DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I don't own any of this. All of the rights, credit etc. goes to J. K. Rowling.
The Real World
Marlene McKinnon pushed open the rusting iron gate to the cemetery, cringing as it creaked loudly.
"Hey," she said softly. Sirius sprang away from the gravestone he had been crouching beside.
"Hey," he replied, shifting his body to shield the inscription on the gravestone from her. Marlene was having none of it.
"Who's that then?" she asked. Her tone was disturbingly matter-of-fact, but then they had all become accustomed to death.
"Don't, Marlene," Sirius pleaded, but he made no attempt to stop her as she stepped around him and peered at the letters carved into the grey stone.
"Regulus Arcturus Black," she read, and looked at him rather curiously. "Brother, right?" He nodded curtly, avoiding her all-penetrating gaze. The silence swelled between them, feeding on the darkness, and Marlene was preparing to change the subject when he spoke.
"We were so close before Hogwarts, you know?" he began, still very determinedly not looking at Marlene. "When you're a Black, you're raised to believe that the fact that you're a Black is the most important thing about you. And my parents were just so wrapped up in that, it was the only way they had to define their identity, and I honestly don't think they were capable of extricating themselves from that. It was all they could think about, or talk about, and sometimes it's just not what a little boy wants to hear, you know?"
Marlene nodded in the darkness, unbeknownst to Sirius, who was staring at the grass without seeing it.
"So Regulus latched onto me. I was someone who would…" He waved his hand in the air, grasping for words. "Let him win at Quidditch in the garden, and always take his side in an argument, and… tell him bedtime stories. And he hero-worshipped me, and I would have done anything to keep him safe."
Marlene nodded again, more vigorously this time. She had five younger brothers, and easily recognised this instinct to protect at all costs. Sirius sighed and continued.
"And then, of course, I went off to Hogwarts, and he was left alone for two years in the clutches of my parents. They drilled all their despicable pure-blood values into him, and he just swallowed it all like pumpkin juice. And then he came to Hogwarts, and I was still clinging on to that last little hope that he might follow me into Gryffindor, but of course, that hardly worked out.
"He was hanging around with Rosier and Wilkes and Mulciber and a load of our delightful cousins, and I couldn't… there was nothing I could do. And then when we were in sixth-year, he cursed some poor little Muggle-born first-year, and I confronted him about it, and he said… he said I couldn't tell him what to do because I'd run away from home and I was nothing but a filthy blood traitor and I didn't deserve to be in our family at all and… that was when I knew I… I'd lost him. It wasn't what he said, I mean, it's not like I wanted to be part of that family, it was just… the fact that he said it at all, I knew that he'd, I don't know, found some new heroes to worship. And… and there was nothing I could do to sway him anymore. And when I got back to the common room that night, I was so…"
"I know. I was there," said Marlene, as much to ensure he was still aware of her presence as anything else. He finally looked at her.
"Yeah, course you were," he said, and the shadow of a smile crossed his lips because sixth-year was the year when Marlene had always been there. He took a deep breath and continued. "Regulus had become the perfect little Black boy, and he just… he embodied everything I had most wanted to leave behind about that world I grew up in, and I hated him for it. So much you… you wouldn't believe. When I found out he'd joined the Death Eaters, I wasn't even angry. As far as I was concerned, he was no more to me than my parents. And then of course, he went and got himself killed."
He said it flippantly, but Marlene could always see through that façade. She reached out and placed a gentle hand on Sirius' arm.
"I hated him then too. And don't get me wrong, I still hate him now, the little bastard. And I know he must have done some pretty goddamn awful things as a Death Eater, and I know it's his own fault for getting involved, but… when I go to sleep I can still see his eyes lighting up when I told him about Merlin or… or the Hogwarts Founders, and…"
He broke off and, without a moment's hesitation, Marlene pulled him into her arms.
"I know," she whispered soothingly, as they rocked slowly backwards and forwards. "I know."
"And I still miss that little boy," Sirius mumbled, his voice muffled by Marlene's shoulder.
"I know," she repeated. Suddenly, Sirius stepped away from her, remembering the risk posed by showing any lenience towards any Dark wizard, especially now, when rumours were flying around like toddlers on toy broomsticks, unpredictable and dangerous however ridiculous it seemed.
"I'm not a traitor though, I do hate him," he said hurriedly. "I hate him for cursing the first-year and I hate him for joining the Death Eaters and I hate him for killing whoever he killed and I hate him for being such a fucking coward that he got himself killed and I…"
Marlene placed a finger on his lips until he was sufficiently calm for her to convince him to sit down next to her on the grass.
"Most of all, I… I hate him for being their puppet. Because he was a good kid, and then he just let them pull the strings and…"
A dry laugh escaped Marlene's lips.
"As though you wouldn't have been just as willing a puppet master," she said.
"Yeah, but… we're on the good side, right? Right?"
"There's no such thing as the good side, Sirius. You should know that."
"James says –"
"Oh, who cares what James says?" said Marlene, almost delirious with sudden anger. "Why do you have to be so fucking naïve, Sirius? You two, you think you're so bloody clever, but you're just a pair of idiots wrapped up in your dreams of bravery! No, shut up and just listen for once. Listen to me, OK, because I'm only going to say it once and I'm going to say it very clearly. There's no such thing as good and evil. We're not in school anymore. This isn't Gryffindor versus Slytherin, OK? It's war. Full-blown, no-turning-back-now, forget-what-the-fuck-you're-supposed-to-be-fightin g-for war!
"Did you hear what Gideon Prewett did to that Death Eater last week? He backed him into a corner and tortured him with the Cruciatus Curse until he begged to die. That man, granted he was a Death Eater, but he had a son, Sirius, a son who's going to grow up without a father because of that. OK, so now will you please just try to understand that this isn't a game, and we're not fighting for ideals. We're fighting for our lives, because people are fucking dying out there, Sirius. Right now, they are dying, and all you and James can do is…"
The words had run out, and Marlene simply waved her hand in the air feebly, panting from her outburst, fury still burning in her eyes. Her words hung thickly between the two for a long moment that stretched out into the night.
"I'm sorry," they both muttered simultaneously. Sirius nodded for her to continue.
"I… I don't normally get angry like that, I'm just… still in shock about Diana. I mean, she was a heartless bitch and I hated her guts, but I guess seven years sharing a dormitory counts for more than I thought, you know?" Sirius began to fiddle with the buttons on his coat, as Marlene knew he was apt to do in any situation involving emotions (generally as an alternative to offering support). "And you and James just drive me crazy sometimes."
"We're working on it," said Sirius quietly, and the corners of Marlene's lips twitched. He paused for a moment, brow furrowed. "Did Gideon really do that?"
"I didn't believe it at first either," she sighed. "He was called Warrington, if you're wondering. The Death Eater. His son Cassius is three." There was a long pause. Sirius reached for his coat buttons again. Marlene shook her head, as if to empty it of such thoughts like grains of sand from a shoe. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to fight with you. Let's just… change the subject. See if we even can talk about anything not related to the war."
There was a long silence as they each tried to come up with something frivolous to discuss. In their great rush to grow up they had morphed so quickly from carefree teenagers to idealistic young heroes to disillusioned adults: it seemed almost impossible to think of anything but their battle scars.
"Green Dragons have released a new single," Marlene eventually offered. They both burst out laughing at the absurd triviality of it all; nonetheless, as the laughter subsided, Sirius pounced on the opportunity for conversation.
"You actually like them?" asked Sirius incredulously.
"You don't?" replied Marlene with a tone equally as disbelieving.
"Seriously, Marlene? I thought you had good taste in music."
"I do! Which is precisely why I can see that the Green Dragons are good."
"Marlene, the Green Dragons are crap!"
"In what way are they crap?"
"OK, for a start they have a stupid name –"
"They do not have a stupid name!"
"The Green Dragons! Dragons, Marlene! Are any of them dragons? Are any of them even green?"
She dismissed his comment with a wave of her hand. "Artistic licence."
"That is not artistic licence, it's a stupid name!"
"Well, you shouldn't be judging them on their name anyway, it's the music that matters."
"Yeah, and the music is just as crap as the name."
"How?"
"It's just so…"
"Just so what?"
"So… alternative."
"Hah! Who'd have thought it? Sirius Black, not such a rebel after all!" she taunted. "What do you listen to then?"
"I dunno, just normal stuff," he shrugged.
"And what do you define as normal?" Marlene wasn't going to let him get away with such a non-committal answer as that.
"You know, the kind of stuff on the Wizarding Wireless Network," he replied, angling his body slightly away from Marlene as a precautionary measure – she had been known to defend her passions rather exuberantly on occasion.
"Oh Merlin, you listen to WWN!?" she shrieked.
"Yes! As do most of the wizarding population of Britain," he added defensively.
"But it's all the same! And it's all so commercial, they only do it to keep the Galleons rolling in," insisted Marlene.
"You can't blame them for wanting to make money," argued Sirius.
"No, not if the music's any good, but it's not, it's crap! No, seriously, take any song that gets played on WWN2 and listen to it without the words, and you literally cannot tell which song it is because they're all exactly the same! It's the same chords, same beat, practically the same tune – it's so formulaic and it's just boring to listen to!
"Wow, quite the expert, aren't you?"
"Well, you are talking to a former member of the Hogwarts Frog Choir here."
"Oh, come off it! You went to what, like, two sessions in first-year?"
"Three."
"Really? I thought it was two."
"No, definitely three. 'Cause I went to the first two and then the Christmas session. They were giving out Chocolate Frogs," Marlene admitted, with a slightly ashamed little grin. "Anyway, the precise nature of my attendance record at the Frog Choir has no bearing on the fact that you should listen to the Green Dragons." She pressed on despite Sirius' raised eyebrows. "They're trying something new, Sirius. I'm telling you, they're gonna be big someday and–"
"Alright, alright, I'll try it," Sirius relented. "Merlin, you're enough to drive a man crazy."
He delved into his inside coat pocket and his hand emerged clutching a bottle of whisky.
"You're not drinking again, are you?" asked Marlene, unable to keep the accusatory tone from her voice.
"There's no 'again' about it!" Sirius protested. "I've never had a drinking problem."
"If you say so," said Marlene, as Sirius took a defiant swig of whisky. She had decided not to start up that particular argument again – Merlin only knew they'd fought about it enough in sixth-year – and so the two sat in companionable silence for a short while.
"Can I try some?" she asked impulsively.
"What, this?" asked Sirius, gesturing towards the bottle in his hand. "I didn't have you down as the drinking type."
"I know, I know. I'm just… curious."
Sirius smirked playfully and passed her the bottle. She shook it gently and looked at the swirling contents with a mixture of interest and apprehension.
"What exactly is it?" she asked.
"Whisky," Sirius answered promptly.
"Fire?"
"Nope, Muggle. Look, if you're not going to drink it then can I have it back?"
"I will drink it, just… is it definitely supposed to be that colour?"
"Yep," Sirius replied impatiently, extending his hand to take back the bottle.
"Hey! You haven't given me a chance yet!" she protested.
"Well, get on with it then," he moaned, tapping an imaginary watch. The image of Diana's silver wristwatch burst into Marlene's mind with such clarity that she could see each individual rosebud encircling the clock face, and the sunlight glinting off the miniscule thorns as they admired it on Diana's bed, surrounded by torn strips of wrapping paper, and Diana sitting there in the middle of it all, grinning like the cat that got given free rein in a fucking dairy farm because she always loved to be the centre of the attention…
"Oh, fuck it," said Marlene, and she took a determined gulp from the bottle, then immediately spat it out onto the path in front of them. Sirius burst out laughing.
"It tastes like Skele-Gro!" she coughed. "Merlin, the aftertaste is even worse! How the hell do you drink this stuff?"
Sirius took the bottle back, still chuckling.
"Guess it's kind of an acquired taste. But hey, when have you had Skele-Gro?"
"Are you kidding me? In fourth-year! You and James stole some from the hospital wing and tried to spike Lily's pumpkin juice with it but I drank it instead, and all my bones went so stiff I couldn't move for two weeks."
"Oh, I remember!"
"How the fuck did you forget that?"
"Well, after a certain point all the pranks kind of blend into one. But you're right, that was a good one."
"A good one?! Do you have any idea how boring the hospital wing is when you're stuck in there for a fortnight with non-functioning limbs and no-one to talk to?"
"Alright, I'll give you that," conceded Sirius. "But you know we only did it 'cause we were in love with you two," he added with an infuriatingly cocky grin.
"Had a funny way of showing it," Marlene muttered darkly, but after a moment she could no longer resist returning his smile, and they sat in contented silence for a while.
It was almost as though they had travelled back in time to sixth-year, or perhaps rather that their seventeen-year-old selves had flitted forward to the present day, for they both sensed the impermanence of the moment – such was the lesson that war had taught them: happiness is fleeting. And yet, for that moment at least, it seemed so natural for her to lean her head on his warm shoulder that neither questioned it, and it was without thinking that he slipped a gentle hand into her blonde hair. She buried her head deeper into his soft neck, and had so convinced herself that they were back in school that she was surprised to feel Sirius' hair tickling her ear.
"You growing your hair?" she asked, sitting up straight again.
"More letting it grow than growing it," replied Sirius, extricating his fingers from her hair.
"I liked it better short." It was a mere statement, not intended to be of any consequence.
"Well, your wish is my command, princess," replied Sirius, only half-jokingly.
"Don't you dare call me princess," she said fiercely.
"I can call you what I like, princess."
Deciding this was not a battle she could not win with words, Marlene gave him her best death stare. Sirius scowled back in jest, brow creased so tightly his eyes were almost closed and his eyebrows hanging at such an angle it looked as though they might just fall off his face. Marlene's lips quivered in a futile attempt to hold back the laughter.
"Well, I think we should cut it," she said once she was confident she could speak without giggling, drawing out her wand.
"What, now?"
"Why not? Oh, don't look so worried, one of my Muggle cousins is a hairdresser."
She brandished the wand at him and he recoiled.
"Marlene! We're in a graveyard!"
"And?"
"It's… disrespectful."
"To who? The dead people? Sirius, they're dead, they can't feel anything!" she shouted, sharp temper flaring up again. "These people here, they're gone, and they're bloody lucky for it. Yeah, that is what I said, they're the lucky ones. Even if they are floating around in some kind of afterlife, they don't have to deal with life anymore, and we're the ones who are stuck in the fucked-up mess they left behind them, and the least they could do is let us have some fun in the few moments that we can!"
She half-expected him to disagree – after all, they were sitting by a headstone engraved with the name of his brother – or at the very least to reach for his coat buttons again, but instead his head nodded almost imperceptibly as he mulled her words over and silently agreed.
"Go on, then. Do your worst."
With a wary glance over his shoulder, he sat down on a nearby bench and, standing behind him, Marlene began to deftly weave her wand in and out of his hair, letting curls of dark brown fall into obscurity.
"OK, I'm getting kind of worried now," said Sirius after several minutes had passed. "You'd better not be shaving my head."
"Relax! It's all under control," she assured him.
His doubts not entirely alleviated, Sirius reached for his own wand and conjured up an elaborate mirror.
"What are you doing?" he cried, squinting at his reflection. "It's all uneven!"
"That's because –" she paused to snatch the mirror from his hands "– I haven't finished yet!"
She continued swiping at his hair in earnest, but it was made rather difficult by the fact that he kept wriggling around in his attempts to get the mirror back. Of course, he could have simply created another, but, as Sirius thought to himself, where's the fun in that?
"Stop moving!" she admonished him, but it was lost in their mingling laughter. "Right, you are a lost cause, I'm giving up."
She tossed the mirror back to him and he caught it one-handed, then raised it up to eye-level once more.
"No! No, you can't leave it like that! OK, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll sit still, I promise, just even it out, please!"
Still grinning, Marlene tilted his head to the left and began to flick her wand again. Sirius watched in the mirror, and this time he sat perfectly still, mesmerised by the swiftness of her wand movements. After another minute or so, she pronounced her work to be done.
She cast an Illuminatory Charm on the mirror so Sirius could see her handiwork properly.
"Hey, this is actually pretty good," he said, reaching up to pat his hair, as though to check it was real. "You're… you're not so bad at this, you know. Actually, let me rephrase that, you're a bloody genius, Marlene McKinnon. How did you get it so… perfect?"
Marlene's face flushed pink, and she extinguished the Illuminatory Charm rather hurriedly. Sirius motioned for her to sit down on the bench next to him.
"The sky's so clear tonight," she said, taking a seat. "You can see all the stars."
"Reminds me of Astronomy," he said with a derisive laugh.
"You always hated Astronomy, didn't you?"
"Yep. Got enough of that bullshit at home." Marlene looked at him rather blankly, waiting for him to explain. "My family have a thing about naming their kids after stars, so when I was a kid it was always: 'Oh, Sirius, look at this particularly bright star, that's what you're named after', or 'Oh, see this random collection of stars that apparently looks like a flying swan, that's what your Uncle Cygnus is named after, who, by the way, is also, like, your second-cousin-once-removed or something, if you take into account the whole in-breeding thing'. I swear, the only two things I have ever heard my parents talk about are pure-blood superiority and stars."
Marlene didn't know quite how to answer this, and was choosing to ignore the in-breeding comment, so she switched back to the rather easier topic of school subjects.
"I always loved Astronomy. Which star is Sirius again?"
"I thought you just said you loved Astronomy."
"Well, I liked drawing my own pictures in the stars," she said. Catching sight of Sirius' raised eyebrows, she continued. "Look, the whole point of Astronomy is that it's a way of viewing the world, so I found my own way. Hey, why are you laughing?"
"It's just so you."
"How?"
"Refusing to accept anything anyone tells you. Having to work it all out yourself."
"Shut up! Anyway, you haven't answered my question – which one is Sirius?"
"It's the brightest star in the sky," Sirius recited in a monotone. "Part of the constellation of Canis Major."
"What's Canis Major?"
"How the fuck did you pass your Astronomy OWL?"
"Well, technically, I didn't."
"Seriously? You failed it?"
"Yes, I failed it," she said exasperatedly. "I got a T."
"Woah! You got a Troll? Merlin, I don't think even Wormy got a T!" he grinned. "How did I never find out about this?"
"Well, I was hardly shouting it from the battlements, was I?" she replied. "But stop trying to change the subject. Which one is Canis Major?"
"You really want to know?"
"Yes! I'm genuinely interested."
"OK, see that star there?"
"You're going to have to be a bit more specific."
"It's sort of… the tree's blocking the view a bit from here anyway. Come over here."
He led her further along the path with a certain urgency, and though he would never have admitted it, Marlene sensed he was actually rather enjoying showing her the stars.
"OK, now stand here, and face a bit more –" he placed his hands on her waist and adjusted the position of her body slightly "– this way, and look up, and then can you see the really bright star, near the horizon. That's Sirius."
Marlene pointed at it and nodded, and Sirius ignored the tingling sensation in his chest as her blonde hair brushed against his throat. Swallowing determinedly, he placed one hand on her outstretched wrist and began to trace the familiar constellation on the dark canvas of the night sky.
"I see it," breathed Marlene.
"You can't actually see it," began Sirius. "It's not real, it's just a–"
His voice trailed away as they both became acutely aware that their bodies were still pressed tightly together, her hair on his lips and her breaths in his soul. Slowly, she lowered her arm and turned to face him.
"Anything's real if you want it to be," she whispered, and then she was kissing him, and he was kissing her back, and everything and everyone else slipped away from them and left them in some strange, gossamer world where they could choose what was real, and right then the only things that needed to be real were their lips on each other's and their hands in each other's tousled hair and their hearts beating together against each other's ribcages.
It seemed an eternity before they broke apart – and in some ways it was, for in that ethereal place they had been in, they could make time last for as long as they wished. The green eyes held the gaze of the grey, trying to keep the moment captive just a little longer. It was released only when a familiar voice floated over to them.
"Sirius!" called James. "Sirius, are you out here?"
He appeared at the gate of the cemetery, panting and squinting into the darkness.
"I'm here, James," said Sirius, stepping away from Marlene.
"Merlin, Padfoot, don't disappear like that, you had us all worried there," said James, grinning with relief. "Is that you, Marly?"
"Yeah."
"You two should come back. We're taking a photo back at headquarters. Whole Order together – you don't want to miss it."
"OK, just… give us a moment," replied Marlene.
"Alright, see you in a minute. And seriously, mate, don't go off on your own like that again, yeah?" said James, turning around and leaning on the wall of the cemetery to wait.
Without any need for discussion, Sirius and Marlene turned and crossed the grass to stand before Regulus' gravestone once more. Sirius bent down to pick up the half-empty bottle of whisky and very deliberately stowed it back in his coat pocket.
"You planning on looking at me any time soon?" asked Marlene, and Sirius looked up to find her face startlingly close to his own. She smiled at his expression of shock. "You could even speak if you felt like it."
Sirius could not resist returning the smile.
"Thanks," he said. "For… for just talking normally."
"That's OK," said Marlene, brushing a few strands of hair out of her eyes. "It's so… liberating, having a normal conversation."
"OI!" James yelled from by the gate. "Are you two coming or not?"
"Literally one moment, James!" Sirius called back, then lowered his voice again. "Listen, Marlene, this has been really great. But do you mind if… if we don't tell anyone what happened tonight?"
Marlene nodded, and Sirius could see in her eyes that she understood this need to keep their one, perfect night untouched by the horrors of the world outside the iron gates.
They stood up and walked briskly along the path to the gate. A little further down the road, James stood shaking his head impatiently.
"Time to go back into the real world then," said Sirius quietly, placing one hand on the iron gate. Marlene pulled it open and stepped through with a wry smile.
"Who's to say which is the real world?"
A/N: So there we go! That is my first ever fanfiction :) Thank you so much for reading it and I hope you liked it. It would mean absolutely the world to me if you would review it (constructive criticism welcome).
Also, just to be clear, this is set in the summer of 1981 on the evening that the photo of the Order is taken, which Mad-Eye Moody later shows to Harry in OotP. Therefore it is roughly 2 weeks before Marlene and her family are killed. :'(
(And yes, I do realise that the star Sirius cannot be seen during the summer in the Northern Hemisphere, but I really wanted to include the stargazing thing.)