Tuesday afternoon found them all in the living room together. It was an unusually domestic scene for the Avengers.
They were all lounging in front of the TV, barring Thor who had disappeared back to Asgard for several weeks. Natasha was relaxed on the love seat and the rest were all draped over the large leather couch together. Bruce was crouched over the coffee table scribbling over some papers, Steve and Clint were reading and Tony just had just sat down with his cup of coffee when Jarvis' voice alerted them to a message from Fury.
"All right then J lets hear it," replied Tony, dark eyes closed reverently as he sipped his cup of liquid caffeine.
"Director Fury has sent over a new team-building exercise for you to try. He has attached a new program that a scientist at SHIELD has come up with, designed to find your worst memory. You will be put back in that memory, and what you see will be dispalyed on a screen so the rest of your team can watch. It is hoped that this exercise will allow you to bond more closely, and to get to know each other a little better. Sir, Fury has also sent the machinery needed to assemble the equipment, and it is waiting in your lab."
The Avengers looked round at each other slightly uneasily.
"But... We already trust each other. Is this necessary?" Asked Steve.
"Steve! I thought you believed in team building!" Replied Tony in a mock outraged voice. "J?"
"I'm sorry Sir, but Director Fury has stressed that this is a compulsory exercise." Responded the British voice.
Steve sighed and Clint thumped his head back against the chair as Tony stood up.
"Well, guess I'll let you know when I'm done," Tony said as he downed his coffee and walked off towards the elevator.
Before he left, Steve called out, "but surely everyone already knows what mines going to be, we don't need to watch it right?"
They all paused, looking at Steve's anxious face closely. Tony was right, usually Steve was the one making them do all the team activities. No one was particularly thrilled about their new assignment, but Steve was suspiciously so. What was different about this one?
"I think everyone knows mine too Steve, sorry but I don't think Fury's gonna let you off that easy." Iron Man replied before getting in the elevator. "And anyway, your's is gonna be really short, just in the plane, hit the ice, then done right? I wanna see Bruce's! Can't wait to watch the green rage monster in action!" Tony grinned as the elevator doors shut behind him, as Bruce face-palmed on the couch beside Steve.
~X~
"Aaannndddd... J, I think I'm done."
Tony stepped back to look at what he'd built. His favourite wheelie chair stared back at him accusingly, but he'd needed a chair so it had to be sacrificed.
"J, order me a new chair before I forget will you?"
"Already done Sir."
Beside the chair was a table covered in electrodes connected to a computer which displayed SHIELD's program on the screen in code. (Tony had read through it and had actually been pretty impressed, but wasn't going to admit that to anyone). Then above the desk was a large ultra HD Stark screen, the latest model, of course, currently displaying static.
Tony ran a hand through his hair, pleased with his work, as chocolate brown eyes studied each element of his work, searching for nonexistent flaws.
"OK, call the others down J, I think we're ready."
~X~
"Captain, the machine is ready."
Steve groaned and let his head hit his knees from where he sat on the floor of his bedroom.
"I can't Jarvis, I'm sorry but I can't do this one."
"Captain?"
Steve ran his hands through his blonde hair in agitation.
"I can't Jarvis. I'm sorry, I just... I died in that memory. No one else needs to watch that."
~X~
Tony shrugged into a clean shirt as he waited, and was selfishly proud when he didn't jump as Clint dropped from a vent. The archer stood waiying for a reaction from the genius.
"Dang it! Nothing? Why do I bother?"
"I told you not to," Natasha's voice mocked as she entered the lab, Bruce in tow.
Tony grinned, "now now children, no bickering in my lab."
They both rolled their eyes and settled on the couch to wait for Steve. After a few minutes of awkward silence waiting for their Captain, Tony caved and asked Jarvis.
"I must apologise Sir, but the Captain does not wish to participate in this activity."
They all looked at each other in shock.
"Steve doesn't want to do a team building exercise?" Clint asked, convinced he had heard wrong but no one corrected him.
"I... Alright J tell Steve if he doesn't get his butt down here in 20 seconds then I'm reporting him to Fury." Tony threatened with a smirk, which Natasha mirrored back at him.
"Now that's low Tony." Bruce grumbled at him as Clint gave a low whistle.
But none of them could deny his genius when seconds later Steve skidded into the workshop, eyes wide and beeseching, hands outstretched. "No, no, no Tony you can't please you don't understand!"
"Then tell us." Natasha asked, no emotion in her voice.
"I... I just... Will SHIELD get to see this footage?" Steve asked, wringing his hands anxiously.
"... No I can delete it from the system..." Tony replied with caution. "Why?"
"It's just that, well, you've all read my file right?" They all nodded. "Well, not all of that is an accurate description..."
They all paused before Clint interjected. "But all it says is that you crashed then woke up?"
"... Yeah. Exactly..." Steve answered sheepishly.
Steve can clearly see that they are all confused. "Please, just, you don't need to watch it, and I don't need to relive it. Let me skip this one."
However, Captain America has now peaked their curiosity, and there is no way he's getting out of it now.
~X~
Tony goes first.
Steve watches him carefully as Bruce attaches the electrodes and suddenly the TV fizzles with static. Tony's forehead wrinkles, then he's distracted by the screen showing the inside of a cave.
The Avengers watch as Tony wakes up vovered in sweat and grime, with a car battery attached to his chest, and hear Yinsen tell them about the shrapnel headed for his heart.
They are on the edge of their seats.
Tony clutches the arm rests of his chair, his nails digging into the soft leather.
And then suddenly Tony is waterboarded.
The screen shows Tony's view as he is repeatedly held under water clutching a battery connected directly to his heart. They hear his harsh breaths of air, and the strangled ones that are less air and more water. They watch the screen jerk as Tony does when droplets hit the battery and he gets small electric shocks. Theyw atch is occur again and again and again.
"Tony..." Bruce whispers in a broken voice.
"No, Tony..."
When its over the genius stands with a shaky breath and collapses on the sofa beside Steve. The Captain wraps an arm around him, and finds that Iron Man is suprisingly cuddly when he curls into Steve's side and buries his face in his chest. Steve just hugs him harder.
~X~
Next its Bruce's turn.
Tony doesn't enjoy it as much as he thought he would.
They watch as the Hulk is chased and shot at, then suddenly the army is there and there's another, evil hulk, and a girl that the view keeps panning back to standing beside the army general. The Hulk recognises her, and seems to be watching her as he is shot.
The viewpoint is up high so they feel like giants watching it, and it almost feels like a video game with the huge green arms punching things and the way the bullets don't seem to stop him.
But the way it's filmed, how the view is constantly shifting, the fierce roars echoing around the lab, it paints a worse picture.
It shows that the Hulk was scared.
~X~
They all hug the scientist as he shakes. Clearly the Hulk is not scared often, and it had shaken Bruce up.
But they all knew about Bruce and Tony's pasts already. So they were understandably more shocked when watching Clint and Natasha's.
Natasha's was very short. She shot a civilian, an innocent, and then was wheeled down a cold corridor on a hospital bed into an operating theatre, lights flickering harshly above her.
It was hard to understand what was happening, but like with Bruce's they could feel her fear. She didn't trust anyone there. She hadn't wanted to kill that person. And she didn't know what the surgery was for.
It was the uncertainty that gave her memory the edge of fear. There was nothing clear about her memory.
In contrast, Clint's was clear and definite.
Clint entered a building and saw a young boy being punched by a man. They both had a striking familiarity to Clint himself. So, his father and brother then.
They can sense his fear of the man, can almost smell the alcohol on his breath as his eyes turn to Clint and warn him against coming any closer. But his brother's eyes are also looking at him. Pleading with him.
And Clint does what they ask instead.
He takes a few steps forward until he is between them, and faces his father head on.
"Leave him alone." He grates out, in a much younger voice than they were expecting.
His father laughs, and then punches him in the face repeatedly. And Clint just takes it, not fighting back but also not giving any ground.
And its heartbraking.
Because there's murder in the man's eyes as he draws his fist back for his last punch.
But then there's a gun shot and the man falls to the ground and Clint turns to see his little brother crouching on the floor holding a gun with a look of violent relief on his face.
Clint grabs his wrist and they run.
~X~
They all sit on the sofa thinking about what they've seen in horror.
Then Tony clears his throat and nudges Steve. "Your turn Captain."
Steve bows his head.
"Ok. But, don't tell SHIELD, and... I'm sorry that you have to watch this."
The Avengers look at each other in confusion as Steve attaches the electrodes to his temples, and then look to the screen as it flickers to life.
~X~
Steve is on a plane.
They all recognise it obviously. The Valkyrie. And it's carrying bombs, headed for America.
The memory starts with the end of Steve's fight against Red Skull. Schmitt's body turns to ashes as he touches the Tesseract, and Steve is left alone.
Steve watches in obvious surprise, but nothing much phases him so he steps over it to the front of the plane.
They listen to the whole of Steve's conversation with Peggy over the radio. She sounds like she's crying. They can tell Steve is trying not to as he carefully places a compass in front of him. Peggy's face stares out of it.
"I gotta put her in the water."
They hear the choked breath Peggy makes over the radio, and see Steve's hands begin to show minute tremors as he pushes the plane down.
All out the front window is white. An eternity of plain white. Enough to make a man mad, Tony thinks to himself.
A tear rolls down Bruce's weathered face as they organise their date, both knowing it was not going to happen, lying to themselves.
"We'll have to band play something slow." The ice is rapidly approaching now. 3... 2...1...
"I'd hate to step on your-"
Steve is cut off as the plane hits the ice and he is thrown against the window, which smashes on impact.
Steve screams as he is impaled by shards of glass. He tries to push himself up and the sleeves of his uniform are already dyeing red, but the water rushes in and knocks him again. He hits the back wall of the cockpit and his head jerks forward. His vision goes fuzzy and he shakes his head to try to clear it.
He goes to take a breath but water hits him again and it's cold. It's ice water and he breathes it in and it's in his lungs. He coughs and tries to get out and instead heaves blood. He tries another inhale and just gets more freezing salt water.
His body is out of his control now; his priority is breathing. There's no air left in the plane, it's sunk beneath the surface and there's only water.
His body tries to inhale again and he ends up convulsing as he tries to breathe. Water floods in as he soundlessly screams. His lungs seize and he flails. Everything burns and aches and he needs to breathe.
He can't get any air in. All he can feel is panic and cold and he can't breathe.
He feels it when his body gives up. It's much longer than anyone else's bodies would've lasted. Unfortunately that means more pain for him.
But his body has stopped seizing and he stopped breathing ages ago and Steve feels like he's deserved his death now. He's worked for it.
And yet it doesn't come.
He can feel the salt water in his lungs, the ice freeze the blood in his veins from his extremities inwards. He can clearly feel the fact that he hasnt taken a breath in over ten minutes.
He should be dead.
But he's still going.
He's just so cold.
~X~
The TV goes black and Steve begins to remove the wires from his head.
"You told SHIELD you passed out after you hit the ice." Clint stated.
Steve nods without looking at them.
"How long were you really awake for Steve?" Bruce asked hesitantly.
Steve's hands stopped moving and he sat in silence, as if debating what to say.
He eventually huffed out a sigh. "At least four days without breathing."
They all go wide-eyed again as they struggle to comprehend that.
"And I can remember things after that too. But those four days were... the worst."
"Steve..." Tony whispers, sounding heartbroken.
Steve nods. The Avengers watch him as he takes a measured breath and shakes his head as if to clear it.
Steve then forces the most fake smile any of them have ever seen onto his face.
"Well done Avengers! That was some great team bonding!" The others watch him in horror.
"I'm going now, so enjoy your evenings!"
Steve shuffled from the lab, leaving them all staring after him in silence.
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