1) Choose a few of your favourite characters – five at the most
2) Make them answer the following questions
3) Tag three people
THE MARAUDER INTERVIEW – an interview with James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew
1. How old are you?
J: Twenty in March, babe!
S: I'll be twenty-one in October…
R: (sighs) I'm nineteen. Do we have to do this?
P: Me too.
2. Height?
S: A respectable 6"1, thank you! (Stands and bows)
J: (grinds teeth) 5"10
S: (cups hand over ear) I'm sorry? I'm so tall I can't hear you!
J: Bastard.
R: I am 5"9, thank you.
P: a depressing 5"6.
3. Have you any bad habits?
R: Sirius sheds on the furniture.
S: Not true!
J: and he chews shoes.
S: You liar!
P: don't forget the bringing in dead animals.
S: I'VE NEVER FUCKING DONE THAT! EVER!
4. Are you a virgin?
J: are you trying to insult me? Of course not.
S: You were until all of a year ago.
J: TWO YEARS! TWO YEARS, DAMN IT!
R: I think it was more recent than that…
J: fuck off, the both of you.
S: well, I know I'm not. Moony saw to that, the beast.
P: I DO NOT want to know ANYTHING about your sex life, Padfoot!
S: Just jealous, aren't we, Pete? You haven't had sex with anyone except yourself.
P: fuck off. Fucking poofters.
S: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! WE WILL CONQUER THE WORLD!
R: One gay pride isn't a conquest, Pads.
S: Give it twenty or thirty years time, Moony love. You'll see. There'll be a continuous plethora of gay movies, loads of out gay celebrities of both genders and we'll be able to get married.
5. Who's your mate/spouse?
J: The lovely Miss Lily Evans, soon to be Potter. She of the long red hair and bright green eyes… She of the amazing tits and wonderful smile… She of the –
S: heterosexuals and their boob fixation.
R: (snorts)
J: Fuck off, poofs.
S: Anyway, mine is the wonderful Remus J. Lupin, alias Moony. (Plants a sloppy kiss on Remus's cheek)
R: Well, mine is the endearingly exasperating Sirius Orion Black, alias Padfoot.
S: Natch.
P: well, er… I'm going out with a girl named Betty…
J: No way! PETE'S PULLED!
S: whoop whoop whoop!
R: Good for you, Peter.
P: (blushes)
6. Have you any kids?
J: Not yet, but I want two at least. A girl and a boy.
S: No, God no. I don't we ever will, right, Moony?
R: Not unless you die, I am forced into marrying a delusional woman half my age and accidentally knock her up.
S/J/P: (laugh raucously)
J: All of impossible, Moony! Even if Padfoot kicked the bucket, you'd never go with a bird. 'Snot in your genes.
P: It's an unnatural thought, Remus.
R: I'm exaggerating, aren't I? (Laughs)
7. Favourite food?
R: Er…
S/J/P: chocolate!
R: I didn't want to admit it… (Fidgets)
J: Lily's mum makes a fab roast dinner…
S: Anything not cooked by Remus.
R: Bugger off.
S: You can't cook or brew a potion, love, get over it.
R: humph.
J: Pete eats any fucking thing you put in front of him.
P: Not true!
S: At the barbecue John and Godric did you ate half the paper napkin before Lily stopped you.
P: (mutters)
8. Favourite ice cream flavour?
R: Er…
S/J/P: CHOCOLATE!
R: Oh come on, chocolate isn't the only thing I like!
J: Stop lying to yourself, Remus.
P: Admit you have an addiction.
S: The first step to resolving a problem is admitting you have one.
R: Bugger off the lot of you.
J: I like strawberry.
S: stracciatella.
P: Vanilla.
9. Have you ever killed anyone?
J: I have no doubt that one-day we might have to…
(Depressed expressions abound)
10. Do you hate anyone?
J/S: SNAPE!
R: Oh for the love of Merlin… (Facepalm)
P: I don't like him either.
J: And Slytherins in general. Padfoot's family.
S: Lily's sister and brother-in-law.
J: Slughorn, the old pervert.
S: Moony's mum and Voldemort
R: Are you comparing my mother to Voldemort?
S: No. My mother fits the description better.
11. Have you any secrets?
S: Howl for me, Moony.
R: Bugger off, wanker.
J: I have horns.
R: You do know that in Italian, to have horns means your wife's having it off with another man?
J: (horrified expression) LILYYYYYYYY! (Dashes off)
R: he's excessively gullible.
12. Do you love anyone?
S: Moony! (Pounces on Remus)
R: Padfoot. (Fends Sirius off)
P: Maybe Betty…
J: Remus, you tosser! Lily is so not having it off with another bloke!
13. TACOS?
J: What?
S: What are tacos?
R: A Mexican dish.
P: They're good.
J: We'll take your word for it…
14. Have you ever slept in all day?
S: Moony always does after the full moon. He gets tired, don't you, Moony love?
R: But you're there with me. That always helps.
J: and what are Wormtail and I? Handbags?
15. Favourite show?
S: Prongs watches Crossroads.
J: So what? You like George and Mildred!
S: I actually prefer Fawlty Towers.
R: (rolls eyes heavenward)
P: The Benny Hill Show.
R: Oh God no. Monty Python's Flying Circus, thank YOU.
J: Everyone worship the University Challenge-watcher, Remus John Lupin!
S: whoop… whoop… whoop…
(Both get on their knees and bow to him)
16. Favourite movie?
J: That one in space with the bloke with the bucket on his head… STAR WARS!
S: Clockwork fucking Orange.
R: I rather liked the Kiss of the Spider Woman…
P: I don't watch many films…
17. Favourite band?
S: Led Zeppelin. And the Sex Pistols. Yeah, I'm boring; get over it.
J: The Kinks. And the Stranglers.
S: You love Pink Floyd best, you liar.
R: The Smiths and… ok, the Doors.
P: Jimi Hendrix.
S: He's not a band.
R: Don't be pedantic.
18. Eye colours?
S: Prongs has shit brown.
J: Fuck off.
S: I, on the other hand, have a wonderful rainy sky silver, thank you.
R: Could you be any more pretentious?
S: Dunno. What's the record?
R: (shakes head) my eye colour is light brown
S: You have beautiful eyes, Moony.
P: Mine are blue… Not that anyone cares.
19. Skin?
J: Quidditch tan, thank you.
S: No matter how hard I try, I stay pale… Oh, woe is me.
R: I hate the sun.
P: Pasty.
J: You still have zits too, Wormtail.
R: That's very good for his self-esteem, James.
J: The truth is a beauteous and dangerous thing, my friend. Unlike Peter.
20. Fat/average/slim?
S: Sexily slim and yet muscular. (Flexes bicep)
R: Again, you're being pretentious. And vain.
S: You weren't complaining when you were licking my abs the other night.
J: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
S: You love it really, Prongs, you dirty sod.
J: (aims a punch, that misses)
S: (gives James the middle finger)
(Degenerates into wrestling)
R: Five-year-olds.
P: Not even that.
R: I'd say I was skinny.
S: (from the floor) NO! You're thin and yet incredibly sexy!
J: DIE, YOU BASTARD! (Jumps on him and elbows him in the ribs)
P: I have a spare tire. (Pats stomach proudly)
21. Rain or sunshine?
P: Sunshine.
R: Neither. I like cloudy weather best.
J: Fine! A draw!
S: I so won, hornhead.
J: Sod off, shirt-lifter.
S: Daddy's boy.
(Both sit down as if nothing has happened)
J: I like the sunshine.
S: I like it when it snows.
22. Pool or beach?
S: Either. I can show off these. (Lifts shirt to show off stomach)
J: Twat. Beach.
P: Pool. I think I can make less of a fool of myself.
R: Neither.
S: We could find a nice, secluded beach, Moony. There it would be nice.
R: I suppose…
23. Camping or staying home?
J: Camping!
P: You've never been camping, Prongs. It's a nightmare.
R: I like staying at home. Home has books and chocolate.
S: Now you admit it. What about sex in a tent?
R: We've had sex outdoors. What's so fun about a tent?
24. Dog or cat?
J: Dog.
P: cat.
S: You're a rat!
P: So?
S: Weirdo. DOG! Haha. (Looks hopefully at Remus)
R: …cat.
S: (whimpers)
25. Do you believe in aliens?
J: Yeah.
S: They're in Cardiff.
J: One day they'll make a TV series on that.
S: A Doctor Who spin-off!
J: With a bloke from the future!
S: and a pterodactyl called Myfanwy!
S/J: YEAH!
R: Why are we friends with them again?
P: Because the prat with the long hair is your boyfriend.
R: That can be amended.
26. Natural born or clone?
R: I beg your pardon?
S: knowing my mother, Regulus and I were born from eggs. She laid us and kept us warm under the boiler.
J: You've given that a lot of thought, haven't you?
S: Oh yeah.
27. Car or ship?
S: MOTORBIKE!
J: The Black Shadow!
S: Hell yeah! (Does horns with his hand)
R: I'm putting in a transfer to the Lord of the Rings.
28. Have you ever destroyed something out of blind rage?
R: Every month, unfortunately.
S: That was Uncle Oscar's favourite armchair.
R: I hope he can forgive me…
J: I got angry with Lily's parents on your behalf once, remember? I shattered the glass cabinet behind mum and dad…
P: I beheaded all my cousin's Barbie dolls because she broke my truck… We were eight.
J: Lily's worse than you, Remus.
29. Are there any unusual things about you?
R: We're wizards. I'm a werewolf and they are illegal Animagi.
S: Whoop whoop!
J: Who rocks?
S: We rock!
30. How much food/drink do you need a day?
S: Pete needs enough to sustain the whole of East Germany for two years.
P: Bugger off.
J: Moony must get at least a pound of chocolate each day or he can't function.
31. What is your favourite place?
S: in our bed. With Moony there, of course.
R: I must admit, I like that place too.
J: The settee in the front room.
P: The park on Sundays.
R: How nice, Wormtail.
P: Thank you.
32. Any last words?
S: I love Remus Lupin!
J: I love Lily Evans!
R: I have very good credentials to be the tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring.
P: This was a fine time to waste an hour.