How Did Things Come To This?
Summary: Xander reflects after making the biggest decision of his life (MAJOR spoilers for the LAST EPISODES of Season 7)
Category: Angst aplenty
Ships: None, although Xander's comments could be seen as a twisted view on B/X (Which wasn't intended, despite the fact that I am a BXer)
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: Don't care as long as you ask me
Spoilers: ALL of Season 7
Notes: I have been having a bad day today, and reading the new spoilers from Episode 21 on spoilerslayer.com didn't help much. If you think spoiler free is the way to be, then TURN AROUND NOW, because this deals with EVERYTHING that happens to xander from Ep 18 - 21. Anyhow, after seeing Xander's VERY uncharacteristic actions, I thought up of THIS explanation. Warning...this is a VERY short fic that was written in 30 Minutes and NOT beta'd.
=============================================
I knew it wasn't Buffy.
I knew it was the First.
But for some reason, I did it anyway.
I look over at Dawn, still unconcious from the chloroform, and realize how much has changed. What if they knew? What if they knew that I willingly betrayed them. I mean, I'm the loyal one right? I'm the lap dog. I'm the guy that will NEVER leave her. And now, here I am, driving down the 405 with the one person who appreciates me lying near death in my passenger seat.
What would they do if they realized what lead to this? That THEY CAUSED THIS. That they drove me to SELLING THEM ALL OUT. I'm the worthless one right? Yeah, that's why the blood you spill will be because of me.
I would've followed you until the end. I vowed that I would help you at all costs Buffy. That I would put YOU above my life. That I would put YOUR DUTY above my wellbeing. I went into battle for you. I risked my life for you. I LOST MY EYE FOR YOU! But was that ever enough? All I ever was to you was the guy who fixes the windows.
What did my sacrifice mean to you Buffy? I lose my FUCKING EYE, and the next day you want me to confront the man who took it?!? You want me to risk my life AGAIN for you? Did you even THINK about what could've happened? What about us Buffy? Do you ever think of OUR WELL BEING. People had DIED the last time we went against Caleb. MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER! And you wanted all of us to risk our lives again just because you were too stubborn to think of an actual plan?!?
Only one being realized my worth Buffy. The first REALIZED that I AM THE SCOOBIES. That without me, you are NOTHING. And that you trusted me. That I was HIS connection to you. Not Spike Buffy. ME! The first told me disguised as you to take Dawn. And I did it.
I did it to take her away from the bloodshed that would happen in the final battle. I did it to take her to a place where she will be APPRECIATED. I did it so Dawn will be raised by somebody who REALIZES what it's like to be in your shadow Buffy. I know what it's like. I'm the one who sees things right. Well, not anymore.
I look over and see that Dawn is slowly coming too. I reach into my pocket, as she looks around the car as realization comes to her face. I hand her "your" letter. As she reads it, I see that she realizes you didn't write it. I don't care. I let her reach into the weapons bag, and I hope that she grabs the gun and ends my sorry life right here. I look at her as she shoves the taser against my stomach, and we share one thought before I fall into unconsciousness.
How did things come to this?
Summary: Xander reflects after making the biggest decision of his life (MAJOR spoilers for the LAST EPISODES of Season 7)
Category: Angst aplenty
Ships: None, although Xander's comments could be seen as a twisted view on B/X (Which wasn't intended, despite the fact that I am a BXer)
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: Don't care as long as you ask me
Spoilers: ALL of Season 7
Notes: I have been having a bad day today, and reading the new spoilers from Episode 21 on spoilerslayer.com didn't help much. If you think spoiler free is the way to be, then TURN AROUND NOW, because this deals with EVERYTHING that happens to xander from Ep 18 - 21. Anyhow, after seeing Xander's VERY uncharacteristic actions, I thought up of THIS explanation. Warning...this is a VERY short fic that was written in 30 Minutes and NOT beta'd.
=============================================
I knew it wasn't Buffy.
I knew it was the First.
But for some reason, I did it anyway.
I look over at Dawn, still unconcious from the chloroform, and realize how much has changed. What if they knew? What if they knew that I willingly betrayed them. I mean, I'm the loyal one right? I'm the lap dog. I'm the guy that will NEVER leave her. And now, here I am, driving down the 405 with the one person who appreciates me lying near death in my passenger seat.
What would they do if they realized what lead to this? That THEY CAUSED THIS. That they drove me to SELLING THEM ALL OUT. I'm the worthless one right? Yeah, that's why the blood you spill will be because of me.
I would've followed you until the end. I vowed that I would help you at all costs Buffy. That I would put YOU above my life. That I would put YOUR DUTY above my wellbeing. I went into battle for you. I risked my life for you. I LOST MY EYE FOR YOU! But was that ever enough? All I ever was to you was the guy who fixes the windows.
What did my sacrifice mean to you Buffy? I lose my FUCKING EYE, and the next day you want me to confront the man who took it?!? You want me to risk my life AGAIN for you? Did you even THINK about what could've happened? What about us Buffy? Do you ever think of OUR WELL BEING. People had DIED the last time we went against Caleb. MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER! And you wanted all of us to risk our lives again just because you were too stubborn to think of an actual plan?!?
Only one being realized my worth Buffy. The first REALIZED that I AM THE SCOOBIES. That without me, you are NOTHING. And that you trusted me. That I was HIS connection to you. Not Spike Buffy. ME! The first told me disguised as you to take Dawn. And I did it.
I did it to take her away from the bloodshed that would happen in the final battle. I did it to take her to a place where she will be APPRECIATED. I did it so Dawn will be raised by somebody who REALIZES what it's like to be in your shadow Buffy. I know what it's like. I'm the one who sees things right. Well, not anymore.
I look over and see that Dawn is slowly coming too. I reach into my pocket, as she looks around the car as realization comes to her face. I hand her "your" letter. As she reads it, I see that she realizes you didn't write it. I don't care. I let her reach into the weapons bag, and I hope that she grabs the gun and ends my sorry life right here. I look at her as she shoves the taser against my stomach, and we share one thought before I fall into unconsciousness.
How did things come to this?