I'll be back Amu.
He left me...When will he come back?
I love you. I'll be back soon...
Soon? It's been three years already.
Amu, I love you and I'll make you fall in love with me as many times as needed.
Sure you love me. But would you leave me behind for three years? The occasional picture and message won't cut it. I want to hug you. I want you to embrace me tightly. Without any hesitation. I love you! Don't leave me behind! Come back to me!
I'm currently a junior at Seiyo High Academy and it's been three years since the incident with Easter ended. Ran, Miki, Su, and Dia have all disappeared back into my heart and Ikuto still hasn't come back. Rima and Nagi are doing fine and I finally know that Nadeshiko is Nagihiko. Tadase still hangs around me, but he seems to understand my heart is elsewhere. Utau and Kukai are constantly competing and every single one of our charas have disappeared back into our hearts. Ikuto told me Yoru disappeared as well, but he still sends me the occasional picture. But it's not the same.
The day the incidents with Easter ended, was the day Ikuto left on a journey to find his father. He has also been busy with the orchestra he performs with, traveling around the world and playing his violin. He hasn't visited, but he's sent me pictures of himself in different areas around the world.
That's not what I want though. I want his presence here beside me. I want him to come back and make my heart flutter. Him not here, is the same as a world without love. I want him to hold me and caress my cheek. I want to hug him back and finally tell him I love him. He's told me he loves me countless times, but I never said it back. I closest I've gotten is a heavy blush whenever I see him.
When is he going to come back and embrace me? I don't know. But I want to listen to him play his violin again. I want to sing along to his soft and sad, yet comforting and beautiful melody. The way his fingers slide across the strings and the angle he moves his arms to combine the notes into a song.
I can only wait for him to come back to me as I walk through the halls of SHA. I walk into my classroom and take a deep breath to get ready to put on my façade again. My shaking fingers open the doors and I fake a bright smile.
"Amu!" Rima calls from her desk. I wave and walk over to my petite blonde friend. "It's about time you got here!" she pouted.
"Gomen gomen! I was thinking about some things!" I forced my smile to stay on my face as I apologized to my friend, but she's known me for 5 years. Her eyebrow twitched and she sighed.
"Amu...is it about him?" she eyed me and I released a breath I just realized I'd been holding. My smile diminished a little and I felt like bawling my eyes out. I quickly blinked the tears back and looked away.
"It's fine. I'm okay." I reassured her and she sighed.
"You're hopeless Amu. There're a bunch of awesome guys in school yet you insist on him." My friend continues ranting on about how there are a lot of good-looking guys out there and how she and Nagi keep disagreeing on everything. Eventually the bell rang and I waved bye to here.
When class ended, the entire gang always meets on the roof for lunch. Tadase, Kukai, Nagi, Rima, Utau, Yaya, and Kairi.
"Hello Amu-chan!" Tadase greeted me first followed by Kukai,
"Yo Hinamori!"
"Amu-chi!" Yaya also glomped me with a hug,
"Hello Hinamori-san." and Kairi acted the same formal way he always does.
"Amu." Utau stayed indifferent.
"Amu." And Rima pried Yaya off of me to glomp me with a hug of her own.
"Hello Amu-chan." Nagi pried his girlfriend off me so I could move to my own spot to eat.
"Hey everyone!" I flashed a smile as bright as I was capable of and sat down between Rima and Tadase. Kukai and Utau competed to see who could finish their lunch first and Yaya was begging Kairi for candy, who miraculously had a bunch on him to give to his own girlfriend. Rima was glaring at Nagi and Tadase and I stayed silent as we ate in content.
"Are you okay Amu-chan?" Tadase broke the silence and I whipped my eyes up to his face.
"I'm fine! No need to worry Tadase-kun!" I reassured him, but he didn't seem satisfgied with my answer. I knew it was obvious I was bothered by something, but I wasn't ready to talk about it.
"Amu's been acting weird since class started Tadase. It's most likely about him." Rima chirped up and Tadase and I froze. Utau and Kukai stopped their competition and eyed me. Yaya also kept silent as Nagi and Kairi watched me with a concerned look. It was silent for a little bit until I broke the silence.
"Rima!" I freaked and felt the tears start building up inside my eyes again. I avoided the eyes of all my friends, but felt all of their stares nonetheless. I couldn't bear it anymore and abruptly stood up.
"Hinamori..." Kukai spoke softly.
"Amu." Utau joined and added a sigh to the end.
"Amu-chi." Yaya sympathized and Kairi stayed silent.
"Amu...-chan" Tadase broke my name and that was my breaking point. I dashed out the door and down the stairs, wanting to escape my friends as fast as I could. I ran down the halls and earned a few weird stares from classmates, but I ignored them. I made my way to the bottom of the school building and dashed to the comfort of the trees. When I finally stopped under the shade of a tree in the middle of the greenery, the tears were falling freely down my cheeks.
I punched the bark of the tree and felt the pain run through my knuckles. I kept punching the tree and crying silently until my knuckles were bleeding and my eyes were drained. My fists dropped to my sides and I turned my back to lean against the tree. The sun was blocked out by clouds and the branches of the trees surrounding me. I couldn't gaze at the open, clear blue sky. I felt suffocated. The sight before me was exactly how I was feeling. Closed. Depressed. Despairing.
Where are you Ikuto?! I miss you! My heart cried for the midnight haired man and I curled my knees close to my chest. Tears dripped down my face once again and fell to the ground. I don't know how much time had passed as I cried, but my ears heard the bell ring signaling the end of lunch and the start of my next class. I ignored the present and fell back into the past. The past are where the moments with Ikuto happened. When I carried him to my room to protect him from Easter, when I fought against him with Tadase and released him from Death Rebel. The times when he would sneak into my bed and cling to me for warmth. The times when I would hug him when he needed to be comforted and the times when he would bear all the pain himself without opening up to others in order to protect those he cherished from Easter.
I continued thinking about the past and how much ikuto loved me. How many times I yelled at him for 'ruining' my life when he was only protecting me from his step-father. The many times he pushed his own little sister, Utau, away for the sake of her freedom from Easter. His greatest misunderstanding with Tadase that led to him to suffer from the feeling of being hated by Tadase for half his life.
Ikuto was always suffering every time Tadase glared at him and everytime I pushed aside his confessions thinking he was only teasing me. Everytime Rima and the others would keep me away from him thinking he was only going to hurt us and all those times he's smirked and never denied their thoughts to of being true. He was manipulated by Easter as a mere puppet and forced to move against his will to hurt those he loved. Utau. Tadase. His mother. Yoru. And finally, me.
I realized I truly love Ikuto ever since the day he left me. Now, for the past three years, I've been waiting for him to return. Waiting for the chance to earnestly tell him I love him. To let him know my true feelings and for him to reciprocate them back.
Now that he's gone, there's no one for me to love right now. I'm living in a world without love. And it's painful. Excruciatingly agonizing to not be able to hold the one you love. A world without love is the same as a dying world without sunlight.
Amu. I'll be back soon and I love you. Please wait for me.
Where are you Ikuto?! I want to love you and embrace the pain you've suffered.
Ikuto...Aishiteru!
I want to escape this world without love!