Frank Burns: The Dark Knight
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Character: Frank Burns
Word Count: 489
Rating: PG
Genre: Gen-fic with past mention of Frank/Margaret
Author's Note: This is a quick little (somewhat cracky) story that I wrote for my friend starrylites on LiveJournal. She knows why. ;) Extra special thanks to htbthomas for giving it a real quick looksie, too! :)
Frank Burns was unhappy.
Very unhappy. Margaret Houlihan had just come back from Tokyo showing off a ring.
A ring.
Someone named Donald Penob-Snot had given it to her and it was suddenly goodbye, Frank Burns! So much for her recommendation for a promotion. Her so-called good news was bad news.
Horrible.
His only friend-- Well, he wasn't going to let the loss of a good friend ruin the life of Frank Burns! Just like he had told his mother, he could always find a new friend.
And she had called him a coward! He'd show her!
Which is exactly how he had ended up reading through Corporal O'Reilly's Batman comic books. The Dark Knight always knew how to get things done. A real man's man -- which is exactly what Frank Burns truly was.
And like Bruce Wayne, he had a secret life. Oh, sure, people thought he was a mild-mannered surgeon, so he supposed he had some Clark Kent elements within him. But deep down he was mysterious. A man of intellect, detective skills, physical prowess, ... a man who had a certain sense of ... intimidation ... within him when it came to the war effort.
Of course. Just like the Batman.
Instead of having a dark cape, he had a military uniform. An officer's uniform at that. Not some enlisted man's outfit. No, Frank Burns was important after all!
Which explained where he got the inspiration to call Margaret on her own game. After all, he hardly thought Bruce Wayne -- the playboy extraordinaire -- would be bothered by a former ... friend ... getting engaged to another man, and nor should he!
When he sat down with Pierce and Hunnicutt at the lunch table she was sitting with two of her nurses and bragging about her new fiance's tattoo. Apparently it was on his shoulder and was in the form of a Sherman Tank. (Really, how cliche can you get?) Making sure she was listening he then asked Pierce if he would be interested in going out on Saturday night. "You know, I thought we could get a couple of nurses and have some fun.. "
Ignoring Pierce's surprised look he leaned forward and continued, "There's this little red-headed nurse who's had her eye on me. Tonight her wish will come true."
"Do you mean that new girl with the freckles on her nose?" Margaret scoffed. "She's a little young for you, isn't she, Major Burns?"
Perfect. Time to go in for the Kill. "Oh, I don't know." Frank responded, cool as the Batman. "I thought a little youth might be nice for a change."
Casually he took a swig of his coffee and Hunnicutt said something about the convey taking a direct hit but the true satisfaction came when Margaret took a quick exit while mumbling something about having a letter to write.
Oh yeah. He puffed up his chest and laughed smugly.
The Batman would be proud.
FIN