Dear Shepard,

My therapist said I should write a letter to someone that I completely trusted without a doubt in my mind. So when he said that I obviously when to you first, the one being in this galaxy that I had no doubts about, the person who always made me feel better about myself, the person I… love.

Do you remember the first time we met? It was just before you went to talk to the council about Saren. I was talking to some higher up about how I was taken off the case for Saren. I was pissed, so when you came over to see what was wrong I had to put on my most stoic face possible so that it looked like I didn't take what just happened personally. Then you saw me again when I was helping that doc. When that was over you offered my a place on the Normandy I was ecstatic knowing that I was going to help take down that bastard who didn't deserve to be called turian. So when you said that you wanted me on your next mission and to report to the Normandy in an hour to pick another person to help I went to a good friend and co named Pallin of mine at c-sec and told him that I was going take "him" down, he looked straight at me and said good luck in the most sincere voice he had. So when I showed up at the Normandy you were there waiting for me. I was confused as to why I was at least half an hour late to meet you there, I assumed that you would have found someone else from your crew to go get this other person we were to pick up. So when I get there and you flagged me down and told me to put my stuff wherever I wanted and to meet you at the same spot, I did as quickly as possible so that you didn't have to wait on me any longer. When I returned I heard kadian whining about waiting for so long "so that you can bring that turian" I closed myself off so that I wouldn't disappoint people again I made a point to never be late to never be out of line again, I am turian but i'm that great at it never have been never will be.

When we got down to C-sec to pick up Wrex I was surprised. He was arrested a couple hours before I was kicked off the Saren case. When I saw who you wanted to pick up I was nervous I saw what he was like when he was mad, not a pretty sight damn scary. That's when I saw it, the fire in your eyes. The fire that could burn down entire forests, the fire that told me you were serious about taking Saren down no matter what, no matter the situation. When you walked up to Wrex even he looked taken aback almost scared by you, probably the most scared I ever saw him. When we got back to the Normandy krogan in tow I found a nice spot to what I do best. Wrex in the corner just standing there, Ashley standing at that table looking like so was doing something but I couldn't tell what, and myself at that console calibrating the mako. Then a couple hours later I got a message from you of course telling me to suit up and to tell Wrex to as well. So I did as I was told. Wrex and I met you at the air lock. I was confused as to why we were still at the citadel but I was about to witness one of the best experiences of your life and I was there to see it. When we went up to the council for your spectre initiation I saw something to contagious I couldn't believe it. Your smile, your real smile. Not the smile you gave to reporters or politicians, but your real smile the one you only gave to people who are special to you.

The next thing I know we have been given shore leave for twenty-four hours and that the crew was to report to the bar and that you were buying. Now i'm not one to turn down drinks but that night I decided that I would make sure everyone got back safely, xenophobe or light weights went down first, engineers, medical personnel, random crew. Then the core group started to go down, Tali first, then ash and kadien next. I think they had some contest over who could drink more. They both lost going down at basically the same time. Wrex was obviously the last to go down before you. His last word before finally dropping made me laugh so hard. RYNCOL IS MY BITCH! Good night Wrex. After I got back from bringing him on board you were ready to leave, though I had to fight you a bit I finally got you out of there. Once I got you to your cabin you slipped and fell on your bed and brought me with you. Then what you told me came as a shock, you told me that you trusted me, and that you would bring me on every mission as long as I was fit for combat. Without falter you did, every mission just like you said.

I saw you change though. Virmire. Fuck Virmire. You almost killed Wrex, you left one of your best friends to die that day and I couldn't do anything about it. Ash blamed herself for weeks. That it was her fault that Kadien died that day. The first night after I felt helpless I couldn't help you and I know ash wouldn't let me help her, but after dwelling on it I decided to at least try. That's why I went up to your cabin that night, that's why I sat outside your cabin, banging, shouting to let me in and I wasn't leaving until you let me in. When you did finally answer you were pissed, yelling and screaming. When you stopped I told you I was here to help and before I could even finish saying it you collapsed. That night you showed me a side I thought didn't exist the sad side, the soft side of you. When you collapsed you held on to me, hugged me I was so confused, so I hugged you back and told you to let it all out, to tell me everything, every detail and you did. You told me about Akuze and how the batarians killed everyone you knew and how the alliance came for survivors and they told you that you were lucky even though you didn't feel lucky. How they dumped you on earth in a orphanage which you ran away from and ran with a bad group until you were old enough to join the alliance yourself. You told me about your N7 training and about meeting Anderson. About that Anderson had become a father figure to you and when he invited you onto the Normandy you were filled with pure bliss that you couldn't sleep. You told me about what you thought of your crew. After that you sat there not crying any more but still holding on, to something, or more likely someone. Someone who would listen, someone who always had your six. Someone who would never leave until forced off the Normandy by the alliance.

By the time I left your cabin you had fallen asleep and it was later than I thought. By the time I left it was probably around 0300 hours. Walking around being the only one awake was weird but the silence allowed me to think. Allowed me to wonder why you trusted me so much. That was the first time I thought about you and me… as a couple. The first time I thought of you and me together. I am turian but I never have or will be a good turian. The thought scared me with you being a human so I didn't bring it up, didn't want to jeopardize the mission. Soon after we hit Ilos and The Citadel. Saren was dead and to say that I was happy was an understatement. Before I was forced to leave the Normandy you ask what I would do now that I was leaving. I told you that I was likely go to go back to Palavin to take care of my mother who was in poor health and be there for her before so died. Then maybe take you up on your offer to make me a spectre and one day we could meet up and do some missions together just like old times. When I finally got back to Palaven I was so worried that my mothers treatments would stop because my family couldn't pay. When I asked the doctor what it would cost to keep the treatments going she told me that it was being taken care of and that there was no need to worry. When she told me I was shocked and confused. When I asked who it was she said that the person would like to remain anonymous so I didn't push it. While I was able to think on it. I thought it might be The Primarch since my family is very high in the hierarchy and The Primarch was a family friend, but I wasn't going to push it, not something that generous.

The next thing I knew the time had come I was being called up for spectre training with your good word and recommendation to the training officer I wasn't entirely surprised that I was asked to join or at least train with the other candidates for the position. The day I was supposed to leave was the happiest and then very quickly one of the worst days I would ever have. Just before I stepped on the shuttle at the spaceport my sister called me. She told me to rush to the hospital because our mother's brain had started to hemorrhage and that she most likely only had a couple of hours to live. I sprinted to that damn hospital, luckily the hospital was relatively close to the spaceport. When I got there she had gotten worse and she only had a couple of minutes to live. I was at her side holding on to her and telling her that I loved her with all my heart. If I could cry I would have been. She died in my arms, I sat there a while holding on to her hoping that she would come back. As I sat there I thought to myself that was the darkest day of my life. I was gravely mistaken that day would come just under a week later. the day after my mother's funeral was the darkest day I ever had so far. I had received a message labeled urgent. It was from the Alliance, stating that The Normandy had been attacked and destroyed by an unknown vessel and that the commanding officer about had gone down with the ship. That… That was the darkest time in my life, at the time. I was lost. In under a week I had lost the two anchors in my life. I lost my mother the person who brought me into this galaxy, and the person I had become best friends with, the person I trusted the most. Your memorial was four days later so I had to rush out to the citadel to make it, I wasn't going to miss it. When I got to there I saw Tali and Liara up near the stage where Hackett and Anderson both spoke. Their speeches both short and full of platitudes. Next I saw Wrex and I decided to stand next to him in the back. All he could say to me was that he was sorry. He was the only person who really knew how close you and I were… are. If it weren't for that damn krogan, I don't know where I be. He kept my drunk under the table the entire week after you memorial. Trying to deal with the sadness like a krogan almost killed me. krogan women may like the scars but i'm definitely not krogan. That's when I decided to try and make a difference. That's when I went to Omega. I cut my self out of everyone I knews life so that my past couldn't follow me and everyone that I called a friend wouldn't get hurt. I created my own "crew", my own group of misfits to take down the scum of Omega.

Authors note: This is my first fanfic. Reviews and comments appreciated! :) I will update the story as often as I can. 3