It was a normal day in Avengers Tower. Captain America was playing shield Frisbee with Winter Soldier. Thor was playing with his hammer. Hawkeye was nesting with Falcon. Black Widow was painting her nails. Iron Man was hammering his suit. The Hulk was eating some eggs. But then, Iron Man said, "Come on, Hulk, let's go fight crime!" And Hulk said, "Aw, ok, just let me eat my eggs." Iron Man said, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU FUCKING FATASS, WHO'S THE LEADER HERE? ME! LET'S GO!" Hulk said, "Woahhh man, cool it, I just wanna finish my eggs."
Iron Man screamed in frustration. Captain America said, "Listen, calm down, he just wants to eat his breakfast." Iron Man said, "You're standing up for this waste of space? Listen here, you fucking patriot popsicle, I've been hit by shrapnel, held hostage by ISIS, almost died like nine times, and I went into a space wormhole because of some trigger crazy little shit secret service people. I want to go fight crime, and some giant dumbass booger and some freedom fuckboy are not gonna stop me, you American asshole, I'm gonna go and put some people in prison, mmkay? Bitch."
Thor said, "Man of Iron. Thy comrades do not wisheth to fight this day. Thou hast much vigor, but the day is still young – ere the sun rises." Iron Man said, "Shut the FUCK up, you fucking Shakespeare bitch." Hulk said, "Yeah, you fuckboy with your tiny heavy hammer." Thor said, "Hulking beast. Thou hast much dislike frometh me." Hulk laughed and said, "That's not what your brother was saying to me last night, when he was on my 5cm Shrek stick." Thor gasped. Iron Man said, "Yo, what the fuck. Who the heck would want to fuck you, you'd kill them easily, you fucking freak!" Hulk cried. Hawkeye screeched and flew away. Thor fainted. Captain America said, "You little rich fuckboy shit, I'm a goddamned patriot, and I will not tolerate this fucking lewd language, young man. I did not sign up for the damn war, get voluntarily experimented on, lose my doctor, fight in the war, lose my BEST FRIEND, crash a plane, lose my girlfriend, get frozen, or wake up out of a fucking frozen coma to deal with this BULLSHIT. Grow the FUCK up, Iron Man."
Iron Man said no, and exploded the bathroom, killing Black Widow. "Wtf, young man," said Captain America. Falcon screamed and flew away in fear. Hulk said, "NO! You killed my friend with benefits!" And Hulk threw Iron Man out of the tower. Iron Man said, "Whatever, fatass." Captain America said, "You know what? You've done it now, boy. You fucking whippersnapper piece of metal shit. You transformer wannabe. You spoiled rich fuckboy. You know what this is?! You know what this is?! This is fucking war, buddy." Winter Soldier crossed his arms. And the Civil War began.