I try to move lightly over the soggy ground, pulling my black stiletto heels up from the grass with each step. I'm not sure why I decided to put any extra effort into my outfit tonight. Not sure why it mattered when I was just going to meet Damon.

Just Damon…

I try to ignore the lift in my chest when I think his name. The way my heart flutters a little. The way my burdens seem minutely lighter. A little's enough.

I haven't heard from Stefan in weeks. He's the Ripper now, bringing death and destruction to everything and everyone in his path. From what I've heard and briefly seen, when he's on human blood, he is ruthless and unshakeable, and even if he could change back, it would never be the same. He would never be the same. And it's not because of the terrible things he's done. Lord knows Damon, Caroline, Tyler, and even Alaric have done some terrible things of their own. No, I'm not punishing him for his decisions. I know we all have to make them.

I'd like to think I'm not punishing him at all, but undoubtedly, he wouldn't agree. I just can't be with him in the same way anymore. I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes and see the same man I fell in love with in high school. Even if the decision to join Klaus was fueled by his unending brotherly love for Damon, it changed things beyond repair, and I can't look past it. Deep down, I know it's not right to expect a man to choose a girl over family, but I guess I had still held onto some hope. Now that he actually made the decision to abandon me for Damon's life, things are different.

So it's all history now, Stefan and I. And now I find myself walking towards the one thing I've always resisted with as much strength as I could find. But my strength seems to be waning these days. With Stefan gone, I have more time and energy to focus on the friendship Damon and I have been building in the last year. More time to analyze the undeniable pull he has always had on me, even in the beginning. I remember that first meeting in the foyer of the boarding house, when he smiled so cocky and actually kissed the back of my hand. I still remember that even though part of me wanted to laugh in his face, the other part of me was completely intrigued by his handsome face, his muscles flexing underneath his t-shirt, those piercing blue eyes and the way he looked at me. I felt like I already knew him even in that first moment, and it's been impossible for me to keep my distance from him ever since.. When we were spending days together searching for Stefan, there was definitely some frustration from our friends. They didn't really approve of how close we were, but now that Stefan is out of the picture completely, everyone seems to realize how much Damon and I need each other. He's more than just my ex-boyfriend's brother. He's my friend now, too.

And really, he's more than a friend. I don't know when it started or how, but I don't just want Damon in my life anymore, I need him there. He's been a source of strength and hope for me, even in his darker days. Even when he refused to admit that there was anything good in him, he was good to me. The problem is that I just recently realized how deeply I care for him, and it's the worst timing. It's not just about me losing Stefan. Damon lost a brother and almost lost his own life. Before, I thought it was all physical. Damon is obviously sexy. And unnaturally handsome. Every part of me feels that physical attraction when we're close. But something has been changing for a while now.

Yes, in the past, there have been moments that were borderline-or completely-inappropriate. That certain way he's always looked at me and the way he'll reach out to gently touch my face when I need comfort, and I let him. The way he has always stepped in between me and any sign of danger, protecting me like a priceless treasure, and I let him. The way he flirts and smirks and eyebrow-wiggles at me, and I let him. The way I kissed him softly on his supposed death bed, allowing all of the walls I had built up to slowly crumble down around us, leaving only our aching, vulnerable hearts, and he let me...

But since that night, things have shifted. I've known for a while that Damon's feelings for me run deep. I know I'm not Katherine, and that he will never see me as her. I know he has always wanted me to love him the way he loves me. But there's always been safety in Stefan. Even if I was willing to admit my feelings for Damon, everyone knows I would be too honorable to leave Stefan for someone else, let alone his own brother. But now that Stefan is gone, the pull of the tension between Damon and I is stronger than ever. Still, somehow, knowing that we could, at any moment, give into our feelings for each other doesn't make it any easier. I've always had a guilt complex, and even knowing that Stefan willingly chose to leave me behind, unprotected, except for his brother who is in love with me...I would just be betraying Stefan to let Damon in, wouldn't I? I mean, is there a time frame for how soon you should wait before you get together with your ex-boyfriend's brother once said ex-boyfriend has abandoned you to run off with his hybrid master to rule the world in a haze of rage and blood?

Honestly, part of me expected Damon to make his move as soon as Stefan skipped town. He already told me on his death bed that he loves me, and he's told me countless other times before, without words. I thought he would jump at the chance to remind me of that kiss and try to convince me to be with him. Instead, I've felt him pulling back recently. I don't want to lose him, even if I'm not entirely sure how to move forward from here. So when he asked me to meet him at the cemetery, I agreed without complaint or question.

I walk past the headstones, letting my fingertips brush across the smooth rock. I weave in and out, skimming the names and dates, refusing to think about the fact that each name really used to be an entire life filled with purpose and love. It hurts too much to think of them as people who left behind lives and families. Of course, I find myself standing in front of the Gilbert plot. The pain and grief of losing them doesn't make me want to see my family any less. I kneel on the ground and skim the names. Grayson, Miranda, Jenna, John. Tears come to my eyes, but I still find myself smiling. Even though it's a reminder that they're gone, being here brings me more peace than it does grief.

I stand and brush the dried leaves off of my jeans. I try to wipe away my tears carefully, without disturbing the makeup I have on. Which only reminds of how ridiculous I'm being, getting dressed up and trying to look pretty for Damon. Maybe I'm farther down this hole than I had realized.

I smell Damon on the wind before I see or hear him. Rich leather, bourbon, and mahogany. It brings me more comfort than I want to admit, and I feel calmer with him near. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, settling myself before I acknowledge him. Our friendship lately hasn't been rocky, but it hasn't been a clear path either. There's a heaviness around us all the time, it seems. Part of me is very afraid that he asked me to come here tonight intending to put some distance in between us. Maybe he's unwilling or unable to wait any longer for my heart to catch up to his. However, that thought is swept away when he appears next to me and places a soft kiss on my cheek and puts his hand on my arm quickly before taking a small step back. I smile at the feel of it and turn to greet him,

"Damon," I breathe out. "What are we doing here?"

"Well, I figured you could use a distraction-"

"So you brought me to the gravesite of my dead family?" I interject. " Seems a bit insensitive to me." I smirk at him so he knows I'm only teasing him. I know him well enough by now to know he's not that callous.

"If you would let me finish," he says, with that look, that twinkle in his eyes that I suspect is reserved for me, "I wanted to propose a trip. A getaway, if you will. But I didn't want to take you away without letting you say a little farewell to your family. So," he spreads his arm over the space where my family lies, "here we are."

"A trip? Is that really the best idea?" I'm not sure how to feel. On the one hand, being alone with Damon is what brings me the most comfort these days. He and I can sit in silence and be perfectly happy. In reality, that's all we've done for the last month. We sit at the boarding house. We sit in my bedroom. We sit at the park outside of Mystic Falls High School. Sometimes we talk, but mostly we're just there, alone together. But somehow Mystic Falls itself has formed this bubble over us. Suddenly, I realize that's what I'm afraid of. Even with Stefan gone, the presence of our friends and the familiarity of our hometown has kept us from sharing even one special moment, anything beyond compatible silence. So what happens when that bubble is gone? If we leave the town that's so dangerous yet so safe will things stay the same?

"Of course," he breaks me from my thoughts, "you can decline if you want. I was, however, hoping you would have some faith in me." He steps closer and puts his hands on my shoulders, giving me a little shake, like he's trying to push me into seeing things his way. "It's been a tough year, and I think it's time for a different kind of excitement. Plus, there are so many wonderful things in this world that you've never seen," he smirks, "and I would love to be the one to show you."

I blush, thinking about the things of this life that I want him to show me. Suddenly, I'm too nervous to keep eye contact anymore. I break away from his light hold and take a few steps toward the headstones of my family. Would they approve? Or would they ground me forever before letting me go on a road trip with an older man, especially one like Damon? I briefly wish that my mom or Jenna were here so that I could ask them, but I know that this is my time. There's no one left who can tell me how to live. No one to stop me from doing exactly what I want. So I know what I'm going to do.

"You know what, Damon? You're right." I turn and look into his eyes again. I can't pretend I'm not excited to get away with him and see what will happen next. "It's time for a change. I say yes, let's do it"

And I'll be damned if his face doesn't light up like he just saw the sun for the first time. I've never seen him actually smile like this before. It's beautiful.

"Fantastic! We'll leave in the morning. Pack enough for the summer. School is out, and I'm claiming the next 3 months of your life for my own," he shines with that wonderful smile still stuck on his face. I wonder if he really thought I might say no. Maybe I haven't been as obvious as I thought. I assumed that he knew I was falling for him since I spent more time with him than anyone else. Hell, he even drives me to school and picks me up at the end of the day. He's my best friend, and he's all I have to keep my strong right now. I let that thought distract me from the fact that he just weaseled three whole months of my life from me. How can I be mad in the face of that smile?