Warning: A brief implication of suicide in this chapter.

Chapter 1

incipient [adj.]

- beginning to exist or appear; in an initial stage

For a lack of better word, Zed was very, very bored.

From an outside look, he appeared to be successful, at least academically. One of the top student of the prestigious Kinkou High School, apply for medical study with flying colors. Every quizzes, every tests, they were like pieces of cake. Really, from an Ionian point of view, he had no reason not to be proud of his success.

Very well, that was from an outside look. What he was feeling is a consistent lack of enthusiasm and causeless seething anger. He got good grades. His lowest was 3.65. However. he wanted them to be better than those of his (one-sided) rival Shen, who, other than academic outcome, was also generally more decent as a person. Not to mention that his crush-since-childhood Akali hated him. Zed however must admit that pestering her via text message every morning got to land himself in an unfavorable light eventually.

He resented the world and he was deeply lonely as hell.

The class was concluded. Zed vaguely remembered its content, if not at all. He leaned back on his seat and put his feet on his desk. His mind was contemplating skipping class the next day. From his peripheral sight he can see Shen approaching.

"You skipped breakfast again?" Shen asked with a slight hint of concern. Zed usually wondered why Akali liked this emotionless study machine more than him.

"I had a glass of water this morning. Not going to die," Zed answered through his gritted teeth, "Please fuck off, by the way."

"You cannot keep doing this," Shen said "It's bad for your health."

"Stating the obvious…," Zed breathed. He kept silent for a few moments and then turned to Shen. "Thinking about sleeping in tomorrow. Wanna join?" He said and flashed a grin.

Shen shook his head, "You should not. It will hurt your academic performance."

"Like I care," Zed groaned and push his chair further. It is leaning by the dangerous angle. Then it fell, sending stationeries flying everywhere. It surprised no one except the man.

"You should tend to it," Shen said dryly, "because, surprisingly, grade does matter when it comes to job applications."

As he helped picking up Zed's pens from the floor, he said, with a little weariness in his voice, "You know you are better than this."

"Why, of course," Zed deadpanned, lying on the floor, "Even though I am 0.5 behind you, I am overall better, and therefore—"

"We will review physiology at 4, in the library." Shen cut him off, as he placed the last of Zed's pens in a perfect alignment to an imaginary x-axis. He adjusted his bag and wordlessly left the room.

Zed stayed on the floor for a few more minutes, fighting an urge to sleep right here and there. He later got up because his back started to on a public floor seemed unappealing suddenly.

'You are better than this,' Shen's word crept back into his mind. He cannot find the exact reason for his lack of motivation and persistent irritation. He was long past the days of 'dark and edgy', getting angry at things and being obsessed with an idea of anarchy. Maybe his long history of competing with Shen stated to wear him down. Maybe he had problems and wanted attention.

Ah, yes, he wanted someone to say "How are you?" to him with genuine care. Not that he would admit that.

As he got up, there was no other people in the lecture hall. He absently checked his phone before gather his belongings and left.

After relieving himself of leftover bodily fluid (no, not that kind. He may be grumpy but Zed was decent enough to know about time-and-place). Zed headed to the canteen. People started to leave when he reached there. Maybe he did lay on the lecture hall's floor a bit longer than he thought.

Zed settled for the shortest line and wait, not caring for whatever this line was for. It turned out to be a line for salad. This got him thinking about how on earth salad is stereotyped and feminine food. Hell manly man can have salad! It is nutritious and healthy! And it help our digestive system! Everyone should be able to appreciate salad regardless of their gender!

Not with raisins, however.

Zed composed his salad (it is an art form, he thought) and. He scanned the hall for any spare seats, and settle in one that was the nearest

"Oh please," came an exasperated sigh from nearby.

Actually it is not just 'the nearest' seat but more 'the nearest to Akali' seat. He simply ignored her glare of objection and propped himself next to her, also not forgetting to discard her bag on the seat.

"Oh. Didn't see you are here. Does fate favor me today, hm?"

Akali rolled her eyes.

"I was saving this seat for Shen but since you decided to grace me with your presence," she neatly put chopsticks on her bowl of noodles, "I think I'd rather depart, for you is too high and mighty for me to sit next to." She did not attempt to hide her sarcasm. At all.

"You do know gods have human as their lover," Zed smirks in a mock flirty way, "Also, don't waste your food." He stole a meatball from Akali's noodle soup. She glanced at it being swept away and frowned.

"I plan to bring it with me but whatever," Akali mumbled, "Also, those people tend to get cursed or killed, or cursed and then killed."

"I will protect you, if you let me," Zed said with a wink. Akali looked grossed out, like she might throw up.

"I want no protection, 'cause I'm not gonna stick around here for long," she said as she looked around, trying to find some path to quickly disappear from where she were.

"I'm lonely and in a serious need of company, Akali," Zed pouted. Not that it would earn him her sympathy, but , hey, a man can hope, "I don't think you would be this cruel, sitting around and breaking men's heart."

"A man's heart," Akali shot back, "whose owner is a slacker. Seriously, your book—"

"My purpose in life is to propose you to be my bride."

"Now that's a shitty wordplay and very, very creepy."

"Aw, I'm hurt," Zed feigned a heart attack, "Luckily I know just a nurse I want to take care of me."

Akali stiffened, and Zed mentally slap himself.

Usually Zed would not bring up her choice of career to the conversation, knowing that she was feeling stressed about all the study and expectations. She was smart, but Akali always pushes herself and it was difficult for her to accept the fact that she was very good — no — the best. She was prone to think about failures and everything that could go wrong. To her, a good help in research paper was more preferable than a shower of praises and flowers.

No wonder she chose Shen, who silently admired her efforts but never, never thought less about her study. Zed would just slack off, told her that it was enough and they should have fun.

He did not know how he let that 'nurse' slip into his words. Should have had a breakfast so his brain could function better.

Damn everything.

"Oh, right. That reminds me," Akali said quietly as she reached for her bag, "I have to study for quizzes. Last week was worse than I expected. Should have-"

"You just want to go see Shen," Zed cut in bitterly, "Hell, you just want to get away from me."

"Zed," Akali said firmly, "Nothing will ever happen between us. And while I greatly admire Shen, I still put my study first."

Zed scowled. He knew Akali was direct and could be harsh, but hearing her saying it out clear still hurt nonetheless. "Good for you."

Akali's furrowed her brows. She turned to the bowl, possibly just to avert her eyes from Zed.

"We are friend since we were so young." Akali said, still not looking at him. Her exact emotion was hard to pinpoint in those words, "And we've changed, a lot, three of us."

"Yeah right."

"I just want you to know that none of us is happy with this," Akali sounded resigned.

Zed frowned. He turned away from her and began eating his food.

He sensed a motion from the girl next to him. "I'm sorry," she said, and with that, she was gone.

Akali could nail an algebra quiz with ease, but she absolutely lacked solution for the thing on her mind. Seeing Zed spiraling downward as he grew up deeply pained her. While he was, most of the time, a nuisance, he wa still her friend. She would like to help him, but she, in her opinion, was the source of his problem in some way. She was not certain that her stepping in would do more good than harm.

She admitted that Zed was fairly attractive. He has a tall frame and has a killer biceps. His hair was always disheveled, which could be someone's liking. He was also very smart, almost on par with Shen. However, it was not surprising that no one get involved with him. His careless attitude and his rudeness pushed everyone away. He was also very attached to her, to the point that it was uncomfortable.

Maybe it was because he had no other friend than her and Shen (if Zed even considered him a friend)? They were very close growing up. Come to think of it, he could use other friend that is not them. Someone who was outside this awkward circle. Someone who maybe could calm him down a little, offers him new perspective et cetera.

Akali opened the library door. The place was always deserted as almost no one wanted to study after classes. Reviewing was almost always entirely done the night before exam. One night miracle, they said. Somehow Ionia Grand University still upheld its image as a place of scholars. This would always baffled its students.

Shen is in a desk deep inside the library, tucked away by bookcases' shadow. Akali quickly walked there and sit down opposite of him.

She looked around, "Zed's not here?"

Shen looked up, his face indifferent, "You are early."

"The projector stops working for some reason," Akali replied, "You were not at lunch?"

"I went talking to professor Bhrami about her assignments and then ran into Karma. She wants to have a staff meeting tomorrow evening."

"There goes our review session,"Akali shrugged, "Hope you have fun."

"You know what it is like, Akali," Shen sighed, his face expressed a subtle tiredness. Akali smiled in amusement.

"I'll buy you coffee for tomorrow," she said sincerely.

Shen did not answer, but the corners of his mouth did curved upward slightly. Akali considered this a success. She quickly took a seat opposite of him and produce her textbooks from her bag.

"I want you to help with biochemicals." Akali said, opening a large book, "Enzyme and stuffs. Really cannot remember what goes with what."

"To remember something. You must first understand it."

"Shen," Akali said as she set a bunch of her study papers down, "I want someone to help with the lecture, not a philosopher."

"Hey, Shen"

"Mmhm?"

"Do you think that we — I don't know," Akali scratched her chin, "um, can we spare a minute and talk about Zed?"

Shen said nothing, but he nodded in acknowledgement. Akali took that as a cue to continue.

"How do I say this," Akali closed her book and pinch the bridge of her nose. She sighed loudly, "I think I may be — scratch that — I am the reason he spiral downward like this."

"I do not think you are the only reason," Shen said without looking up from his book, "I am his stepbrother, I should have done something."

"He used to be much sweeter back then. Full of energy. Enthusiastic," Akali said, "Oh my, since when did that go downhill?"

"I suspect he was lonely," Shen replied.

"Well, we are his friend, aren't we?"

"The thing is, does he think of us as his friends?" Shen looked up at her, "He wants to be more than a friend with you, and he somehow wants to be less than a friend with me."

"And I ignore his feeling," Akali said warily, "I refuse, but he keep coming back again and again. I feel bad. He feels bad. Everyone's a winner."

"He is determined. That's the good quality of him," Shen said, "Sadly it is wasted on something he know would bear him no fruit."

"You talk like an old man."

"Of course, and it is why Zed refuses to listen to me," Shen's massaged his temple. He was in no better position than her, it seemed, "If I tried to be more friendly, he would dismiss it as another scheme, probably will an ill intention or something."

Akali chuckled dryly.

"Do you think if I — That he would listen if I...?"

Shen looked up at her, his brows furrowed, "And if he finds out later that you do it out of pity, no, that you do it to goad him to a direction?" He shook his head, "If you do not like him that way, don't. It will end badly for both of you."

"I'm just kidding!" Akali said a little too loudly. It was rare to witness Shen's serious concern like this and it made her a bit flustered, "I would never do that. I live by the code of honesty."

Shen nodded and went back to his book. Akali took that a cue to resign to her study as well.

A moment passed, and Akali decided to bring the topic back, "I think he needs a friend."

Shen looked up at her, puzzled.

"You know, another friend," Akali said with her hands doing elaborated gestures, "Outside our circle. The one with fresh start, something like that."

"Please continue."

"Spending time with us gradually killing him inside, and I think a little could be done at this point. If I try to be closer to him, it would be bad in a long run, and he doesn't trust or listen to you," Akali winced at the last part. She did not intend to make it sounded that blunt, "I — I mean, from his perspective, we are probably terrible choices of friends."

Shen nodded. "And how do we find him a new friend?" he asked.

Akali opened her mouth before she realized that she had absolutely no idea.

Zed walked back from the public gym. Gym is the place he can always vent off some steam. There were punching bags there, and weights, and whatever thing that could tire out his body and, hopefully, his mind, so he could just lay down and think about nothing for maybe an hour and a half.

He decided to take an unusual route. It leads him through a bunch of cheap dorm and some shops, but this part was beautiful. Full of antique building and small, peculiar shops. Most importantly, it was a shorter route, and there was an excellent, though quite expensive, drink shop at the very end of the pth, round the corner.

Zed was waiting for his iced milk tea when he saw her. At first it was a dark spot on the rooftop of one old dormitory building. It caught his attention because it appeared to be moving. When he got his drink, he looked back and squint his eyes and could see a vague feminine shape. Curious, he walked to the building and finally saw a complete image.

The silhouette was of a teenage girl.

The teenage girl was standing by the ledge of the roof.

The teenage girl was standing by the ledge of the roof, eyes distant, and clutching books (which must contains suicide note, he assumes).

He quickly runs to the building, his drink be damned. Yeah, he may be an acted like a jerkass but that did not mean he had to always be one. He, for certain, would not let anyone commit suicide before him. Not on his watch. Not when he could do something. Not when he was approximately five hundred metre away.

The old building with a supposedly suicidal girl had an old fire exit stair, which extend to the roof. He jumps over its fence and hastily ran up, taking three steps at a time. Zed is quite surprised it did not give up on his weight and his stomping, judging from how rusty it is. He took probably just seven minutes to reach the rooftop, and he yelled.

"STOP!"

The girl turned to him, almost at an instant.

"...Yes?"

Zed stopped against the wall to pant, but regains his composure fast and turned to the girl. He slowly and cautiously walked to her. Zed was not sure it he did it correctly, but he would stick to a slow-and-steady approach.

"I don't know what you've been through, but don't give up," he took a deep breath and continue "I'm here. I'm here now. I—"

"...Excuse me?"

Her voice rang like a bell in an old church. Zed would say it was deeply intriguing.

"I'm here. You can talk about it. You don't have to jump."

The girl furrowed her brows. "I am going to jump?"

And it was Zed's turn to be confused. "You're on a ledge of the roof?"

"The ledge?" she said quietly, almost like a whisper, "I'm sketching."

"Oh."

They both looked at each other for some time. Zed was dumbstruck. The girl seemed to be confused and slightly startled.

Finally, the girl seemed to notice where she was standing. She makes an 'o' with her mouth, like all the pieces of information had fallen into their places. The girl carefully stepped down.

After the tension (if there was any) died down, Zed could finally see her better. The girl was smaller than him. She had long, messy silvery hair tied up in a ponytail. She was in an old lavender cardigan, with a black skirt, and black tattered legging. She wore no shoes, and he could see her dirty feet. Her eyes were vibrant violet. She was pretty, in a way that radiated an air of mystery.

She was looking at him curiously. Her eyes darted up and down to study him. Zed was suddenly conscious of his look. He had not brush his hair since the past week. His red sweater was the very worn one he wore since high school. His shoes was probably dirty from all the 'frustration run', he did. Zed could feel a slight heat of embarrassment on his cheek.

The girl spoke, "My name is Syndra, and thanks for supposedly rescuing me." She bows.

Zed hesitates for a second, and bowed back awkwardly, "Name's Zed. Please, don't do that again."

* This chapter has been re-written in 4/10/2017