me when I fell and needed
someone period because I'd never had someone before.
But I
won't go on about any of those things.
Because my brother wasn't perfect, he was human, just like me. Also far from perfect. Flawed creatures, we mere morals. And that last occupant for the slot of
'Ichijouji Ken's Hero,' he's not perfect either. Heroes don't always come through, you know. It may leave you crying, confused and scared
in the back of a stranger's truck with children--innocents, more innocents--who are going to get hurt
because of you, but you learn that heroes aren't really real. Because you expect your hero to be perfect
and there when you need him and someday he won't. And the world comes crashing down around you and all you can
think is 'Where are you, hero? Why
haven't you saved me? Why haven't you
made everything perfect like you always do?'
You
expect heroes to be perfect. But they
aren't. They're human, just like you,
and therefore flawed.
So he
came off the pedestal and away from the slot I had marked 'Hero' and moved to
the one marked 'Friend.'
Friends
are better than heroes, you see. No one
expects their friends to be perfect.
Friends make mistakes all the time and they are people you laugh with
and smile with and make you feel welcome and good all over, like you are meant
to be here and you do deserve it.
And the
best part about friends is they don't need to be heroes. They don't need to care your world on their
shoulders, because if there is a lot of them, they all help bear the weight. And you realize that you can help, too.
And you
finally understand, you have to help because they can't do it without you. Because they aren't perfect and you aren't
perfect, but if you add everyone together then you all the best and worst of
everyone to balance everything out.
And you
can believe and understand and now when your eyes sparkle with unshed tears,
they are happy tears. Even when you're so scared you're shaking
when you place your hand on your friend's
arm to let him know you're going to stand by him, because you
understand. You understand you're
forgiven. And you finally understand why.
And you know, we're all in this together.
And you
find breathing a little easier, and in the end you just have to smile when you
see someone distraught because you finally understand why she cares so much
about you. And you know, as long as you
remember what you've learned, everything will be all right. Really.
Have I
been saying 'you?'
I meant
'I.'
It was
my lesson, after all.
No
one's perfect. Not Osamu. Not me.
Not Daisuke.
And no one is the hero, we're all a team.
The
cruel things I've done in the past won't ever leave me, but I have to move on
with my life. I know I've said that
before, but this time I mean it. My
pain is in my past and I'm looking forward to my future, with all of you with
me. Wormmon, I understand now, why you
stood by me. Daisuke, I understand now,
why you forgave me. Miyako-san, I
understand now, how it is that you make me laugh. Hikari-san, I understand now, why you helped me. Takeru-san, I understand now, you're simple
gestures. Iori-san, I understand now,
why you accepted me.
And not
a single one of them is perfect, but we can all be flawed together.
Because,
you know, no one is perfect.
*~*~*~*
Disclaimers: The
usual, nothing owned by yours truly.
Author Notes: Why
lookie here, I've gone back to my roots of obscenely short wandering fics. How I've missed the trip into a character's
head.
