Set at the end of season 5. Just rambles.
I guess this is the bit where I mention I don't own any of the characters - they belong to the CW blah blah blah.
He stood, watching. He couldn't be seen, but he saw everything. He saw what he had done, what he had created, what he had destroyed. He'd brought Dean's brother back to the living world. He wishes he could say he did it for Sam, but Castiel's motivation to drag Sam out of The Cage was far from that, it was all for Dean. Castiel would always suffer for Dean; always. As Castiel watched Sam, he could no longer see the puppy eyed younger sibling that had previously inhabited the mind of the man stood before him. And, of course, how could he; what is a human without a soul? But Castiel had to leave it behind. Sam had endured plenty, but nothing was close to coping with the memories of The Cage.
The conflict inside of Castiel's head - should he leave all of Sam in The Cage to suffer, and suffer his own guilt of not doing everything in his power for Dean's happiness? Or should he bring Sam's physical being back, and leave his God forsaken soul in Lucifer's Cage to endure its "destiny"? It gave him a headache that he was only now aware that angels could have, much like his recent enlightenment of his ability to feel human emotions. There was only one person in the whole of the known universe that could have evoked these feelings, one person to unleash the gifts and the burdens of love.
If it weren't for Dean, Castiel would never have experienced his first doubt; his first rebellious thoughts against Heaven, and his father - God. Castiel had protested Dean's stubborn attempts to show him that there was no God. His own "daddy issues," as Castiel had come to know them as, had clouded his judgement on God. His constant losing battle to save the ones he loved - his own family, had clouded his judgement on God. His whole life and everything he had experienced, from the day he lost his mother, had clouded his judgement on God. Dean couldn't see past the pain to believe in what Castiel needed to be true. As Castiel spent more time around Dean, he began to listen to him, pay attention to every small thing that was said just so he could try to understand. That is what led to Castiel's doubt. The persistent drilling that there was no God, no higher power, no one who cared who was dead or alive, or anywhere in between. At first, it took a great deal of patience for Castiel to tolerate what he believed to be Dean's ignorance. But as he watched him and grew fond of him, Dean's opinions became more valid to Castiel. Just as their friendship grew, so did Castiel's doubt.
With doubt, comes questions but Castiel feared that voicing them would expose him to amounts of trouble he wished to avoid. The other angels could ruin him. For a while, he was worried mostly about himself, where he would go, what he would do, who he could turn to if he ran into the trouble he feared. But soon enough, Castiel's reasons became much more selfless – he had to protect the Winchesters. He needed to look out for them, Sam and Dean, even though they'd been looking out for each other long enough, Castiel needed to know they were safe, and he would do anything to be sure of it. So he kept his questions, his doubts to himself.
I'm not sure If I'll write more or if I'll just leave it, I guess we'll see.