Chapter 1
I wondered if Gibbs would notice the thin film of sweat on my body. I wondered if he'd know why. Because today, this day, it has been eight years since my good friend and colleague Kate Todd wasn't going to come back to the work. Wasn't going to tease me again. Wasn't going to laugh at me or with me again. It was eight years since Special Agent Kate Todd died. It was ironic, almost, that every year I mourned her death, sat and cried at night. Ziva David had come and broken the wound, cut it deeper, that first time I saw her. It was better now, she almost healed it. But, every time she almost healed it, every time I was almost OK, another year past and Kate's death was there in front of me once more. She jumped in front of me again, took a bullet in her shoulder to stop me getting killed. My fault really. And then she stood up and took one right through her head. My fault. It was my fault that Kate Todd died. Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over. "Tony, are you OK?" asked McGee. I looked over at him. I looked a mess, I knew. "No McGee. I am not OK. Tim, do you know what today is?" I asked. He looked confused. Very confused. "Um, no Tony, I don't?" I felt angry at him. I didn't know why. I just felt like I was going to… explode. I took a deep breath. "Tim, it is eight years since Kate died," I said. He looked sad. "Really Tony? Eight years?" he asked. I nodded, and then Ziva and Gibbs walked in to two fully grown men crying like babies. "What's wrong DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs, slapping my head which made me cry harder. "Uh, b-boss, its eight years s-since K-Kate d-died!" I was crying harder than I'd ever cried. Ziva came over and put her arms around me, and despite feeling like a young child, it was a comfort. "Z-Z-Ziiiivaaaaa!" I cried. Gibbs was walking around, being nice to me for a change, and McGee was wiping his tears away. "I'm going to see Abby," he said, and left. I was still hugging Ziva, who ssh'd me and began singing a sweet song in a language I didn't recognise. Probably Israeli, definitely not Italian or English. It was a lullaby, which was weird because I wasn't a child, and it was comforting. But eventually my tears stopped flowing. I hugged Ziva back, then reluctantly let go. And it was at that moment I realised it. I was in love with Ziva David.