The Big Ben Caper
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Do you remember that part of "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind"? The one that goes "From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper, the head that made headlines in every newspaper..."
Well, here's my interpretation of it!
All characters are © Disney, except for:
Mouses Fiennes
Agent 001
Bill The Lizard (well, he technically belongs to Disney, but his personality is © me)
Red Robertson (belongs to Disney, but name & personality are © me)
Snakes Henshaw (same thing)
Miriam
Thomas Farrell (appears in the movie)
Eunice
Madame Ratburn
Olga
Adrienne Ratburn
And all other thugs that appear in the movie belong to Disney, but their names & personalities are © me.
Please ask me before using these characters in your stories &/or roleplays. Thank you.
Please enjoy the story! (And do send a review! I like them! Just so long as they're not flames. Constructive criticism is OK, though.)
"A mouse of mind" is what I want to be called after my death (or at least it's one of the things I want put on my tombstone). A mouse with nasty schemes & evil plots boiling continuously in his great criminal brain...
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is...
Oh, great, here he goes again!
Shut up, Bill, or I'll skin you alive & sell your epidermis to the taxidermist!
You know, it's such a shame that in that silly version of the Flaversham Case, they don't even mention me! Me, Mouses Fiennes, who was the brains behind the whole operation!
And to think that Ratigan didn't give his old mouse credit when he wrote a certain song about himself...
After all, it was I who made The Big Ben Caper hit the front pages of every gazette in the city!
The year was 1891, if I remember correctly...
My thugs had gathered around to watch me speak of the newest crime I, Mouses Fiennes, had hatched.
After making sure Ratigan, a scrawny little 11-year-old at the time, kept still by me like a "good" bad boy, I cleared my throat, & said...
"Thugs, minions, scoundrels, lend me your ears!"
"Not literally," I added when a crazy-looking Thomas Farrell was about to cut his own ear off.
(A note from the Author: if any of you watch the movie closely, you'll notice a thug in red ski clothes & brown pants holding a beer mug when Ratigan says, "The most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career!" That's Thomas. The tough-looking mouse in the blue shirt & pounding the giant club in his palm is his twin brother, Terry. I have pictures of them on my website.)
"Today, we commit the crime of the year!"
All of my thugs (except for that infernal Goodie Gang, comprised of Bill The Lizard, Red Robertson, & Snakes Henshaw) cheered.
(All right, I'll be honest with you: Miriam, Bartholomew, & my masseuse Olga decided to stick with those moral lowlives, & they didn't bother to support their leader.)
"We are going to take a visit to the Houses Of Parliament, go to Big Ben, detach the hands from our great clock, & hold them for a pretty ransom!"
The thugs gasped in shock.
Eunice managed to overcome her utter awe, raise her hand, & ask, "How on Earth are you gonna do that, Mouses?"
With a smile, I told the bank robber, "Well, Eunice, my dear, we're going to employ the help of the finest psychic criminal in town..."
"You want ME to help you, Mouses Fiennes?"
"Yes, Ms. Ratburn," I said with a smile & a nod to Adrienne Ratburn, the delightfully wicked great-niece of Madame Elizabella Ratburn, one of the most famous Gypsy psychics in town.
The then-13-year-old girl floated down to our level, & said with a evilly coy smile on her lovely young face, "I don't know..."
Grunting in irritiation, I got out 20 pounds, & placed them in Adrienne's clawed hand. "There, NOW will you help us?"
Adrienne's face turned dark & evil at the sight of her pay. "Yes," she said with a wonderfully abominable smile, "yes..."
Big Ben was ringing 1:00 PM by the time my gang got to the Houses Of Parliament.
My thugs, Ratigan, & Adrienne all looked up at the great clock in tremendous awe.
"Awww…"
I said "awe". A-W-E.
"Ooohhh..."
That's better.
Adrienne rubbed her hands with glee, as she said, "Taking the hands off of Big Ben shouldn't be that tough!"
Then Adrienne closed her eyes, & posed in a meditation stance, still floating cross-legged in a lotus position as she always did.
Suddenly, the thugs all gasped as the ground gave a mighty shake, the sound of rumbling boomed, &...Big Ben's hour & minute hands slowly detached from their great bolt, & floated down to us.
Adrienne gave a wicked smile, & only after a few moments, my thugs & I were caught up in the feeling of our success.
Soon we were all letting out screeches & roars of evil, maniacal laughter. Even Ratigan decided to let out a cackle of his own!
"Oh, my goodness! Big Ben's hands are gone!"
Music to my ears.
"What'll we do?" cried the panicking micefolk as they ran around in circles, their hands on both sides of their shocked faces.
With a wave of my hand, I announced, "Someone's taken the hands off Big Ben! I can only retrieve them if you all pay me...100 billion pounds!"
An old gentlemouse managed to get over his shock, & pipe up, "Sir, 100 billion pounds are more than the entire treasury of England!"
"I know..."
By the time my thugs, Adrienne, & Ratigan finished robbing everyone, all the micefolk were left with empty pockets & purses.
After putting the last of the 100 billion pounds in our bags, we all escaped back to the hideout, rich as pi-rats.
That is, after I reminded Adrienne to put the hands back on Big Ben for the fifth time in a row.
So, my dear friends, what you just read was the true story of the Big Ben Caper.
THE END