((Okay, so here be the first thing i'm publishing. It's from Zidane's point of view, and I know it starts out kind of melancholy, but it'll pick up, I promise. I know it's not exactly the most canon thing ever, but there's lots of debate about the timeline of the end of IX, so i'm just doing my own little interpretation. Anyway, hope you enjoy.))

Blind rage. Red hot, searing white. Unquenchable. Pain so stinging and rage so fierce that I can't even walk straight.

And I'm doing it to myself, too.

The facts that I'd learned in the last few moments of my life are so harrowing and terrifying that I can't help but feel this rage. There is no outlet.

I curse a confused young Black Mage and a feisty yet completely innocent young girl. I refuse the help of two of my closest allies and turn my back on a Knight and a Qu.

I know help is coming for me at that point, but as always, I awake from my nightmare before it comes.

My breaths come in short bursts and as hot as the rage I felt in my dream was, the cold night Alexandrian air is all I feel. I pull the restricting covers off of me. My bed in Lindblum held comfort and security, but my four-postered and veiled bed in Castle Alexandria is holding more and more dread for me.

I feel very alone all of a sudden, and wish Dagger were with me. I push stray strands of gold from my vision and sit on the edge of the bed, put my hands on my forehead, force my breathing to regulate.

My nightmares of Pandemonium are growing more frequent. I asked Dagger to marry me shortly after returning from the forgotten continent and she accepted, but I still haven't adjusted to living like this, in a castle. It can be very lonely, the wide open corridors. I sometimes visit Beatrix or Rusty, but they're busy trying to get the standing army organized after all the havoc Kuja wrecked with Bahamut. Amarant returned to Treno to work for Doctor Tot, not that he holds the best conversation…speaking of poor conversation, there's Quina busy in the kitchens.

Vivi, Eiko and Freya are all spread out. Vivi with the other Black Mages in their village, Eiko with Cid and Hilda in Lindblum, along with my Tantalus brothers, and Freya and Fratley trying to rebuild Cleyra and Burmecia. Dagger is, of course, busy with the duties of being a Queen.

I suppose I should count my blessings. I'll be a King in a month, but I don't really know what that means…I'm lucky enough to be engaged to a Queen…if that's your idea of luck.

I get out of bed and put on a robe, royal blue, and move to the balcony outside my private chambers. Like I mentioned, Dagger and I are only engaged, we live in separate rooms for the moment.

I need to talk to someone, preferably her, but she's probably asleep, and I'd hate to wake her.

I lean on the railing and peer into my moonlit room, back to the waterfall overlooking Mist Valley. I let out a brief sigh and let my eyes lilt closed. Cid is a good regent, but I'm not like him. I never met the King of Burmecia on my travels there so many years back…so I have no thoughts on what's going to be expected of me. I'm…scared, just as scared as I was when I found out where I was born. Maybe that's why I can't shake the images, can't get Pandemonium out of my mind.

She saved me then, but I'm not in the same kind of danger.