The 2nd episode of All Hail Looniness,
written on May 6th, 2012
Furry Navidad
Ringo T. Rabbit
On a mountain literally shaped like a map atop a tuna-can, Wile E. Coyote (persistentius chasius) was watching Roadrunner (runnio quickibus) run around at a high speed. The persistent coyote licked his lips hungrily and tried to grab the flightless bird as he passed his mountain, but only to fall off and onto a mattress which Roadrunner had placed for the sake of good sportsmanship. The bird beeped and ran off, leaving Wile to take an ACME catalog out for ideas. There were Multiple-Purpose Vacuums ("Suck up anything…or everything. Your choice"), Rapid Tennis-Ball Shooters ("Test your tennis skills"), and, the one that caught Wile's attention the most, Roadrunner-Catching Net-Launchers ("Catch roadrunners with nets that move on their own"). The coyote then sent for a Roadrunner-Catching Net-Launcher, which arrived 2 weeks later. Settling himself in between 2 mountains, he aimed the net-launcher and fired it at Roadrunner as soon as he passed. The net chased the bird until he zigzagged through a rocky maze and therefore lost the contraption, which got itself entangled in a cactus. Needless to say, Wile was so upset that he ran into the rocky maze and chased Roadrunner himself. The coyote eventually managed to grab his prey's tail, which he held tightly. Roadrunner held up a sign reading: "If you're going to hold onto my tail, then could you please grab the UPPER part?" Wile nodded and complied, whereupon Roadrunner beeped and ran onward, thereby dragging his predator. Wile's hold started to slacken, so he put a leash and collar on Roadrunner and put roller-skates on himself. The plan worked…until Roadrunner made a sharp turn and sent Wile off a cliff. With the leash and collar still on (they could only be taken off with a key, which Wile obviously kept), Roadrunner waved to Wile, who help up a sign that read: "How does that bird do this kind of stuff?" Then, he fell down onto a tree, which flung him back up to the mountain, enabling him to grab Roadrunner's leash. Wile was enraptured…until Roadrunner took the key from him, unlocked his collar, and fell safely into an ACME mattress-truck. Wile, on the other hand, folded his arms indignantly as he landed on a rock, thereby shaking the ground in such a way that the Earth thereat formed the word "ouch."
The very persistent end!
Character creation credits
All characters were created by Charles Jones.