TITLE: Bulletproof 2: All I Have To Give
AUTHOR: Amanda Hawthorn
RATING: PG-13/ maybe R when finished
PAIRING: Grissom/Sara
CATEGORY: Angst/ romance
ARCHIVE: Grissomandsara.com and my site
FEEDBACK: Love it, but no flames please I'm fragile!!
EMAIL: southerngirl_uk@yahoo.co.uk
SPOILERS: Loosely based on season 4
SUMMARY: Sequel to Bulletproof. Grissom and Sara try to rebuild their relationship
DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS
and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No
infringement intended.
AUTHORS' NOTES: As always a huge thank you to the Sara and Grissom yahoo list
for their constant support, and to my wonderful friends Rosa, Niff, Shroedy and
Alice for their constant encouragement.
Huge thanks also to my beta Marlou, who is always on hand to offer her support and her friendship. I'd like to offer big thanks also to Laura Katherine who helped me decide the title.
This is for Kelly, a member of our yahoo list who also needs support right now. This is for you hun, feel better…
Ó Amanda Hawthorn October 2003
Bulletproof 2: All I have to giveMuted light filtered over the lone figure in the bed, bathing him in slits of the sun's warm rays. Opening his eyes slowly, Grissom took a deep cleansing breath as memories of just a few hours ago came flooding back into his mind. Sitting up, he looked around his room, his eyes searching for any signs that would uncover his dreams that would lift the veil from his dream and turn them into reality. Had Sara really been here in his house? Or was she like every other time, just a figment of his imagination? Pulling himself up to the edge of his bed, he stilled suddenly when he heard a soft gasp come from somewhere in his living room. Reaching for his pants, he put them on and padded bare foot out from the confines of his room.
Sara was consumed in her nightmares and retreated from the images as they invaded her mind with intoxicating fear. Turning her head, she tried to escape the haunting coal-colored eyes that pierced her own, pulling her down deeper and deeper into the darkness.
"No," she gasped, her voice echoing in her ears as she fought to escape. Cold talons clawed through her hair, ripping her dark strands from their roots bringing a tidal wave of pain to her body, and she was powerless against it. Her body thrashed against the demons restraints as she desperately fought the darkness that surrounded her. Her sense of reality was trapped and buried, thrown in a crater caused by the sheer panic and terror that she experienced. There was no escape, no running away, she was losing the battle. Fear had once again won. Then from out of nowhere she heard it, that soft coaxing voice calling her name, its heavenly tone pulling her away from the creatures lair to bring her closer and closer to the light of reality. Opening her eyes suddenly, Sara sat bolt upright and gulped in deep lungfuls of air. Looking around her, she tried to focus on her surroundings, anything to give her the tiniest clue as to where she was.
"Sara?" Grissom came closer towards her, crouching down next to the couch as he gazed on her with worried eyes.
"Oh God," she gasped, realization suddenly dawning when she realized just where she exactly was. "Grissom?"
"Yeah, it's me." Reaching out a tentative hand, he brushed a strand of damp hair from her forehead, pushing it back behind her ear. "That must have been some nightmare."
"I," she started, her eyes closing briefly as she tried to control the trembling inside her body. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" he smiled softly, his hands reaching out to touch her again. Her skin was warm and clammy beneath his fingers and not for the first time he had to wonder what nightmares haunted her heart and mind.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep, you should have woken me." Pulling away from his touch, she tried to untangle the blanket from her legs, needing to free herself from its constraints.
"You needed sleep," he told her, "and I didn't want to wake you."
"I…I shouldn't be here," she muttered nervously when she suddenly realized the top half of his torso was very naked. Her eyes seemed to skim over his chest on their own accord, his body calling out to her with its gravitational pull. "I need to go…"
Grissom's heart ached to reach out to her. He needed to provide some sort of comfort, but he didn't know where to start. "You want some coffee?"
His question threw her off balance; she hadn't expected him to be so gentle. He wasn't supposed to be like this. He was Grissom; he wasn't supposed to have emotions. Closing her eyes quickly, she tried to wake herself from this blissful part of the dream, her intentions to ban her dream-Grissom from her mind, but when she opened her eyes again, he was still there. "Tell me I'm still dreaming?" she asked him hopefully, closing her eyes again to once more free herself from this fool's paradise.
Grissom couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his lips when he heard the slight tremble in her voice. Sliding his fingers up and over her arm, he could feel the shockwaves coursing through her body and into his own. "Sara. You're not dreaming."
Gulping down the fearful nausea that had somehow found its way inside her throat, she slowly opened her eyes only to look away from him, embarrassment clearly evident on her face. "Oh."
"Sara?" he whispered softly, his voice trying desperately to coax her eyes to his own. He could feel the uncertainty in the trembling that overtook her body, and at this precise moment he couldn't remember a time when he had not loved her. Her closeness terrified him, but he fought with his fear to show her he was willing to try. Taking another breath, he moved away from her slightly, "I'm going to make us some coffee."
"I should go," she whispered suddenly, her own fear taking possession of her soul as she clambered uncertainly to her feet. The blanket that he had so lovingly placed around her fell to the floor in a messy heap, and, for a few heart-stopping moments, they both looked down towards it.
"You don't have to go," he told her at last, his voice sounding foreign to his ears.
"I've imposed on your time enough as it is," she told him softly; vestiges of uncertainty of what she was actually still doing here shining through in her voice.
"Sara, it's only one coffee," he whispered as he tried to swallow the pang of regret that surfaced inside him. Had he pushed her away one time too many and now lost her forever?
Sara's mind screamed at her to react, but she was so numb she couldn't think of anything to say. Taking a deep breath, she resigned herself to the fact that she couldn't escape him even if she wanted to. "I really should go," she told him quietly, "My Yukon's out front and I know you wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea."
"Sara.."
"Thanks for the offer though," she nodded, turning slightly before offering him a small smile. "I'll get out of your hair now."
"Sara would you just stop," he snapped, angry more at himself than her refusal to listen to him. He instantly regretted his harshness when he saw the brief flicker of hurt cross over her eyes until the spark of anger flared in her brown depths.
"What do you want from me Grissom?" she asked then, her tone suddenly icy cold. "Is it your sole purpose in life to confuse me? Well congratulations, you've done that a thousand times already."
"Look," he sighed, taking a step closer towards her, relieved that she made no move to walk away. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I just hope that some day you'll be able to forgive me."
"You know I can forgive you Grissom. I always forgive you and like some stupid sadistic idiot I come back for more." Turning around so she was facing him fully, she kept her voice cool even though inside she was dying with her need to go to him. "I am giving you what you've always wanted. I'm trying with all my might to leave you. That way you can get back on track with your life, living just as you did before we met.
"Maybe I don't want that life anymore," he challenged.
"Yes you do," she told him with a sad smile, "you don't let anyone in far enough to actually get to know you. Well, except Catherine."
"Catherine?" he asked, surprised that her name had joined the conversation. "What has she got to do with us?"
"Us?" Sara asked, her voice suddenly dropping to a whisper, "There is no us, you made it quite clear that there never would be."
Taking another step closer, Grissom reached out to touch her hand only to have her snatch it away from his grasp. "Look Sara, please stay," he asked softly as he tried to calm his raging heartbeat, "I need to explain where I've been."
"You don't need to explain anything to me," she told him, the gentleness in his voice scaring her for a moment. "I know you think you do, but it's really none of my business."
"Don't say that Sara," he whispered, "please don't."
His voice unsettled her for a moment and she found herself aching to touch him. Nodding slightly, she looked up into his eyes. "One coffee," she whispered.
The smile that lit Grissom's face caused her heart to flutter somewhere between heaven and earth, and she knew instantly that she was powerless. How could she stop loving him when she had loved him for nearly half of her life? She watched as he turned from her and padded towards his kitchen, his blissful acceptance bringing a surge of love to her heart. Closing her eyes against the immense feelings that rampaged throughout her body, she pushed them away. She would lock them away inside her heart and only when she was alone would she unlock the passion to revel in the warmth. She could do this. She had to do this. Watching him as he walked around his kitchen, she memorized every inch of him so she could take it with her when he returned to the Gil Grissom she knew he would once again become. She loved him and she would have to love him from afar, just as she had always done. Moving over to his couch, she returned to the seat and watched him quietly, enjoying this side of him before he hid it from her completely.
TBC……