So, hello!
This story was written for a prompt at the Glee-Kink-Meme. It took me a long to actually focus on it but now I feel inspire, so I'm hopefully going to update often to get it over asap! Also, please notice that English is not my first language, so there might be mistakes. I hope there aren't too many and that you enjoy :3 xoxo
Sometimes Sam thinks Blaine knows.
He already started questioning this when they got close; because a bad boy wouldn't actually be friends with such a nerd as he is, if there weren't some interests. At first Sam thought Blaine was approaching him because he somehow found seducing a nerd funny. He thought it was just one of his stupid games – even though that's probably because he didn't know Blaine as a person back then (he just thought Blaine was an arrogant jerk; gorgeous, charming, but still a jerk).
But now, when they're sitting on the coach of Blaine's place, playing videogames, Sam feels a lot more comfortable with Blaine that he's actually ever felt with anyone else in his whole life. Being such a shy guy, it's been hard for him to grow close to people, but with Blaine, it turns out to be incredibly easy. They've been killing zombies for two hours almost and Sam doesn't even feel like stopping. It's so incredibly good to just play easily with another boy.
It has nothing to do with the fact that now and then he can turn and just stare at how gorgeous Blaine's face looks when he's all focused and serious, like he is actually fighting for his own survival.
It has nothing to do with the way Blaine's gel is coming off of his hair now, revealing the curls he's practically hiding to the rest of the world. It makes him feel stupidly proud, the fact that there's something Blaine shows to him and him alone.
It has nothing to do with Blaine's throat either, or the way he occasionally swallows when a zombie comes out of nowhere and makes him startles, even if he tries to hide his reaction because he's so adorably reluctant at showing his own hesitations, even when it comes to a videogame.
It has surely nothing to do with the way Blaine laughs and jokes everytime one of them gets killed – especially when Sam is the one who dies – or eventually gets mad if Sam doesn't heal him with the spray during an important mission.
It's just because Blaine can be funny and he likes most of the things Sam likes too. Okay, it's actually because Sam has been in love with him for long now, but sometimes not thinking about it makes it easier for him to get over the fact that Blaine is straight and he's not going to reciprocate his feelings.
"God, we're never going to get over this fucking level, I'm sick of it." Blaine growls all of a sudden and Sam almost startles at the way his voice brings him back to reality. He's glad that Blaine didn't turn, because he would have caught him staring.
"Yeah, hmm," He stutters before he manages to formulate, his face frowning just a little, "this iron giant idiot has kicked our ass again."
He knows it's his fault. He isn't paying any attention to the game. Of course. How could he when he has Blaine there? He just looks too perfect for him to get distracted on zombies.
"What is this? The twentieth time we try it today?" Blaine rolls his eyes to the ceiling, tilting his head back against the couch, looking unbelievably frustrated and handsome at the same time. "Not to mention yesterday." He growls lowly, and Sam loves it when his voice does that thing. Blaine's got such a good vocal range, but he always denies Sam the pleasure to sing in private, just for him.
"Maybe we should just-"
"Give up?" Blaine finally turns to him, looking in disbelief with the side of his head still pressed into the back of the couch. Sam feels a little breathless at the sight, but he tries not to let it show too much.
"Nah, dude," he says, shaking head and pressing his lips together for a moment, "I meant we should check on a Youtube walkthrough."
"That's girl stuff." Blaine complains, wincing evidently. "I mean, girls go through videogames walkthroughs because they don't even know how to fight a boss." Sam lifts his eyebrows and chokes a laugh, and then Blaine rolls his eyes again. "Fine, we don't know how to do that either, but that's different. We'll find a way out, they won't."
"That's not true." Sam turns around on the couch until he's with his legs on it, his knees almost touching Blaine's thighs – the brief brush of their bodies together is enough to set his heart of fire and make it hammer quickly inside his chest. "Girls don't usually get there because they're smarter. They know that using a walkthrough occasionally and ending the game as soon as they can, they'll have time to buy and play a new one. Or maybe collect trophies. They're smart."
"They're dumb." Blaine wrinkles his lips, almost pouting a little; and that looks ridiculous, especially while he's dressed up in white undershirt and ripped tight jeans. "Don't ever date them; they're just a pain in the ass."
Sam laughs, but there's also a little stab at his heart, like every single time Blaine mentions going out with girls. "I won't." He makes clear, like he needs to. "I'm gay, remember?"
"Yeah, I do remember." Blaine smirks and when he does that, when he acts like this, Sam can't help but wonder.
As slowly as they became friends, there was never a moment when Sam let him see through this. He's always tried to hide from him that there was more; and still, sometimes, when he jokes like this, when he seems knowing, Sam can't help but wonder if Blaine actually knows. It was a crush at first, but now he isn't sure anymore. There's a part of him which knows that it has already become so much more than just that.
And the way Blaine said it, that I do remember makes it harder for Sam to believe in any way that he doesn't know. So he doesn't reply. He wouldn't know how to reply to that, therefore he just turns to the big TV screen. He hopes Blaine would do the same, but he can feel his eyes over his own features and it's now making him uncomfortable.
"Just because I'm curious …" Blaine's voice violently breaks the silence a few seconds later, even though the words are barely whispered, with that hot low tone Blaine always uses when he looks like he wants to drive Sam crazy on purpose. "Have you ever actually been with a boy?"
The question comes out before Sam can even ask what Blaine is curious about. He turns a little instinctively, his green eyes spread and his teeth chewing on his lower lip. He can already feel a shade of red spreading over his cheekbones and painting his face embarrassingly. He hates being so shy around him. He hates it so much.
"Hmm, do you, hmm, mean …" He stutters senselessly, another of those things he can't stand doing whenever he's around Blaine. Being as cool as Blaine is, he probably thinks Sam is ridiculous. "Been like dating?" He asks, pressing his enormous lips together for a moment.
"Been like fucking, c'mon Sam!" Blaine rolls his eyes a little, though he doesn't look as annoyed as he is usually to other people when he uses this tone. A moment later, he's already looking into Sam's eyes again. "In bed. Have you ever had sex with a guy before?"
Sam stiffens up against the couch, his body suddenly becoming rigid as he tries to look as calm as he can. He hates that Blaine does this. If he knows about Sam's crush on him – which is more and more probable – why would he even ask such a question? Sometimes Sam feels like Blaine just enjoys making him uncomfortable.
"Nah, I-I kind of don't have time for that," He jokes, forcing a smile, "You know, dude, too many Playstation trophies. It's not like they're going to get unlocked themselves while it's off, so …"
Blaine laughs instinctively, that spontaneous laugh that always comes out a little more high-pitched than the usual ones. Sam loves it. It reminds him that under the bad boy there's some less cool guy, who is as normal as Sam is, someone who isn't just the guy that everybody envies and fears.
"Sex can be fun." Blaine says easily and he shrugs, letting the joystick fall definitively between his legs. "I mean, I was curious to know what it felt like with boys, but it seems like you can't answer my question …" He tilts an eyebrow allusively, turning and looking into Sam's eyes all of a sudden, which makes something clench in Sam's stomach.
He knows Blaine is not mean, not to him, but at the same times he wished he would stop making him feel like this. He would think it is unintentional but the truth is that Sam is well aware of how smart Blaine is, the way he always knows what he is doing. So he sighs, blinking and staying still because even if the silence feels awkward, Sam hasn't found something appropriate to say yet that wouldn't compromise the way Blaine feels towards him.
Blaine though doesn't seem to agree with his idea of just staying silent.
"You should give it a try." He says and Sam looks at him again. He stays rigid but he can feel himself blushing. Of course he wants to have sex, every teenager does, but talking about it with the guy he has an enormous crush on doesn't help him feeling more comfortable. "I mean, I swear it's funny and you don't always have to give a meaning to it. It can be just to feel good."
"I want to give a meaning to it." Sam stiffens on the couch and he's subconsciously moving away from Blaine. "And I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you, Blaine. No offense, but … we have different points of view on sex, dude."
Blaine seems considering for a moment, titled up eyebrows and wrinkled lips – like he's not even seriously thinking that he might somehow share his point of view.
"Jeez, calm down." He mutters eventually, "I was just curious. We can go back to videogames, like now."
Sam knows that there's a 'For now' hidden in his words, but he doesn't manage to say anything to fight it. There's a secret side of him who wants to talk about sex with Blaine, that is curious to find out about Blaine's relationship with sex, the way he acts and thinks towards it more in the details.
"Yeah, that would be better." He says though, eventually. "I really don't feel like dealing with this now. Let's just play or … study?"
Blaine laughs at the proposition, like Sam thought he would, "Study sounds crazy. I'm never going to do that, like ever."
"No college?" Sam is smiling again.
"No college," Blaine confirms.
Even though there's tickling bitter sensation in Sam's chest at the words (which comes from his natural concern for his best friend, he knows, nothing to worry about), he smiles at the way Blaine says it, nonchalantly, like he didn't even consider the idea of college, not even for a moment. It is upsetting to see his grades, because Sam knows how smart Blaine is. He just doesn't care and that's what makes him a bad student.
"Then, what are you going to do when we graduate?" He is still giggling a little when he asks.
Blaine stiffens immediately, "Look, I didn't pressure you into talking about something you didn't feel comfortable with."
The way his voice sounds, so awkwardly tensed, or the way his eyes snap away, avoiding the eye-contact, every single detail of his following movements makes Sam understand that maybe he hasn't been a good friend not to realize earlier. Blaine has no clue what to do with his life. He is stuck into being a bad boy and has nothing else ahead of him.
The thought of it makes him wince and sigh at the same time, and finally, he presses the round little button on his joystick and turns off the Playstation, leaving Blaine a little upset and stunned.
"What?" Blaine turns to him abruptly. "Hey, no, what do you think you're doing?" He asks, turning the Playstation on again by using his own joystick. "We were getting close, I think I've figured out how to kill that thing-"
"Blaine." Sam gives him that concerned deep look that always seems to make Blaine understand when he is serious. "This is very important. What are you going to do when you graduate?"
"Well, 'what are you going to do with your dick' seemed like a very important question to me minutes ago, but I didn't get a reply, so." Blaine shrugs childishly and a little bitterly, but Sam knows it takes patient with his best friend. He even ignores the way he blushes at the rude words. It's inevitable.
"That wasn't your question actually," He points out and before Blaine has a chance to complain, he adds quickly, "You asked me about gay sex and then joked about my experience, but that's not the point now." Blaine lifts his chin cockily, as he always does when he wants to act awfully to someone. Unluckily for him, Sam knows him to well to feel bad about it. "I'm concerned about the reasons why you think it is not a good idea for you to plan on your future."
Blaine gives him a look that seems a lot like he's mocking Sam's sophisticated words, but once more, Sam ignores it. Blaine must sense he isn't going to let him win on this, because, eventually, he sighs and gives in a little.
"Look, it's just that I haven't thought about it. I don't want to go to college. High school is traumatic enough for me." Blaine shrugs and Sam finds himself startling when he leans a hand to rest it on Sam's thigh. They're not used to this kind of contact. They hug, bump at each other's shoulders, but it's never like this. Blaine's hand is delicate and resting there almost as if it's just casual, but at the same time, it doesn't look like it's just that. "And if I don't go to college, there's nothing but shitty works waiting for me, which doesn't help me feeling inspired and go to look for it."
"Hey, dude, not cool." Sam swallows, trying to avoid the feeling inside him at the way Blaine's fingers are leant there, without moving, as Blaine looks away from him. "I mean, no job is crappy. Working is honorable itself."
"Yeah, that's the theory." Blaine turns to him and shakes his head, his face seeming just a little weaker than usual – though Sam is sure Blaine isn't realizing, either way he would wash it away so that he couldn't see it. "But can you blame me for feeling uninspired?"
"That's a lame excuse, you know that, right?" Sam sighs and sinks a little in the couch, having no idea why Blaine's hand is still there over his jeans. It's making him hold his breath too long. "You're just lazy and don't want to even try and find an option."
Blaine lifts his triangular eyebrows and looks at him with a smirk on his lips. Sam is quite sure his heart stops for a moment.
"Oh and how would you know?" Blaine teases, a little more amused than before. "You really read too much into me, Sammy. Sometimes I feel like you think about me twenty-four/seven." He winks and Sam flushes and looks away just for the slightest of moments, before he's gazing at Blaine again.
"Honestly," He whispers lower than he intended it too, "If by thinking about you twenty-four/seven you mean feeling concerned about you being the biggest jerk in town and a destructive force of nature, well, that's the truth."
Blaine opens his mouth to snap back, but his smirk drops a little when he seems to realize Sam's words. The shift of emotions on his face is so evident that Sam has to resist the urge of tugging him into their usual hug. He looks like he is completely lost for a moment, like he is realizing that Sam's words make a lot more sense than his personal convictions.
He looks down and licks his lower lip (which is something Sam isn't totally staring at; not even a little), and this is actually awkward. Blaine looks more fragile that Sam has ever seen, and to be honest, it also makes him a little uncomfortable, because Blaine is always the rough one between them, and he has no idea how to act if he behaves this way.
Eventually, Blaine must realize this silly silence isn't useful to anyone, because he opens his mouth to speak. Once more, he needs to stop for a moment before he can actually do so, but still, he never meets Sam's gaze as he spits it out.
"Look, I'm socially wrecked, I know." He murmurs, so low – and sexy – that Sam almost misses it. He would have missed it if he wasn't so focused on Blaine's mouth maybe. "I'm just a living mess and I love being that. My point is that no one would hire a person that looks so irresponsible."
"How do they know-" Sam is asking but Blaine turns a 'are you serious?' gaze to him.
"Look at me." He sighs, "I dress in leather, drive motorcycles and absorb alcohol like a spoon; who would trust such a person enough to give him a job? I don't care, okay? I won't change the way I am to get a job. I'm okay with it, everybody can fuck off."
These are the last words before he stiffens up in his seat and stares at the screen of the TV. There's nothing but the Home of Blaine's PSN account, and Sam wants to ask for more, but he has no idea how to do that exactly. He never knew Blaine felt like this and honestly, Blaine is good at hiding his own emotions, so that's not a big surprise.
But he wants to do something about it. So bad. Wants to wash this bad feeling off of Blaine.
"Fuck it," Blaine curses newly and he leans over the small table between the couch and the screen to take his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Sam frowns a little but he lets him do so. It's probably going to help Blaine feeling less nervous.
He waits patiently for Blaine to calm down, waits until his legs start shaking nervously. He knows this is something Blaine does when he's nervous or angry, just like he knows that pushing him into a discussion when he hasn't calmed down yet just brings to a lot of senseless yelling. It wouldn't resolve anything and that's why, instead, Sam just waits and waits until this cigarette is almost useless, the cherry colored end of it now turned into nothing but cold dust. That is when Blaine's leg stops shaking and Sam knows he can speak again.
"You know," he starts and Blaine finally looks at him again (his eyes seem just a little weaker than usual, but he is hiding it by tilting his eyebrow cockily), "Once a very smart guy – whom I barely knew back then - told me something and I'm still thankful for that lesson. He told me that prejudice is just ignorance. Then he told me to go fuck off because he didn't have any time to waste on me."
Blaine's lips tilt into a curious smiles as he says, "This guy was actually smart, wasn't he?"
Sam chuckles just a little and nods, "He is very smart, and I'm sure of it. And that's why I think he should give a chance to his future. He is worth it."
Blaine's mouth opens in a 'o' of surprise as he seems to realize that the boy Sam meant is actually him. He probably doesn't remember that day, because they didn't know each other –except for high school rumors. Sam has no idea what the sentence was about back then, but it hit him and is still stuck in his head after so long. He thought Blaine was drunk or something.
"Well, maybe that guy is way too smart to get a job or into college, you know, a genius." Blaine suggests but Sam rolls his eyes a little, which seems to make him understand. "Okay, I'm sorry. What I meant is that … I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I like riding my baby, playing my guitar and cursing, but none of these are occupations that could guarantee a future."
Sam wrinkles his enormous lips and when Blaine moves his fingers on his thigh again, he swallows, remembering that his hand is still there. He tries to ignore it as much as he can, because they're having a friendly conversation that might be important for Blaine's future now. Although it isn't easy, especially when Blaine moves his fingers along his leg, almost as if he's tracing invisible circles all over it. Sam isn't sure if he's aware of what is doing, but he tries to ignore it. There's a part of him who enjoys the touch and isn't ready to let it go just yet. He isn't sure when Blaine is going to touch him like this again, like something that seems more than friendly.
"It's out Senior Year, Blainers. It's now or never." He whispers fondly, looking at his best friend. "Everybody is making projects about next fall and that's an important part of your high school life. It doesn't matter if you'll find the right way for you right now; at least you'll have searched."
"Why would I waste my fucking time if there's nothing for me out there?" Blaine asks childishly. Patience, Sam reminds himself once more.
"You can't be sure that there's actually nothing out there if you don't even look for it." Sam replies, "how would you know?"
"I just know." Blaine growls and he seems a little frustrated at the conversation. "You're bothering me but I don't remember you saying anything about your future either."
"I've got it all planned." Sam shrugs and he's finally relieved when Blaine moves his hand away from his thigh. "I just want to make videogames. That is my future."
Blaine seems astonished at the words and Sam realizes that it is because they've never actually talked about it. Being stubborn and proud as he is, Blaine probably feels betrayed at the fact that Sam knew exactly what to do and didn't even tell him about it.
"I thought it was clear, I mean with all the software I've downloaded lately, I thought you figured it out," he has no idea why he is murmuring excuses, but he doesn't want Blaine to get mad at him – as silly as it sounds.
"You didn't even tell me," Blaine growls, but he's not as mad as Sam thought he'd be from his face. "But that's not the point now, so I'll pretend I don't feel like strangling you."
Sam is relieved, but not too much because they still have an important conversation left open and he won't allow any distraction.
"Look, I have a plan." He spits out and moves just slightly on the couch, subconsciously getting closer to Blaine. "We are going to turn our Playstation off for a few afternoons," he explains calmly, watching as Blaine looks already shocked, "and I'm going to help you figuring out if there's actually something waiting for you outside this hole of a town. If we can't find anything – and I'm sure that's not the case – you'll be free to do whatever you want and I swear I'm not going to bother you anymore."
Blaine considers it for a moment. He looks like he doesn't want to give up in any way because of his pride. Of course, that's what he does all the time. Eventually though, he leans a little closer – which makes Sam hold his breath for a few moments – and whispers, "Are you going to leave me alone after I proved you wrong?"
Sam doesn't know if he's reading too much into things, but the way he says it. It seems like there's so much more hiding behind it, like this has suddenly nothing to do with their Senior Year, with college or job opportunities. They're looking into each other's eyes without trailing back and Sam feels like this energy exchange is so intense that he could melt under it. What makes him wonder more is that Blaine's hazel eyes are filled with a darker shadow surrounding his pupils. There's usually nothing good coming when Blaine has got that into his eyes.
Sam isn't sure if this is actually about him or about Blaine's sudden question on how it feels to have sex with a boy, but he wants to force himself to think that it's just his mind playing tricks on him. But even when's managed to force himself to interrupt the way their gazes are chained, he doesn't help his own situation because his eyes fall on Blaine's lips. He's dreamt about those lips for so long, kissing him all over, sweetly and maybe even a little roughly. He wouldn't mind.
Blaine's mouth looks so soft and tempting, and it's almost the opposite of him. Behind his bad boy look, Blaine has got wonderful big eyes and full lips and it just does so much to Sam that he isn't sure he can express it into words. So he swallows every single word down and when he finally manages to do so, he tears his eyes away from Blaine's lips. It's too dangerous for him to stare.
"Yes," he spits out, suddenly remembering that Blaine had asked him something – which wasn't too clear to him, but still, he has to answer, "I swear I'll leave you alone." He nods to himself, but then he gets a little caught by surprise.
When he actually focuses on Blaine's face, Blaine is staring at his lips shamelessly, like he doesn't even feel some embarrassment or find a reason to tear his eyes off of Sam's mouth. He doesn't even look away immediately, in fact, he just stares there like there's nothing wrong about it. Sam has no idea whether he wants to add it or not to the list of awkward things happening between them today.
Eventually, Blaine seems to get to a point when the staring has lasted for too long, because he looks up into Sam's eyes. There's not even a little of hesitation in his gaze, in fact he's still got that dangerous darker shade in his irises that makes it hard for Sam not to look away only because he can't stand such an intense gaze without letting himself wonder about it.
"Fine, then I guess we have a deal," Blaine groans, his voice coming out just a little lower than before. Anyone else wouldn't have noticed even, but Sam doesn't miss it. He hardly misses anything when it comes to Blaine. "But, let's be clear, I'm only doing it because I think that going through a crazy schedule of job offers and college opportunities would be easier than having to stand you torturing my head until I make up my mind."
Sam chokes a laugh, which breaks just a little the tension in the room. He shrugs to loosen up, but he's not sure it's going to work.
"Of course," he murmurs, finally taking the joystick back in his hands, "Why would you care about your future and feel the need to make plans?" He switches through the home until he's selecting Resident Evil again.
"Now that's it." Blaine growls, but he's already sprawling on the couch and stretching for the next matches to come.
Sam plans on enjoying this right now, because with all the stress he is going to go through to find something Blaine sees as potential, he'll probably get zero chances to play like this, all afternoon long.
The rest of the day goes smoothly. Truth to be told, Sam thought Blaine was going to pout at him at least for having brought the whole thing up, but Blaine suits back in his normal mood quite quickly. He curses at the game, smokes a few cigarettes more and always finds a way to look at Sam and make him wonder, before he pushes it all away once more. When it's evident that they're not going to kill the giant, they eventually give up for a little.
They end up ordering pizza (which is what they do whenever Blaine's parents are not around) and watching TV as they eat. After dinner, Sam studies while Blaine desperately tries to fight the giant all by himself. Every now and then, Sam laughs at his failed attempts, but Blaine just looks annoyed in a fond way rather than a negative one. That is how most of the time goes by and it's about half past eleven when Blaine finally stands up from the spot he picked on the floor and turns the Playstation off.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" He asks and Sam looks up to him.
"That'd be cool." He says and when he yawns, he actually realizes that time has gone by faster than he thought. "I don't think I could walk straight to my place without falling asleep."
"Well, luckily, you have one piece of a hot bad boy as a friend, so you don't get to do that," Blaine winks as he stretches and Sam looks away for a moment. He always looks so good when he stretches, and today of all days, he really doesn't want to stare any more than he's already done in the afternoon.
He starts gathering his things to keep himself distracted, pushing books in his back while Blaine picks up his leather jacket from when he'd dropped it randomly on the couch hours earlier. They don't get to talk that much until they're out, walking along the little path out of Blaine's house that brings to the street, where Blaine's motorcycle is parked along the sidewalk, giving that little touch of uncontrollable rebellion to the whole neighborhood.
Sam finds it hilarious that Blaine is the one driving and that he has to hold to his body to keep himself still. Blaine is so smaller than him and it makes it comical. But somehow, there's also this charming strong personality that makes Blaine feel safe to him anyway. Dangerous, but still so safe.
They drive for quite a bit and Sam is hesitant to hold his arms around Blaine's torso with all that has happened today. Also, he can smell Blaine's scent from where his face is close to the other boy's neck. He also loves that though Blaine would never wear a helmet, he always makes sure he has one for Sam so that he can wear it. But that is probably just friendly affection. Who would want his best friend to risk getting hurt anyway?
When Blaine drops Sam in front of his place and Sam starts pulling the helmet off, the day is officially coming to an end. He hands it to Blaine and gathers himself to speak, his backpack kept close to his shoulders by his hands.
"So, tomorrow we're starting your experimental thing," he says, a little awkwardly and Blaine shrugs like he doesn't care. He looks almost believable. Almost.
"I do hope we get to experiment lots of things," Blaine winks and Sam can't help the way he flushes at the words. Maybe Blaine doesn't mean it in a subtle way, but it's hard for him not to consider that after their little gay sex conversation anyway.
"Yeah," he answers though, unable to stop it before it's out, "I hope so."
Blaine just gives him a sly grin and then he's speeding along the streets once more, to drive back to his own place. Sam watches him go until Blaine isn't in sight anymore and then he finally walks in.
That night, when he goes to sleep, he hardly manages to think of anything that isn't kissing Blaine's lips. And yet, if Blaine had something like experimenting on his mind, Sam is sure that it would have little to do with kissing. Blaine is not the kind of boy who just kisses. Therefore, he falls asleep to the hope that the day was just a big mess of misunderstanding. He's probably read too much into Blaine's spontaneous question, and then focuses on what he might show to his best friend to prove to him that he's worth a future at least.