House VS The Pirates of the Caribbean - part III
Wilson woke with a start, his head, oh god his head ached, not only that but it was spinning too, like a top. He couldn't open his eyes, then he heard a moan.
He froze, he felt someone put an arm around him, his body, he realised, his naked body. Oh no what have I done?
Eventually he opened his eyes to a slit, OUCH the light laser beamed in, that hurt! But after a while his eyes became accustomed to the light and he opened them further until at last they were fully open.
He was laid on his back, he was looking at a ceiling, he didn't know who's it was, very nice though.
He slowly turned and looked to where the arm had come from, phew he thought, female. Hang on……..
No……………not…………………...Cameron! he sighed. Not again?
The woman wasn't bad though, quite attractive, Wilson chuckled, he tried to remember the events of last night, he failed. Although the more he strained and he was straining, he remembered someone saying that the PPTF was heading for the clinical Islands. Yes that was it, the clinical Islands.
He must get there, he must see his Cameron and get the possession, he now knew what it was of course, Beckett had mistakenly told him. It was the bounded books, now that he wasn't a nice guy, he would pinch them off House, he would save his bride, he would be the hero... he wouldn't mention this of course….
But Still Wilson thought to himself, no more Mister nice guy!
Looking at the woman, Wilson decided it was time to move, he needed passage, he needed to get to the Clinical Islands.
He craftily sneaked from the room, managing to dress and bid a casual bon voyage to the woman, before tripping out the rooms door and falling down a flight of stairs.
Picking himself up quickly, thank goodness there was no one around, he took himself down to the port.
By chance a ship was passing by the Clinical Islands, he was accepted on board and was excited by the adventure that awaited him.
………………………………...
The ships anchor slid down to the depths of the seabed, the long boat was launched and a party set sail . The party consisted of House, Cameron, Cuddy, Foreman, Chase. Kevin had stayed behind to watch over the PPTF.
It was a row boat and Chase and Foreman were rowing fiercely against the waves. Lisa noticed Foreman's bulging biceps and had a few naughty thoughts to herself, she giggled, out loud.
'Something funny Lisa' ? House enquired.
Lisa blushed and shook her head.
'How far to The syphilis woman, Chase'? House noted Lisa's colour, but moved on.
'Well it's a short distance to the entrance of the waterway, but about a mile to the lagoon, but the problem maybe croc's, House'. Chase said sternly, 'huge buggers in there, but with Cameron's expertise with her sword we should be alright'. Chase winked at Cameron, Cameron rolled her eyes.
'I'm sure she'll do fine' smiled House, ' but you guys better get a move on'.
Foreman fumed, Chase sulked and the rowing continued.
Eventually the estuary panned out into a spooky lagoon, much to Chases annoyance they hadn't encountered any croc's, he wanted to show off his expert knowledge after all.
They could see their destination ahead, a hut, rather large, suspended above the lagoon by a huge tree covered with enormous vines and creepers, Chase should feel right at home among them thought Cameron.
The hut had a glow to it, aha the syphilis woman is in, said Lisa, House I don't think you should go in there alone.
House nodded, no matter what he thought about Lisa Norrington and her cleavage, she was a wise old woman. Though he'd never say that to her face.
The boys manoeuvred the long boat to a tiny jetty and most of the party got out.
'Chase, I think you should stay here and mind the boat' House motioned to his subordinate.
'Great mate, no worries, consider the boat safe, even from the croc's!'
House sighed, what was it about the Aussies and crocodiles?
Cameron reading his thoughts spoke, 'Thank god not all Aussies are obsessed with crocodiles like some patronising people think'!
House moved on, quickly.
Wilson could see the ship, he had enquired with the crew of the vessel he had been on if it was in fact the PPTF. They had nodded and aye'd… a lot!
The captain had promised Wilson they would get him as close to the PPTF as possible, Wilson was chuffed, he wasn't a very strong swimmer, no doggie paddle, that was his… er …….. was it a style?
He could now clearly see the PPTF, he turned and smiled at the captain, thanks for this, along side would be great!" But the captain gave him a look of disdain Wilson hadn't seen that before and then this large seaman had just come up to him, come up to him and thrown him off the side!
HUH! Wilson had struggled, but managed although weighed down by his weaponry to swim!
He meant to swim of course and he was, sort of, doggie paddle style.
………………………………...
Lisa had opted to climb the windy stairs up to the hut first, Cameron followed her trusty sword unsheathed . House was behind the women and Foreman took up the rear, No change there then.
They entered the hut, from the ceiling hung many jars, containers, cages full of weird and wonderful things. There were more cluttered every side of the hut, with trinkets, sparkly items mixed between.
In the centre a large round table, again cluttered, but this time with books, papers and at one side sat a little old lady with a tight perm.
'coo hee' she smiled and when her eyes saw House, she simply glowed and gasped in awe. Leaping to her feet, she single handily dodged Lisa and Cameron and there before House, HER House she withered and swooned.
House rolled his eyes.
'Hello Capt'n House' Syphilis lady sighed.
House weary that others were watching sighed too, 'Hello MS Dalma, how are you'?
'Oh, Oh I'm fine, all the better for having you near' She grasped House to her bosom, Which was at about Houses knees.
'I wrote you a poem' Syphilis lady sauntered, yes sauntered round the … round table, seductively fluttering her eyelashes as she went, all the while keeping her eyes fixed on House.
Lisa started to giggle, Cameron suddenly bent over and held her stomach, House could even hear Foreman behind him gasping for air and shaking.
House was not amused.
Wilson had doggie paddled completely past the PPTF, all the way to the beach of the clinical island. Exhausted he managed to somehow pull himself up onto the shore where he rested for a while. Kevin had yelled the direction the others had taken, but refused to help Wilson in anyway, much to Wilson's disgust. Wilson made a mental note of that.
Now he could see the inlet and the river stream further up the beach and after a while he got to his feet and began the long walk to the estuary and eventually the lagoon.
It was hard going, but then again Wilson was no more mister nice guy, although he did stick to the path, even rescued a trapped animal. It really was pretty very pretty island, just then a polar bear leapt out at Wilson. Grabbing his pistol he shot it dead with one shot, Wilson felt lost?
Continuing on Wilson heard a scrabbling in some bushes to his left, all of a sudden a really, really short man stepped out, he appeared to be muttering to himself.
Wilson introduced himself to the short man with, by the way, surprisingly big feet. The man introduced himself as Dominic Monaghan, he then proceeded to follow Wilson, all the while muttering about some Evangeline Lilly and they weren't dating and it wasn't fair, people should just mind their own business.
Wilson sighed, well at least it was company. They followed the path, the river turned into estuary, Wilson was just wondering how much further and could he take anymore of Dominic's mutterings, when the path opened out.
Wilson took action, he pushed Dominic into the estuary, stupid hobbit, no more mister nice guy Wilson grinned. Then felt guilty. Then helped Dominic out, dried him off and sent him in the direction of the others.
He moved past the opened out section of the path and there before him the lagoon lay, it really wasn't a sleepy lagoon at all, no, definitely spooky lagoon. He wasn't impressed by the dampness, he was impressed by the dark crevices, he wasn't impressed by the overly large spiders webs.
He saw the long boat with Chase asleep in it, his heart lifted with euphoria, he had found them, they were here, she was here. Quickly Wilson decided he needed a cunning plan, he would get the girl, he would get the possession, he would save the world, he would be the hero.
He hadn't planed on the crocodile creeping up on him from behind.
House had just about had enough, three hours, three hours of poems, dancing, prancing, shimmying. Hell the woman had even got out her false teeth to play House a tune. She was just in the process of relaxing after all her excitement, even the perm had relaxed somewhat, when House yelled,
'ENOUGH'
The syphilis lady turned up her hearing aid, 'What'?
'MS Dalma, thank you really for all your..er…. Kind thoughts, but really I have some need of your help and we are kind of in a rush'.
'Are we'? said Lisa, Cameron and Foreman.
'YES' Said House, 'I have something, a possession, that the British navy wants, but I don't know what that is, you have to help me, can you'
'oh I like a nice sailor' The syphilis lady grinned. House groaned.
'MS Dalma, I really must insist'
The syphilis lady sighed, she moved off to the back of her hut and returned with an object.
'What the hell is that' Foreman moved forward.
'ahh' The syphilis lady smiled. 'This is the great ball of unknown origin, its origin is…..er….. Is unknown, oooohhhhh aaaaaahhhhh'.
House scowered,' Hey that's mine'!
The syphilis lady looked confused, 'no its not, I got it off e-bay, cost me a lot of doubloons you know'!
'Fine' House sulked 'what does the ball say'
The syphilis lady looked down and coughed.
'alright alright, What does the great ball of unknown origin say' House really was coming towards his wits end.
The syphilis lady waved her hands over the ball of unknown origin and swayed, she swayed from side to side and appeared to go off into a trancelike state, she told them that the possessions that House seeked where the bounded books. The diagrams he couldn't understand were the formulas for Ketamin. Ketamin was the once thought lost potion that healed all pain, it was much sought after and those that possessed the formulas, would reap the riches.
Finally, thought House, just then there was a scream from outside, it sounded like Chase. They all rushed to the huts windows, there before them was Chase jumping up and down on the dock, screaming like a girl, pointing ahead of himself. They looked to where Chase was pointing and from out of the bushes came Wilson with a crocodile in hot pursuit.
Wilson was running for his life it was a huge monster, he didn't know what to do, he didn't know where to go, he couldn't understand why Chase was screaming like a girl.
The gang ran down the stairs, Cameron pushed Chase out of the way, Lisa slapped him. 'Hey' said Chase.
Cameron unsheathed her sword, 'let me deal with this'.
She went to run forward, but was pushed back by Foreman, he had an oar from the longboat and with great power, strength, deftness and timing he waited until Wilson had run past him and swotted the crocodile will a killer blow between the eyes.
Always raining on my parade, thought Cameron.
Lisa was impressed, she always did like a man with presence of mind and muscle.
'What the hell is going on here'! A booming voice from the hut yelled.
They all turned to see Vogler Barbossa stood at the door to the cabin, a man of great stature, he took up all of the door. His beady eyes glared at the group and then singled out House.
'YOU, you how dare you, take my ship, make me look a fool in front of these others, by not flogging my products and then disturb my sleep'. 'What the hell are you doing here.' Vogler really did have a large everything, his voice boomed across the lagoon.
'You're still an a' Snarked House.
'Well yes, but you cant blame a guy for asking' said Vogler.
House turned to the others, 'lets get out of here'.
Vogler looked sad, he saw syphilis lady down on the dock, 'my dear' he called. ' ickle vogler is ready, will you be long, vogler has a feeling he like to make another take over bid'.
House felt sick as did most of the others, they looked at one another, then at the syphilis lady who had gone bright red and was trying to tidy up her hair and took out her teeth to make sure they were clean.
'Coming dearest' She sang and leaped up to the hut, whereby they closed the door behind them.
'Lets get the hell out of here' said House, jumping in the long boat the boys taking up oars, although Foreman's had a bit of a dent, they made way back to the PPTF.
An atmosphere had occurred on the long boat, House was looking at Cameron, Cameron at House. Wilson was looking at Cameron, then House. Lisa was looking at Foreman, Foreman was looking at Lisa and Chase, Chase was looking for croc's.
Silence all the way back to the PPTF, they each helped haul the long boat up the side of the PPTF and embarked onto the ships deck.
'I think we all need to regroup our thoughts before we continue' Said House. 'Therefore we shall rest up here for the night and continue to the island tomorrow'
They all nodded and went about their ways.
'Hey' said Wilson 'You're not limping House'?
'I know' Said House 'weird isn't it' He giggled and ignoring Cameron's intense stares retired to his cabin.