Harry Potter and the Sandwich Garden
By: Black is the New Pink and Strangely Sirius
Disclaimer: This is neither witty, nor funny, nor mine. We stole the chant from Stephen Schwarz'sWicked (our current obsession)
A/N: My little sister has been complaining all summer about howshe wished she had a sandwich garden...Kaylee and I decided that since we couldn'thave one we couldgive Harry one, because he already has everything else wewant...PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me and Kaylee chant in falsetto and do tribal dances...
It is a little known fact that Harry Potter lied to the general public about what he saw in the Mirror of Erised.
He didn't see his family. No, contrary to common belief, he saw himself with a sandwich garden.
You see, the poor boy was sick of always having to make sandwiches for himself. Harry would much rather've simply plucked his sandwiches from shiny pink ham vines, sparkling turkey trees, and shimmering peanut butter bushes.
His secret wish was far from coming true, but this year Harry was determined to grow himself a sandwich garden. Dudley was off his diet now, and he had had quite enough of making sandwiches for the entire Dursley family, thank you very much.
However, the project would have to be completed secretly; Harry would not risk public ridicule by confiding this desire to anyone. Every night, once the Dursleys were asleep, he constructed tedious plans for the accumulation of a sandwich garden. Finally, he decided it was time to put his idea to the test.
So that day while the Dursleys were off to the Second Annual All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn Competition Harry had short-listed them for, he snuck into the kitchen and made five of the most beautiful sandwiches ever to come into existence; one each of turkey, ham, peanut butter and jelly, bologna, and pickle, mustard, and blueberry. Even Bob's great Sandwich Maker would have been impressed by them, though slightly disappointed by the profound lack of Perfectly Normal Beast.
Harry picked up the five wonders and walked out to the backyard, where there were five shallow holes dug into the otherwise immaculate yard. He placed each sandwich into a hole and tenderly patted dirt down above them. After watering, weeding, and fertilizing his new garden Harry trudged inside and went to bed, anxiously awaiting the growth of his sandwich plants.
The next morning, however, Harry was disappointed to find only a single, hideously ugly plant sitting above the spot where he had planted the pickle, mustard, and blueberry sandwich.
Harry grew sick of waiting for the other four sandwiches to grow due to his short attention span, so he decided to help the sandwiches along. The last time Harry had talked to one of England's infamous druids they had told him that nothing can make crops grow better than chanting in falsetto while doing a tribal dance.
Luckily, the druid had taught Harry the chant for growing a sandwich garden.
"Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen," Harry began to chant while he cracked the windows with the high frequency of his voice.
After Harry got a steady chant going and the neatly manicured lawns of Privet Dive were covered in broken glass, he began to flail about. He spun in circles while madly waving his arms, knocking off his glasses. Now, not only was Harry dancing about wildly, but he was blind.
Miraculously, the gods of British gardening heard Harry's chanting. They took pity on the blind, parentless, number one on the Dark Tosser's hit list, mentioned in a prophecy, godfatherless idiot who was flailing about. They helped the other four sandwiches grow in a tree, bush, vine, and plant respectively.
Poor Harry didn't see this, as he was blind. He was still flailing about and trampled his poor sandwich garden. Even the pickle, mustard, and blueberry sandwich plant.