Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Knights, Mineko Ohkami does.
Summary: Being an inquiry into the average day in the life of the Demon Lord and his odd hobbies.
Nadil's Hobby
It was a bleak, dreary day over the Demon Castle with the dead earth soaking up the rain falling from the gray storm clouds above.
Lord Nadil nodded happily at the view outside from his window. Another miserable morning in Kainalda. Perfect!
The Demon Lord was sitting at his desk in his bedchamber swinging his feet to and fro while he shuffled through various papers and memoirs, in the midst of chuckling fiendishly at the devious plottings of his all too deranged mind, when his second-in-command, Shydeman strode through the door, clutching a schedule book in one hand.
"A very dismal morning to you, Your Almighty Evilness," Shydeman said, bowing slightly. "I hope you have had a pleasant night wrought full of nightmares."
"And a very dismal morning to you too, Shydy!" Nadil hooted in-between breaths of his crazed laughter. "Yes, my nightmares were particular disturbing last night! I was in this place that was completely white and then this huge yellow spear kept trying to stab me. It belonged to this giant called Mineko Ohkami who kept yelling at me to hold still while she 'etched in the small details'. So I told her my details were none of her goshdarn business and weren't small in the slightest! Then she turned the yellow spear around and tried to hit me with the back end, only it wasn't sharp like the front. It was round, pink, and soft, and when it touched me, I started disappearing! Tell me, Shydy, do you think I dream stuff up like that because I tend to eat too many cheese balls before I go to bed?"
Shydeman sweatdropped, ignored the question, and proceeded to speak his piece. "My Lord, your underlings and I are wondering-"
"Nyaha! Say it, Shydy!" Lord Nadil shrieked, leaping out of his seat, and pointing at the blond Yokai.
"Say what, Your Almighty Demonishness?" Shydeman asked, quite baffled.
"Say our underlings' name! We had an Emergency Council Meeting for this, Shydy, remember? Every organization had to have a name, so we got together and decided.. Now, say what we are called!" Nadil demanded, slamming his fist down on his desk, sending papers flying. "Say it! Say it!"
"Very well," Shydeman said sourly, gritting his teeth. "We, the 'Devil Dudes'-"
"Nyahaha! The Devil Dudes!" Nadil gushed, his face scrunching up in delight at hearing the name. "I still love it! Whoot!"
Shydeman continued, pretending that his leader had not acted in such an un-demonishnes manner, "We were wondering what exactly you have planned for today, My Lord."
"The same thing we do everyday, Shydy," Lord Nadil said in a quivering voice filled with eager anticipation, before throwing his head back and laughing maniacally. "TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Forgive me, My Lord, of interrupting your fiendish gloating," Shydeman said, bowing slightly, "However, must I remind you of the treaty we made with the Evil Villains Corporation? You only get to try and take over the world on Tuesdays. Today is Friday, which means it's Emperor Palpatine's turn."
"DAMMIT, SHYDY!" the Demon King roared, hurling his paperweight of the Energizer Bunny to the floor in a fit of rage, "MUST YOU ALWAYS THWART MY MOMENTS OF TRIUMPH?! AND OLD DARTH CORPSE CAN'T EVEN TAKE OVER A GALAXY MUCH LESS A WORLD! IT'S NOT FAIR, I TELL YOU!"
"Well, Your Almighty Evilness, we could always do the next thing on your usual agenda," Shydeman spoke, proffering the schedule book.
"Fine!" Nadil snapped, sitting back down in his chair and pouting. "What's that?"
"Well, let's see," Shydeman said, flipping through the book's pages, "It seems as though Sabel is suing you for Sexual Harassment and Assault."
"WHAT?" Nadil bellowed, leaping up in rage and shock, "WHAT-HOW-WHY-WHO WOULD EVER BELIEVE SOMETHING SO UTTERLY RIDICULOUS?!"
"Well, My Lord, you summon him to your rooms, no one is allowed in except for you two, he wakes up "aching all over" and can't remember anything, only that going to your chambers causes an irrational fear in him almost that he has a nervous break down. It seems highly suspicious and dare I say, probable," Shydeman stated, glancing at the Demon Lord with narrowed eyes.
"Well, file a counter-suit on that cheeky brat for slander and libel of my name then!" Nadil ordered looking extremely incensed. "I swear—you give one of your underlings a massage after he's been doing a good job at harassing those goody-two-shoe Dragon scum and he goes off spouting lies and cries 'Wolf' on you! That's the last time he gets any special treatment from me!"
Shydeman allowed the Demon Lord five minutes to sulk over this, which he spent throwing darts at a picture of the Dragon Lord pinned on his wall, before he continued.
"Next on the list is an inspection of a special delivery from the Renkin Wizard. I have the package waiting outside—"
"Ooh, yes! Bring that in, Shydy! I want your opinion on it!" Nadil exclaimed, breaking out of his childish pouting abruptly.
Against his better judgment, Shydeman brought the box inside the Demon Lord's room warily. He had long ago learned that any product created by that crazy alchemist Yokai had quite unfortunate side-effects or was defective. Why Lord Nadil even bothered to still do business with that poofy-haired coot was beyond his comprehension. Maybe he simply amused him.
Opening the box with visible eagerness, Nadil revealed the contents within to be…
"My Lord, why are there several miniature replicas of the Demon Tribe in there?' Shydeman questioned, having a very bad feeling about this.
"I ordered them specially made! They're called 'action figures'! What do you think of them?" the Demon Lord crowed with glee.
Shydeman picked up the doll version of himself and stared at it with great distaste, "I don't believe the idiot alchemist did me justice. I don't have a permanent scowl on my face do I?"
"Of course you do, Shydy, although I think it's more of a sneer," Nadil waved aside, before picking up his own figurine and gasping in admiration. "Ooh, look at me! He captured my expression perfectly with that evil smirk!"
"My Lord, forgive me for asking," Shydeman asked, "But out of sheer curiosity and disbelief, whatever did you order these 'action figures' of us for?"
"Oh they were an extra bonus that came along with Killer Shrimp and Mr. Death Die. They just arrived late. Delayed mail and all," Nadil said as if that explained everything.
"Yes and why did you order those two things again while we're on the subject and whatever happened to them?" Shydeman inquired, arching an eyebrow.
"They were special weapons to overpower the Dragon Tribe and crush them into the dirt and would have worked, but Mr. Death Die was kidnapped by the Earth Dragon Knight and Killer Shrimp got eaten by Gil when he was in his Demon Cat mode. Quite unfortunate; we could have had victory by now with them," the Demon Lord said, mourning at their loss.
It was at times like these where Shydeman wondered how Nadil ever became known for his evil reputation.
"Oh well! No use crying over dead demons! Aren't these action figures the greatest invention that the Renkin Wizard ever made? Oh look—there's a button on all of their backs. I wonder what it does." Nadil mused out loud, pushing the one on his own doll.
"I am Lord Nadil, demon who can't get a girlfriend to save his life," the action figure said, speaking in a ridiculous high-pitched voice.
"WHAT?!" Nadil screeched, pressing the button again.
"I am Lord Nadil, evil demon who slaughtered many! Hair a mess now. How totally un-fabulous!"
"WHAT KIND OF GAME IS THAT BLASTED ALCHEMIST PLAYING AT?!" the Demon Lord swore furiously.
Shydeman knew he really shouldn't have pressed his own action figure's button, but it was too big of a temptation to resist.
"I am Shydeman, right-hand minion of the Demon Lord. Join our army. Mind-control is so very in!"
Shydeman's eye twitched at that but it was the next phrase his doll said when he pressed it again that undid him.
"I am Shydeman, role-model for male Yokai everywhere that you're never too butch to apply make-up!"
"I DO NOT WEAR MAKE-UP! IT IS A DECORATIVE WAR-PAINT OF MY CLAN!!!" Shydeman shouted at his doll, shaking it in a rage, certain it was sneering at him. Oh that's right. It was.
It was quickly discovered that the action figures all spoke nothing but debasing statements employed by the Renkin Wizard aimed to purposefully insult the Demon Tribe.
"I am Shyrendora, at least I think I am. I could be wrong though. I share my soul with my brother and we look so scarily alike, that gender is practically nonexistent. So I could be him, I don't know."
"I am Gil, in the Demon Tribe for no other purpose than to be eye-candy and to make everyone else look like utter evil bastards. I come in two other versions: the chibi neko doll and demon cat mode doll. I make a super-cute paper-weight. Meow."
"I am Sabel and faeries are the scariest creatures ever. Lord Nadil should learn some tips from them on how to be properly evil."
"I am Lamgarnas, in the Demon Tribe to prove to the world that demons are not all that bad. My doll and Gils have been magnetized so that if you press our noses together, we share a kiss."
"I am Fedelta, you have three seconds to drop me or you will erupt into a pile of ash as I incinerate everything in a ten-foot radius due to the fact I am a violent pyromaniac with no self-control."
The next few minutes were spent trying to get the mighty blaze which the Fedelta doll had started in the Demon Lord's room under control.
After the smoke had settled, a blackened soot-faced Shydeman had picked up a note on the bottom of the alchemist's package he had missed the first time and read, "Dear Lord Nadil, here's payback for always picking on My Beloved and causing him pain. Yours Sincerely, Kharl the Renkin Wizard. P.S. You still owe me for Killer Shrimp and Mr. Death Die plus interest for losing them. They were a loan. P.P.S. I hope this doesn't damage our business relationship, and remember you're my number one customer!"
This set Nadil off another rant which lasted for fifteen minutes about how the Renkin Wizard was going to pay and he was never ordering anything from him ever again. Finally cooling down, the Demon Lord sat behind his desk and proceeded to seethe silently for a few seconds before taking out a pen and scribbling angrily across a sheet of paper.
"My Lord, your schedule—" Shydeman spoke up hesitantly, wishing that he'd called in sick. It looked as if it was going to be one of those days.
"Quiet, Shydy!" Nadil bit out. "I feel the need to taunt someone so I'm writing those Dragon Tribe sissies a letter which will instill some much needed fear in them! I swear, they act like I'm not a threat at all! Lim-Kana came waltzing back here a few days ago to grab her belongings that she had left behind and spent several hours chatting with Dora about various girly fashions she had discovered while in Dusis! You must have a talk with your sister about fraternizing with the enemy, Shydy! And tell her not to wear her hair in pigtails and to take those stupid bows out—it's more frightening seeing that than the hideous make-up you two wear put together!"
"For the last time, it isn't make-up!" Shydeman growled.
"Ah, there we are!" Nadil finished with a flourish, holding up his letter happily.
Dear Dragon Tribe, it read. I have come up with a plan to defeat you once and for all. It is whole-heartedly most evil and sinister! You shall never figure out the deathly trap I have in store for you until it is too late! I dare you to guess what it is. Just mail me back the reply so I can see if you are correct. If you do not do this, it means you have conceded that I am far more cunning than you (which I am). Muwahahahaha! Yours Truly, His Almighty Evilness, Lord Nadil, Demon King.
Shydeman could feel his eyebrow twitching involuntarily.
Rolling the letter up and attaching it to the leg of a carrier-pidgeon, the Demon Lord threw the bird out the window and cackled as it flew off, "FLY, MY PRETTY! FLY, FLY! MUWAHAHAHA!!!"
Shydeman decided then and there that there was absolutely no hope whatsoever at the Demon Tribe overcoming their foe with Nadil as its leader and resolved to resign from his post as second-in-command and live out the end of his days in a nude colony near Costa Rica Village where everyone would not get him confused with his sister all the time and would see that he was most assuredly male. Tossing the Demon Lord's schedule book aside, he turned and strode hurriedly to the door.
"Where are you going, Shydy?!" he heard Lord Nadil call from behind him. "It's time for my nap and you promised me you'd finish reading The Little Engine That Could to me! DID THE TRAIN EVER MAKE IT UP THE MOUNTAIN?! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE THE STORY HANGING LIKE THAT! IT'S AS IF HE'LL ALWAYS PERPETUALLY BE STRUGGLING UP THAT GIANT HILLSIDE! DON'T BE SO CRUEL!!!"
Maybe if he was lucky, Shydeman could catch Sabel and enter Dusis through his portal. Surrendering to the enemy sounded much more appealing than staying with an unstable Demon Lord in all his madness.
THE END
A/N: Wow, another DK fic! That's two in a row now—I'm on a roll! Yus! Finally got this companion piece to Kharl's Hobby up. Did you like it? Lord Nadil is so misunderstood! XD Well, I hope you review and share what made you laugh. Thanks for reading, until next time!