Let me begin my notes here by saying this story was born from my incredibly dirty mind. These two men are ridiculously sexy and I am going to have the time of my life playing with them.
With that out of the way, I do have to confess there will also be some angst…Ok so maybe a lot of angst. This is the zombie apocalypse after all. I intend to give them some good times as well.
This story will explore every facet of Rick and Daryl's friendship which then grows into something more. It will cover the good, the bad, and the ugly. There will be times that you guys hate Rick and times that you hate Daryl. The thing to remember is they're human. No matter what is going on around them, they're still human.
Thanks for taking this little journey with me. I sincerely hope you enjoy the ride. On with Chapter 1!
*Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters portrayed in this story. That honor belongs to Mr. Kirkman and team. No copyright infringement is intended.*
For a While
Chapter 1: Dust to Dust
Rick stood and watched Daryl as he continued to dig the rectangular hole. He took note of the care the younger man was taking in making it just the right size, making the corners sharp so that they formed the perfect shape.
He'd offered to help many times only to have Daryl refuse in that Daryl way that made you feel like you were stupid for even asking. Rick found himself wishing there was something he could do to ease the man's pain. He knew how close the two of them were and that Daryl must've been in a bad place, but he also knew the hunter didn't like being singled out or pitied. He'd rather bludgeon a walker a couple of extra times than to sit and have a discussion about his feelings. Rick could understand and decided to give him some space.
"I'll just go get the body," Rick told Daryl, averting his eyes when Daryl's met his.
He grunted a response and nodded, getting back to his task and continuing to ignore the sting behind his eyes and the lump that was becoming painful in his throat.
Daryl was tired of digging graves. But this one did him in. While he knew that people were going to die – they would die even if there wasn't an ever-growing population of walkers trying to kill them – he wasn't prepared for this one; not this one.
He slammed the shovel into the earth repeatedly, breaking up as much dirt as he could. After he shoveled the loose dirt out of the hole, he tossed the shovel on to the ground above him and pulled himself out.
Using his shirt as a rag, he wiped the dirt and sweat from his face. Normally he wouldn't care but he wanted to look nice, as nice as he could anyway. He owed her that much at least.
Daryl looked out over the field, taking in the walkers that were moaning and pawing at the gate. All of a sudden he was overcome with such a strong sense of anger, he couldn't ignore it. Walking like a man on a mission, he made his way to the gate, pulling out his knife in the process.
When the blade sunk in to the first walker's head, he felt the hysteria rising in him. He knew he was going to lose it but he couldn't be bothered to care. He struck another walker, then another. He killed them for Sophia. He slaughtered them for Dale, Shane, Andrea, T-Dog, and Lori, for Merle and everyone else who lost their lives.
He killed them for Carol. Especially for her.
It was in that moment he broke down. He pulled his knife from the skull of the last walker and fell back on to his butt, pulling his knees in to his chest. Involuntarily Daryl began to rock back and forth as the tears fell. He brought shaky hands to his face and wound his dirty fingers into his hair. He could drown in his grief- of that much, he was sure. He'd lost too much; all of them had. It was a wonder that any of them were still able to find the strength to get up every day, knowing it could very well be their last.
Why hadn't he told Carol that she had saved him? Daryl never had anyone in his life like her. She never gave up on him no matter what he did to her. She'd loved him for who, and what, he was. And he just let her die without so much as a "Thank you." He hated himself for so much, but the fact that he'd never told her how he felt about her was the worst form of regret.
He gasped as another wave of sorrow hit him deep in his chest and resonated out through his limbs. It felt like his body was going to break apart slowly into a number of pieces.
It was the wrong moment for anyone to be around. Unfortunately, Rick wasn't aware of this fact.
"Daryl? Are you okay?" he asked, reaching out to place his hand on the man's shoulder.
Before he could fully register what was happening, Daryl had grabbed Rick's hand and twisted it into an unnatural and painful angle. He swiftly stood and turned Rick around, pinning the injured hand behind his back and shoving him hard so that he stumbled forward, almost falling.
"I don't need your pity," he growled, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Just leave me be!"
As much as Rick wanted to yell at his friend, he knew that would only make the situation worse. Daryl was lashing out and Rick had to let him do that. He could be glad that Daryl was at least reacting. He'd been worried when they found Carol's body lying on the ground, broken and bloody…
xXx
The panic was setting in as the men made their way deeper into the lower level of the prison. Carol was discovered missing after the group had been attacked by a stray group of walkers that somehow got in to the cell block. It had been chaos until each of the dead was killed, making it easy for some people to get lost in the battle. Everyone returned, though, except for Carol. Immediately, Daryl and Rick set out to find her.
They'd called Carol's name over and over only to receive no answer in return. Part of Rick knew they wouldn't find her alive, but he couldn't surrender to that thought. He wouldn't believe it until he saw it.
He wasn't the first to see her. Daryl was. He quickly fired an arrow into the head of the walker still feeding on her. Rick hung back as he watched his friend retrieve the arrow and then calmly kneel down next to the crumpled form of Carol. There was no reaction, no tears. He simply closed her eyes with his hand and lifted her from the ground. There was a moment, only lasting a second or two, that Daryl pressed his forehead to hers.
Without a word, Daryl carried her back to the others with Rick following behind him. He said nothing as he laid her down on the floor of the cafeteria area where everyone was gathered. He also didn't stay to witness the reactions. Instead, he grabbed a shovel, adjusted his crossbow, and left the room, heading out to the grounds of the prison.
xXx
"I just wanted to tell you we're ready," Rick said quietly, holding his good hand up in surrender. "I didn't mean to surprise you."
Daryl looked past the older man to the group of people gathered around the hole he'd so carefully dug. He wanted to scream at them to get away. He wanted to tell them they'd never understand what they lost when she died. Above everything else, he wanted to kill some more walkers. At least if he was doing that, he would feel like he was doing something useful. Crying about something he'd never be able to change wasn't productive at all. He needed to remember that.
Daryl's face softened and he lowered his eyes to the ground, nodding once to acknowledge what Rick had said. He then bent down, picked up his crossbow, and followed Rick.
When they reached the others, Daryl refused to look at them. He focused on the wrapped form of his former friend resting in the ground. He briefly considered skipping the funeral altogether, but quickly decided against it. He'd never forgive himself if he did.
Rick cleared his throat and looked solemnly at each of the faces of the people he'd come to call friends.
"I wish I knew what to say," he began. "The truth is I've never been real good with words. Sometimes I say the wrong thing, or say nothing at all when I should. Carol could always be trusted to tell the truth and tell it like it is. She wasn't always that way. She found herself somewhere in the struggle and became an irreplaceable member of this group." Rick hung his head and fought through the emotions that were threatening to overtake him.
As he looked down into the final resting place of a very dear friend, he said, "Carol, I'm so sorry I let you down." The tears finally made their way down his face. "Forgive me," he whispered as he threw a handful of dirt into the hole, watching it cascade over the cloth covering Carol's body. He then turned and walked back towards the prison.
Daryl hung back and looked on as everyone said their goodbyes, each throwing their own handful of dirt into Carol's grave. He waited until they were all gone to say his own goodbye.
Taking a seat at the head of the burial place, Daryl searched his mind for what to say. There was so much that had gone unsaid between them and he wouldn't waste his breath recounting it all but he wanted her to know just one thing.
He leaned forward, sinking his hand into the mound of dirt waiting to be replaced and stood. He gazed down at what was left of the only person who ever truly accepted him, and he cried. He cried for what was and what would never be.
"Thank you," he breathed and released the earth from his hand.
Daryl stood there for another moment and then picked up the shovel. With each flick of the shovel, Carol's body disappeared more and more until there was nothing visible left.
The heartache remained and would for some time. If Daryl was being honest, he felt lost. It was one thing to lose his brother. That was a void that would never be replaced, but to lose Carol? He wasn't sure what to do anymore. He didn't believe that there was anyone else who would understand him the way she did, receive him the way she did.
He didn't know just how wrong he was.
Poor Daryl…poor Carol. Personally, I hope she sticks around a good long while on the show but for this story, she had to die.
The next few chapters will deal with the fall out of Carol's death and not just from Daryl. Then we'll get into the change in Daryl and Rick's relationship. Stick with me! I hope you'll find it worth it.
Please let me know what you think. As my first Walking Dead story, I'm trying to stay as true to the characters as I can. There will be bad language, violence, and sexy times in the future – hence the reason for the M rating.
I hope you all like it so far. Thanks for reading!